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#9851 - 05/26/10 12:10 PM Left confused and dazed by my wife - What to do?
Thomas Offline

Registered: 05/26/10
Posts: 1
Loc: South Africa
Hi there

As I'm typing this message, i'm still dazed and confused by the actions of my wife! We have been married for four years, have a daughter of 3 and she is expecting our 2nd (due in September). We had a short coursthip period of 8 months before we got married, and to be honest the signs of a Psychopath was there during that period, but due to her charming nature and beauty I was loured into believing it will all come right in time. With enough love and attention I will be able to make it work.
And so I tried, but no matter what I tried to give her in terms of time, love or material things ... nothing could seamed to make her happy.

She fell pregnant during our engagement (two weeks prior to our marriage), so from day one the focus was on her and her needs witch suited her perfectly. My time was hers, and she was in total control of me. But then the cracks started to show in her mask, even though I did not understand the real extend of it!

At first I came to realize that we could never communicate effectively. No compromise would do, the only way to resolve disagreements is that I had to understand she was right. In addition, I could never understand why she could not get herself to say sorry!

When our first daughter was born, she really struggled. But the more I tried to help, the more I was blamed for everything that went wrong through serious verbal abuse. I woke up 3 times a night to feed our little one (formula) ... but no, worst dad in the world.

But what really started to get to me was how she threatened to kill our little one by smashing her head against the wall and the absolute ease with what she could shout at the infant without any cause. This drained my emotionally to all ends.

Then on my first birthday together, no gifts from her at all. That was very odd for me, taking into account that on her birthday I spoiled her wrotten (only the best would do). It was like she almost could not care that it would hurt me.

And then it really started to get worse. Far worse. Consistant lying over trivial things in order to manipulte facts to suite her, financial abuse of credit cards but never admitting to it, bragging with friends how rich we are behind my back,
more and more sarcasim, telling me what a bad husband and farther I am, swearing at me ... telling me how much she hate me.... throwing stuff at me. She even had an affair for 5 months. Needles to say, I forgave her and tried to move forward for the sake of the children.

But now she has gone to far, falsly acquising me of an affair ... badmouthing me with all our friends. She even turned my own parents against me, full well knowing and admmitting to me that she knows I don't have an relationship.

This all has left me dazed and confused. Surely this can't be love .... The only person she loves is herself. Then I started doing research regarding her personality tipe and mine. I have come to realize that I was such easy prey for her, being more neorotic in nature. But that did not prepare me for what I came to realize. At first I thought she was an overt and covert aggressive personality, untill I started reading some more. Now I'm convinced she is a Psychopath based on all the red flags and indicators that is present in her character!

But that leaves me with the question of what to do? Like I have said, she is pregnant with our 2nd .... but emotionally I'm broken to the extend that I harbour no more fealings of love for her! Im anxious to be arround her! But what about the children should I decide to divorce .... who will protect them? On the other hand I can hope and pray that she will change, but statistics counts heavily against that happening! This leaves me dazed and confused!

#9852 - 05/26/10 03:13 PM Re: Left confused and dazed by my wife - What to do? [Re: Thomas]
Dianne E. Offline


Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 2787
Loc: United States
Hi Thomas, welcome to the forum. Did you have a chance to get a score with the Psychopath test, if so, what was her score?

Just out of curiosity did she say you were her soul mate during the courtship?

Did she push for marriage? Do you suspect she has had other affairs?

There is no cure, you are right. Is there any way you can get full custody, she might want that if someone else comes along. Without any emotion a Psychopath could easily go either way, give it up or fight like crazy.

Has she been working during your marriage? If she is at home full time do you think some cameras in the home might give you something to work with?

There is no better victim than a Psychopath when in reality they are victimizing their targets. Does she behave with others like family members? Are they the ones telling you the awful things she is saying about you? Do they seem to question you or believe you. If they quesion you all you can do is move straight forward, you have done nothing wrong. If people really care about you in time they will come around.

Are you sure these are your children? I know in your heart they are but with a Psychopath it is like a wild card.


#16419 - 07/30/14 08:18 PM Re: Left confused and dazed by my wife - What to do? [Re: Thomas]
bgarbled916 Offline

Registered: 07/11/14
Posts: 1

Thank you for posting your message. I cannot believe how similar our stories are. Thanks...

Edited by bgarbled916 (08/08/14 02:53 PM)
Edit Reason: Psychopath found my post


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