>>Anyone else would scold me for even having a second thought. The thing is. . .I don't WANT to think about him. He is an INTRUDER. . .

I can see where the NO CONTACT thing is VITAL! This reminds me of a crack addict that was clean for a week and then has a "slip". It sets you (me) back to day one again. It was like I was "clean" until Friday and now I'm starting over. . .two days into recovery. :-) <<

Hi Finished,
Just saw you were online, and wanted to say hi. I truly understand the addiction. My counselor says I'm addicted. I have many slips. He is an intruder into my mind also.

Every word, every action, every look, is a part of his game.

The P. called me friday, confused about why I don't call him as much anymore. Just bizarre. I have told him so many times, that I just can't play anymore. Sometimes, I think he has P. blackouts. Or its just part of the making me feel like Im nuts. Oh well, the last three years have made me a little nuts. But Im learning to find some humor in it, to survive.

betterway

Sounds like you and I have alot in common.

Betterway

" I often think it would do me well to move away from here. . .I feel the pull. . .especially this weekend.

Is this typical? I find it scary sorta. . .like he is using his mind to pull me back. Is this anything you or any others have experienced?

I'm a little unnerved by this"


I think it is really typical, from my own experience and many of my friends who have been in abusive relationships. The P seems to know, exactly how to manipulate our minds. They will do anything to have us keep them in our thoughts, good or bad, as long as we are thinking about them. They will go for any reaction from us as long as they can get our attention. He knew driving by you, would have you thinking about him, thats why he called later to re-enforce it.

Just thought of a couple of techniques he used on me:

The P, one time when he was over visiting us at home, took my little tiny dog( 5 pounds) and tossed him on his black labs back. His dog snapped at my dog. I immediately said, "stop it, what are you doing". I was frightened his dog would bit my dog in half. He told me he had trained his dog to accept a budgie to sit on his dogs head, by using the exact same procedure. He said, after a while the dog gets use to it. and then starts liking it.


He told me his dog is comforted by leaving a shirt or item of clothing of his in the dogs bed, when he leaves the dog on its own. He used this same procedure on me. He would leave his laundry at my home, for days, and insist that I not bring it to him at the store, but to leave it there and he would pick it up. Everytime I saw that basket of his laundry, I thought about him.


This is basically a couple of the exact same procedures P's use. He was training me just like his dog. He knew exactly what he was doing.



" Then. . .one day. . .he was there again. I understand the trauma bond thing betrayed. I think that is something I am going to need professional help with. He drove by me on Friday afternoon. I was talking to my daughter on the phone and when I recongnized his vehicle. . .I don't remember another thing that we talked about. I just stared at his car, watched him turn the corner, I didn't even remember where I was going. This is not good. . .then he called and left a message in my voice mail. "


Sounds like you were going into a trance state. Pretty normal, too, after encounters with a P. If you have anymore encounters with him, just to ground yourself, take deep, slow breaths. It really helps.



" I can see where the NO CONTACT thing is VITAL! This reminds me of a crack addict that was clean for a week and then has a "slip". It sets you (me) back to day one again. It was like I was "clean" until Friday and now I'm starting over. . .two days into recovery. :-) "


I am sorry he did this to you. Are you feeling better today?
It's amazing how fast they can set us back, and they do seem to know it. You know how you can FEEL or sense how someone is staring at you from across a room. I wonder if they use that same type of energy?

>Every word, every action, every look, is a part of his game.<

Thank you Betterway. . .I need to make this information a part of my awareness. I don't think I've done that to date. I know I've read that they want attention, good or bad, but didn't see how that applied to me. I'm slowly "getting" it. Figuring out all these "mind games" is exhausting. BUT better than IGNORANCE.

>Sometimes, I think he has P. blackouts.<

LOL. . .that's a good one! Personally. . .I don't think they even process "NO". . .it just means "try another approach".

>Oh well, the last three years have made me a little nuts.<

Ditto there. . .I haven't found the humor yet though. . .I'm angry that I have wasted so many good years trying to figue this out and sad because I was reasonalbly happy before this P. P#1 was an overt P. All his stuff was right "out there". I never wondered what was going on in his mind, he regularly let me know. I knew he was nuts. P#2 however, was a covert P. Sneaky, sly, cunning, baffling, mysterious, dark, brooding yet charming, helpful, kind (when necessary) and polite. I NEVER knew what was going on in his mind. Now I know why.

Thank you again for your post. . .it all helps!

Finished

Hi Everyone,

All your posts have brought up so much for me.

I was in a trance state for months after I left. It was a bizarre feeling that I would not want to experience again. I was brainwashed, slowly, subtly, and turned inside out. The aftermath was PTSD and brain fog. Much of that has improved. The remaining fog I blame on menopause.

NO CONTACT is imperative I believe. I know the pain of leaving. Thank God for this forum. Although I was not posting yet, reading helped me during that time of relentless despair and longing.

I thought about leaving my community too since my P resides within 20 miles of me. The more I became a survivor, and empowered by my anger, the less I wanted to leave. I am less fearful now, but vigilant.

Many Psychopaths that are also criminals escape prosecution. Many are able to convince others that the problem is us, that we are the ones who are crazy. My Psyhopath also meets the criteria for antisocial personality disorder. The police in his community want him for crimes that know he did, but do not have enough evidence to arrest. They told me that he is a con man, slippery, careful and highly intelligent. He knows how to cover his tracks and not get caught.

It took me a long time before "The Pull" subsided. It has been over 2 years for me. I still get that feeling from time to time. It does not last long. I am grateful to be back in the real world, and not under the spell of the Psychopath.

Hang in there my friends. It gets better.

Neverthesame

>He told me he had trained his dog to accept a budgie to sit on his dogs head, by using the exact same procedure. He said, after a while the dog gets use to it. and then starts liking it.<

>He told me his dog is comforted by leaving a shirt or item of clothing of his in the dogs bed, when he leaves the dog on its own. He used this same procedure on me.<

>This is basically a couple of the exact same procedures P's use. He was training me just like his dog. He knew exactly what he was doing.<

Now if that isn't enough to piss you off nothing will! Using dog techniques!!! (maybe we should get the water bottle and squirt it on the back of their neck when they start their stuff. . . just kidding. . .attempting to inject some wry humor here).

And saying the dog (us) learns to like it!!! Pretty appalling. . .I think this will help me if I really take that philosophy to heart!

>If you have anymore encounters with him, just to ground yourself, take deep, slow breaths. It really helps.<

I think I see I have moved into another phase of disconnecting with P. This is like learning a new skill. I see where I will have to break old habits and ways of thinking and reacting. Reading, educating myself and posting keeps me grounded in the reality of the personality disorder that I'm dealing with. The second part is this new part of remembering to breathe, and remind myself, it's all part of their game. Whew. . . .so glad you are all here for me. It helps so much to know I am not alone. . .

>You know how you can FEEL or sense how someone is staring at you from across a room. I wonder if they use that same type of energy? <

You know. . .I'm almost for certain sure of it! Just the diabolical nature of this personality indicates it. Especially the intensity part of their personality. . .

NO CONTACT has to be the only way to go. Once they have that hold. . .the only way to break it HAS to be DISTANCE. . . AND MORE IS BETTER IN THIS CASE.

I'm better. . .:-) a little . . .baby steps, baby steps. . . thanks so much!

Blessings. . .
finished

Copyright issues, sorry.

" The P. called me friday, confused about why I don't call him as much anymore. Just bizarre. I have told him so many times, that I just can't play anymore"



Hi Betterway,

Everytime you tell him that you just can't play anymore, you are playing. He has contact with you, which he wants, plus he gets you to explain and explain and explain, a favorite abusive technique of abusers. Think about how much energy and time you expend everytime you have to explain. He gets all that contact with you. He gets you thinking about him, trying to figure out a way, if you can just explain it properly, to get him to understand. Mind games.

These people are so much alike, it makes me sick.


There is a betterway, Betterway. No contact.

Betrayed.

I think my most "favorite" technique by an abuser, is the one where they say, " Are you okay?" They cock their head to the side, and with deep concern ask that question. It is always said, when you are doing just fine and feeling really good. You sit and think, "Why would they say that, do I not look okay? It causes a deep sickening feeling in your stomach. Suddenly, whatever good feelings you were having at the time, disappear. It is sooo subtle. It's brilliant. Verbal violence. They might as well of punched me in the stomach. I have had that one pulled on me more times than I can count, over my lifetime. Thank you Patricia Evans. I had been looking for the answer for that one for years.

Betrayed.

finished,
I stood up to the P. bully on a business issue today. Tried to be polite, but also firm with my answer. Scares me. I have this fear he will never speak to me again. Then I think what a blessing that would be. I am very wishy washy. Feelings of being destroyed if he never speaks to me again. Then feelings of knowing when he does, his games destroy my spirit. Wow! This website is such an eye opener. I like what you and betrayed were talking about "the trained dog". I am right where the P. wants me to be. But I also know he senses me getting better, and would love to pull me back in. He has new targets at the office for his charm, that he does on a personal and a business level to get what he wants. Hurts me so much to see him build these knew relationships that are so dellusional. One of the targets is so much like I use to be very naive, quiet, does her job, a good person. She is just eating it up, and who wouldn't. I would love to warn her, but she is caught up in the charm. Then the other target is very evil, and is probably a P. also. They deserve each other. This is one reason I do work from home, so I don't have to see the game being played out anymore. Someone on this website said that the "P. will pick new targets to get even with the old." Wow does he know how to get even. Understand what you said about addiction. He is one bad drug, I am trying to let go of. This P. has me so paranoid that I worry about writing on here, that he may somehow be reading what I write, and use it against me.
bye for now
Betterway

Hi Betterway,

Every time you contact him, you play his game.

It is a weird perverted deadly game Betterway.

Each day you stay is a step closer to losing yourself, and the harder it is to recover. I say this because of my own personal experience. I do not think I have another recovery in me.

I say this knowing the horrible bereft feelings, the twisting gnawing pain of a breaking heart, and the horror of being incredibly alone in the aftermath.

This is a difficult recovery. To those still on the fence...I say this with my whole heart......flee from the Psychopath... run away and do not look back....and let us help you. You are not alone.

Neverthesame