#12924 - 03/24/12 05:32 AM
Re: The intuitive anxiety
[Re: FreeBird]
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member
Registered: 02/13/12
Posts: 61
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Totally true... I want that fantasy back still... But I know what reality is.
Have spent most of the day with huge guilt as he has sms-ed me over and over. My replies have been sparse, and to the point but polite. As usual his messages are all about him and what he needs my help with now. No " how are you", no " i'm sorry", no "i miss you". Yet i still feel guilty for not helping out. I would be back in hell if i helped.
The relationship is over but i'm not over the relationship.
Hugs to u all.
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#12928 - 03/24/12 03:07 PM
Re: The intuitive anxiety
[Re: FreeBird]
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member
Registered: 03/21/12
Posts: 78
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I unexpectedly ran into my Psychopath once, at a restaurant where we would both regularly go separately (in fact where we originally met), but I never knew if he would be there or not.
I vividly remember that on this occasion when I was talking to him I just couldn't stop shaking, my whole body, totally uncontrollably, just like bad shivering, but I wasn't cold.
He said "You're not scared of me, stop shaking" as if I had any control of it. I could never quite figure out what it was about, other than my body wanting to stay next to the man I was besotted with, while also knowing I should run, as fast as possible. I wasn't physically scared of him at that time, although I certainly knew by then that he could really hurt me emotionally.
As someone else has posted about their Psychopath, he would also pressure for unprotected sex, saying condoms were too uncomfortable. So you could be anxious about refusing him, and him going elsewhere, blanking you or disappearing, or you could feel anxious about the risk of doing what he was pushing for, great choice!
I think maybe it's something they do for power and their desire for risk taking?
However much I rationalised that what I loved was the wonderful fantasy , not the man, it was so so difficult to give up on the dream, especially as he would keep telling me we would be fine if only I would do a) or give him b).
Of course whenever I did the goalposts just moved but it kept me thinking I could make it right and get that wonderful, beautiful, fantasy back.
Edited by Smokey (03/24/12 03:13 PM)
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#12929 - 03/24/12 03:46 PM
Re: The intuitive anxiety
[Re: Smokey]
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member
Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
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yeah!
if only, if only, if only....
and the shaking- I had the same thing! When I met my Psychopath once and talked to him my whole body felt like it was dead, I felt like I disconnected from it! I have never felt that way. It wasn't that I was scared, I don't know what it was exactly. I was trying so hard to control it, but I couldn't. And it was a little bit like those feelings before - when I knew I should run away, but... (when we argued I would instantly have the need to keep him away, once he said something odd and weird, it was a very bizarre feeling).
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#12931 - 03/24/12 10:04 PM
Re: The intuitive anxiety
[Re: coping]
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member
Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 84
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Me: I can't leave everything and move away with you, I have family here, work.. More importantly my family don't know of us, I couldn't explain this or do this to them
Him: I see! I'm willing to give up everything for you and this is how you repay me.. Whew, that gave me the cold chills. They're always the victim, aren't they. Creeps.
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#12933 - 03/25/12 07:50 AM
Re: The intuitive anxiety
[Re: blueheron]
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member
Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 34
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Yep! Although at the time, you feel nervous and anxious because you've upset them. I used to think at the time that he's just over sensitive but no, you're spot on..creeps!
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#12934 - 03/25/12 09:56 AM
Re: The intuitive anxiety
[Re: coping]
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member
Registered: 09/19/11
Posts: 58
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Hmz. Yes, my ex actually got my pregnant - on purpose.
Something else I wondered..related to intuitive anxiety...
I noticed that my intuition or subconscious gave me warnings all the time. Even before I rationally knew. F.e. when I was pregnant I had quite disturbing nightmares in which my ex would suddenly turn into a devil, or he would chase me and I would run away from him, having nowhere to hide. I never remembered my dreams so clearly before that period, it was very disturbing.
Or I would be fascinated by a poem or book related to this, and have this cold feeling... not knowing where it came from.
Does anyone else recognize that?
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#12935 - 03/25/12 10:21 AM
Re: The intuitive anxiety
[Re: marinde]
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member
Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 34
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Not directly but my ex wanted to get me pregnant, despite it being an unreasonable request, I hadn't known him long as he was here one minute and gone the next.. Each conversation about sex resulted in arguments, increasing my anxiety Because he didnt want to use condoms. And telling me that get trusts me enough to do it without, so what's my problem :-0..
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#12936 - 03/25/12 02:33 PM
Re: The intuitive anxiety
[Re: marinde]
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member
Registered: 08/24/11
Posts: 230
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Yes! The nightmares!
Believe it or not, I ALWAYS had dreams about spiders when he had just lied to me (I didn't know then, I'd find out the next day). Over time I realized I could sense that he'd been lying, and I ALWAYS, ALWAYS had this dream with spiders. I'd never had them before and never after.
Also, sometimes I just couldn't sleep - it was the anxiety - and it always turned out to be right - he would've always done something or/and lied.
I can also remember one time when I had the worst nightmare with him - I cannot give you the details, but lets just say there's a certain thing I'm really frightened about, and before that dream we'd be near it, and I would tell him how scared I am, he would joke about it, and then I had this dream where I was trapped in this place and he would come over... to look and feast at my panic... It was a surreal dream, but it sure showed his true face...
EDIT: Just looked it up in the dream dict., just out of curiosity:
" On a negative note, spiders may indicate a feeling of being entangled or trapped in a sticky or clingy relationship. It represents some ensnaring and controlling force. You feel that someone or some situation is sucking the life right out of you".
Oh my god...
Edited by NewBird (03/25/12 02:43 PM)
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#14491 - 03/21/13 05:39 AM
Re: The intuitive anxiety
[Re: skybluepaint]
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member
Registered: 03/16/13
Posts: 48
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Newbird,
Great post and good responses! I can relate to a lot here. I guess it is also kind of what I meant in my speechless post, that I was frozen in fear, never knew quite how to act or react. Also, there was always that feeling I might do something wrong. I actually saw the tools of the psychopath in the beginning quite clearly. I just wish I had known what they were.
1. Idealize, Devalue, Discard. I witnessed Psychopath do this to someone else. It is how I was lured in to "help" Psychopath escape another person. I saw her go from idealizing someone to draggin their name through the mud very quickly. It seemed very odd.
2. The counselor routine. I suspected she'd done this before me, but I didn't realize until I saw her do it again after me.
3. Being drawn to immoral situations. The weirder the better. Talking about odd sex scenarios that clearly enticed the Psychopath. Yet acting angelic, naive, like the good, upright citizen and saying all the right things.
4. CHAOS. There would be random chaotic situations. By God, if you weren't there to play counselor, you'd regret it.
5. Pity maintenance. They periodically replay their pity story to make sure you still feel sorry for them.
6. Rehashing your pains. Psychopath would bring up painful situations in my life just to reopen old wounds, keep me down.
7. Being told you are more than enough,then told aren't. Feeling constantly on alert and threatened by a potential other.
8. Epileptic fit? I actually read this somewhere that their energy can resemble an epileptic fit.When they first are drawing you in, sucking out your spirit, maybe they literally convulse with the delight of luring in the next victim. Perhaps that is exaggerated, over the top, but it seemed like that. I witnessed it.I felt it. It scared me! Think about it... if some leech were on you sucking out your lifeblood, yet you didn't actually see the leech, wouldn't you get creeped out and sense that something was seriously wrong, that something was being taken from you without your knowledge.
THAT leads to anxiety! This is a great summary of all the factors that promote a state of craziness and very fast!
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#14971 - 04/28/13 11:45 AM
Re: The intuitive anxiety
[Re: FreeBird]
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member
Registered: 04/25/13
Posts: 329
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I did feel anxiety from the start but I wouldn't know how much of it was due to the fact that I was attracted to him and unsure about his feelings like it is normal when you're falling in love. I only know that this feeling never went away and it escalated to panic attacks. Even in the stage when everything seemed to be fine (like when we went out together and had a nice evening) the moment I was starting to relax, he had to say something to take me out of good mood. Like he was spotting these moments of joy, waited until I was almost there and then brought me down. And then often it was so hurtful I'd start crying and then of course he would make a sad face and start comforting me. When I look back it was never a lot, sometimes just one or two sentences but going exactly to the centre of my insecurity and it happened almost every time (I can only remember one day when he didn't do it and that was probably a single best day in this whole time). So I'm not sure if it was intuition - it feels rather that he was purposefully keeping up and reinforcing this initial anxiety I had to have control over me and I guess for fun.
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