>>It is funny, the longer you go without talking to them, the more you realize how affected you really are by them.<<

Your so right, Mindy.

A big record has been broken. We are now on day 8 of no contact. In 4 years we have never gone more than 2 days without at least talking on the phone. I had a dream last night that very late on the 7th day he called just to say hi, and I was happy to hear from him but at the same time I was dissapointed to have to start all over with "no contact". If he does call me and I don't answer the "No contact" is still being broken, even if we don't talk. Just knowing he called, messes me all up.

I do continue all the time to see how much I was affected by the P. I am doing so much better than I was when I first found this forum. I know just learning all I can has been so helpful, and to know that others have experienced similar situations. I feel like I am not so emotionally attached right now. I believe that is a result of not talking to him. I could very easily be drawn back into excitement then excruciating pain if I let him do that to me.

I can't say I will never speak to him again. But I can say just for today, I choose not to call him. May I become stronger and stronger and may the P. never ever has such control over my life, emotions, and actions.

Have a great day,
betterway

Betterway,

So how is it going? Still no contact? Make it a game with yourself, see how many days you can go without talking to him and on the 10th day (or whatever) reward yourself, buy a new outfit or something that you don't usually do for yourself. Then start over and do it again. You will find that the real reward is felt internally.

I am talking to myself by the way. That was some good advise, I think I'll try it!! lol. Let me know how it goes.

Take care and don't answer the phone!!
Mindy

I did it - Day 9 - still "No Contact"!! Actually I was so busy today at work that I didn't have much time to think about him. What a blessing. This is a day by day project for me.

How long has it been for you, mindy, since you last had contact with the P?

As I make new friends I feel an un-easiness about it. As I start to loosen up and not be so fearful of people I find myself thinking "be careful, don't want to be hurt, don't want to get close". I know being aware is very important but I have to find a middle ground, where I don't let my fear isolate me. I like to have fun and talk to people, but the P. took that away from me, made me see that people I thought were my friends could turn on me in a minute. I got close to the P. by just having fun, joking, talking, etc. Pretty scary out there in the world. Life should be fun. But I want to be safe.

Be P. free, one day at a time!!

betterway

>>Make it a game with yourself, see how many days you can go without talking to him and on the 10th day (or whatever) reward yourself.<<

Today I am feeling a little withdrawals. Day 9-No contact.
I had to talk to someone today on the phone because of business from the same office P. is at now. I heard the P's name over the intercom in the background - just that little bit of contact bothers me. I have been working so hard on not thinking about where he is, what scenarios he is living out, what he is thinking. I don't want to know where he is or what he is doing. He is a bad bad habit and I will break it, one day at a time though.

Mindy, I thought about what you said about making it a game. I can't say I won't talk to him ever, but I know I can make it to day 10.

Anybody else out there working on "No Contact" from a very early stage. This is the most days P. and I have ever gone with "NO CONTACT".

In the past I couldn't even go a day without talking to him. He had me so messed up. I was so codependent on him. I am so proud of myself to have made it this many days without going into PTSD like I have in the past.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences and healing. It is truly taking me further into recovery than I have ever been.

Have a great P. free day!
betterway

Finished,
Are you okay??? Are you still around? I miss your posts. Hope everything is okay. I understand if your around but not posting, just wondered how you are. betterway

>>But I found a job, and will start in two weeks. Good one! But I have so much apprehension, I have to put my limits, right away, be a new me. I am sure that you know how to do that. I not so sure I will be able to do so. I have to close personal self to the outer world. I don't think I can handle another bad experience.<<

Hopefull,
congratulations on your new job. Starting a new job, making the final move to a new office took me a long long time to do. I understand the apprehension. I lost my faith and trust in other people. I have to learn to trust myself again. It is hard but we will make it, hopefull. There is life after the P., right?? I have to convince myself sometimes that there is.

I also don't know if I can handle another bad experience. This P. experience topped all bad experiences I have ever had.

Take care hopefull, and let us know how the new job goes. Take it slow, I know I am. I have only been on my new job about a month now.

betterway

Betterway,

So far so good. I am of course, suspicious of so many but will try to fight it. It is tough! I had promised myself I would buy one of those book that talk about boundaries and limits but I haven't ; I should. Keep on going to be P free, it's been 4 months, and before that 6 months. I am able to leave without thinking about it. You will feel so great. More the days go by , more you will feel the pressure to succeed on one more day. It is amazing but now that I can remember 1 year ago, i was in the same situation, i would count the days, and tell myself: one more day. hang in there you will soon be over that.

Finished,

like betterway, i am concerned that you have been posting. Is everything going well? You had enliven that forum for so long. Thanks for all your posts, you help us all.

>>More the days go by , more you will feel the pressure to succeed on one more day.<<

Well, I made it 10 days. He called last night. Back to day 1. But each time I do talk to him, I see the games more and more. I see him more and more for what he is. I actually felt sorry for him (which he doesn't at all deserve) because he is so angry. He is angry at one of his narsacistic competitors and one of his suppliers. So how appropriate it is for him to call me. He has alot of nerve. He once again said "How come you don't call anymore". Wow, they just don't get it. Its okay for now though. I couldn't do the cold turkey, it sent me into PTSD mode. My progress is what is important. I continue to go forward towards my goal. I think I would have been just fine, I could have made it longer than 10 days. Amazing that he could think we could be friends after all the crap he did the last year. I am a supplier not a friend, gotta remember that. I refuse to believe that there is any hope for him. Starting a new job has been very good for me. I am no longer under the P's influence on a daily basis. I have new people around me now. Some of them may even be P's, but I know all about that now. I will continue to try to be strong and not let P's into my personal life. They will stay co-workers and strictly co-workers. I was tricked by the P. though and I am very very cautious.

Hopefull, how did the "No Contact" come about for you? Did you tell him not to contact you or did it just happen. Did you contact him after 6 months or did he contact you?

Kinda disappointed he called, now I start over the "No Contact". There is still something about him, I pick up that phone when he calls. I had a moment of hesitation, but then I picked it up. One day I will tell him, don't call me anymore. Just not there yet.

Have a great day everybody!

betterway

Betterway,

At first the phad put me in a very terrible situation, actually the one where I really understood he was a P. So after having suffered for more than a year, I decided I couldn't on like that at all.So I told him what I had to say, of course not even directly because he must have known that after what ever he had done, i would be mad. So anyhow , i told him i was done with him. At first I was so tempted to call, I couldn't believe he didn't call, so it went on for months, that I felt like calling him, i felt there was no closure, since i neverheard from him. then I ran into him, and he was telling call me we have to talk, i call, and he never called me, mostly to check if I was still hooked. so after that 6 months after that, he contacted me, as nothing never happened. he was polite, and was just wanted to know, with whom i was talking, and starting to say we should get together again and we should talk, i was somwhow paralized but some days after that, i got furious, because he had been so long, i was able to gather my energy, and wrote im what I thought in harsh way: i said he was insipid, and that saying that we should get together was not what i was looking for, i had chosen something else. I regret having said hard way, but i knew well that if i would have gotten into that again, i would have lost my sanity. so he responded to me that i should never contact him again. For days i was feeling bad and guilt. but now i feel that he came back to get his revenge because i had the last word, and a p normally dislike that. I had talks with my male cousins, and they thought that the man will eventually t down and discuss the conflict. but they are normal. but Ps avoid talking about the problems, they are repetitive, they looking for repetition and not resolutions. it is disgusting. scary... but i knew that i was going to get in trouble if i would start all over. so it is sad that a relatio0nship ends that way, but i would say that since only a month, i am really more about forgetting, 3 months about the last contact. have you ever heard betterbe friend than an enemy. I used to hear that about certain person. I don't know i think it is ineveitable, i mean, those endings, what I am learning is that the only thing we could have stop is actually the beginning of the relationship. we can changed the end.