Yes, I believe it is time to go back to the therapist. Part of me resents having to pay out more of my hard earned cash to deal with the psycho. But reality is, I need the support. My head is churning too much with fears of what will happen this summer as more family may be around.

Hi Liz, I think you will find it money well worth the investment, there is no price for your own sanity.

Now would be a great time to practice being in the present moment, I think a calm state will also be good for your mother.

I would also like to say that even though your one brother is close to you I would keep out of any conversations about what is going on.

We are here for you and sorry for the future dread about the summer, this moment is all we have.

Di

Dianne,

Thanks for being here for me. And everyone else too.



That is such a wonderful comment. Thanks for sharing and reminding me

I am working on it for sure. Have been getting away on Fridays and camping out. That really helps.

Did not call the therapist this week, but not giving up on the idea. Was much lawyer and estate communicating this week which kept me from a lot of things.

Unfortunately Mom has continued to be very down. She is again talking about throwing money at the brothers who arent speaking to her. She would also give equal shares to myself and other brother.

Even though I could use the money, it turns my stomach to think this it what it might take to get the two to turn around. How disgusting is that? You are going to treat your mother better because she is giving you money. What level of care does that show for your mother? None! Yuck!!

I dont think I could ever look them in the eye again after that. What flipping right do you have? Ugh!! It just makes me ill to even think about it.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I will return to working on the calm, cool, center.

Hi Liz, it is indeed beyond disgusting about how they are operating.



They will not stop at that, imo, giving them money will not make them any better, if they get some money now they will just want more. Sick. Nothing short of everything will stop them. I am sorry for the pain it must cause you to watch them beat up your mother when she should be enjoying her life. What a couple of scumbags. I don't think anything short of everything will make them happy.

There are gifting laws with the IRS, no idea what the amount is but it used to be 10K per parent per gift to avoid paying taxes.

I do hope all of this will convince her to give you total charge of the estate or trust attorneys.

Sadly giving them some money now won't make them into decent caring people.

Di

I couldnt agree more, Dianne. I think Mom just wants to stop the downward spiral she seems to be in. I dont think it will be enough either. At least not for psycho brother. He had total control and a finger on the purse strings for 30 years. He feels it is his due. Nothing short of a return to the reign of terror will satisfy him. AND he will probably still hold a grudge that he was snubbed in the beginning.

I know I would feel ever more disgusted if the two that arent talking to her suddenly made an about face due to money.

Apparently you can now gift 13,000 a year without tax consequences.

I still havent called the therapist so need to get on it. The next couple of weeks are particularly hectic but I could at least make an appt for down the road.

The attorney continues to try to get the financials from psycho. I also advised her to talk to Mom. The attorney has been pushing me to ask her what she wants to do with the businesses long term. I have, but getting nowhere. Thought it might be good to come straight from the attorney although Mom seems to resent any suggestions she makes. I think that is because she doesnt want to deal with them.

Hi Liz, no amount of money will turn them around, imo.

If you mom doesn't want to talk to the attorneys do you have her power of attorney signed so you can act in her behalf? That would be critical to have in the event something happens to her health and at least you would be able to act on her behalf. I would make sure and get this as soon as possible.

I would try to convince your mom that she needs to officially turn this all over to you or your hands will be tied to act. The way they are pushing her and the pain she is in hard telling what it might do to her health at her age.

I think this might be your opportunity to get in control of things. Nothing but chaos will rein if it is left open. They could gang together and get your mom declared incompetent if this huge barn door isn't closed.

Di

Thanks for the support Dianne. I have been unsuccessful so far in getting Mom to change the power of attorney or her will from the four of us as co-executors to age order, which would put me first. I dont want to continue to pound on her like the others do, so left it alone. It is frustrating and depressing for me, realizing how all this could go on and on to the end of my life.

When the opportunity is there, I will continue to bring it up though.

Middle brother is coming back from the west coast in July. Certainly psycho is waiting for that as he feels he has his support. So dreading what July may be like.

Going to call therapist. Had a busy week and just couldnt handle one more log, even if it was for my own good.

How is everything with you, Dianne? Is your world calming down? Are you feeling more peace?

Hi Liz, I took my first break and left town to visit a dear friend. Came home tired but had a fabulous time being with people who were so supportive. I haven't left this place in years and it was the break I needed. The anger over the will is at a low roar and am still working on that one.

Did you get a chance to set up an appointment with your therapist? It is important to make time for yourself and get prepared for July.

I hope you are making progress with your mother.

Di

Hi Dianne,
So glad you had time away with supportive friends. That can mean so much. Maybe I should try that.

Made the therapy appointment for next Tuesday. Apparently just in the nick. The only brother that is speaking to me went ballistic yesteray and said I coerced Mom into changing the trust to age order which puts me first. Although I did suggest this to her as well as changing her will, I did not coerce her to make this change which I had previously explained to him over and over again. This new thought on his part came after an hours long discussion with the brother in California who I used to be close to but has taken huge umbrage with me helping Mom with the estate settling.

The attorney brought us the document in question when we were at probate in March. Mom did not ask her to put the trustees in age order and either did I. She just had it that way. I asked Mom if that was what she wanted to do and she said yes and signed it.

Now she may change her mind and change it to co-trustees, which means the agony will never stop for me. I have had no luck getting her to change her will and power of attorney, which I have tried to do. I suggested she even appoint one brother or the attorney. Anything so it wasnt all four of us. Nothing will ever get settled that way. I dont want to spend the rest of my life on this c**Psychopath.

So I am very sad today. The one brother who I work with and his family which I adore, now thinks I lied about this piece of paperwork and have been keeping it from him. It is so untrue. I have tried to explain it to him, (as I understand it), numerous times.

Ugh!! Sometimes it stinks being me.

Hi Liz,

I think it is time to stop talking to the brother you work with, clearly he is in the loop with the other brothers. I don't mean stop talking to him about "general topics" but would consider not trying to explain yourself, it is your mothers decision and clearly you didn't coerce her into it.

I would try to get your mother to understand that without a power of attorney should she need medical help it would be up in the wind how it would be handled. It is to protect her best interest, say she had to go into a home or need home care, I would bet your brothers would take the cheapest route, not the most compassionate route.

I am so glad I took a break from here, I choose to stay in a hotel when I visit people, know it can sound weird but that is the best way I like to travel. I only stayed 2 nights but was able to spend quality time.

I am glad you will be seeing your therapist, this is all so unfair and downright cruel to be ganged up on by the "money chasers" in your family, makes me feel so disgusted so can only imagine how it is affecting you.

Di