We don't have a dedicated thread about Female Psychopaths.

Although they say there are far fewer than male I take issue with that for the following reasons.

The statistics were done many years ago and extrapulated from the prison population.

I think that female Psychopaths can fly under the radar more easily and not get reported.

I also feel that perhaps male victims are not as likely to discuss this kind of relationship that goes way wrong.

We have a couple of interesting threads here that I will post below for your reading and will move over posts from our newest member discussing a female Psychopath.

The Female Psychopath

I have noticed a dearth or reports of female Psychopaths. I married one. She put on a good act. Kept it up for four and a half years, in fact, though I've recently become aware of a journal she kept showing that she was biding her time, practicing how to emote, taking creepy notes about people and emotions. I broke up with her last year but she's left a path of destruction since then so twisted people she's...played with have come to me looking for answers, maybe because I bounced back pretty well, including her most recent ex-boyfriend, an old high school buddy of mine. It's a long story, but I understand only we - those targeted by them - really understand what getting romantically involved with a Psychopath is like. I want to help any way I can, and if it screws her over, so much the better. This one is great at uniting people - against her. They also have filled in some gaps for me that make it all make sense and leave me 100% convinced of what I was dealing with.

I was with my ex-Psychopath for eight years. We were married for three. She sold herself as a nice country girl next door who worked really hard but, gosh darnit, life just kept not giving her a chance and she couldn't catch a break. Really, that's all she needed, just a chance. I read the description of the covetous Psychopath here, and that is her spiel almost to the letter. If only she'd just had better parents. If only her brother wasn't so crazy. If only her mom wasn't such a narcissist. If only her dad would have paid for her to get a higher education.

Right.

I do admit to feeling a bit stupid. The first four and a half years were great. She proved mostly worthy of trust. She always had my back. Never let me down. I am a tough nut to crack and she knew that. She also knew that once she had earned my loyalty I would be loathe to let it go, that I'd wait for the good person to come back. The only slip she made was in front of my best friend from college, who advised me to get rid of her. I did have a gut feeling something wasn't right; her brother suffers from severe mental illness and I could tell her mom did as well. But I felt bad for her and she'd never given me a reason to doubt her. The first time I realized what I saw - or rather, didn't see - in her eyes was during my third hospital visit in the third year of our marriage. I think she was trying to kill me and make it look like an accident, though she inexplicably saved my life the first time her negligence contributed to an emergency room visit. Probably wishes she'd cashed in then and there. She'd once again smashed her car when it happened. She was always doing things like that, smashing things, then passing it off as no big deal. Not normal, little things, like plates or glasses. I mean, like, accidentally ramming the house. Or hitting other things with the car. Like other cars. And light posts. But I digress. I'd been having anxiety and panic problems. The doctors took a bad scan of my heart (I was 31 and working out 4-6 days a week. In general I was and still am in great shape though I had an "inexplicable" blood pressure and heart rate problem that had cropped up. It lasted six months, or until I filed for divorce, and once she was gone my vitals miraculously normalized, though it took forever for the emotional hurt to fade away and I was plagued with doubts from all the gas lighting.)

So she smashes the car and doesn't have adequate insurance. Without my knowledge she had switched from full coverage to get cheaper insurance. She regularly crunched the car, it was pretty beat up. Every time I told her to get full coverage and she would get all indignant about me telling her what to do. So she said no she didn't have coverage and I knew the car was totaled. By this time she had been having "emergencies" that cost a lot of money, of course, and had drained most of what we had. We would basically have a useless car that she still owed a year's worth of payments on. It made my heart hurt. I took her to the hospital - she never got injured during these wrecks - and reported my chest pains, as I had been instructed to by my cardiologist. At the time I had gotten a fresh life insurance policy and had scheduled a heart cath where they expected to find a blockage in my arteries. My family wanted the procedure done as soon as possible but the exspath was okay with delaying it until after the life insurance kicked in despite the perceived danger. But I digress again. The E.R. doctor took one look at my vitals and wouldn't let me leave. They hit me with a dose of morphine, and it slowed down my brain. I am fairly certain the ex-spath was creating emergencies every few weeks on purpose. It kept me off balance. Kept me from really seeing her and what she was doing. Which is to say she was never home. Often came home late. Worked two jobs, though we really only needed her to work one. I found it in the aftermath that it was because she used the restaurant to find hookups. Also meetup.com because it's less conspicuous than signing up for a dating site to cheat. This woman was cheating with anyone she could find - high school kids, drop outs, carnies, coworker spouses, coworkers, restaurant workers, girls, guys, online meetups. She has broken up marriages and ruined lives. I have an admitted hero complex so she kept me busy by causing problems for me to "rescue" her from and then feigning she was happy. Meanwhile she told anyone who would listen monstrous stories about me so they wouldn't tell me about her cheating (she did it openly in front of some people and boasted) while telling me no one liked me. People would invite us out; she would tell me it was girls only. That kind of thing. She had me very isolated - moving across the country with her to a place where we didn't know anyone played right into her plans - but only because I let it happen. I had that image of her she'd constructed and I wanted that person back.

Anyways, I'm by this time fully aware that something is very wrong with the relationship and contemplating divorce. But that morphine hit from the doc stopped everything, cleared my head. And she was sitting there looking at me, but not with concern. No, it was more like excitement. Like how she looked when she was eager to go to a party or something. And her eyes - they were like ice beams. Cold. Calculating. Empty. I could almost hear her thinking of the sympathy she would get if I died and, oh, what to do with all that wonderful life insurance money? I don't know if God spoke to me then but I heard a voice that proclaimed "OH...SHE'S GOTTA GO." It scared the hell out of me. In retrospect, what followed shouldn't have been a surprised. But that was when I knew. I saw it in her eyes. There was nothing there. And when released to her care after the heart cath, after I came close to bleeding to death when the plug in my femoral artery came loose in the hospital, she really showed her true colors by abandoning me to look after myself (after she got me to buy her a new car, of course) so she could meddle in the affairs of her "friends" and cause some trouble, her favorite activity. We separated sooner after visiting a marriage counselor, who told me I was fine but asked her to fill out some paperwork assessments. I called back and asked him why and he suggested we speak privately. We met at his office and he said, "I think your wife is a Psychopath but I need you to honestly answer some questions for me to make a better assessment." She had behaved oddly and overly emotionally during the session and he'd noticed her responses were abnormal. I looked into it myself, read the "Psychopath Next Door" by Martha Stout per his suggestion. It's taken me a year to kind of fill in all that was missing and confirm in my own mind that yes, she is a full on Psychopath and the person I loved never existed. She was just a construct to trick me into a loveless marriage to be exploited. The few times I am forced to talk to her because of that car, it's funny now, but it's almost like she has a Psychopath guidebook in how to write out her response.

1. Be stern and condescending.
2. Write as formally as possible.
3. Fish for information I can use to cause trouble.
4. Try to start an argument without looking like that's what I'm trying to do.
5. Gloat about something where I am still in control.
6. Wait for entertaining response.

She never gets the last part. I usually send one line or two lines stating the facts. She sends some elaborate reply. I either say nothing or send back one or two lines.

And I know it pisses her off lol

Felt good to share that. Thanks.

DN

Post Script: I chose the name Darth Nollidge because I had to go to the dark side to go up against her. She played sweet and innocent victim, even to me, until she realized I'd discovered all the cheating and lying she'd been doing. She may be a predator, but this prey can bite back. My ex-spath spent so much time studying things about me that she never actually got to know me. She seemed stunned that I am quite capable of being ruthless when it is necessary. All she got out of me was old furniture I didn't want and some freezer burnt food I let her take; a far cry from the house (I'm sitting in it right now) and the big alimony checks I am sure she thought she'd get.

I know that one so well - my Psychopath also spend a few years trying to get my trust. It must have been a "level up" in THE GAME - to get someone who is not trusting easily and who's reserved and private. I remember the moment after he finally got me to the point when I said I trusted him (though it was not even completely true) and then he immediately betrayed that trust. I didn't know what hit me because I thought my trust was important for him, he was working so long for it. Now I realise - it was just obtaining something in a game, it was not because of me, it was because he wanted to show himself he can manipulate somebody like me to trusting him. And when I complained about his betrayal he just said: "I don't care whether you trust me or not. You should prove that I can trust you". It was one of his most typical psychopathic behaviours ever.

And all the other stuff sounds so familiar too - the gaslighting, telling you how other people dislike you, telling others bad things about you behind your back, bragging about cheating - it really does not matter what sex, shape or colour they come in - the Psychopaths are like a species. The only difference is mine was not destructive to objects. The rest fits very well.

I was sick for a few months after we split (and obviously all the time in a relationship as soon as he started to show his real colours). I slept all day and couldn't sleep nights and was tired all the time and doctors couldn't find a reason. And the panic attacks and anxiety as well - I still have them occasionally, though not as bad as before.

Hi, crocodile.

I've read some of your posts. Your guy sounds like a real piece of work. Then again, they all are. Mine also had this "deer in the headlights" look she would pull any time she was insisting that she was telling the truth. I think I was targeted for a similar reason: I am well-liked, come from a good family, I am reserved, I was finishing college when we met. In short I had everything she felt life had cheated her of, something she often said. But no one believed her gas-lighting horror stories after meeting me. When we broke up many showed up and offered support (and asked if I knew what was wrong with her.) I am very lucky in this respect. Her smear-campaign backfired big time. I do still have HBP and mild anxiety but I am back to hitting the gym five days a week and feel much better.

Exactly, the guy is basically hated by almost everyone who knows him and I was really surprised how many people came to me telling me " Hey, be happy you're rid of this guy". Some told me straightaway he's a psycho. I know it does not seem to happen very often to other people and I thought he'd be able to sell his victimisation story but turns out he had to run.



That's exactly it:). Mine was also using a trick when we were together - he kept everything I wrote to him but with me he only spoke in private, never anything written. This way he thought he can pretend that he was not even involved with me and it was all in my head but he underestimated that other people have eyes and ears too.
I occasionally have to e-mail him because of work and I always get a super dry answer and very often formed in a offensive way - I usually ignore it but lately I just forwarded the answer to our boss and she got really pissed at him. Basically he requests stuff from other people, never says thank you and then tells you off that you're not doing things fast enough and so on.

A lot of people refuse to do anything for him anymore because of this and he's still convinced he's so good with people. And he's also occasionally throwing in a "nice" sentence or two like he's inviting me back to contact him, not openly but all of a sudden forgets we're not friendly anymore. I guess it's his way of feeling if he can still control me by playing a single person bad cop/good cop game but nope:). Plus he's current GF is contacting me which I find really weird, I think he's manipulating her to do so. She has super bad feelings about him but she's hopelessly in love:(.

Got the same thing. Was astounded. Everyone loved her, according to her. Turns out she is widely despised. So much that other people took more joy in things going badly for her than me. I was just trying to let it go lol, had to tell them to stop telling me about it.



Yeah...she tried that. I was like no, email only. Because I was sending her thinly veiled boasting of cheating to my lawyer to build a fool-proof case against her in court. By the time I was done, she'd agreed to so much in writing (and couldn't afford a lawyer- the woman is eternally broke) she had no room to maneuver. And she very obviously feared my female lawyer for some reason.




You work with this guy? Big time ouch. I found it weird my ex's boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) contacted me but luckily he's also come around to what she is due to his own research and resources and it does give me some satisfaction knowing I am disrupting her breakup games - that she is losing them and it's infuriating her - while also helping an old buddy get away from her. Not going to say it doesn't bring back bad memories but some of this is the closure I really needed to move on.

I don't envy you working with this guy, though. That's got to be tough. Hope you're not in the same office. Or that he's at least stopped his game. I do hate admitting this but it is also nice to know it isn't just me. She does the same things with any guy she gets involved with, only she no longer is taking years to go psycho on them. But same M.O. Same lies when she cheats, etc.

Did work. He moved workplaces and towns:) but he's got some unfinished business still with our boss, hopefully not for long.

Wish mine would move. The worst, though, is that the guys she was sleeping with, she was indiscriminate. I mean, greasy, scummy dudes, some of whom she had the nerve to bring around. What kind of a man looks you in the eye and shakes your hand while doing/having done your wife? One of them even pretended to be a pal when we broke up. Just found out about him. Needless to say, done with any people like that. He swears he didn't sleep with her but it was him she called the night she didn't come home, his house she stayed at, and he avoided meeting me for a long time.

She also brags about her sexual conquest of him. I suppose she could be lying, but the factors add up. Debating whether to try and get confirmation or just let it go, assume the worst since worst-case scenario was barely scratching the surface with everything else, and cut him and the people who knew and hid it from me out of my life.

I had that stage when I wanted to find out exactly what lies he told and whom he really slept with and so on. But it does not make sense. I'd not be bitter at the guys, you've no idea how she could have manipulated them, irrespective whether they're nice dudes or the opposite and what were they really supposed to do after the fact? I've seen my Psychopath playing games with others, I knew when he was trying to get a girl to sleep with him if I saw him but I also was not around the whole time. The web of lies and manipulations is so huge that it makes no sense try to trace the threads - just break out and be free.

Mine told me he didn't sleep with a girl when I asked him about it but I know he was attracted to her, saw him around her behaving like the hunter and I know that they spent a night in a hotel together. Honestly, at this point: who cares? I know he slept with half of the town and I'm only happy I didn't get any venereal disease from him (I'd check that if I were you). Plus I also know my Psychopath was constantly claiming this or that woman is soooo much into him, they would jump to bed with him immediately and I know often that was not true and the girl in question would never even notice him. Psychopaths are also narcissists and they often think they can do everything while in reality they're not that great.

They only manage to convince some people about it. After we broke up I've realised I was the one with the best opinion about him in every respect (intelligence, skills, knowledge, attractiveness you name it) from practically everyone. This is the part of the psychological manipulation - it alters reality for you.

Funny how that works. I asked someone I trust - his sister - who confirmed my true gut feeling: she wanted him and he rejected her, so she lies about it. Now THAT makes sense. I get the feeling she didn't have as many affairs as she boasted about, simply because a lot of people she claimed totally wanted her actually despise her and wouldn't touch her. And, of course I took an STD test. Came back clean (Thank God.) I am just happy this didn't go like 30 years or something, I am still young (32) and have plenty of time to get with a nice girl and start a family :-) I am so happy I didn't have kids with the nutbag. She would've been a nightmare, the kids would probably be as crazy as she is (it obviously runs in her family), and the courts are geared to favor women regardless of psychopathy in that regard - she would've been basically handed custody and half my salary (which she would've squandered on everything but the kids) to sit around and be crazy. Bullet dodged there.

But I do understand about the altered reality. She painted the picture of what's probably in her head - that she is very popular around town and well-liked by all while I was not, when the reality was the exact opposite.