hi, everyone, Thanks for all the replies! Sorry I haven't responded sooner. I've been down with some nasty migraines for a while. One of the things about dealing with these people and even reliving these memories is that it takes a toll on your health. Well, at least it has with me. It must be all the stress of it.

One of the reasons I was searching for information on psychopaths (and found this place as a result) is that I've found out that my mother and cousin have become very close lately, and this was intentionally hidden from me. It was a very disturbing thing to find out. I haven't seen my cousin in ten years or so, though my husband (who was the friend of Anna's I became involved with all those years ago) and I still are contacted by old friends of hers. One peron called and asked if I remebered him. I said "you were a friend of my cousin's" and he said "yes - I still have the scars." It's as if the memories of the hurt are still fresh for all of us - even if she's forgotten all about it. Well, after finding out some unsettling information about my mother's and Anna's activities- including lies and possible theft, we are both very disturbed that she's working her way close again. There is a family occasion that we'll both be attending this summer - and I'm already feeling sick about it.



Dianne E. I can understand this. Once you have this experience, it gives you an understanding that you can use to help others. A person who has no knowledge of what a Psychopath can do might say "oh, it's only your imagination," or "you're just paranoid - why would anyone do things like that?" but we know they do, we know it's absolutely possible! We can empathize. And yes, i would also rather have too much empathy than not enough.



I also identify with this. They aren't all hiding under rocks, many are among us passing for ordinary citizens until the damage they cause becaomes evident. We had what was very likely another Psychopath at the workplace a few years ago. I began to worry very soon after she arrived, as her behavior was very destructive and coonfusing (in a mere few months she managed to do a huge amount of damage to the business) and she seemed to delight in tearing people down emotionally. The workers began to suffer, but most blamed themselves thinking that their work wasn't good enough or that they were not good enough as people . I privately mentioned to some of them that there was something off in the woman's behavior, that she was setting people against each other and delighting in creating confusion. They didn't believe it was something wrong with her and not them until one day the woman put a worker in serious physical danger. There was a meeting where other staff members tried to reason with her that she was endangering the workers life pointlessly. She wouldn't budge from her plan, until one of the other staff members had that "lightbulb moment" and realized what he was dealing with. He said "if the worker dies during this assignment, a lot of expensive equipment will be lost." That got through to her - she didn't want to have to pay to replace the equipment. The worker's life meant nothing! That was when they realized that the woman was not just a demanding boss - there was something wrong with her. But that's what it took to have them understand that these people don't an obvious sign that marks them as a Psychopath. They can be anyone - even a boss.


Skybluepaint- Your story does have some similarities with my cousin. Do you know anything about her mental health history? Had she ever seen a counselor of any type? I wonder because as much as my cousin's life seemed to be in a troubled uproar, she would never consider for a moment that there was anything wrong with her or the way she was living her life, regardless of what sort of blow-up happened. She was utterly contemptuous of the thought that she did something wrong or that she would have to take some responsibility. Someone once suggested she should see a counselor and she never spoke to them again.
I wonder if that's typical for Psychopaths?

Hi everyone,

It is such a relief to come here and find people who I know will understand me when I make this confession:

The psychopath/naricssist that I had my run-in with was a woman who has been married for 23 years and has two lovely, grown-up daughters. I don't believe for one minute that she is cruel to her children - though she might be, covertly, but then she'll be doting and wonderful again - and she also has lots of friends. All of this belies the evidence that psychopaths and narcissists can't make good families.

This fact about her life drives me insane. I keep asking myself, 'Does her husband really buy her [censored]? Does he really have no idea of truth about the manipulative, cruel, sadistic, pathological liar he has been with for so long?

I am still reeling from my experience, and I am tormenting myself with the need for her mask to crack and expose what she is to everyone in the world.

Do they, as time passes, find it harder to hold that mask in place, or can they charm their way through life until they die?

Hi Boglin. I hope against hope that the Psychopath in your life is not cruel to her children. It can be so hard to tell the reality from the false face they show the world. IMO, a clever Psychopath who needs their family to make them look good will present a very polished family image to the world. What really happens behind the scenes sometimes only time will tell, unfortunately.

I've had concerns for my cousin's children now that she has them. I've only met them twice over the years (they are still quite young) She and her family presented a good "clean" image, but I did know that she seemed to have little attachment to them in the first 2 years of their lives. She left them with her parents and moved several hours away. After a while, the children seemed not to know her. I heard about this because Anna's mother made a production of shaming her daughter (for once!) by saying she would no longer enable Anna's irresponsibility towards her children while she and her husband lived a posh life elsewhere. Since then, she's made an image of a perfect family. She even has a respectable job where she teaches other children (and gets many accolades from family members for it.) I knew she hadn't changed the last time I saw her though. She was watching her kids (who are extremely well behaved) playing on a rug - she was staring at them with cold, hard rage. I asked if everything was all right. She said no, because of them (nodding toward the children) "it's always because of them ." The coldness in her voice was disturbing.

The good clean image continues though. I looked up her up on Facebook and there are loads of photos showing the perfect mother and family. I've heard rumors that she is back to her old tricks, though - so I won't believe that mask ever again.

I understand the frustration, Boglin - you want people to know what they are. But it might just be shouting into a void. Other people may only believe when it's too late and they've already been victimized by the Psychopath. I think the mask can and does slip, if the Psychopath gets too many people wise to their ways and can't talk or charm their way out of it. In my cousins case, when this happened, she would just move out of town and start over somewhere else. Sometimes the mask slips, everyone sees it but maybe they don't believe it could be true or worse they don't care, if the charm is strong enough. There is also the intimidation factor. People might be too afraid to tell what they know. Or maybe they don't want to gossip, or other reasons. So the clever, image-conscious Psychopath gets away with out beiing confronted.

I think they can get better and more crafty with age.

It is hard to tell the outside picture. My family presented an excellent picture in public. No one had to beat me or threaten me it was just how things were, the chaos was behind closed doors.

I think Psychopaths can present the very image of a perfect family but when you take a lack of conscience into the equation, performace and outside image can trump people thinking something could be wrong. That is why the socialized ones are so tricky. There has never been a member here who said marriage with a Psychopath was anything but a horror show.

Di