I dont even know where to start. It hurts, it hurts a lot. She destroyed my life and the lives of my children. All destroyed by hatred, pure hatred and without any remorse, any true feelings, pure sadism. After all she is still perfect and the 'victim.' Sounds familiar? Indeed, as I begun surfing the net about psychopaths it all fits. I knew something wasnt right but I didnt have a name for it.

Now I know: I married and lived with a psychopath. It is over by now and I am safe but my daughters have also been destroyed just like me. There is nothing I can do. It is too much evil, too much hatred for me to deal with. I had to run, run as fast as I could. There was nothing else I could have done. But in the process of running for my life I left behind my daughters. She kidnapped them, denied me access to them and there was nothing I could do but struggle to remain alive. So I ran away as fast as I could instead of fighting back. I ran for my life. One daughter is in and out of mental institutions and the other on the way to the same. And, again there is nothing I can do, she is too much powerful, too much evil. I had to run away as fast as possible because I could not take it any more.

I couldnt take it any more. But I left them behind and they are suffering as much if not more than I am. I find it hard, very hard, painfully hard to go on living like this. No, I am not suicidial, I am not going to kill myself because that is exactly what she wants. But it hurts, it hurts a lot. My life is basically nothing but living and surviving my pain. It hurts and I cant take it any more.

When will it be over? Do we ever get over a life time relationship with a psychopath? How can one sit and see ones own daughters now being destroyed? I didnt stand up for myself how could I stand up for my kids? I am a coward, a real coward because I left them at her mercy and now they are in as bad shape as I am. Maybe even worst. They had suicide attempts, are into drugs, problems with the law. But, I had to run away. I could not stand her evil any more. I dont even know where to start except say that I just cant take it anymore. There is nothing I can do. It is 100% hopeless.

All I can do, is to remain among the living and deal with this endless pain. How could I have stood up for the kids if I never did for my own self? But by running for my life I left them behind to be destroyed just as she destroyed me. I am sorry, I am so sorry, but there was nothing I could have done.

Hi NoOne, welcome to our community, sadly you did what only you could do in your position. Many have come before you and fought and fought to get their children out of the hands of a Psychopath parent with I am sad to say little success. I don't think in all these years I can count many who fought the battle for their kids and were successful. Some have been fortunate and the Psychopath moves on but when the pure evil in them keeps the kids from the good parent, I wish I could wave a wand but the courts don't protect the children.

Now the question is will you heal, I believe in time you will, I can't say it will be easy or a fast path but once you put a label on what you were dealing with the aftermath can bring healing. It is impossible imo to heal if we don't know what ran us over in life.

It sounds to me like you tried your best to stand up for you daughters but really what more could you have possibly done if she used the system and kidnapped them to keep them away from you? Are they in contact with any of your side of the family? Are they getting close to the age that they can make the decision on which parent to live with?

Di

No, they are in another continent with no family at all. Totally isolated. One is big enough but she has been poisoned by the mother. She was told that I abandomned her. She was given a brand new car and much more under the condition not to make contact with me. The other one still underage (not by much) but is most of the time in mental institutions (under total control of the mother). I cant show up because she spread the rumors of pedophile against me. Absolutely not true but she is very convincing. Unbelievable. She taught the kids to hate me and all to be my fault. I know it is not true. I was a very caring and committed parent but she twists it all. Makes herself tobe the victim just as the descriptions of a psychopath. Now I know she is a 'certified' psychopath. There is nothing I can do. The only time I secretly hear from them is when the mother goes into another rampage and destroys their personal belonging and house with a hammer! Then things calm down and she buys their silence and forgiveness with money (she is very rich). Then in a few months time it start all over. It was the same with me for more than 20 years! There is nothing I can do. It is hopeless.

Someone, please, tell me if one is guilty of abandonment because one chose not to fight a kidnap with all tools one could gather and instead one ran away to save ones' own self? The kid is now undergoing all the evil one experienced for more than 20 years and there is nothing one can do. I feel so guilty about it. I know reasonable people are going to tell me not to feel guilty because it is the right thing to say. So, I dont know why I ask the question, anyway.

Hi NoOne,



I personally think it is "normal" to have feelings of guilt, however that said, like a wise Zen teacher once told me that when we decide to beat ourselves up over the past it is only a matter of which size club we pick. I really don't see that you had any choice in the matter. What else could you have possibly done? It makes me very sad to say but maybe people just don't post when they have a happy outcome being married to a Psychopath and children are involved but no one has ever come forward and said that things worked out for the best, sadly that is just the state of dealing with evil. You did your best for all those years, now that your daughters are older it might be wise to try and get some healing for yourself so you have the strength to be there should there come a time that they see that you are the parent they can deal with.

I hope we can be there on your journey to heal yourself so that you are strong enough to help your daughters should they come to you for help.

Perhaps if we could help you see that nothing else as hard as it is could have been done, you stood by for all those years and fought, whether you call it fighting or not, you just were not able to get her to release them, you could be on the ground fighting and the outcome would sadly be the same, now that they are of age, they need to know you are there for them should they choose to be in your life.

I suspect that anyone would feel the burden of great guilt, but will that bring you the personal stability in the event they do see the light and need you to be there balanced and ready to help them get on with their lives. Perhaps it is also a mixture of feeling futile, mixed with a strong dose of PTSD and hypervigilance? Clearly all those years for you being exposed to evil has to have a horrible impact that you will need to heal from.

I can't imagine being in your shoes and I am truly sorry for the pain this must bring, it is hard to comprehend but you seem to have taken the huge first step by reaching out and asking the tough questions.

Di

Hallo Noone and welcome.

I am sorry to read of your pain and guilt.

I agree with DianneE that such feelings are unavoidable (unless one were a psychopath oneself!) but sometimes, with all teh will and wishing in the world, you cannot save someone else, even at the expense and sacrifice of yourself.

All that happens in some situations is that everyone is lost, like a drowning person also pulling down and drowning a would-be rescuer in their panic and desperation.

Sometimes all you CAN do is to save yourself.

However maybe by getting out and at least saving yourself at present you can potentially be there in future for your children, should the situation ever change,which you could not do if you tried to save and were yourself destroyed?

Best wishes, surviving and recovering from these highly damaging people is so very hard.

I know it myself. Early on when the first kid was born she truly got out of hand (brought in her psychopath mother to back her up) and I went into therapy for the first time. Remained in therapy for several years and among many other things we concluded that I had to do something because it was a sort of inevitable that she would do the same to her own kids. I Didnt believe it at the time that she would treat her own blood that way. I was only 'trying to keep things together.' It would had been much better (seen from todays persective) to have saved the kids. At that point there were so many hard facts (concrete court evidence such as police reports, emergency room reports and an infamous 15 pages psychiatric evaluation) that I would have easly won a custody court case. That is what every body was telling me. But ... I was stupid back then. I have no idea what was in my mind. Back then I never thought even for a second that she would do the same to her own kids. I still believed that there was some goodness in her soul. There was nothing. Just an empty hole. Now, one of the kids is in and out of mental institutions and the other one with relationship problems (sort of imitating the mother). Why didnt I take the advice and get us rid of her. Why? I know I need to get it over but the pain is one the way. It never goes away. Sorry, it only goes away when I drink. But I am trying hard to stop drinking. I tried to replace drinking with pot smoking but no dealer around here sells me anything. I look too good in the streets for anyone to sell me weed.

I may be thinking that I saved myself but I didnt because I am in worst shape than before. It hurts all the time. It just doesnt go away. I keep myself busy, go out, do the right things, things I enjoy but the pain is always there. Never goes away. It gets better when I drink, however. But drinking is getting me sick so I am cutting it down. But when it gets really bad, only a bottle of wine can do it. I know it is wrong but ... no one knows how much it hurts when I heard from the kids that they are also been driven nuts and I cant do a thing. Nothing.

Dont turn yourself into an alcoholic over another person

Hi NoOne, I have been thinking about your situation and have a couple of links for you to look at.

I found this one by doing a Google search using the words:
"can alcohol cause depression"

Can Alcohol Cause Depression

Why might alcohol problems and depression occur together?

Alcohol can briefly produce a pleasant and relaxed state of the mind. However, alcohol problems and depression commonly occur together.

There are several reasons for this.

Both alcohol problems and depression are extremely common. They may occur together completely independently.

People with depression sometimes use alcohol as a form of self-medication, for example either in an attempt to cheer themselves up, or sometimes to help them sleep. Although in small quantities alcohol can briefly lift mood, if used to try to cope with a depressive illness, problems arise. Tolerance to the effects of alcohol can lead to individuals needing it in larger quantities to have an effect.

Alcohol in large quantities, whether taken to treat a depression or not, produces a depressant effect on people's mood source

Marijuana and Depression - Pro's and con's

I can certainly understand why self medication seems like a good option to block out the pain but I encourage you to look at this information to decide if it will help you or keep you locked in place? I am only saying this because I have several members of my family who went this route, I did myself for a spell, luckily the side effects of alcohol became too much to bare and I was forced to take a look at what I was doing and what the process was that got me going in that direction.

Di