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#9496 - 03/18/10 10:57 AM Feelings of being in the presence of evil
muz Offline
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Registered: 03/13/10
Posts: 5
Been reading all the posts on here avidly over the last few days and really do feel almost an epiphany with the identification I get with your stories.

One thing I was wondering. Right at the end of my "relationship" with my Psychopath I started to get a feeling in their presence, and I am not particularly religious or metaphysical, almost of being in the company of something truely evil and squalid. Not really fear, anger or hatred but just a deep feeling of disquiet, as though just being with them made me dirty. I felt as though I just wanted to run! I ask because it is not something I have ever felt before or since.

I should say that she was supposed to be a friend and my relationship was only on the periphery of some of your stories. I recognised early that something was very wrong and went through the stage of hanging around thinking that she must have been testing me. But the behaviour just got worse.

Anyway, thanks for your stories. It's 10 years ago now and I researched alone then and couldn't believe then what I now know. It's great to meet people online that understand. When I talk to friends or colleagues about this they look at me as though I am some sort of conspiracy theorist. "they are all amongst us" was one flippant remark. Well actually yes they are!

Chris.

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#9499 - 03/18/10 01:27 PM Re: Feelings of being in the presence of evil [Re: muz]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2580
Loc: United States
Hi, welcome to the forum. I am sure many of the members will be able to describe the presence of evil. It is a great topic to explore.

I have only seen a couple of Psychopaths and never been involved. The one that sticks in my mind sent terror through my veins and I am not a person to flinch easily. Even though I caught him doing harm to his dog as I drove by very closely to him and I am a big animal person, getting very close to those eyes sent me into shock, there was no way with that look of evil I was going to get out of my car and approach him. When I reported him later to animal control I left the black eye/evil comment the end to not sound nutty and he verified he got the same evil look when he had given him a ticket a few weeks ago.

I think when we brush off our instincts about evil we are not doing ourselves any good. I do believe evil exists and that Psychopaths are indeed evil.

Many people don't understand and tend to blame the victim as hysterical or not thinking clearly. When you had your first instinct did you feel like running away from this person or think things were either in your head and things would change?

Di

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#9501 - 03/18/10 02:30 PM Re: Feelings of being in the presence of evil [Re: Dianne E.]
muz Offline
member

Registered: 03/13/10
Posts: 5
Thanks for that Di,

To be totally honest I was initially in love with her. She was funny, lively and the life and soul of any meeting.

But right from the start I had an unease about some of the things she would come out with. After a couple of months she would say some things that were deeply disturbing and hurtful. I realised that what I thought were jokes were actually true. Unbelievable things about what she would get up to with men, and women!

At the end I was for a long time just trying to change her by sticking with her and "supporting" her, I then saw that she was without hope and totally incapable and unwilling to change.

Chris.

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#9502 - 03/18/10 06:12 PM Re: Feelings of being in the presence of evil [Re: muz]
Dianne E. Offline

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Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2580
Loc: United States
Hi muz, how long were you involved with her?

Di
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We help others by lending an "ear" to listen with compassion in our hearts for all those that cross our Internet door. Validation and support help the healing process and you are safe here.

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#9509 - 03/19/10 12:35 PM Re: Feelings of being in the presence of evil [Re: Dianne E.]
muz Offline
member

Registered: 03/13/10
Posts: 5
Hi Di,

Just to get back you. I knew her for about a year, she contacted me later but by then I was with a real partner and I just didn't reply.

The feelings of disquiet started about a month or so in, but even from the beginning just little comments made me think.

The one time that things really came home to me was when she struck up a conversation with two scruffy guys on a bus, invited them for a drink with us, offered them a lift home in my car! and then told me later she would stayed with them and had a "lovely" time if I hadn't been there...and she meant it! To begin with these were the sort of comments I laughed off or thought she was joking or trying to make me jealous. Nope, that was how she was.

It became so blatant at the end I just couldn't figure out why she kept contacting me. How do you figure out someone who you spend all your time with who tells you "you would be devastated if you knew what I really thought about you" and again "if you knew what I got up to you would be in tears". Eventually I actually didn't want to see at all but she kept contacting me. The only couple of times I tentatively asked what she was doing I experienced an almost out of control rage.

The energy drain mentioned in another thread I think has a lot to do with being completely unable to "figure out" these people, it just doesn't make sense to any normal person and so your mind just churns without resolution.

She was though terrified of being alone. I suppose that comes with the lack of any inner life or real emotional experience, it was only through other peoples reactions to her that she felt alive.

The reason I am posting here is that recently I came across somone at work, years later, who appears so similar it is almost uncanny. I had almost totally forgotten and certainly have no desire ever to see or know about how the first is. I can now see the signs so clearly in the second, even though just a colleague. So much more I could say about how I've seen the second behave, but afraid of boring you all. Two affairs with fellow workers within 3 months of being married would be a pretty big red flag!

Chris

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