Question for children of pp: what helped you?

Posted by: marinde

Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 07/02/12 12:43 PM

For those of you who grew up with a psychopath parent: what kept you "alive"? What helped you survive and not become like a psychopath or narcissist or otherwise cruel and abusing person yourself? What did you hang on to, were there things in your youth that gave you happiness? And what made you realise your mum or dad wasn't good for you and step out of the indoctrinations? What was it that made it impossible for your parent to really break your mind?

Was it something inside you, something other people told you, someone in your environment who was loving for you, something you read?

Sorry for all the questions. I have a great admiration for the children of psychopaths stepping out of their parents sphere of influence and starting to heal. I think it must need great strength and courage. And I believe your experience of "getting out" can be of great worth for the rest of us. Especially those of us like myself who are forced to raise children together with a psychopathic parent - and our children.

Thanks.
Posted by: FreeBird

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 07/02/12 03:19 PM

Not being a child of a psycho, but a relationship survivor, I can say this - when I was with the psychopath, I learned to talk like him act like him, I did really mean things, became sad, angry, a totally different person than I am normally.
But in the end, he never killed what is the essence of every good man - my conscious. It is something they lack, and we have, and no matter how much you try to kill it, you wont. Its just something inside every one of us that makes us act like we do, help others, do the right things.
Note that there is a difference between doing something because of social rules, and doing something that you feel a natural urge to do. That is something that cannot be learned or bought. And it cannot be also got rid of.
And it is that very thing that varies us from the psychopaths. You can blind it for a while, but you cannot destroy it.
Posted by: RedWolfe

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 07/03/12 03:20 PM

Originally Posted By: marinde
For those of you who grew up with a psychopath parent: what kept you "alive"?

Honestly? HATE. I was determined to not only survive, but find a way to prove him wrong and succeed at Something in my life. Eventually I did; I became a moderately well known author. smile

When they say "living well is the best revenge," when it comes to dealing with psychopaths, it's the absolute TRUTH.

When my brother showed my first published novel to my father (the psychopath), the man kicked his own TV so hard it exploded. My brother called me to tell me the very next day and we both had a long, hard laugh. My brother has made a point of telling that man every time I publish a new one. smile

Quote:
What helped you ... not become like a psychopath or narcissist or otherwise cruel and abusing person yourself?

For the life of me, I have no clue. I do know that if it wasn't for my best friend, Margaret, (who I didn't meet until the very last year he lived with us,) my recovery toward being human again would have taken much, much longer.

Quote:
What did you hang on to? Were there things in your youth that gave you happiness?

I had One thing that couldn't be taken from me, only one: My Imagination.
-- That imagination allowed me to win a short story contest and become a Published Author in my junior year of high school and gave me my life's goal: Author. That was my very first victory he couldn't touch in any way.

Quote:
And what made you realise your mum or dad wasn't good for you and step out of the indoctrinations?

BOOKS. I read voraciously, and those stories told me point-blank that not only what I was told was Wrong, but that I was dealing with a Monster, someone that only looked human.

Quote:
What was it that made it impossible for your parent to really break your mind?

I shut off my emotions and became a psychopath myself at the age of 13. I didn't become human again until many, many years after he left the house.
Posted by: marinde

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 07/04/12 03:27 PM

Thanks for your responses, your experiences.

I'm still thinking how to protect my child. When you meet a psychopath as a child, the impact he has on your whole being is just enormous. If it's not possible to keep my child away from my ex, I wish I could think of a way to protect his core. His conscience, his ability to love and feel, his capability to judge for himself and move away from my ex. I hope I can keep him away for long enough to at least first develop conscience and experience love. Maybe I must also trust that this is something innate to normal human beings.

RedWolfe, good that you found the strength and the right person to move back to being human again. Would you want to tell me what your friend Margeret did that was important for your trusting her and "becoming human again"?
Posted by: RedWolfe

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 07/04/12 07:08 PM

Originally Posted By: marinde
Thanks for your responses, your experiences.

My pleasure. It's been a long, long time since I found anyone I could tell this story to.

Quote:
I'm still thinking how to protect my child.

Physical Distance. Seriously.

The only other way your ex will stop is:
- 1. He's distracted by someone more fun than you to hurt.
- 2. He knows you will murder him. It honestly took a death threat --that he believed-- to get my father to leave me alone.

Quote:
When you meet a psychopath as a child, the impact he has on your whole being is just enormous.

True, but now I can see a psychopath coming from a mile away. (It's in their eyes. Seriously.) Not one of those monsters has bothered me since. I scare them -- and yes, I'm very proud of that. smile

Quote:
If it's not possible to keep my child away from my ex, I wish I could think of a way to protect his core. His conscience, his ability to love and feel, his capability to judge for himself and move away from my ex.

You could always take your boy and move out of the country? If your ex is that dangerous, it might be your only option. I hope not, but with psychopaths, expect them to ALWAYS take the extreme route.

Quote:
I hope I can keep him away for long enough to at least first develop conscience and experience love. Maybe I must also trust that this is something innate to normal human beings.

They say the conscious --the instinct to do the Good thing-- shows up in children between 3 and 5. For some it's later. However, psychopaths can do plenty of severe damage to those with a perfectly intact conscious. Look at what he did to you.

Quote:
RedWolfe, good that you found the strength and the right person to move back to being human again. Would you want to tell me what your friend Margaret did that was important for your trusting her and "becoming human again"?

I actually have that written out in another post! --> http://www.psychopath-research.com/forum...paths#Post13552
Posted by: marinde

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 07/05/12 05:40 AM

Hi,

I've read your stories and it's rather encouraging to hear that he backed off eventually when you truly stood up against him. And that you managed to get your feelings back.

For my ex: i know he won't stop and will do extreme damage. It's almost impossible to live with the idea he'll do that to my child and I didn't recognize him soon enough to keep him out. I realise it's a rather weird question I'm asking here, because it implies that I accept his cruelty against my son. It's just that I know I've got only 3 options to fight back:

1. Stay and deal with whatever is coming on our path legally (I can probably keep him away for a while, but in the end he'd get visitation and legal rights and the ways to enforce them. right now I'm living in my mum and dad's house again. one advantage of staying there: if something happens to me, they'd most likely get custody before my ex, because my son could stay in his own environment)
2. Kill him (wouldn't know how to)
3. Run away (he has the resources to come after us. if he finds us, chances he gets the boy and/or harms us are even bigger. it feels like gambling. either we get a psychopath-free life, or we get harmed even more severely if he finds us)

So..that's why I'm also inquiring about the sad option of "what if he damages my child and I'm forced to accept it".. i just don't know what to do anymore.
Posted by: Dianne E.

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 07/05/12 11:20 AM

Hi marinde,

First off, killing him is probably not a good option; )

Just to be practical and not from a place of fear I would make sure that you have life insurance to protect your child and no that isn't meaning I am thinking he will kill you but it is something that every parent should have just for the safety of a child in the unlikely event anything would happen to you he will be protected to go to college and have the money for your parents to not cause them a financial burden. I would also have a will and state your intent that he stay with your parents.

I would invest in cameras for the home so if he does come to your house to pick up your son for visitation you have a recording of any actions or words that he might say. They are cheap and are listed in the nanny cam section here Nanny Cams, Information gathering devices , if you have any fire alarms I would replace them with these cameras so that you can also record what your son says in the event he does go with his "sperm donor" for any visitation. Never lead you son into statements but record what he says and his actions after any visitation.

Start thinking like you are a detective and keep notes/journal of all of what is going on.

Quote:
3. Run away (he has the resources to come after us. if he finds us, chances he gets the boy and/or harms us are even bigger. it feels like gambling. either we get a psychopath-free life, or we get harmed even more severely if he finds us)


Do you know he really has the resources, I know you mentioned he had "contacts". It may not be true. Is this information that he has said and can you confirm if it is really the truth? It is highly possible he is calling your bluff. Does he work and have a great income and is he supporting his child financially? Hopefully he isn't making regular support payments because that will be something the courts will look at.
If he is making support payments make a copy of every check and a detailed list of when, maybe his pattern is that he may be making payments but making them late etc.

Check out the recording laws in your country. I know in many places you can record phone conversations without the consent of the other party. There is a unit that is under $30 or so US dollars that records when the phone is picked up. If it isn't legal then I would personally still use it and then take careful notes and destroy the tapes.

Keep everything you are doing to yourself and your parents. Like the say, loose lips sink ships. Tell them how important it is to NOT say a word to any other relatives, friends etc.

It is critical in any court appearances to keep yourself together and not be reactive because he will appear cool and calm and you don't want to appear to be the crazy one in the room. Have your parents go to any appearances to sit in if possible to show the judge what your support network is. It is likely he will show up alone.

How much money do you think he has, does he have a steady job?

Di

Posted by: RedWolfe

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 07/05/12 01:50 PM

Originally Posted By: marinde

I've read your stories and it's rather encouraging to hear that he backed off eventually when you truly stood up against him.


Yes, but I had to use a death threat --that I Fully Intended to Carry Out.

DON'T try this yourself!
-- Seriously! Don't issue any kind of threat unless you are willing to carry it out the moment it leaves your lips. They WILL call you on it, just as my father called me on mine. The moment the threat left my lips, he 'grabbed' me. The only reason my threat worked was because I DID try to Kill him, and very nearly succeeded.
Posted by: Dianne E.

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 07/07/12 11:33 AM

Hi RedWolfe, you were a remarkable person at that young age to stand up to your father.

I am glad that you clarified that confronting a Psychopath while in your case worked, it can and would be dangerous to make any threats. In most cases it would be like painting a red X on your back and get them even more focused on getting revenge.

Di
Posted by: RedWolfe

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 07/07/12 02:14 PM

Originally Posted By: Dianne E.
Hi RedWolfe, you were a remarkable person at that young age to stand up to your father.

I didn't have a choice. If I didn't do something to stop him, I wasn't going to make it to my next birthday because sooner or later, one of his little accidents (shoving me into walls, and down the stairs,) would kill me. It was a daily Survival Game -- plain and simple.

Originally Posted By: Dianne E.
I am glad that you clarified that confronting a Psychopath while in your case worked, it can and would be dangerous to make any threats. In most cases it would be like painting a red X on your back and get them even more focused on getting revenge.

Di

Absolutely. There is nothing more dangerous than a Psychopath that's been threatened because threats don't scare them. Threats piss them off. Once a threat is issued, they will always react immediately and take it to the extreme level.

This is why, with threats, one has to be prepared to go through with it the instant one utters it. The Psychopath will NOT give you a second chance. If one doesn't deliver on the threat IMMEDIATELY, it gives the Psychopath time to undermine and destroy it, so that the same threat can't be used a second time.

And if the threat Works? Just as you pointed out, Dianne, REVENGE is always the next stage.

Yes, my Psychopath father did back off from me, but he immediately went after my younger brothers instead That's how he got back at me.

However, that little plan backfired on him. While Mom couldn't care less about me, (she told me so to my face,) she was very protective of "her boys". In other words, he went one step too far and lost the whole war. Mom divorced him.
Posted by: marinde

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 07/08/12 02:36 PM

Thanks for your warnings, I won't try it unless I'm capable of carrying on with my threats. I'm sorry to hear what you've been through with your parents, Red Wolfe, but I'm happy to hear you have still got a good contact with your two brothers.

I once (before knowing he was a psychopath, of course) was as stupid as to remark that I would never let him hurt my child and I would fight myself to death protecting my child if necessary. He still seems to find that one a nice challenge to take revenge over.

I have taken all the precaution measures I possibly can.

He says to have a good job and I have seen a testimony of his boss that he's a good employee. He says he has savings of possibly 150.000-200.000 euros or so and with the job he has that might well be true. He pays monthly and said he would use that to get power. Last time (after the court date) he paid much less though. He doesn't speak to me on the phone and is careful to not say anything threatening anymore. There are two of his friends that I suspect are psychopaths or so as well. I have met them and believe they are. He tells scary stories about them that I can't verify.
Posted by: satan's child

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 09/02/12 06:56 PM

It was Environmental by having the Mother of all Mother's and I always knew deep down in my heart that right is right and wrong is wrong. Do whatever is in your power to not raise your children TOGETHER. That is just a recipe for disaster. You may not notice until years down the road, but trust me, it will only blow up in your face. PLEASE prevent your precious little ones from experiencing this Pain and everything else that comes with the territory, that I promise you, will come. Also, you can never tell your kids enough how much you love them, how proud you are of them, you will always protect them & that you will ALWAYS be there for them UNCONDITIONALLY! Finally, get away from the toxic parasite as soon and as far away as possible.
Posted by: satan's child

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 09/02/12 07:32 PM

I also wanted to point out that being the child of a psychopath makes you Fearless. I have crossed paths with many cruel people, yet all of them looked like saints compared to the monster I once knew. Once you've looked into the eyes of Satan himself, nothing else can ever scare you, which can sometimes be dangerous in itself.
Posted by: Orchid

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 10/04/12 08:42 AM

Hi, everyone!

I am new to this forum, I will tell you my story soon! It is creapy, it is about a parent psychopath! At this moment, I am going through one of most difficult moments in my life, again due to psychopathy- crying each day although I had a stroke and I know it prevents me from getting well! But, I just cannot help it! Marinde, keep your child away from him however you know, the damamge they cost to a child is so long-lasting (on psychological and pfisical health) and sometimes I even thing unfixable! The scars will probably last forever!

I think you should try to full your ex. This may sound strange to you, but I think you should play the game with him. Make him belive you do not want his child, that he must take care of him, ask him for the money for the child, ask him to take a child to a doctor, be with it when it has a fewer and things like that. He will run away! Psychopaths like to see people suffer (you suffer because he might take your child away from you and heart his emotions, that is the only reason he is interested in child, belive me.

They have no emotions) They also do not like to take care of anyone and to give someone their money (not even to a child, trust me, even if he has saved so much money-he probably gives you the money the court ordered just to look good in the court and make his plans come true easier) And most of all, in the end, it must be their way! Convise him that he wants the child is with you and that he does not want to see him. He will pull off! I know it takes a lot of energy, but try it, it might be the best way to get rid of him!

He might even do not want to kill you, but he knows you are afraid of what will happen to your child if you die and he enjoy every moment of your suffer!

Sorry for the spelling, English is not my native lenguage!
Posted by: Dianne E.

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 10/14/12 12:43 PM

Hi Orchid, welcome to our community, I am so very sorry for the health issues.

Will look forward to hearing more of your story when you are willing, every word reaches many in this horrific position when there are children involved.

Di
Posted by: Aquarius123

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 04/04/13 04:25 AM

My children's father was a psychopath. We divorced, and the children refused their "weekends" with him. I did not refuse him, the children did this on their own. Fortunately, there were no legal repercussions. They have not seen him for 15 years, but still vent about the awful stuff he did to all of us. They are successful adults: My son is a teacher (like me) and my daughter is a social worker.
Posted by: Dianne E.

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 04/04/13 09:56 PM

Hi Aquarius123, welcome to our community. Very glad to read that you and your children were able to escape without bounds of legal challenges.

I think the more they get challenged the longer the battle and it sounds like you had the right direction going and thankfully he moved on.

Di
Posted by: toomuchstuff

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 12/30/13 11:16 AM

Originally Posted By: RedWolfe
Originally Posted By: marinde
For those of you who grew up with a psychopath parent: what kept you "alive"?

Honestly? HATE. I was determined to not only survive, but find a way to prove him wrong and succeed at Something in my life. Eventually I did; I became a moderately well known author. smile

When they say "living well is the best revenge," when it comes to dealing with psychopaths, it's the absolute TRUTH.

When my brother showed my first published novel to my father (the psychopath), the man kicked his own TV so hard it exploded. My brother called me to tell me the very next day and we both had a long, hard laugh. My brother has made a point of telling that man every time I publish a new one. smile

Quote:
What helped you ... not become like a psychopath or narcissist or otherwise cruel and abusing person yourself?

For the life of me, I have no clue. I do know that if it wasn't for my best friend, Margaret, (who I didn't meet until the very last year he lived with us,) my recovery toward being human again would have taken much, much longer.

Quote:
What did you hang on to? Were there things in your youth that gave you happiness?

I had One thing that couldn't be taken from me, only one: My Imagination.
-- That imagination allowed me to win a short story contest and become a Published Author in my junior year of high school and gave me my life's goal: Author. That was my very first victory he couldn't touch in any way.

Quote:
And what made you realise your mum or dad wasn't good for you and step out of the indoctrinations?

BOOKS. I read voraciously, and those stories told me point-blank that not only what I was told was Wrong, but that I was dealing with a Monster, someone that only looked human.

Quote:
What was it that made it impossible for your parent to really break your mind?

I shut off my emotions and became a psychopath myself at the age of 13. I didn't become human again until many, many years after he left the house.


I don't know what my mother is, but as a child I lived in books. I would push my dresser up against the the door. I would pull the blankets over my head so I wouldn't see the crack of light shinning under my door.... I read books by flash light and crawled into the lives of the characters so I knew what happy was, and what love felt like. When she would push her self in call me a whore and scream at me late at night I would keep my mind on the story in the book and try to translate....My mother was ice cold and very cruel she liked to play practical jokes and set me up for failure. By the time I was 9 I was reading college text books trying to understand her. She was my wire monkey -- completely incapable of love and affection. My family always blamed me...I married a man a great deal like her. I am not allowed any successes, not in work, education,. or relationships....

I have to spend every Christmas with her my family and my adult children. I allows end up very upset. They think I am overly sensitive...This year I shared that I was buying a house. It got so ugly that I left. I had made the mistake of inviting them all over next year....I cried the whole way home I called her and begged her to say she was happy for me.... That never happened...en and once again I ruined Christmas.... Never again.
Posted by: sumptuousorangeant

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 04/25/14 12:54 AM

RedWolfe, I can relate to "shutting off". I don't believe you became a psychopath; I think you were protecting yourself. The psyche goes into a self protective mode at some point under these circumstances, which no human should have to endure. Some of my behavior at that age definitely could have been misconstrued as psychopathic, and some of it probably was.

To introduce myself, I am a 31 year old man who has an older brother who is a psychopath. He probably also has some form of mood disorder--I spent a lot of my life with him against my will (I was a teenager) but he was definitely pathological and controlling.

I had to block out a lot of what occurred around me at that age, much of which involved criminal activity he brought into the home. I knew that the wrong move could lead to something near lethal, or lethal, if he was abusing crack, which he ended up doing all the time. Once I told him to his face exactly what I thought of him, and that was a mistake.

My poor parents did everything they could, but it is hard to believe your own son is a psychopath, come hook or crook.

I myself ended up abusing drugs (this is how evil promulgates itself) and tried to model myself after him, though I never had that vicious, animal streak in me. I fell into drug culture, but have been sober for nine years now. I have had to defend my home against him, never knowing if he would finally kill me, his psyche having become so degenerate. A criminal by nature, he often succeeded in business till that trait was revealed. Explains a great deal about Wall Street.

My story is still in progress. Though I've accepted a no contact reality joyously (I hate him with a hatred that I'd rather not possess at all for anyone), I notice things about myself as I get older. I am an extremely defensive person, which makes a lot of sense considering that he ate my self esteem up and spit it out in my most impressionable years. I had a falling out with a friend due to my sharp tongue recently which I am very ashamed of. I have had relationships with women that went for awhile but ended because I have trouble trusting anyone to that degree. I am a published author and have managed to do some stress filled things and accomplish them, despite the fact that I have his demonic, sick voice in my head berating me at every turn.

I have a wonderful therapist but I am beginning to wonder if I will ever be normal and be able to maintain healthy relationships without that fear of being taken advantage of. Does anyone have this problem?


God Bless everyone here and thank you for having me.
Posted by: Dianne E.

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 04/25/14 09:13 PM

Hi sumptuousorangeant, welcome to our community.

I am sorry that you had your brother at such a time of your life that you had no control over things.

It sounds like you are in the processing phase. I hope we can be here to listen and share what we can.

Are your parents still alive and in contact with him?

It does happen that there can be co mingled issues, what do you suppose his other diagnosis might be?

I hear what you are saying regarding parents, they have been the most elusive over the years. I can't imagine what being a parent and finding out your child is a Psychopath must be like. We have some parents who have adopted children, and maybe they might show up and comment.

Do you think your parents blame themselves? This is what I guess can be the strongest issue.

Di
Posted by: sumptuousorangeant

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 04/26/14 09:37 PM

Thank you for your warm welcome.


Yeah, my parents definitely blame themselves and are still alive. They are no longer in contact with him.

More my mother than my father, but I don't think anything else is possible. I've taken them to Al-Anon meetings and the rest of it, there is no point though they have improved considerably. I can't "save" my family. I have tried to the nth degree, by the way.

Actually I've known other parents who had kids with antisocial personality disorders and the rest, because everyone I hung out with from 13 on was so messed up in some way. I was a "rebel" or whatever you want to call it with or without my brother, but he led me into avenues no human being should see or even understand, as I'm sure a lot of the people on here have had to deal with.

When I think back to incidents with my brother and his facial expressions, his delayed reactions to things, his markedly high intelligence, and his insane--and I mean insane--impulsiveness, I'm inclined to think that he had a form of bipolar disorder on top of pathos. His unerring instinct for human vulnerability and a person's internal weaknesses are proof positive to me he was a psychopath though.

I never understood, growing up, why people gave me strange looks and such until I realized: why, my brother went here to school and was kicked out! This family knows about my family, etc.

Some of the most disturbing times in my life have been "processing" all this. I've meditated, done everything you can imagine, and I literally can't stand the feeling of some of these memories. I have no desire to process everything. When I go to my shrink he veers in the direction of talking about my brother, as he always does, I come out feeling depersonalized, or like my whole life is an illusion, I don't know how to describe it.


Posted by: Dianne E.

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 04/27/14 11:58 AM

Hi, very sorry to hear about your parents blaming themselves, that seems to be a pretty common thing. It is very sad because research does show it is in the genes. In looking at your family history do you see any other members who might be carrying the gene?

It is great that you escaped the truly bad part and the drugs. Processing all of this is seriously tough business. Along with the meditation have you tried mindfulness or being in the present moment techniques? I know for myself just for life in general it can be the line between letting things rip the roof of my head off and staying centered.

I can understand your not wanting to process everything, sometimes it is best to focus on areas that are causing the most concern. When I was in therapy, it was years ago and at the time there was a lot of focus on blaming the parents for everything. At some point, I decided that wasn't heading me in any direction that I could work with so I tried to look forward. A rear-view mirror is great; however, it is best to not be so focused on it; we don't see anything in front of us.

Di
Posted by: sumptuousorangeant

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 04/27/14 03:20 PM

Yes, I still do practice mindfulness and try to stay in the present. I just know that somehow, this experience has made my relationship with others difficult and complicated, so that's what I want to understand. I don't dwell on the past in any morbid sense. I think it just pops up.

I don't know if it is indeed genetic, but I do not at all blame myself for the destructive phenomenon of my brother. I hate his guts and wish him the worst possible for an organism, human or otherwise.
Posted by: Dianne E.

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 04/28/14 03:31 PM

Hi, have you read any books by Cheri Huber? You can find many of her books here at biblio.com discounted.

Books by Cheri Huber at biblio.com

Cheri's website

Posted by: Draculas Daughter

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 10/24/17 02:50 AM

Hi and Thank you for this forum. I'm new here and are happy to see that there's others who have a psychopath as a parent. My father was a full blown psychopath and what he had put me through in my life is so crazy that most people don't believe it. I have a question to all grown up children of psychopaths: What is the main thing you are struggling with in your adult life? What parts inside of you has been "broken" from your psychopath parent?
Posted by: RedWolfe

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 10/24/17 12:37 PM

Originally Posted By: Draculas Daughter
What is the main thing you are struggling with in your adult life? What parts inside of you has been "broken" from your psychopath parent?

LOL! The only thing that my dad broke permanently was my ability to act like a normal human being.
-- No big deal, right?
Posted by: Draculas Daughter

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 10/25/17 03:06 AM


[/quote] The only thing that my dad broke permanently was my ability to act like a normal human being. [/quote]

I've read somewhere that grown up children of psychopaths are looking for a recipe to how to act and react in life, asking themselves is this normal? Do other people do/feel/think like that? I often ask myself these questions, and from what I understand from your answer you do too. Is that what you meant?
Where do you feel you do not act normal? Sorry for asking all these questions, but I don't know anyone else who have had a psychopath parent. Only people with a husband or wife who's a psychopath, but the person themselves have had a normal childhood.
Posted by: RedWolfe

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 10/25/17 03:38 AM

Originally Posted By: Draculas Daughter

Originally Posted By: RedWolfe
The only thing that my dad broke permanently was my ability to act like a normal human being.

I've read somewhere that grown up children of psychopaths are looking for a recipe to how to act and react in life, asking themselves is this normal? Do other people do/feel/think like that? I often ask myself these questions, and from what I understand from your answer you do too. Is that what you meant?

I didn't have to ask if I was acting normal or not, I Knew damned well I wasn't. It was painfully obvious from the reactions of everyone around me that I was Very different; cold, hard, logical, and utterly without feelings. Whole conversations would fly over my head because I simply could not comprehend the emotional aspect of what was being said.

Originally Posted By: Draculas Daughter
Where do you feel you do not act normal?

That was then. Now-a-days I am a whole and fully connected person -- until I get angry. The instant I become angry all other emotions shut down and I once again become that cold monster I was trained to be. The difference now though, is that I can come back from that.
Posted by: Draculas Daughter

Re: Question for children of pp: what helped you? - 10/25/17 07:37 AM

Thank you very much for your answers. I quess we just become what we're raised to be, until we wake up somewhere in life and understand that it's wrong. I was very angry when I was a teenager, and I did everything I could to shut down my feelings at that age because I saw feelings as difficult and as a weakness. I didn't manage to cut off my feelings by will (there's too much of them), so I tried alcohol and smoking pot to shut down - but that didn't work either, so that stopped when I was 18 years old. Then I found the love of my life (I thought), married and started a life with him. And I became what my father raised me to be - a slave. My father always told me from I was born that women didn't have a brain, so they can't learn anything. Women are only born to serve the man, that's it. So that's what I became, until I was 40 years old, then I broke free from the slavery.
I have an okay life now, but what is permanently broken is my feeling of being worthless, I know it's not true in my head, but my heart always tell me that I'm not worth a damned [censored] (sorry for my use of words).
The other thing is - Dianne always ends her podcasts with "stop painting those red flags white" - it's true for most people, except for children of psychopaths, they are raised to see all red flags as white, so red flags doesn't really exist for them, it's just so normal to be treated extremely bad that we don't react to it - or I don't react to them. That's my struggle.