Perhaps we are too apathetic in our legal system; we don't want to turn into a police state.

Yes. That and I think many people still don't realize the effects of psychological harassment/abuse...they're still stuck in the "sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words will never hurt me" times. Ps know they can exploit that.

I've noted your order for repellant - I'm still looking for eye of newt!

Sylvie

Maybe try looking here!

http://www.theeyeofnewt.com/

Keep me posted.

Hey thanks! lol

We'll be rid of them yet.

Sylvie

Happy Independence Day!!! Somewhere, someone is having success against their NP. Think of their celebration as you watch the fireworks today, and know it'll be your turn soon.

Thanks, and you too (belatedly).

The fireworks were spectacular even from afar. You know, I think I'm getting there, slooooowly but surely.

I think I have been involved with a psychopath but I only started to think that this week so I'm really coming to terms with it and part of me thinks it's me being paranoid.

I met my boyfriend in 13 months ago in a nightclub (I'm English by the way and I think most people here are american- just in case I use different terms or whatever!). We talked and exchanged numbers and then he asked if we were leaving together. I said no but he could call. He told me that question was a test and if I'd have been willing to leave with him he would have thought I was a 'tart' and would not have contacted me again.

That night he text me loads after I got home and all weekend. I went on a date with him the next week, he brought a cousin and I brought a friend. It went well. He was lovely. He told me how he'd been engaged before and they'd had 2 still born babies and his fiancee had been instituionalised as a result and it'd been awful etc and I felt so terrible for him. He said the relatinship had just broken down afterwards and all he wanted now was to settle down and start again. At the end of the night he sent me a text saying he was falling for me.

He was so keen but I didn't want to rush things. Just after we settled into a proper relationship I got a call from a girl claiming to be his girlfriend and asking who I was. He said she was an ex (he'd told me about her too- not the mother of the babies) who was obssessed with him. She'd duped him into meeting her by saying she was pregnant and then stole his phone. Foolishly I believed him. He was so charming, everyone liked him I could not believe he would lie.

After that everyhing seemed normal. We were happy. He adored me, sent me gushing texts, cards with words in that could make you cry, took me to his children's grave etc. I knew his family who really liked me and my family and friends liked him.

Looking back it wasn't as great as I thought. He claimed to be depressed about his children's death (how could I question that) and needed to be on his own sometimes. I'd ask if he still loved me like before and he'd always say yes but I felt like I was always trying to get back the early days of our relationship. He also used to tell me a lot of places in the city we lived in were dangerous and I shouldn't go to them. He didn't introduce me to some people cuz he said they were 'bad' and he didn't want to talk to them really and I shouldn't get involved. He also told me he used to be 'bad' and that's how he knew people into drugs etc but he was reformed and hated all that.He always said he was protecting me. I believed him.

Some of my friends found out he was cheating on me and confronted him. He immediately called me about it and denied everything. He cried when I told him that they were suspicious because he disappeared a lot. He said 'I'm upset about my children, how could they think that?!' I believed him. Then he insinuated another of my friends made sexual comments to him. I didn't know what to believe or who to trust. He always told me girls fancied him but that he hated 'dirty girls' and people who slept around. He was jealous about my ex boyfriends and accused me of cheating but wasn't aggressive just upset.

Things got worse and worse but I really thought he was depressed and I could help. I spoke to his Mum who said he'd had problems since his children died and he needed help and so I should finish with him and let him get well. I took her advice always hoping when he was better things could be as they were. When we were apart he contacted me all the time and started to do things to get his life back on track. We met up and he said he felt he'd made real progress with his depresseion and thought we could get back on track, I agreed.

A week later I was looking at old phone bills called a number I didn't know to find it was his 'mad' ex. Her number was all over my bills. At that point everything started to come out. In reality he'd never left her and she thought I was a one night stand. He also had another girlfriend. We all thought we were his only girl. He'd beaten up one girl and told me he was upset at the childrens grave at the time. He'd also hit a couple of guys and got a police caution. He'd managed to go on holidays with 2 of us without the others finding out. He'd propsed to all of us, almost moved in with me and moved another girl into his flat (I never stayed there, he said it had painful memories about his children's death). He'd lied about his fiancee who was actually his wife who he'd left for a 16 year old girl (he was 26). A lot of his friends had backed off from him and his Mum thinks he's flipped. He'd used my car when he was with the other girls and told them it belonged to him, even trying to sell it. He'd taken loads of money from one girl. He'd also had a lot of one night stands.

He'd never been 'bad' and all the 'dangerous places' were just the places he took other girls too. He befriended the families of the other girls and told the other girls his family were racist (he's black we were all white) and that's why they couldn't meet his Mum. In reality his Mum only knew about me and really is not racist.

Having spoken to life long friends and his family it seems he was lovely and nice until the children died when he lost it completely and since then has been displaying psycopathic behaviour. Do you think he is a P? Can traumatic events bring it on? Sorry this is SO long!

He sounds like a possible P to me. There are some red flags I'd like to point out. First, your subconscious is sensing something about him that's not right. I think his test question at the nightclub was BS. He wanted a one night stand, but when he saw it wasn't going to happen, he continued his nice guy game.

Next, there's a quick attatchment I sense in all of this. And there's always a sob story in the mix to get your pity for him (whether it's true or not). Then all the other women you find out about, probable lies being told, not wanting you to meet his bad mates, and taking you to the kids' graves was kinda eerie.

Lots of Ps can cry on command. I think it was all show when you confronted him about the other woman/women. You wrote, "Then he insinuated another of my friends made sexual comments to him. I didn't know what to believe or who to trust." This is a game of divide and conquor, he wants to isolate you so he can have you all to himself, that's when the abuse will kick in for real. He wants to remove supportive people from the arena and getting you suspicious of a friend is one way to do this.

He's jealous of your exes and seems to be projecting suspicions of your cheating on him. That means, he knows what he's doing to you and is accusing you of doing it to him.

You write then that things got worse and worse...another sign! I believe he's had problems well before the kids died and Mom just isn't telling you the whole story. Next you write, "He'd beaten up one girl and told me he was upset at the childrens grave at the time. He'd also hit a couple of guys and got a police caution.",... yeah, he's bad news. If anyone gets into fights after the age of 13 it's a bad sign.

He took a lot of money from one girl; they live a parasidic lifestyle. He's had a lot of one night stands; this shows unstableness. If his mom was really racist, he would be too, to some degree.

I hope I've given you some food for thought here. I don't believe that the kids' deaths would scramble his personality that much. It's a chronic problem with him and I'd advise you to cut him out of your life. One last question: how does he make you feel when you're with him nowadays? Does he make you feel good? Guilty? Defensive? That's a good question to ponder.

Hi lizzie2002, welcome to the forum. We actually get members from all over the world, the UK in particular.

I am having problems being online due to thunder so hopefully will be back later to address some of your questions also.

Di

Hi Lizzie,

I have never heard of trauma bringing on Psychopathic behavior. If that were the case we all would share that disorder. There is some information in the "Resources" section about brains etc. I am on the side of nature not nurture. I suspect his mom was giving you a message to steer clear. I would also suspect you aren't the first one to call his mom. Who knows she may be just repeating some story because she is in denial herself about her son which is quite common.

When you mentioned the violence of beating someone up that would be a HUGE red flag. This is only my opinion but if someone beats someone up once, they are very capable of doing it again. I have never found a reason to beat someone up and then try to explain it away, it is a scary thought that a person is even capable of doing such a violent act. We have all had problems, some very severe, but handling it with violence is not a good sign.

See how brazen he was to use your telephone to call other women? I would even be suspicious that those were indeed his childrens graves, did they have his last name on them?

Out of curiosity how long ago did his children die?

In reply to:

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He'd lied about his fiancee who was actually his wife who he'd left for a 16 year old girl (he was 26).

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Call me suspicious or maybe my age is showing, but it really doesn't seem normal to date a 16 year old. Here in the States it would be against the law in most States.

Most or many people think Psychopaths are quite charming. How could they get victims if they showed the evil side of their personality.

It is quite common for abusers to divide and conquer, thus the comments to make you wonder about your friend.

I would suspect he didn't introduce you to certain people because he knew they knew all about his behavior. Keep in mind that currently or even possibly in the future there is NO cure for a Psychopath. They use people, lie, take their money and always have an explanation.

Are you still seeing him? Can you recall what popped in your mind to think of him being a Psychopath? Just curious.

Information is power, please follow your instincts and read as much as you can. This guy has trouble written all over him. None of us here can offer a diagnosis but in your heart of hearts you know something is not right. If you think he will change, I would give up that hope.

Di

P.S. write as much as you like, sometimes writing can help to see things more clearly