absorbing the damaged life,how?

Posted by: clearblue

absorbing the damaged life,how? - 10/22/10 10:54 PM

Hi,its has been just 6 months since the Psychopath's have been out of my life due to death and jail.
I kept no family ties,none. Just me and mine,my own children,family.
I have this strange feeling now of "I can not believe this was my life".
It makes me feel relief to move on and at the same time, I can not help but feeling "how on earth"
did I ever,ever get to this,or this past.
I can not find a place for this weird Psychopath stuff in my crowded mind.
It makes sense,no sense.
I keep feeling I must of been out of my mind to ever get caught up,involved with,family or not. Why.....I do not know why.
I had some years of distance from the Psychopath's..
Then it all came closing in.
They came into my life,looked for us,made our life a mess.
Yet I was here,it all happened so fast.
How could it,I keep asking myself.
I am trying to place myself in my part.
It feels so sickening,wrong to even know Psychopath's.
Yet it was real experiences.
Real out of control,dangerous.
It is hard to accept.
Is this a common feeling in the aftermath?
Will it ever make sense?
Is this after shock common?
Posted by: Dianne E.

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 10/22/10 11:01 PM

Hi clearblue, I'll write more tomorrow but the first thing that struck me that maybe that clarity is somewhat how people feel when they have been under spell and as they are driving away with a beat up car and their house sold to support the cult, what kind of questions would they ask, maybe some of the same. I think spell and trance fall into this also. Believing and hoping for the best, great traits but not with a Psychopath involved, they can play on those traits like a violin.

Posted by: clearblue

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 10/23/10 12:56 PM

Hi Dianne,
It is a strange,almost hypnotic spell effect they elicit.
I distinctly recall at times feeling a brain fog.
I slept more and felt off kilter.
Questioning my reality,my experience and the Psychopath's version of the associated event.
I liken it to partitioning a hard drive for a new operating system.
They do not totally erase the info or mind of a victim.
They uses pieces of existing info to make new loops,alter outcomes.
The very principles of a virus,cloning your mental faculty and designing an outcome
for their personal use,exploitation.
Of course fear to keep the new lines of thought enforced.
Isolation to help cement the new altered thought process.
Coming in under the guise of needed sympathy is one of their strongest masks.
Human nature of healthy minds is to nurture the sick,helpless,feed the hungry,house the cold ect.
Help the underdog.
I believe Psychopath's are masters of malingering.
Malingering is one of their mastered ploys.
I have seen it in action with Psychopath's.
Use a wheelchair,climb a ladder.
Limp all day,dance all night.
They horde things through malingering actions too.
Hording is another Psychopath trait I have noticed.
Fetish things,food things,money,resources.
They have a horde held somewhere.
All the while you,your resources remain expendable.
You,your things were never part of their object horde.
You were waste on the sideline,a step to further their object horde.

The spell keeps the thought,reactions you have compartmentalized.
You can not deal with it,inside or outside so the mind puts it into compartments.
The compartments are not connected to normal thought processes.
They are not on memory recall for future use.
Your mental closet gets filled up.
You do not open the door because there is a constant new compartment to deal with.
All the needed closet space takes up the living space.
You no longer live your life.
There is no place left for you to live it.
You exist.
Psychopath's work is done when you exist.

The spell is broken by the Psychopath leaving.
You look at all the closets you need to unpack, pack for a move to a new life.
You become overwhelmed by the volume of work needed.
You become depressed because you are overwhelmed.
If you get half sorted Psychopath may re-appear.
Psychopath will take that half of progress too.

Psychopath is extroverted demanding you be introverted.
Everything a Psychopath does is presented outside himself.
Everything they leave to a victim is inside victims themselves.

Psychopath's are a spiritual assailant.
Things of the spirit self,joy love,recorded memories of emotional joy,love.
Thats what Psychopath's destroy.
They leave all the evidence on the outside.
Victims,empty body looking for the spark of life,joy.
Psychopath's reflect it in the empty look in their eyes.
They leave you with this empty.
Psychopath does not have a spirit or spiritual gifts to draw breath with.
They have a lost or broken spirit.
Spirited people sense this and share all their spiritual gifts.
Its an attempt at human triumph,to alleviate human suffering,self sacrifice.
Totally unselfish acts,humanity at its best.
Psychopath does not have a place for spirit.
The void never gets filled.
Psychopath is the metaphor of Frankenstein.
He wants his right to exist.
Never gaining his spirit to co exist.

I read that society is top heavy with Psychopath's and Psychopath types now.
How will we break the spell,keep it broke.
Keep safe our families,selves and society?
We need to educate people.
Raise public awareness.
Its a battle society can not loose.
Its already generating a billion dollars yearly in Psychopath's outcomes on society.
How many devastated lives go with that?
Any one life is one to many.

Posted by: Pseudonym

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 10/24/10 05:10 PM

You have described what it seems my young adult child is going through. Thank you, clearblue.

"It is a strange,almost hypnotic spell effect they elicit."

I'm aware that this can take effect very rapidly (in less than an hour in this case) and know that the psychopath draws on the empathy of the victim. Are you able to describe how the victim first succumbs to the 'hypnotic spell effect'?

All help appreciated.

Posted by: clearblue

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 10/24/10 06:15 PM

Hi Pseudonym,
What an excellent question.
I know in my own self I felt a euphoric state with the Psychopath.
As crazy as that may seem,sound or the many facets it can encompass I felt euphoric.
The only other occasion I noticed I felt close to this same feeling, was after a shot of Jagermeister,not in the company of a Psychopath.
It was a very warm glow feeling.

Examples of how- euphoric states,Endorphins


Depends, since euphoria means happiness, excitement or feeling great. If you mean naturally instead of drug wise - some things that can cause euphoria are; working out, thinking positive thoughts, eating chocolate, adrenaline or being scared, laughing hysterically, acupuncture, having an orgasm. All...

It must so be difficult to read here, knowing your child is involved with a Psychopath.
I really feel for you, your situation.
I hope this reply has helped.

Posted by: Pseudonym

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 10/24/10 07:59 PM

Thank you again, clearblue. That doesn't sound 'crazy' to me. The state of euphoria fits this case too.

Are you able to pinpoint what it was that the psychopath did, perhaps it was a combination of things, the very first time you were made to feel euphoric? What I'm trying to find out is how they manage to put people into a mesmerised state.


Postscript: Sorry I didn't scroll far enough down your reply and missed reading: It must so be difficult to read here, knowing your child is involved with a Psychopath.
I really feel for you, your situation.
I hope this reply has helped.

The psychopath has gone now but the aftermath remains. I've researched psychopathy for months, sometimes for 12 or so hours a day. Your messages contain some of the most relevant information I've read. Thank you for caring and for helping.
Posted by: clearblue

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 10/24/10 09:00 PM

Hi Pseudonym,
yes I can bring, recall the feeling still.
It is a total lack of inhibition.
A quick throw of caution to the wind.
A very immature impulse.
Not under guise of criminal acts.
Innocent laughter or tears like childhood "best friend" sharing.
Like all your quirks fit for a moment,dork to dork.
The impulsive urge to skinny dip.
Walk on the wild side.
Very unrestricted,just do it.
Throwing the clock away.
First kiss feeling.(not first kiss actually)
Romeo in the corner sees you.
Very childish impulses.
No common sense applied.
Your inner child released.

Then you step into the real world and you want that "euphoric"feeling again.

I hope this communicated or invokes by imagination for you,what the feeling was like in my life.
Posted by: Pseudonym

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 10/24/10 11:54 PM

"I hope this communicated or invokes by imagination for you,what the feeling was like in my life."

It has,clearblue. And I hope that recalling this hasn't been traumatising for you.

I know when the initial 'hypnotic spell' was first used in this case and the approximate circumstances. The victim was coerced into a situation which probably felt exactly as you've described.

Thank you, clearblue. You've really helped me to understand more about this aspect of psychopathy.
Posted by: clearblue

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 10/25/10 01:48 AM

You are welcome Pseudonym.
I would like to interject an idea here.

I google searched "how people cause endorphins to circulate".
Furthering along the euphoric feeling and the connection to Endorphins,
a very good description is on a google book page from Psychology,authors Don H. Hockenbury, Sandra E. Hockenbury - 2008 -
It speaks directly to this connection in the brain,body.
Also other readings{same search} have stated the "high" effect,in more scientific terms.
Comparing it to Opiates and a few other drugs yet being far stronger in the natural biological process then street or manufactured Opiates,drugs.
It would stand to reason any high must be followed by a low.
Euphoric,low crash ect.
An addiction cycle would develop.
A first "high" could not be re-experienced as stated.
The moods,mental states would be subject to not getting the fix.(lack of better word)
This body/brain chemistry can lead to eating and sexual addictions and others.
Pain,lack of sensory and a host of other functions are affected.
It seems the area of the brain in the frontal lobe has much of the functions relating to
psychopathy and victims and endorphins within the same area.
Addiction takes many devastating forms in society.
The outcomes of psychopathy are remarkable in similarity to losses of addiction patterns.
Perhaps we should look at addiction cycles, recovery needs in victims and psychopaths.
Maybe Opiate addictions could offer some clues.
The drug effect could be the spell binder in Psychopath relationships.
Fear also provides endorphins.
The low side or lack of endorphins matched many victims self described health issues,mine also.
Perhaps the mesmerized or hypnotic effect people relate to is actually an addiction cycle or disturbance
of the brain chemistry relating to endorphins.

Although I have learned,experienced much it never granted me safe passage.
Thanks to people like you I get a chance to learn more.
Your questions provided an insight.
Another angle to consider is the best.
Hope on a stick is better then a carrot.
Thank you!

Posted by: Pseudonym

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 10/25/10 04:02 PM

Many, many thanks for this, clearblue. I'm not able to completely absorb all at the moment but it seems as though this information you've provided might be of huge help.

Should be able to reply in full by about this time tomorrow.

Posted by: Pseudonym

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 10/26/10 11:54 PM

I'm sorry, couldn't get back to you today after all, clearblue. I'll try to post again as soon as possible.

Thank you again for your support.

Posted by: clearblue

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 10/27/10 01:13 AM

Hi Pseudonym,
I look forward to your post.
I would like to share this.
The Psychopath I had the relationship with was not my type.
When I knew him,just casually as a person in my neighborhood.
I was not attracted to him.
I did feel a slight sympathy towards him once as a stranger.
Another strange thing I recall is seeing him at a grocery store.
I approached him to say hello.
We had said hi,hello before this,several times and I expected small talk.
Instead he looked at me upon hearing my "hello" like I was a complete stranger.
He did not exchange greetings with me.
It was confusing.
I could not figure it out.
I thought perhaps he was suffering a depression by his blank,empty stare.
Now I know it was the dreaded Psychopath stare.(red flag)
We had casual friends in common.
He had a sibling I was casual friends with.
They all spoke good of him and thought he was very sociable.
Yet he shrugged me off,seemed opposite of their descriptions.
About a month later he came and asked me out.
I declined and he said ok,see you around.
The next time he asked me out he was dressed nice.
He was driving a nice car,usually he walked around my neighborhood.
He was very polite and friendly.
I said ok to dinner.
Still he was not my type.
I asked him about the time he did not recognize me or say hello.
He said he was busy,had alot on his mind at that time.
I had the red flag,again then.
Of course the innocence,good guy,lonely guy thing kicked in over dinner.
He was such the "boy next door"type of guy.
Very nice,polite and friendly,laughing and talking.
The years following that dinner have been total chaos,devastation.
Alot of what brought me to this forum and written in my posts is about those experiences.
The red flags were there.
I felt euphoric,not forwarned.
In hindsight I see how it all played out.
I remember how I felt.
I did feel the spell,not true attraction.
My instinct said "he is not my type",
and he was not.
Posted by: HeLovesMeNot

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 10/28/10 03:56 PM


Wow. I must admit that my stomach is flipping, having read your post. No one could understand me when I told them that I had no interest in the psychopath to begin with. People look at me as if to say, "Who in the world dates someone for two years that they had no interest in to begin with?". Good question and it's something I ask myself periodically. How in the world did I find myself in the middle of this traumatic chaos with someone I didn't even like to begin with? It baffles me how slowly the pieces of this distorted puzzle are coming together. I can not describe the anxious feeling in regards to reading other people's experiences, not to mention the non-stop flickering of my own inner, emotional 'light bulb'.

The fact that I was never attracted to this guy never made sense to me but after reading you felt the same, a rush of emotion took over. When I think back to the very beginning, after having met him online...something from within just said "Nah, he'd be a cool dude to hang out with, be friends with but nothing more". It's as if my own internal, red flag dinger hit the nail on the head before I even got a chance to walk in any sort of direction. I didn't even entertain the thought of giving it a go, there was no attraction, no wanting to be with him. We spoke on the phone for about a month before we had our first lunch. I had been single for over a year and had finally come into my own skin, healing from the traumas of the past and previous relationship. I had been on a few dates but honestly, I wasn't interested and enjoyed living the single life and being alone. But, hey..what's wrong with forming new friendships? Back then, I would say "No one can ever have enough friends". Now? "One can have too many friends if they are the wrong ones!".

We went to lunch and *yawn*, he was rather boring. He didn't say much which threw me off considering he seemed to be more of a talker on the phone. I thought he was cute but not the kind of 'cute' I was attracted to. I noticed the dirt underneath his nails and wondered where he worked, allowing the embedded dirt. I'm not sure how much time had passed but it wasn't much when he decided that he wanted to come hang out and watch a movie. I accepted the 'hang out date' but still was not interested in anything more. I thought he obviously felt the same way.

Whirlwind. Everything happened so fast, and even though I have the ability to remember almost everything...grabbing every detail, smell, and so forth...I can't remember the part leading up to me sleeping with him. I do remember him walking into my house. He had brought a movie over and we might have watched a bit but my memory is somewhat blurry. There is a gap of memory loss because between the movie and him throwing down a condom on the floor, I remember nothing. He took his shirt off and I remember looking at his chest, the dirt underneath his nails and thinking, "Damn, I'm gonna have to sleep with this guy". Yes. Who does this? What kind of person puts themselves into a situation where they feel as if they 'have' to sleep with someone? So strange.

After reading your posts, it hit me and it hit me hard. I have been knowing for awhile that he is a psychopath but I'm still on the outskirts of totally getting away. I have literally searched my brain for reasoning and even though pieces come together, the remaining chunk as yet to be found. But, hearing you say that you were not attracted to him was a trigger of mine. Now, I know how it happened. "Damn, I'm gonna have to sleep with this dude". This statement has sat on the shelf for the past two years, collecting dust but now I realize that within this statement is some sort of pity, almost as if I felt sorry for him...as if I felt too sorry for him to tell him no. I could never understand why I ever slept with him because I have the ability to say no and have done so throughout my life. I battled with the pity that I felt and the fact that I was not attracted to him but for some reason, my pity took over logic...I slept with him and (which you might be able to relate) this is where I became 50% hooked. The sex was so passionate, I remember him telling me he liked to be close as we laid there naked. This would eventually turn out to be nothing more than a lie and soon I would learn that the one thing I did for pity, the one thing that hooked me in would be the one thing that he denied me of the rest of the relationship.

And no, I wasn't even attracted to him.
Posted by: clearblue

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 10/29/10 08:36 AM

Hi HeLovesMeNot,
I am really happy you posted your experience.
It is so validating to share this "not my type"feeling.
Our experiences are so similar.
I even felt critical about his nails.
I felt critical and still had sex with him.
What you explained so well about the missing memory is an experience
we share.
It feels like a small episode of time totally escaped my memory.
We got from A to C and somehow I missed B.
I was not attracted in a romantic way.
I did not feel we were heading in a sexual direction.
We were just hanging out,small talk.
I did not feel compelled to have sex with him because of attraction.
I have asked myself so many times, why?.
My irresponsible actions,having sex with him against my own common sense.
Why would I? I do not know why.
What reason did I have? None.
I was happy being single,loved the freedom of living alone.
He was passionate and friendly.
He was not my type,nothing about him appealed to me except the passion.
Once I was wanting of him as a man,relationship,
he turned an invisible corner and changed out of the good guy persona.
Then he denied,lied,controlled and used me.
A control freak.
Years of chaos,drama.
Years of my self anger for ever having sex with the guy to begin with.
Anger at myself for getting me into this situation.

Are you in the process of leaving?
Is he willing to break up?
Still never trust a Psychopath.
Safe moves are the way to go..
How long did he keep a good guy persona going?

Posted by: HeLovesMeNot

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 10/31/10 07:22 PM

I was reading your post and for a second, I thought..."Am I reading my own post?". My brain was having trouble processing that I was actually reading your response and not my own because they are so identical. Reading your previous post, it allowed me to have an incredible moment of realization. Not remember the point A in getting to point B, I am unsure of how I allowed him to make me feeling sorry for him but he did, and that is why I slept with him. It sounds pretty ridiculous when I say it and as I was explaining it to my sister last night, we were both pretty dumbfounded. Thank goodness for my sister. No one else can relate or fathom what I have been going through and even if I were to try to explain...I wouldn't know where to begin, where to end and what to say considering each incident is so intertwined with different pieces of the beginning, the middle and never ending "end".

It reminds me of a psychological thriller, the movies that require you to pay extreme attention to detail, not only in the beginning but throughout it's entirety while bits and pieces of information are being randomly thrown at you no specific order and if you even remotely want to follow the plot, it is up to you to stay focused, on your feet and slowly try to put things into numerical order as they happened while at the same time, chunks of the plot are left to your own assumptions. Pieces at the end sometimes allow the bit at the beginning to come together and possibly explain it further as to why the plot thickened in the middle. Complicated- this is an understatement when trying to explain the psychopathic two-step, you participate in the dance but you're obviously unaware of the steps you are taking, and you're not really sure which direction you're dancing in so eventually, you place your feet on top of his and follow his lead.

I mourn the confidence, the courage and the peaceful sanity I had before my soul was snatched. I was in such a good place and honestly, I think I can say even though I still had issues, I felt free, enjoyed being alone and single and was just okay and it was good to be okay. I had no idea that with me being so free and wide open, I must have had a target on my forehead that said "Hit me, I'm Vulnerable". I didn't even realize I was vulnerable, I thought I was doing the right thing by dealing with the past, healing, moving on and giving someone else a honest chance....fat chance. I stated in my previous post that the sexual hypnotic trance is what sucked me in and as soon as I was hooked, the only way of getting through the day was to think that "Today is the day he'll touch me, today is the day he'll love, today will be the day he'll have sex with me....well, maybe not today but possibly tomorrow". Rinse and repeat. Sex became a power play and it took me a bit to realize the cycle of how it was used. If there was ever any sex (which there hardly ever was), he treated me like the Madonna he saw me as which was completely flipped from how he responded and acted when we first met. It was fun, passionate, wild sex and it went to boring, mechanical sex. Naturally, I thought it was me. I thought I was flawed. I thought that something was wrong with me and he didn't want to have sex with me but he was intelligent and he know how important sex was to me so he took it from me and only used sex when he needed a 'get out of jail free' card. He would do something devastating, like the time he went into my home and stole naked pictures of my sister off of her computer..my intuition led me straight to them only hours later and I won't even get into the fabricated reason for why he did it but following the disaster, he made sure that he put one on me that was hard enough to dope me up long enough for me to forget why I was even angry. Who does this? Who stays with a man that steals naked pictures of their sister? My sister was living with me at the time because I was helping her get on her feet, and for months and months she never knew until I slipped up (forwarding a message that I sent to him) and she started bawling and it was a very uncomfortable feeling for both of us. We have always been so different and there has never been any competition and I have never remotely been jealous of her but what he did divided my feelings and created feelings that I never had to deal with before.

The first devastation was when I went through his phone and found naked pictures of some nasty (and I do mean nasty) girl that lived a few hours away. I remember the subject line saying "Per Your Request". God, I puke just thinking about and the images that I saw will never go away. Pictures of her with sex toys that he would never allow me to bring in the bedroom...and the fact that his response to the pictures was "If I don't have to work Saturday night, I'm gonna come get me some of that". She was trashy and she was incorrect. Being the empathetic person I am, I felt sorry for her but I knew I had to say something to her because I needed to know the truth about him. In attempting to get full disclosure, I emailed her and told her I was a single mother and I didn't want to be in a relationship with someone that was not good for me and my child and being very polite, I asked that she tell me if anything happened. So, I anticipated her response but I never got one. I did, however, get a response from my companies corp. office in Dallas letting me know that she had e-mailed the CEO telling them to warn me to leave her alone and proceeded to copy/paste the e-mail I sent to her. WHAT! Not only did she send nudes to my boyfriend (when she knew he had a girlfriend), she tried to get me fired when I did nothing to her. One of the top dogs at the corp. office said that she did nothing but embarrass herself because a number of people read the e-mail I wrote her and they thought that I handled it rather well and if it had happened to them, they wouldn't have been as nice. So, these days...I wonder if he had already doped her up into thinking I was some deranged chick that would do anything regardless of the consequence, mmm sounds like someone else I know. I can remember asking him, "What kind of people are you messing around with, this is trash, who does this?". He sent her an e-mail and told her that I found the pictures and that he wanted to pursue a relationship with me and that even though it was "harmless" fun, he knew I didn't appreciate it and he understood this. Like I said this was the very first incident, he wouldn't take the pictures of my sister until several months later and a week after that incident I found out he was still texting this nasty girl...on Christmas.

I am in the process of understanding. I have been in the process of leaving since the first two months we met. I have tried to break up with him every single month for the past two years and he always wiggles his way back in and most of the time I allow it, knowing good and well what and who he is but I'm battling the psychopathy and also, my speculations of my own father being a psychopath. So many dynamics in play and I feel that the more knowledge I inhale the stronger I feel but as soon as I hold my head up high, and when he's going through his "I'm ignoring you" phase, I start to feel better and then out of nowhere he messages me and asks for booty and then I break down, feel disrespected, insult to injury, go off on him, he apologizes and somehow between trying to keep my head up and trying to juggle him and my logic...I fall backwards into the downward spiral of the dance and I can't help but two-step because as of now, it's all I know.
Posted by: clearblue

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 11/02/10 07:37 AM

HI HeLovesMeNot,
Wow,you have been through a lot.
The Psychopath in your life has a helper thats caused you trouble too.
It sounds like he is true to the Psychopath nature.
They are pros at bringing someone else into the picture to do their dirty work.
I am like you,feel sorry-negotiate happy endings,curious.
It is turning the other cheek all the way.
Trying to topple your job.
Slandering and snooping about in your life,so typical of Psychopath's.
It must be so hard to face your sister from the view point of your boyfriend.
It would be equally as hard even if he were not a Psychopath.
Its so destructive to your boundaries and family comfort zone to know he viewed your sisters
private photos.
Psychopath's will do anything to drive a wedge,induce hatred or make us feel overly exposed.
They do usually find others to help them obtain their selfish goals.
You were very smart in following your gut feelings on that.
I would really watch this Psychopath around family,friends and kids.
His boundary issues are overboard.
He will get more cunning,sneaky now that he has been discovered.
Ps are driven by the game,cat and mouse style.
They like shock value.
Psychopath's will stalk people that deny or dislike them.
Your sister should be very cautious of him.
His fantasy life can be a strong driving force.
Psychopath's are very drawn to illicit photos,hidden cameras and all manner of voyeurism.
I feel for you that you had to experience a Psychopath's game and it involved a family member.
It really makes me wonder why Psychopath's target the holiday season so strong.
Its like they save the worst for last, all year.
What will you do to restore your peace of mind?
I hope that Psychopath helper stops acting out against you.
Most families have to do major adjusting to compensate for Psychopath's.
I hope you will not be put on the spot anymore.
How long did it take you find out what he was really up too?
Did he play the game a while before you figured it out?
The Psychopath in my life was such a good con.
He was totally into photos,helpers and ruining holidays.
His total lack of regard for me in the name of porn or sex was one of my biggest
fooled me points.
He did not seem like the type for anything he was doing.
I guess thats part of the cover.
Too bad he was not the person inside he could be on the outside.
How do you deal with all of his Psychopath behaviors?
Posted by: HeLovesMeNot

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 11/03/10 02:05 PM

I know the past two years with the psychopath have been insane and I've allowed myself to paint a beautiful picture around each traumatic incident but reading your response strips me of the beautiful picture and it's raw, hardcore truth. Basically, you were reiterating things that I had mentioned but while I was reading it...I must be honest when I say that a little spot in my soul squeaked, "Oh no no, it's not that bad." There's something very powerful about hearing someone else repeat/relay what you've been through and because it wasn't the sound of my own inner dialogue, it was impossible to deny or justify. It's been extremely hard for me to accept the fact that he is what he is and the fabricated, intense good traits dope me up to where I'm emotionally drunk driving through the bad parts, only sobering up enough to catch the tail end of it. I've spent a majority of the relationship justifying it, and the better side of him was enough to keep me in denial...making excuses so I didn't have to fact the facts. I couldn't process the facts and it was easy to label the traumatic incidents as human mistakes that we all make but eventually, it turned into mistakes made over and again without him having the ability to realize or respect my hurt feelings. With each incident, I allowed myself to believe he was catching on and getting better but deep down I knew that this only allowed him to only get better at being deceptive.

It was all so easy to believe in the beginning. He had told me that he had never been in a "real" relationship and never really had a girlfriend. He explained to me that the 'relationships' that he did have were just based on sex alone and nothing more. He admitted to me that he had never been in love and if he had, he wasn't sure of it and that he had never had his heart broken. I was told this early on in the relationship and it was the biggest red flag of them all. I eventually told him that I didn't think he was capable of loving, which outraged him...this was in the first four months of us dating. It's wild how I had the gut feeling even back then but got so deep in seeking his approval and wanting his love, even though I knew that he wasn't capable of it.

There is a unhealthy fog that has allowed me to repress the situation in regards to him stealing my sister's pictures. My sister and I are still extremely close and honestly, it's something that I have forgotten about, it's not something at the forefront and it's been so long since it happened, I have magical ways of pushing to down, not accepting it and pretending like it didn't happen. At the time, it devastated me...to the point where I couldn't even tell her. I was so embarrassed and already so beat down, it was so bad that I almost didn't even feel it and from then on, I learned how to reach emotional numbness so my soul could not be reached, an empty shell.

Before I met him, I was so outgoing. I walked with my head high, a true people person, loved interaction with society, laughing, being goofy and enjoying life. Now, walking through life and out in the public...I feel as if society were to do a head count...I was be skipped over in the general population because I'm invisible. I go out with my head down and I come in with my head down. I feel unnoticed, unpretty and feel like an outcast, only noticed because I do not blend in with the rest. I feel flawed as if I am walking around with a "damaged goods" label on my forehead, as if everyone knows that I've been touched by a psychopath. Even so and even though I feel as if others know I'm damaged, they lack the knowledge to truly know what damaged me therefore I am unable to speak up and have a voice and spend more time trying to convince rather than to convey.

They psychopath is great at justification. You would be impressed how he turned his upsetting thievery into making the world a better place. I gave him too much time to come up with a reason rather than the truth and who knows, maybe he didn't even know the real reason behind it besides being a weirdo. I've read in a number of places that it's natural for men to think about their partner's sister's but the difference between real men and psychopaths is there is a huge line drawn in the sand and the psychopaths have trouble seeing the line and even if they did, they would probably see it as a challenge...trying to cross over without total exposure. The psychopath knew, at the time, that I wasn't fond of my sister's boyfriend. They were suppose to eventually get married, and her boyfriend was off serving our country. So, he took the pictures to make a fake profile of my sister and somehow he was going to use this to break them up. ??? Yes, I know...I'm not sure which is worse, him stealing the photos because of his own sexual perversion or because he wanted to ruin my sister's relationship, making her look like a slut in the process, all in the name of love...all for me. Yes, because he had noticed how stressed I had been over their relationship and he wanted to make things easier for me. So, what you're saying is that instead of putting your energy into our relationship and going "OUT" of your way to put in some effort, you would rather make things easier for me by stealing naked pictures of my sister, creating a fake profile to make it look as if she is cheating on her boyfriend, portray her as a devious slut, breaking them up and then...at what point am I suppose to feel better about this? He did it in the name of love, what a martyr. "You think I actually wanted to have to look at your sister naked?" I guess I was suppose to feel sorry for him for having to go through all the trauma just so I could be happy. Funny thing is, while I did complain about my sister's boyfriend...I never mentioned that I was stressed over it nor did I want to have anything to do with them breaking up. When I asked him why he didn't think about my sister's feelings and reputation and making her look like a slut, well..he says he didn't get that far in his thinking. This is a guy that thinks from the A to the Z, beginning to the end, he's full of it and no matter what he tells me...I will never believe his crap but it's easy for me to want to believe but even so, either way...whatever the truth is, it was a scandalous move due to the fact that he, himself, is scandalous.

I do not allow my son around the psychopath. My son was 2 when he came into the relationship and I remember the psychopath saying he would rather date someone with younger children (like myself) than older ones and now I know that this is because my son couldn't talk and couldn't tell me what was going on if something were to happen. It only took one time, a year or so ago, for me to walk to the kitchen...leaving him alone with my son in his room. My son started crying which he never did and I walked in the room asking what had happened. The psychopath exclaimed that he had no idea, he just started crying. Riiight. My son hardly ever cried and would never just burst into tears for no reason. To this day, I have no idea why my son started crying but just like he had the ability to make me feel like I was a two year old, he also had the ability to make a two year old feel like a fetus. I never walked away again and never (in two years) left my son with him. When there were emergencies and he offered to watch him (while I went to ER for kidney stones)I chose to wait until I could find someone to watch him instead of leaving him with Psychopath. My son was not able to talk through most of the relationship and I kept a close eye out and watched both of them closely, almost like babysitting two infants. There was a time when my son was learning to talk and he tried to ask the psychopath what the pizza cutter was for and he told my son that they were to cut his fingers and face off with. Uh? I was in the kitchen, dumbfounded. Did he just say that? Does he even know what is coming out of his mouth and who he is talking to? I've heard him call my son a crackhead and while my son made attempts to talk, asking psychopath a question...the psychopath mocked his babyish words, mumbling like my son and telling him he talked just as crazy as I did. Seriously? This broke my heart and what hurt even more is that I felt so helpless and I beat myself up for staying a day later than I should have but eventually, I would only allow psychopath to come over when my son was at his father's so my son would not be exposed to the dangerous, verbal vomit that seem to fall out when you lease expected it.

I took his psychopathic behavior extremely personally. I beat myself into the ground for over a year thinking that I was the cause of it all. I thought I wasn't good enough which pushed him to do the things he did. Now, while still in the middle of the psychopathic chaos but more less on the outskirts, I've come to realize that knowledge is power and the more I know, the more I can grow and eventually split off from this dreadful experience, gaining my own personal insight and enlightenment. I know it's impossible for most to even see this far down the tunnel but this trauma has pushed me to deal with some of my own early trauma's due to the current psychopathic situation breathing life into the things of the past, forcing them to the front of the line...making it impossible to ignore. Of course, how I see my light at the end of the tunnel will be different for others. The only way I can even remotely stomach this is by acknowledging that he just can't help himself. Just like the norm are all in pursuit of happiness, joy, inner peace and love...the psychopath is in search of the same but only in the form of generic substitutions. With their inability to experience true empathy and other profound feelings, they go for what they can feel and it's mostly physical like a game of "hide and seek", being the one hiding and having a rush of feelings as to whether or not you're going to get caught, dodging the seeker left and right and almost coming so close to getting caught but most of the time avoiding getting caught which comes with a sense of accomplishment which doesn't last long because you must continue the game of "hide and seek", it seems to be a 'rush' cycle. Then, there's the sexual feeling. There's the rush that comes from within the "hide and seek" game of not only the sense of accomplishment from getting away with sleeping with someone else but also the feelings of sex itself, which are all short lived and must be repeated in order to get a fix. They are all in their own cycle of destruction. Their search for true love, inner peace and joy manifests itself as stimulation, adrenaline, possibly dopamine and fixation. Now, take away anyone's opportunity to ever reach true enlightenment, find true love, inner peace, happiness or true joy...they are sure to waste away because I feel as if, even though some never obtain them, knowing that it's a possibility keeps us going. For the psychopaths, it seems to be the same way but their inability to feel within pushes them to search and go after all they know in order to survive and not waste away. I see him, my psychopath, as a poor soul grabbing at anything that will jolt him to keep emotionally breathing.

Early on, I got swept away by an illusion of what I wanted to be reality. I associated the feelings I was having with what I knew and believed it to be: love, truth, joy, happiness...and even though I have the ability and thought I was feeling these things, I now wonder if I was not mimicking his substitutions. I felt the rush, I felt the stimulation, I felt the dopamine, the sex, adrenaline and the obvious fixation. I think all of us are searching for true love and happiness and deep down, I fault myself for already knowing that another does not complete us, they can better us but they can not make us whole or give us inner peace. I took a the short cut with self-discovery which turned out to be a mere detour to where I am now,and here I am... back on the path to my own self-discovery but with more insight, more cautiousness and more truth. When I allow myself to step outside of this psychopathic bubble, allowing myself to look at it from the outside instead of from within, I can see that the poor psychopath can't help himself and no matter how hard I hope and pray for him, he will continue to prey on me and others. He is doing what he knows to do in order to survive even though it's at the cost of others. He will never be able to experience what I hope to soon experience down the road. Love is not in his future, neither joy,peace and the only happiness he will have will be the knock off version that will never compare to what we are so blessed to have and to share. He will continue his cycle of preying on empty, hopeless jolts that will never lead him anywhere but to the next empty hole that aligns with his soul. He seems to know all of this but without empathetic ability and without the hope of ever having more than substitution, he will continue to chase the psychotic fix until the day that he dies. I can't help him and science tells us that they can't even help themselves so rather than me trying to fix the unattainable, I am starting to zone in on what I can fix and that's finding a solution to the my own outcome and learning somehow (someway) to stay on track and focus on the light at the end of the tunnel...which is the light of sanity, my own personal inner peace. Due to the aftershock of the psychopathic jolt, I've been shaken out of (not just this denial) but the denial of self and issues I've been battling throughout my life. I'm trying to stay on board, push on through and be able to close this chapter of my life, taking the knowledge with me so I will know the next time a psychopath comes gunning for my soul.
Posted by: clearblue

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 11/03/10 05:12 PM

Hi HeLovesMeNot,
So beautifully put.
Its such an irony that grief brings our profound feelings to surface.
Every drop of life returns to the sea of conscience.
I guess for a Psychopath no conscience in the manner of human ability is the
falling away of mankind,alien.
It is very metaphysical and pertains to the "great flood" of all ages of history.
Humankind emerging with a conscience after the flood because man was not acceptable in life without one.
It has not changed.
We do care,feel the need and aspire to lifting one another above the lack of.
Without a conscience humanity fails.
This place of realization is lonely.
We feel others can see what we have felt.
We felt the emptiness.
We cling to our fullness,even if its been full of abuse,trauma,despair.
Because its our proof of having a conscience.
Not for proof of being a victim,survivor,rich or poor.
Proof only of a conscience,our passport to feelings.

Psychopath is a martyr type.
Psychopath will aspire to being a martyr.
Its the best scapegoat ever personified on earth.
Every culture has the ultimate martyr figure.
Martyr is the closest to idol that Psychopath can get.

I think he was degrading an aspect of himself via your sister.
He hates her for seducing(power) him,via pictures.
He wants to be an idol(martyr) for his prowess.
He perfected the scapegoat scenario.
He wins alone.
He is jealous of your notice of her boyfriend.
He knows he walked on you and you are capable of becoming a magic carpet.
You will fly away.
He will loose the red carpet you gave him.
You were good,giving.
Only idols(martyrs)get the red carpet.
You got the curtain call on him.
He is wanting the Oscar still.
He will be willing to perform now.
He will give it his best act.
You will see the re-run.
File it on the shelf.
He knows it.

To him life is the show.
He will show himself in every acting aspect to others.
Only for the mere show off self.
He will gladly give autographs.
Behind the scenes he memorized the part.
He will perform on any stage,anytime,any place.
He will compete for the best actor against any person,child or pet.
He will use every object to perform his part.
If you do not applaud he will become intolerant.
His audience is many.
He is a one person road show.
He justifies our impunity, he gave us a ticket to the show.
We should be thanking him for that.
He thinks we should consider how lucky we were to get a ticket in the first place.
After all,there was a fan club waiting to get in.

We mourn,we reflect.
We felt close to the star.
We loved the magazine cover.
We were captivated.
We wanted the person who wore the costume so well.
It never was real.
We are left sweeping up the popcorn.

Where do we go from here.
We never want to go back there.
We see the world so differently now.
We think all roads lead to there.
Thats the heartbreak.
We are on the right road now.
We used to run ahead.
We walk slow now.
Posted by: clearblue

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 11/03/10 10:19 PM

Hi HeLovesMeNot,
I am giving two replies to your post.
This being the second part.
I hope anyone else reading with us will comment.

Observing psychopaths I have noted they live on the surface of experiences.
They seek the surface values of experience,shock,abuse and sexual stimulation through voyeurism/porn.
All this represents the surface.
Eyes being the surface organs of the brain.
Skin the largest organ/body.
Eyes are a direct continuation of the brain.
For viewing all external information.

This would mean no emotional bonding,a note worthy Psychopath fact.
Only sensory body/skin would involve heat,cold,pain or touch,all external sensory stimulation.
Even food,consumption is measured in heat,a calorie is that temp change=energy.

The mind perpetuating eroticism.

This eroticism does not involve the body.
Psychopath has two distinct natures at work.
Both external.
They are not connected.

Psychopath uses the external body for relationship roles.
(Parasite is how we term that)

Brain for eroticism.
Because the brain function is erotic in focus(eyes) Psychopath sees the world in terms of eroticism.
The world is Psychopath's sexual playground. Society is out in the world. Psychopath's live in the candy shop.
All of society is within view(gratification). Psychopath is the ultimate window(eyes) shopper.
Person who represents wall or boundary of Psychopath's erotic view of society....victim.
Person who keeps him home or employed limits Psychopath from seeing is perceived as blocking sex gratification of Psychopath.
Sexual tension creates more victims.

Brain/eyes as a sexual organ,penile replacement.
This would displace the sexual function of the male(penis).
Psychopath has uterine envy.
Prolific uterine envy.
Psychopath does not see the function of male/female relationships as erotic.
Psychopath denies male functions/penis denial.
Brain has taken over that function.
Psychopath sees women as self replicating.
Psychopath displaces males in society=alpha male mask.
Not true alpha male or {trans} sexual nature,
Psychopath did not trans gender roles.
Psychopath is in penile denial.
Psychopath seeks to destroy the womens function.
Threat perceived by females.
Not as female sexual body.
As female in society.
In uterine roles.
Not as vag/breast threat.
Reacts by degrading,violence and acts against the uterine ability.
Violence and hate,destroy the enemy-fear activate the eroticism of the brain.
When brain overload occurs Psychopath reacts with violence against Psychopath's perceived threats to his sexual response.
This threat perceived is usually the people we call victims of Psychopath's.
Psychopath feels victims have deprived him of his sexual gratification.
This causes all kinds of violent reactions in the animal world.
Sexual response does involve bonding/mating uterine roles in healthy male/female relations,courting ect..
As healthy relationships in human roles.
As the basis of survival of a species in the animal world.

Sexual response for Psychopath is gratification,no role support in society.
Viewing,sexual cohorts as objects only.

Psychopath is not stimulated by relationships,bonding/mating,courtship rituals.
Emotion does not gratify.
Monogamy does not gratify.
Relationship stability does not.
Care and concern does not.
Devotion,love emotion does not.
Psychopath is inhibited in normal sexual responses in bonding/mating.
It runs interference to Psychopath's sexual organ-brain/eye.

Psychopath takes his visual/brain eroticism to the streets,backroom/porn.
No relationship requirements to complete sexual needs.
Sexual gratification needs met.

Think about this.
Psychopath views us as brain blockers.
Not as bonding mates.
We are only filling the uterine capacity.
Nurse maid,mother,nurture aspects,ect.
Psychopath denies(penis)involvement.

Think about what you have learned and observed in relationships with Psychopath's.
This is the dual nature of Psychopath.
Can you see it?

Posted by: Just_Miserable

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 11/07/10 01:08 PM

Your post is poetic. I have walked every step that you are mentioning.
They are evil and without a soul. I agree that something has to be done
to educate especially the court system of these types of vermin. currently
my grand children are being abused emotionally by their Father. It is
obvious to anyone who has had to learn about the psychopathic personality. I am willing to
do whatever I can to make this a public awareness campaign for the betterment
of children and spouses. It makes me sick to be so incapable of helping.
Posted by: clearblue

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 11/07/10 03:25 PM

Hello Just Miserable,
I feel for you,your family situation.
I hope you can cope and continue in your support of your grandchildren.
It is a heartbreaking situation.
I appreciate your concern and approach to finding a voice.
The court system is aware on many levels of conduct disorders and Psychopath.
Each judge, at every judicial level is still able to administer the law in his personal opinion.
That places the burden to the prosecutors who intern rely on the authorities,police,cps ect for good intake,subject to criminal codes.
An intake of events in itself if it does not give the requirements to fulfill the codes,rcw or jurisdiction of the law(breaking)
Many inputs will not get to or beyond the prosecutors desk.
Anything that constitutes a fine,payable to the system does get in.
Personal suits involve large amounts of monies to advance a case.
You have to pay to use the court system.
It is very expensive.
Some low income scale law offices take cases.
You need retainer to hire a lawyer,approx $2000.00 down.
If you could afford approx $30,000.00 in associated fees and court fees you can take any case to a court.
It is not affordable,access denied.
Advocates and mediation services are in place to offer support and resources.
They work outside of the court system.
Their voice is more personal.
Sometimes the ACLU takes a class action into court on behalf of victim groups.
Primary purpose is to secure Civil Liberty.
It is not much help for individual families.
Psychopathy is generating a billion plus dollars per year.
It will be hard to stop that revenue flow.
The cash flow line is not going to be broken easily.
When psychopathy ceases to generate such a high dividend society will have measures in place
to protect victims.
The billion will flow to resources for public safety,victims.
Society is not at the threshold for that change.
Making matters worse the victims are increasing,increasing that billion to the system.
Psychopaths are top heavy in society now.
Safety is at the foundation of changing society.
We need safety voices,resources.
All people thrive for safety.
Approaching things from a victim perspective limits society awareness.
Not everyone can relate,many are in denial.
Victims resources are discarded because they do not generate financial gain for society.
Safety is not discarded because it is enjoyed by society.
Safety is the place to start alleviating victim impact.

How,what and where do we effectively provide safety.
What is the working benefit to society,survivor stories supporting the safety goal.
How do we identify the safety needs of society in relation to psychopathy.
This is the think tank we need.
I agree totally with your view,we need a voice.
What resources will it take to secure safety and identify danger.
That is what we need,statistics to support a goal.
A definition of the goal that defines safety.
It is a challenge and goal worth obtaining.

Now the only option we have is to leave a situation of abuse.
Validation is important.

I hope by grace we can bring a change.
Are you in close contact with your grandchildren?
You are their best help person.
You see and know the truth.
That takes a special person to validate their situation.
Your situation is a victim witness.
That is heartbreaking.
You are on the right course.
Good for you..it is not an easy path.
Our voice is getting stronger.
We will be heard.
How do you cope now?
Have you found any helpful coping ideas?
Does the Psychopath know you are aware of the truth?

Thank you for posting and being a voice
for your grandchildren and yourself.
Take good care

Sexual Psychopath Legislation:
Approximately 20 states have statutes that address dangerous sex offenders and sexual psychopaths. These statutes are designed to protect public safety by removing habitual sex offenders from society for extended periods of time. Criminal defendants treated differently from others based on their classification as sexual psychopaths have challenged these laws, arguing that they violate the Equal Protection and the Due Process Clauses, but the laws have withstood such challenges (Kansas v Hendricks, 521 U.S. 346 [1997]; Seling v. Young, 531 U.S. 250 [2001]).

These statutes require that the court must specifically find that the sex offender suffers from mental illness that leads to sexually deviant behavior, and that the behavior is likely to continue in the future, in order to classify the offender as a sexual psychopath. These statutes also permit the state to retain custody of the sexual psychopath, or sexually dangerous person, until he or she is cured of the mental illness. In effect, this allows the state to impose an indeterminate, and often lifetime, sentence.


Posted by: Just_Miserable

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 11/08/10 06:51 PM

Thank you for your kind reply. I am trying to help the girls
however the manupilative father has caused them to dislike me.
He manipulates the youngest even more so than the oldest. They
are afraid to put much trust in me because he has lied to them
and caused them to believe that I am their enemy. People who do
not know these sick people would never believe what they can do
to a small child. They enheritly want to believe their Father.

As they get older they seem to be learning what he does but still
they are too small to accept that he is truly wrong. He has no
morals and he teaches them to lie to get their way. It is an
awful existence for them right now. The girls need to be counseled
but he refuses to let them to go a counselor. He has scared them
so badly about going to a counselor that they scream at the very
mention of it. They are old enough now that if they were allowed
to go to a counselor and tell the truth he could be stopped but
their fear is just too great.
Does anyone know if a child can hire an attorney. I would make
sure that they have the money for it if it can be done. I do know
that in the state of Florida that the state's attorney general has
asked each attorney to do pro bono work for children's needs. I
just don't know how we could get around him to get them an attorney.
I would apppreciate any help anyone could give me regarding this.
It is a last ditch effort. We have been at this seven years now and
I am getting older and more tired but I am not beaten yet. I am
going to hang in there for my dying breath. PLEASE HELP IF YOU KNOW
Posted by: clearblue

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 11/08/10 08:33 PM

Hi Just Miserable.
I really feel for you.
It is a Psychopath's strength to fool the masses.
Even their own children, families are gripped in fear.
This should get you some help action.

Make a paper trail.
It is important to make your file at each agency.
Be patient.
It may take from immediate action to 1 year for action.

File a report with Child Protective Services.
File a local police Dept report.
Ask police to make a safety check visit to their home.
Report to their school.
Report to their pediatrician.

All the above are under mandatory reporting laws.
All can and must act under the law.
A suspicion is a report.

File on-line report/complaint with your State Attorney General.
Give as much info as you can.
The alert will cause them to make a record of report file(support of you regards to safety of grandchildren)
They will give you further instructions of who/how to contact.

Call an Ombudsman,tell them your suspicions.
They will also file a record of report.
Ombudsman will give you help resources.

Call a children's advocate.
Child advocates can help arrange a forensic interview.
One geared specifically for children of abuse.

Visit your Juvenile court in person.
Talk to the Juvenile Prosecutor.
Tell the Prosecutor your suspicions.
Sometimes they will launch an investigation.
The more people supporting the same suspicion,the better.
If they launch an investigation expect immediate action.
They do not hesitate to assure child safety,public safety.
The children will be appointed a public defender.

In any case arising out of Juvenile court the children will be given an option or appointing of a
public defender.

The State can act on behalf of the child.
It will actually be out of your hands if a law broke.
You will not be able to stop the criminal proceedings in an action.

All the above are mandatory report filing agencies.
All the above are bound by law to act.

This should be all you need to launch an effective investigation.
Let safety be your best tool in all that you do.
Make it a priority subject,concern in all your conversations with the above offices.

An issue of safety,child safety supports action.

Family problems will not get you support.
Try not to mention it as a family problem issue in conversations.
No bitter divorce talk.
No scorned by a Psychopath talk.
No custody talk.

Safety concern is the key.

My very best wishes to you and your family.
Posted by: Just_Miserable

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 11/09/10 07:37 PM

Thank you so much for you reply. Unfortunately
we have done most of the things that you have suggested
but the slimey little snake slithered through all the
loop holes and showed up looking like Mr Mom and Mr Dad
at the same time. Florida laws leave a lot to be desired
in safety issues for children. I might try the State Attorney
General that is probably the only one I haven't tried in the
past 8 years except for your suggestion of the Ombudsman.
Where would I get information about whom to contact?
Posted by: clearblue

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 11/09/10 08:58 PM

Hi Just Miserable,
I hope this info will get you the services you need.
Do not loose hope.
It will come to light if you keep the switch on.
Here is the info to get you started,

File the online complaint form.
Do not worry about the criteria.
Fill out what is needed.
Even if the wrong department processes your initial complaint they will make a record of it and get it to the right desk.
They will give you more resources also.
Florida Attorney General;


Ombudsman,childrens and family Ombudsman.
Get Florida Ombudsman info from:

Washington Office
Tel: 202-624-5400 | Fax: 202-737-1069 | 444 North Capitol Street, N.W., Suite 515 | Washington, D.C. 20001

There are Ombudsman resources,numbers at your nearest crisis center.
You can tell crisis support about the situation also.
They have resources,numbers.

Unitedway dial 211 services,support center. Listen/use for prompts to service info.

I hope you find help an answers.
Your voice is their voice.
It is wonderful you are in their lives.

Warm regards
Posted by: Violet

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 11/17/10 02:57 PM

Hello Clearblue,
I do not have the time at the moment to properly express my opinion of your strength and wisdom. I posted on this forum regularly a few months ago. A change in my work load has taken away the free time that I had been spending on this forum. I just logged back on today to read a few posts. I skipped around a bit, and browsed through a few of your posts. I just wanted to take a quick moment to let you know, your words speak the truth very loudly. You have incredible insight, and it appears that you are willing to share this gift with others. May you have a blessed day knowing that your words are able to extend feelings of acceptance, comfort, and hope to the many people here on this forum. : )
Posted by: clearblue

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 11/17/10 10:18 PM

Hi Violet,
thank you,many times in kind for being so thoughtful.

You make sharing a joy!
Posted by: Violet

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 11/18/10 08:49 AM

Hello Clearblue,

I am writing in response to your post where you said, "I can not believe this was my life." It is so incredible, the way we are linked through our experiences with the various psychopaths. Time and time again, I think to myself, just as others have, "wow, it feels like I am reading my own post!".

Was it only two days ago, while I was reflecting, that I actually said out loud, "Is this really my life?" So very many of the posts here have common themes, thoughts. If we can get past the tragedy of it all for just a moment, it really is fascinating (for me anyway) that we are brought together in similar thoughts and interpretations during the analysis of the aftermath.

Yesterday, I mourned in reflection of the aftermath. I let it comsume me, my reflections on previous denial brought me to the dark room of depression in my mind. Today, I find it fascinating. Drawing conclusions, psychological interpretations of the dynamics involved, particularly in the healing process, absolutely intriguing. Yesterday, alone, I cried. Today, we compare notes, and I smile (wow- we are healing, and look how smart we are too smile Tomorrow, I do not know how I will feel. But, I do know that I can come here. And I know that here, I will find others who will understand.

We were alone when we fell down to the ground. We looked up, with a mouth full of dirt, and nobody was there. But now, we are standing back up, together. One at a time, we are extending out our hand, and helping each other stand back up. We must stay on our feet and continue to walk this road together. There is a path to healing. We are on that path.
Posted by: Dianne E.

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 11/18/10 07:40 PM

Hi Violet, nice to see you again and the huge steps you have taken. Over the years the most common comment I have read is, you are telling my story. Wounds of any kind particulay with a Psychopath are a process to heal, we are here for you on your journey back to your true self. You were under a spell and now are seeing your way out. One foot in front of the other. You did nothing wrong.

Please keep us posted on your progress. We have so many members due to PTSD, etc. who only read so your words reach more than you can imagine.

The forum is a community for the members and sharing can be a big part of the process.

Posted by: clearblue

Re: absorbing the damaged life,how? - 11/19/10 10:48 PM

Hi Violet,
your expressions of your experiences,shared experiences are so nicely put.
We have gone the distance and the depth.
It is no easy challenge in life to have a relationship of any kind with a Psychopath.
Learning from it,about it and giving this experience a proper place in our lives has
been difficult.
Sharing does make it easier.
Still it is hard to believe.
It challenged our primary beliefs and principles.
When I have distance from the personal situations, I have to say psychopathy is interesting.
I also find Psychopathy interesting on many levels as an abnormal personality disorder.
Some Psychopath's I have known began their eventual pattern of destruction with their prominent traits
of charm,glib and grandiose type behaviors.
I never would of thought of them as liars,cheats or thieves or dangerous.
Eventually they manifested the most negative traits of psychopathy with sneaky,cunning and
cruel behaviors glossed over with deception.
It seemed like the good core in them had shrunk away.
I know a good place was there,inside once, but I am not sure if they remember it was.
Looking back in reflection it does seem like it literally disappeared.
Beyond retrieval.
All of the elements,facets,varied outcomes and behaviors of psychopathy are worthy of study.
So we study.
Then here we are, left picking up the pieces of shattered life,lives,again and as a part of the study.
Reasoning with ourselves one minute over outcomes of a Psychopath relationship.
Exchanging that thought with "I can not believe this is my life".
Looking for a shard,clue of truth that can mend it,make sense.
We just can't find that shard.
When Psychopath lost truth,we lost ours as well.
Regaining our composure is not simple.
Learning about psychopathy from the involved state is not simple.
The aftermath is very emotional.
Often times because of the missing emotional pieces.
It leaves a wrinkle in the fabric of our lives.
We have mended all the places we could mend.
We keep a warm iron on the wrinkle.
We learn.
I think it is good to have a learning approach to psychopathy.
I think it is wonderful to share experience and find out our experience is shared.
I feel that learning the hard way is justified in sharing,learning and understanding.
It keeps our heart in mind in the right places.
There are to many wrong places where we could have got stuck,if not for sharing.
I feel so thankful there are people like you and the other writers here.
I feel comfort in the posts.
It feels so good to know,read from people who put psychopathy in perspective.
People who have been through it,living the outcomes from it.
People who are living with Psychopath's now.
People sharing,learning and caring.
I feel the truth has been put to the abnormal psychopath personalities.
That is such a relief,a victory.
Thank you for sharing,caring.
You have a wonderful mind to face the difficult times with an open mind.
An open mind is a gift.

You are special.
I wish you all the best.
May your harder days be few.
I appreciate your unique perspective.
I feel the victory of truth.
Thank you!