I looked for online support forums because my daughter insisted I get help. I was suicidal because the crime deeply affected my professional life, which is by far (very far) the most important thing in my life. The financial blow was the second item because it exposed me to abusive attitudes from family members that are too coward to express themselves when I am not vulnerable. Being vulnerable made me want to die. Some days it is hard not to take the whole bottle of oxycodone and top it with wine. I want to numb my anger and humiliation concerning my family.

But I feel absolutely nothing for the psycho.

I feel out of place here and at the other forums: over 90% of the victims have emotional reactions to psychopaths. I can't relate to that. They are things, they lack empathy, so I can't feel anything for them. Not even anger. I rationally think they would better be kept away from society because they are incurable predators, but I feel nothing.

I was targeted because I am a celebrity and because my family has money, period. The psycho's plan was to hide behind me. Other high profile friends had exactly the same experience. Some suffered severe blows - others didn't.

I even took a few empathy tests online... And yes, it is disturbing to read I score lower than the average autistic or Asperger's. I do feel strongly towards missions, projects, principles and morals. But, honestly, I can't even understand what makes it hard to avoid contact with any person. I felt it hard not to have contact with people I wanted to punch on the mouth before, but not with anyone I had a relationship with.

I wonder if I even should be here...

Yes, I am risk. I committed suicide before - same thing: no feelings. Just a general sense of meaninglessness. I was diagnosed with a rare form of epilepsy, after years of bipolar disorder DX (I wrote a Ph.D. thesis with 465 pages in three months: that looks pretty much maniac). They don't think so anymore: epilepsy.

I am not well. In fact, in a very objective evaluation, I in worse shape (suicidal risk, drug abuse, numbness, etc) than many people here. But I am definitely unempathetic in many aspects. And I don't relate well to very emotional people. It is horrible to say that, but that is something I really enjoyed about my relationship with the psycho (actually, it was perfect - it's a pity he never existed): he never engaged in emotional "let's talk about our relationship" conversation. Which makes me want to disappear. I once overdosed because my daughter wouldn't stop the "relationship discussion" with me. She never did it again. No wonder she's a psychologist today...

I know I love her, for example. But I don't know how to express that. I will tell her I love her as I would say that there is a stereochemichal impediment for the organic reaction to take place...