I had a long talk with my elderly mother this morning. Specifically, we talked about my psychopathic father and his family. I found out this morning that he cheated on her throughout the entire 49 years they were married. My father was a brilliant, sadistic, violent, cruel man, without conscience. He cared about no one but himself. His father, whom he detested, was the same way. Today I also found out that his mother (my grandmother) was quite possibly a narcissist. My mother describes her as cold and unfeeling, and always boasting about herself and her accomplishments. I remember her as a young child, and through my "child sense" somehow knew she did not love me or want me around. I grew up with virtually no relationship with her, unlike my other grandma who I adored. My father's sister attempted suicide several times. In retrospect, I am not surprised.

I am sickened by the psychopathy in my family.

(((neverthesame)))

It's so hard, the road we've had to walk. And have to walk. The ugly fact of it is always there.

Dear neverthesame,

Such a harsh reality you are having to face. I'm so sorry about the tremendous hurt you are having. And yet I understand. ((((neverthesame)))) Know that you are not alone. My father's sister committed suicide when I was in my thirties. I had been somewhat close to her during my childhoold and adolescence. Her daughter, my cousin committed suicide when I was still a teeneager. What a legacy some of us have been given. The good I see in it is our ability to still carry on with our sanity intact and our resilience.

Thank you for sharing about this. Your mother telling you these things after so long.

Wishing you peace and respite.

Love,
Cherie

I had a brief relationship with someone who I now know is a sociopath (thanks to this forum), but the bigger impact was realizing that this relationship seemed all too familiar, I experienced this exactly before, and came to the realization that my father, misdiagnosed as bipolar, was really a psychopath and my mother, his slave.
My relationship with this P gave me the direct experience of what it was *exactly* that my parents were to each other. I've been crying for both, neither had a clue what hit them and there are no answers. My mother was anniihilated, her soul taken away from her. She needed her children as a buffer. I didn't have children as I knew she would need me throughout the rest of her life to protect her, but of course, I couldn't. She was owned by my father, who resented attention she gave to any other living creature on the face of the earth besides him.
My father didn't have a soul, is this the essence of a psychopath's dilemma? That he/she is an alien creature, aware of it and can only rob from another's life to get what he/she can never have...to be able to feel love and other emotions? I and my siblings were subjected to much emotional/psychological abuse (physical earlier on, but my mom made my father stop that...he did, but only because he would lose his victims if he didn't). He said he "owned" us, but he knew he didn't, couldn't. He owned my mom, he possessed her fully, yet simultaneously loathed her because he could posses her.
And now, to truly understand the reality and face it. To realize that I still had this time bomb within me, waiting to be exploited. My father didn't own me, so I thought, but maybe he did.
My boundaries went out the window with this P, a handsome, extremely intelligent, multi-talented man who knew exactly how to penetrate my soul. I went into a trance state when I saw him, I knew this and couldn't help myself. But thank God, he quickly dropped his mask and I found my anger, which propelled me out of what I know now to be a life-threatening situation.
My blessing is that I recognize my history, which will save me in the future. My siblings, well, I see history repeating itself. I will pass on this information, talk to them but reliving this pain is horrible, and they may not be able to do it.
Are there any resources where you can find therapists who have specific experience dealing with this? The candid sharing of experiences here is tremendously healing, I feel so much more hope.

I fell for it,

"My father didn't have a soul, is this the essence of a psychopath's dilemma? That he/she is an alien creature, aware of it and can only rob from another's life to get what he/she can never have...to be able to feel love and other emotions?"

I think this is an apt description. Whether the psychopath doesn't have a soul, or is cut off from it, on all levels of consciousness, is a question. I believe, cut off.

I am not aware of resources for finding therapists who work with victims of psychopaths. I think this is just so new, victims becoming aware, and attempting healing, of their own volition, that there has been no response to this need, as of yet. I have heard of individual therapists, across the country, who do work with victims. The only information I still have a link to is in regarding a forum at psychopathic_style@yahoogroups.com. This, I believe, was started by a therapist named John McCormick, who works with victims of psychopaths. Perhaps he can guide you to someone in your area.

It is vitally important to find someone who has some depth of understanding. A therapist who doesn't is worse than none. Alot of the standard "wisdom" about the human psyche lends itself to further victimization of a psychopath's victim. Most therapists are woefully ignorant when it comes to psychopathy. Psychopathy turns all therapeutic "wisdom" inside out. A therapist ignorant of the dynamic that has formed the victim will view the victim of the source of all the problems because she is unaware that such people as the psychopath exist who can actually do the things the victim is attempting to describe.

kris

>My boundaries went out the window with this P. Handsome, extremely intelligent,multi-talented man who knew exactly how to penetrate my soul. I went into a trance state when I saw him. I knew it, but I couldn't help myself<

I remember telling some friends. I am myself around everybody in my life. . .but this person. My mind would go on a "hold" mode. I was anything but myself. I found myself screening what I said instead of being spontaneous. I remember my heart would begin beating wildly when he showed up, I'd get really nervous. Totally uncharactaristic for me. He was someone I admired, respected and looked up to. I thought, I got it bad for this guy. Yep. . .I sure didi!
It has been a comfort finding so many similarities in the postings. It has been such a comfort hearing from those who have been there and that it can get better, if willing to take the steps. I'm also am looking for help in working through this issue. I have an appointment Thursday with a Battered Womans center. I pray the best for you.
Sincerely,
Finished

kris, I'm attending an informal dinner for spouses/family members/friends of people with BPD/psychopathy, hopefully, will be able to get some refererrals. I'm going with a friend whose ex-hubby has BPD. I share your concern about lack of empathy with a therapist who doesn't really understand what this is about. Yes, this could really be a disaster with the wrong therapist. I'll post any viable resources.

finished, Yep, this guy got to me, like no one else ever has. I guess this is what being hooked on heroin feels like, always looking for your next fix and it's never enough. Reading through these posts and seeing the patterns helps. I don't ever want this to happen again.
My best to you in your healing process!

Fell, You must live in a progressive area. BPD is a hot topic right now, and resources are readily available, but psychopathy is just emerging as something people outside acadmia are taking a look at. I look forward to hearing what you find out.

It's heart-sickening how ignorant most therapists are when it comes to psychopathy. Excuse me. Antisocial Personality Disorder. Let's be politically correct, here.

The last therapist I saw with my psychopath husband did not see ASPD at all in him. He dropped out of the "therapy" after he had thoroughly conned her. This therapist knew he had beaten me, threatened my life, slept with my friends, had affairs with teenagers, peeped, exposed, lied, stolen, abused his positions, turned my community against me; he had admitted to all of this. She also knew he had been accused by some children of molesting them, which he had not denied. He had told her if he did it, he didn't remember. She also knew he probably had molested his own children. She said to me, "You think he has ASPD. I don't see that."

I said, "Why not?"

She said, "Where is the antisocial behavior? What crimes has he committed?"

I guess she meant he had no criminal record. Therefore he didn't have ASPD. Most people, including most therapists have a cardboard insightless image of a psychopath. They wouldn't know a psychopath if one hit them over the head with a two by four.

They don't think a psychopath is charming, intelligent, attractive, personable, nice. In fact, a successful psychopath is all these things. And that is why a successful one has no criminal record. Nobody ever pressed charges against my husband. The next door neighbors had a talk with him after he window peeped the wife in the shower, and rang her doorbell and exposed himself to her. When he did it, again, they had another talk.

A successful psychopath can talk himself out of just about anything. ASPD? No way. No psychopath worth his salt would ever get that label.