I am only 24 hours into the realization that my 35 year old sister is a P. I saw the story on the Today show yesterday and immediately started researching. After 20 years of wondering why she does the things she does I have a possible diagnosis. She displays/possesses at least 75% of the traits listed on the profile pages. No conscience, lying, irresponsible, egotisitc, violent, sexual prromiscuity, never accepts blame, forced emotions... I feel relieved to know she has a reason for being so awful but am now completely overwhelmed with worry over her babies. She tricked her on again off again boyfriend into getting her pregnant and now has 4 month old twin baby boys. Is it possible for a P to have true love at least for their own kids? I wish it were as easy as "taking the kids away" but as we all know it is not. Should I be concerned for my 6 month olds safety when she comes to visit?

Hi Kris,

You are likely reeling with the discovery that your sister is possibly a P. You are probably in a state of shock and disbelief and not quite certain of what you think you know. You have my sympathy.

"I feel relieved to know she has a reason for being so awful but am now completely overwhelmed with worry over her babies. "

That is a very relevant worry IF your sister is a P. You have made a tentative diagnosis based on your knowledge of her, but please be aware that that is all it can be - tentative.

"Is it possible for a P to have true love at least for their own kids?"

I suppose that it IS possible, but from what I know (I am NOT a doctor or therapist), not likely.

Many P's cannot abide babies or small children. Part of the reason appears to be that an adult P is totally and selfishly preoccupied with his/her self. A baby or a small child is equally preoccupied with his/her self - of course there are good reasons for this - for without it a baby or a small child would not survive. For a P, nothing exists except their own needs, wants and demands. A P is therefore unable to submerge his/her own needs, wants and demands, which is absoloutely necessary in order to lovingly and effctively care for a baby or a small child.

Since you are the parent of a baby, you probably have a good idea of what I am talking about. The baby does not care about whether you are sleep deprived, about to fall over from the Flu, or in need of a 10 minute shower. No, he requires your absolute attention whenever he is awake. The fact that you are tired, ill or unwashed doesn't concern the child in any way. He doesn't care!

A male P may view his child as a trophy, a 'thing' to be trotted out, when clean, fed and beautifully dressed, but otherwise not to be dealt with except when this 'thing' negatively affects the P, who will be impatient and maybe even act with rage against the 'thing', who dares to make demands on him. Demands, that a P does not have the emotional wherewithal to handle. A male P will leave all care to the mother. A female P cannot usually do that.

Is the father of your sister's children a caring individual? Is he a stable presence in the household? Is he involved with caring for the children? Are both grand-families lovingly involved with the children? Does your sister work, i.e., someone else takes care of the children during the day?

Please remember that caring for one baby or one small child is hard enough, while caring for twin babies must be a study in loving time management and herculian patience.

"Should I be concerned for my 6 month olds safety when she comes to visit? "

I would not leave her alone with the child. Nor would I use her as a babysitter even when the child is asleep. So long as you are present and paying attention that everything is as it should be, I don't see any reason to not have your sister visit your home. The only thing would be if she treats her own children in a bad way while your child is present. That could negatively affect your child.

Do you feel that your sister is less than caring, loving and patient with her children? If so, in what ways?

Take care and stay in touch,

Nan

Nan I have not met the father yet, I will next weekend. He disappeared soon after she told him she was pregnant. He reunited with them about a month ago. Most other families would be sickened by his behavior but under the circumstances most of us sympathize with him. It was silently understood that he was tricked into getting her pregnant. I wouldn't put it past her to poke a hole in a condom. My younger sister was 4 months pregnant and I was 2 months pregnant (after 6 years of trying) when she delivered her pregnancy news. We believe she became pregnant out of jealousy. I am hoping the father will be a source of stability for them. My younger sister has met him in the past and liked him alot. I believe their relationship was on again off again because he saw through her stories and knew she was a little "off". But, of course we never got the whole story when they would have problems. She does have a full time job and has the boys in daycare all week. Maybe in this case daycare will be a good thing for the babies. I have never seen her neglect them but I also haven't seen true displays of affection either. It must be unbelievably hard raising twins I can't even imagine but I have never seen her hold them and feed them a bottle. She has made a science of bottle propping so she can go have a cigarette. Last time she visited I was holding my munchkin and telling him how cute he was and she started saying the same to one of her boys almost as if she had to get her cues from me. And the last thing that really bothers me is she has always slept so hard that practically nothing can wake her. I assumed that after having babies her mommy alarm clock would kick in (as mine did) but it didn't. I had to get out of bed when she was visiting to tell her one of her babies was crying. Imagine what it must be like when they are alone. I apologize for the rambling in this post. My thoughts get ahead of my typing speed plus I am not the most eloquent writer in the first place. Thanks for listening. Kris

Hi Kris, welcome to the forum. I am sure you must be reeling from your discovery about your sister and her babies. I agree with Nan, if she is in your home I woulnd't take my eyes off her for a second around your child. I hope the father is a good person and can hopefully do something to help the twins.

If you get a chance you might consider reading Dr. Hare's book "Without Conscience".

I wish you the best and hope things will work out with the father.

Di