My ex-psychopath is validating what she is. The woman is raising hell out there; disrupting lives, ruining friendships, marriages, kid to parent relationships, and her victims keep turning to me to make sense of it. I am not sure what to tell them. Her latest target is the woman from an older couple whom she works with. I think she has seduced this lady, whose behavior has turned as bizarre and dishonest as the psychopath. This is who she had spying on me, pretending to be a friend. I am glad I did not wholly trust this person. It is uncanny how someone so unlikable is able to do this and keep getting away with it. It must be control by pity play and/or sex because particularly charming or attractive, she isn't. I am no longer sure how to counsel these people. They are pissed. Hurt. Shocked. But they listen now when I say "I wasn't kidding; she is an actual, bonafide, psychopath. Most of them don't run around killing people. They do what she is doing." Anyone else have a clumsy, kinda stupid one who turns people against them and then have the targets coming to you to find out the "wtf just happened, what is really wrong with them" aspect? I have given links and they marvel at how much she fits the description but outside of that I just listen and try to be supportive.

I did the same - sent links. When people ask specifically I just tell them I have my opinion but they should read and make up their minds themselves - this way you don't come out as crazy paranoid who goes around shouting "Psychopath". I was astounded how disliked my Psychopath actually was. It turns out he's actually pretty rude and nasty to people, I just never saw it because in my presence he behaved differently, not only to me but others. Now I hear people openly complaining about him, how he doesn't even know how to say thank you and how they refuse to do things for him etc. Actually this part makes me really happy since I can see that the healthy mechanisms of society are sometimes still working.
Which is not to say that I also don't have trouble from some people who don't know me personally but only have believed the lies he told about me and never had a chance to experience his character. But I got at least moral satisfaction, that must stand for something;).

Hi Darth, it is never easy breaking free especially if they are in your same social circle and you share contact.



Bingo that sums it up. They create and lure in victims by portraying themselves as the victim.

I think you are on the right track with the links and listening and being supportive. It can be a slippery path if you get too engaged because who knows if she might then snag them back into her web of evil and have information from you. Can create quite a bad circular deal.

Sometimes people just want to talk and in reality they consider people who don't say much as more supportive, hope I am making that clear. I have a few things that I say to not engage and also not be rude. A Zen teacher gave me this one, I asked her what to say to people who come up to me and start spilling their "stuff" and I wasn't really in a position (or interested...) to discuss it.

One of the phrases I have used for years is: Gee, I am sure if I was in your shoes I would feel exactly like you do. The obvious catch is we can only be in our own shoes, but no one has ever caught on, and they are comforted by it, and I can then exit appropriately.

No one has ever caught on that I am really not saying much. Clearly I am not in their shoes, it is impossible, I have my own shoes. You might think of something like that to say so you don't keep heading down the path and talking about her unless you are in a safe position. Sometimes the people we engage and are with during conflict can be tricky. The relationship can spin into all the time talking about the troubled one (in this case your X) and probably not something you want to keep talking about. I know when I have moved on from a bad deal I need to only talk to the few people close to me and once I have moved to the next phase of healing I don't like to keep rehashing pain. Hope this is clear.

Di