Years ago my brother married a woman who our family liked immediately. Within a short time though, a few things started happening that made us wonder about her, such as a fire in their kitchen through which she was able to claim enough insurance to buy a very expensive lounge suite etc. and the show off about to us all. Not long afterwards my father found out my brother had been forging cheques in my Dads name. When questioned my brother said he had been forced to by his wife. She was spending too much and he couldn't pay for it. my brother had awlways been a soft touch. As we are a very honest family this caused my father great grief. he had a heart attack and died a week later.

My sister inlaw had also at that time been spreading terrible lies about my parents. During our grieving period she was actively telling lies to my mothers friends about my mother, who is a very gentle sweet woman. Over the years my sister inlaw managed to put a wedge between my brother and all his siblings. Iam keeping this post brief but there were numerous times when this sister inlaw caused us all great pain through her various lies.
My brother slowly became a very ill person, he had heart problems which were heightened by the kind of food he and his wife ate.His wife continued to spend too much. My brother had inherited my fathers farm and he was forced to sell some of the land. Eventually he was on dialysis because of kidney failure.

He turned 50 last November. As his wife was not going to throw him a party we thought we would surprise him and visit for lunch, taking our lunch with us. My brother was really happy to see us all. We sat down to eat lunch. All of a sudden my brother left the table as his wife had called him. When he came back he told us all that our sister inlaw was angry with us for not telling her about the surprise visit. he said we shouldl leave. He was angry with us, not her so some of us got up to leave. Two of my sisters went to talk to the sister in law. Then she started yelling at them and stormed out of the house swearing. Some of us quickly left. Two sisters stayed behind to calm my brother down. They said that the sister in law eventually came back and not realising they were still there came back, laughing as if nothing had happened.

Four days later, my brother died. Only once did I see my sister in law shed a tear and that was when her boss came to show his respect. She gave him a very long, smoochy hug. After the funeral my mother very kindly has let sist inlaw stay at her house. But when we go and visit mum sister inlaw gets very agitated and there is some sort of reaction every time. For example she has told us not to talk to her children ever. Last week after I had spent a lovely day with my mother, I got home to hear the phone ringing. When I picked it up it was my sister in law ringing to inform me that it was us siblings who had caused my brother's death. I still haven't finished grieving for my brother and am unable to deal with such whacko behaviour. My mother is unable to tell her to leave her house as she is concerned about my brother's children.

Oh Vusly,
I am so sorry to hear your story about the untimely death of your brother and the unhealthy ways of your sister in law. Please accept my sincere sympathy at your loss.

Yes, she sounds like a true Psychopath. How do you protect yourself and your mother, seem like key questions. Kind of surprised that your mother let SIL stay at her house. Is there a reason? Does she not have her own home?

I dont know if you will get any insight reading my post on Psychopath brother, but maybe it will help.

If you are an open and honest person it is so difficult to be around the disordered.

Thinking of you and sending a big hug.
Liz

Hi Vusly, welcome to our community. What a horrible ordeal.

Clearly I am not a Dr. but the first thing that comes to my mind is poison. Did your brother have a life insurance policy?

There is a specific method that I won't list here but have seen several stories about Psychopaths who killed and that was their method. The test for this type of poison just got discovered a few years back and unless it is in question, they normally don't test for it.

I would be very worried about her living with your mother. Please know I am not trying to be an alarmist but that was my first thought when reading your story.

Di

My brother and sis in law had moved in with my mum and dad before they had kids as my brother realised he wasn't coping with her alone. Before he died my dad changed his will. As he was originally from India my Dad should have followed Indian tradition and left everything to his son. But as he didn't want my sis in law to get her hands on anything he left everything in a trust to my brother's descendents. The rest of us are girls, so we didn't get anything. We didn't contest the will as we were grief stricken and also didn't want to cause friction with my brother. My dad was not to know that my brother's kids would be girls anyway. Both of these girls get everything. This is also a bitter pill to swallow as us girls had worked so hard on the farm as kids.

I didn't like to think she actually did anything like poison my brother but other strange things have occurred previously. For example, while my brother was still around my mother and him had a home invasion the weekend my sister in law and her daughters went skiing for the weekend.

I really want to get her out of mum's house but my sisters all think we should wait until my mother says she is ready. I am worried this will be too late.

Have even thought about hiring a private eye to prove that sis in law is up to no good. She is very clever and many people (until they clash with her) think she's wonderful.

Yes it was your story that prompted me to write as well. Its very helpful thanks.

Just wondering if the poison you mention affects the heart. My brother kept getting a pain in his chest and ended up in hospital from it acouple of times but the doctor said he was not having a heart attack.

Hi, poison can have a serious effect on the organs. The cases I have read about in the past the poison is given over a period of time, that throws things off because it appears for awhile that the person is suffering from things that don't make people as suspicious when they die. It is a ghastly way to kill someone and clearly only a Psychopath could do such an act and watch the other person be in such agony.

One of Ann Rule's books Bitter Harvest is a harrowing story about a highly intelligent woman who was an MD married to a MD. She poisoned him, he lived but is still in some pretty serious shape, luckily he got away before she did him in. She was convicted because when he refused to return to her she set the house on fire with the children inside.

The reason poison came to mind was because of your brothers kidney failure. Clearly the heart would also be compromised. Please know that I am not trying to scare anyone but when you dealing with a sophisticated Psychopath it is hard to tell the lengths they will go to for revenge and money.

It would take a pretty cold and calculating person to poison another because done over time leads to some pretty serious medical issues.

At what age will his children inherit the estate? Who is the executor? Was your brother cremated or buried?

Di

I appreciate your reply.

My brother's kids get their inheritance when they turn 21 which, for the older one will be in 4 years.

Over the years my brother had problems with all of his major organs.

I wouldn't like to think poison was involved but it's hard to know what goes on in sis in law's head. I don't think she would be intelligent enough to know which poison to use.

Hi vsula, I am sorry your brother had so many health problems.

Personally I wouldn't underestimate your sil, anyone can read a good true crime book and figure out poisons etc.

I lost most of what we should have inherited so I can understand how hard it can be, most of my mothers money went to her husbands drug addict daughter.

I am not sure if I asked but did your brother have a life insurance policy?

Did your brother have health issues before he got married?

Di

Hi Diane,
actually my brother didn't have health probs before he got married. But all of the family have inherited high blood pressure and related probs. Even tho we are not overweight etc. So we've always assumed all his health issues stemmed from this. However he had far worse health than the rest of us siblings.

I honestly don't know if he had life insurance or not. Sil has ended up with shares in the co. my dad set up tho ans she continues to spend without restraint.

I presume the executor of the will is the lawyer my dad had used. I'm not really sure.

I really just want to get Sil out of my mum's house. I feel that mum is acting like an abuse victim and although she hates Sil she is too scared to tell her to leave. She also thinks she needs to look after her granddaughters. I somehow have to convince mum that it will be ok if she asks Sil to leave.

Is it too late to get a private eye involved ( to find out about poisoning etc)?
Any ideas?

Hi, it is never too late, make sure you get a qualified PI, look for a retired police officer. I would talk to the local police about your case and concerns, please know that it may take some work to get to the right policeman. We have a problem here with a drug house and I had to talk to several to get their attention.

It is never too late, I have read stories that when a body was exhumed it was in excellent condition. Some tests can trace elements of poison that stay in the system, the skin and the nails.

The cases I have read and seen all it takes is one good police man on your side to investigate. These victims were under the radar until the families got suspicious because others weren't suspicious because the health problems had gone on for quite awhile so when the person finally unfortunately died it just got chalked up to bad health.

If it were my brother I would dig for the truth. Even if you find out there was nothing there at least you can rest knowing you did all you could for both your brother and your family.

I would guess your mother is acting like a victim because she is actually a victim. Who knows what evil things maybe subtle your sil is subjecting her to.

If there is ever a way to access the house while your sil is out I would personally install smoke detectors that are cameras so you can log in via your computer and see what is really going on. Now you have to also protect your mother. If you are clever about it you could install them and tell your mother they are better to protect the house from fire. Maybe to not get your sil's attention have a professional install them. There is a link here to buy them they are around $50

Di

Thanks Diane. I am definitely going to get onto this. I'm so glad that someone is encouraging me to do something about the situation. I've been trying to convince my sisters that we need to. Will let you know how I get on.

Hi vusly, I am very glad that you are going to pursue this, you have to protect the memory of your brother and now your mother is in danger with her in the house.

If you have any questions about how to interview a good PI so you don't get ripped off, please ask and we can brainstorm some questions to ask to make sure you are in the right hands. I am sure they can get to the right information about any insurance money and since the inheritance will be given to her children soon if they aren't protected she will figure our a way to rob them.

If you can't convince your sisters is there a reason why you can't do this on your own? If they don't want to go along then I would drop the conversation with them so no one tips her off about what you are investigating.

Something is very fishy about this deal. Then her actions at the funeral only add to my list of things that are way off.

Di

I see this was posted long long ago, but my family and I have a very similar story with my brother and his psychopathic wife and we are in desperate need of help. He is 28 years old and is very ill and only getting worse. He has PTSD and was injured I battle, but he was not as bad physically a few years as he is now and ever since he met her. By the way, he does have life insurance and she runs all his finances, including every dollar in his pocket. My brother is under her complete control and will believe 100% what she says. Their stories sound out of this world. I am tempted to make him aware of this but I know it will only turn him against me. We need to find a way to open his eyes and start him on therapy as soon as possible before it is too late.

Hi ScaredS, welcome to our community.

Not sure what to say without more input from you when you are comfortable. Is he estranged from the family and what are some of the things that lead you to believe his wife is a psychopath?

Di

My story rings very similar to this story. My brother met a woman who is almost certainly a Psychopath. When they met, he was a healthy man, still holding some wounds from his divorce. He was financially comfortable and retired young.

In 2 days from today, he is set to go back to her care after nearly dying again. My brother developed a rare autoimmune disease. Last I saw him in March of this year he was nearly dead. He would probably have died within weeks without intervention. I sat for 9 hours to get him admitted to a University hospital. He has been in the hospital followed by nursing facility for 6-7 weeks.

My sisters are completely taken in by Hurricane (our nick name for her). On the other side is his sons, grandchildren, brother, his wife of 50 years and me, his youngest sister. He had set up a trust, will, powers of attorney before he met Hurricane and fell ill. She tried unsuccessfully to get those removed. His family still holds the financial reins. 3 years ago, She took him out of a nursing home when he was delusional and married him. He doesn't remember getting married. She was appointed medical power of attorney. She does not get him the care he needs. She is obsessed with control. The elite doctors at teaching hospitals who can treat him do not yield to her. She resists dealing with specialists. They live in a rural area. It is inconvenient for her to take him to see the doctors who are qualified to treat his disease. He sees quack doctors who prescribe Malox when he has serious digestive issues in addition to the autoimmune disease. After his first bout, a teaching hospital in NC with specialists in his disease had a series of follow ups and routine tests. None of these were done.

Of my siblings, I am the most educated. As financial planner, I see the financial red flags of elder financial abuse. I did a background check. She has been charged with forgery, elder abuse, threatening a motorist and various driving with out a license, insurance, tags... Most everyone related to her (ex-husband, brother, former boyfriend) have a rap sheet. I checked my own family and found nothing. The data seems reliable.

I hired lawyers. In North Carolina marriage holds lots of power. Crazy or not.

We got him away. He was getting healthier and had appointments with specialists. A divorce was pending, he just had to stay in his home state long enough. My sisters kidnapped him and sent him back to NC with Hurricane where he stayed for 18 months. A family friend was concerned for him and brought him to Florida, where we undertook getting him proper healthcare. Sending him back to her is a likely death sentence.

I am not one of the fiduciaries. I would take this on and get her out of his life. She threatens and intimidates his son, who has authority. It makes me sick to send him to what is probably his death. She threatened to burn down his house in NC, if he leaves her. He has diminished capacity. She gaslights him constantly.

No one else can stomach taking her on... He was declared incompetent. He cannot make his own decisions.

My sisters who drink her cool aide say she will take good care of him this time. Isn't insanity doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result?

I have lost my sisters who have their own problems. I believe my sister's ex husband was a Psychopath. He molested her daughter when she was a teen. In spite of their flaws, they are my older sisters. Now they are toxic. At least one of the sisters has stress related health issues from this experience. Spending time with a Psychopath will make you sick.

I have blocked Hurricane from calling me, her email address is coded as junk, and I haven't spoken to her or my sisters in about 2 years. Yet, they are still out there, harming my brother. I have little power to fix it. I have even distanced myself from my brother. He calls when he's well enough asking for me to pay for things for them. Though I love my brother, I don't get involved for my own sanity. I have teenage children. I need my time and attention for them.

He says he loves her. I think he is afraid to be alone. His family would support him with care and companionship. They too have teenage children and a business to run. He takes a lot of care. In NC, he sits in a chair covered in urine and feces. He develops severe bed sores.



Cinnamon

Hello Cinnamon,

It really is something that your own sisters are willing to send him back to her "care". It doesn't sound like his son is much better. Really in all these years, I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this one. Is his son the one who holds the power?

What can you tell me about his autoimmune disease? I am assuming he was healthy when he met her. I always somehow think poisoning when I hear these cases of the primary caretaker like his wife having control and the victim seems to recover when they aren't in control.

What I wonder about is if she thinks by staying married to him somehow she must have some plan to get her hands on his money. Or.. wondering out loud if she has taken out life insurance policies on him. There must be some end game she is up to. I am guessing it is probably a combination of insurance money or length of marriage to get access to the money. Jeez. This is awful.

In what context does she mention burning the house down? Is it in writing? I am not following this threat. Is there any way to get some sort of injunction to get some time on your side?

I am thinking that in a court case you might need an evaluation of her. I can certainly get you in touch with the best one in the field. Time is so short can the attorney put in an emergency stay on the basis of elder abuse?

Di

Hi, thanks for adding more details. It is very common for people involved with psychopaths to have their own serious health issues. It can certainly cloud their ability to think clearly. Psychopaths do look for a profile and your sister is sure the wrong person to be in the decision loop over another psychopath in the family.

I understand you have contacted an attorney there. What would be an outcome that would work for you? People as sad as it is will stay with the abuser. It is the abuser who seeks out people that they can manipulate.

What do you think is in it for her? If the money isn't something she can access then do you think there is life insurance or some other scam going on?

Are you in contact with his son who has the financial power?

I am in contact with his son and daughter in law. They are successor trustee, power of atty, hold title to the house, etc. I don't know what she is up to precisely.

She is in her 50's and he will be her second dead husband.

He has autoimmune encephalitis. A rare strain. Most people don't die of this disease if they get proper care. We managed to keep him in a nursing home for months for rehab. Then he was with his son last winter.

I know she tries to use him to get money from me and other family members. My sisters are not well off. As the most well to do, I am a frequent target.

Cinnamon

Hi Cinnamon, I hope his son will help you keep him from being returned to his "wife". I think in a lot of cases women get overlooked for evil behavior. She is quite young to have one dead husband in her past. I just keep thinking she must have some financial reason for wanting to keep him under her control.

As a wife does she have some sort of legal standing that could possibly override the existing estate - prenuptial arrangements? I would guess the lawyer you have in that state would be able to answer that. I have no idea how you figure out if there are life insurance policies but if the estate is beyond her grasp that is what I would be thinking about looking into. I wonder if there is a way to get in touch with her last husband's family? People who are evil do usually follow patterns of behavior.

Di

I feel for you and your brother, I also believe you are making good decisions. There really isn't much you can do in this situation, so to quote the serenity prayer "Help me to accept the things I cannot change." Staying out of it and cutting off contact keeps you sane and out of her reach. Still it must be horrible to watch your brother deteriorate at her hands. As Di mentioned, it seems the only hope here is his son. It may be wise to maintain contact with him to put bugs in his ear and show that you still care and want to keep informed about how he is doing.

Dadofrad

I just wanted to ask
Has anyone else ever watched a movie and seen themselves in the movie?
I am watching "Rosemarie's Baby" and it is uncanny how similar
my life is to hers.

For her she finally became aware of her situation after reading a book about witches.
For me I finally became aware after reading about the characteristics and traits of a Psychopath. and finding this forum.

Yes, as discussed in other threads, I identified a lot with the mother in "We need to talk about Kevin" This was the mother of a psychopath, and the movie chonicles the child's life and progression to being a killer. Lot's of similarities in our children, and after recently re-watching I saw the mother's PTSD more clearly and many similarities with me now. Do you have a child who you believe is a psychopath? Please tell us more.

Thanks,
DadofRad