Hi, everyone, no time to write, haven't even been able to read back. Unexpected minor surgery at ER for Lord Crown, more surgery on second visit, dead car battery on way home from hospital! Absolute craziness, non-stop, the last thing we need! Taking him to surgeon again tomorrow, me to foot surgeon on Friday, and non-stop abuse from family throughout. Just wanted to leave a quick note that I'm here and trying to find a moment to read back and check in with you all. Hope you are all doing well, and I'll try to be back soon. Love and pinky hugs, Lady Crown

Dear Lady Crown.
Thank you for telling us.. I hope nothing real serious is wrong with both of you. Will this coming surgery for your foot be the last one? Sees like things getwrong all at one time. We think of you and hope it will help a bit..Your not alone, even though it might look that way!!!!
Pinky hugs ( a lot!!!)
and lots of love Segaya

Damaskrose...

when I read this it reminded me of something. My Psychopath was a minister as we all know, but when I finally confronted him about some of his terrible lies and secrets, I truly believe he was planning to hurt me. I dont know how any one can tell if the Psychopath that they are dealing with will do something like that but I would leave it to your gutt feelings, because if you suspect it expect it and do what you can to protect yourself...I chose to do the play along game until I could get far enough away from him giving him the im,pression that I would stay gone so that he wouldnt be able to find me. You can never really tell with a Psychopath whats goin on in their mind. Just be careful

Hi Damaskrose,
Sorry I didn't answer your posting earlier, I just am feeling off the last copple of days and can't concentrate very well...I wanted to answer you before and even thought I did!! How stupid is that.....So sorry for that.

Indeed there are times, and often those times sem to last for a very long time, that everything seems to turn against us. But time is a blessing too, for it goes by and then there will be other times. In the mean time, when things seems to go that wrong we are learning and we will change because of the learning.ad the changes will be for the good mostly.
It will tak time again to see what came from it but with open eyes we will see the progress very clearly. Remember what i always say abot the seeds that we are planting? Well you are planting now ... so take time and be patient for things are changing!!

'On a cetain age you have the right to ruin your own live'... Ohh that one made me think..I will use that sentence when people think they can attack me about my oldest son!! thank you !!!!
I recognize what you say about the other children to do wrong and be on guard....
ppfff My youngest son had to tell me over and over again hat he wasn't my oldest son and I could relax!!! I felt so ashamed and guilty for thinking all those things about him..He is clearly and obviously not his brother!!! Far from it.. He is in everything totally the opposite!
My oldest son is also a narcisist and always makes everything he does, bigger,nicer, welll you get the picture don't you... So when my 9 year olsd youngest son came hoemafter a socker match and told me he scored 9 times. I said; 'o'yeah...well..nice...
And then he looked at me and said;'no mam, I am not my brother; I DID make does goals ...Isn't that terrible!!

So beware of that kind of behavior towards the other children please, for they can't help it and they have their own teenyears to go through....
I use to say 'the wrong child aducated me as a mother....' I mean with this that I learned to be always on guard, suspicious, always looking for a hidden agenda and double standarts, always hide money and valueable things,always check and check again after coming home again and my oldest son had been home alone...Everyday checking his room for firetools;lighters, matches,but also knives and drugs so on...
I never even once engaged my youngest son on a ly and still I treated him in the beginning the only way I knew how to be a mother.... Well my youngest one is very nice and pure and understood from very small on what was going on.. So he just was patient and every time pointed out he was normal...and just somebody else..happely I am a fast learner so this didn't take long for me..But I felt every time I did the wrong thing was once too much.
Where do you get all these interesting quotes from?

Love Segaya

Hello everyone

I must apologise if I have missed anyone's posts, I seem to have a problem seeing some of them and it's only when I see a reply from another member that I know there has been one. I can then follow the thread back and see it.

So sorry if anyone was expecting a reply and didn't receive one. I don't know whether this only happens to me because of the way my new laptop views posts or if it has anything to do with how replies are sent.

Regards
Jan

Dear Lady Crown,
How was your day? Are you in pain because of the operation? And how is Lord Crown after his surgery?
I hope you are well enough soon to come and tell us..
I...and I have to say WE, are thinking of you and keep our fingers crossed for you to be well soon!
hugs and lots of pinky love
Segaya

hi segaya Thanks for the reply. I post when I can and appreciate any feedback. I am very aware that all my children are different and we can project onto them experiences we have had with others and the same with any relationships I guess. In recovery from relationships with psychopaths or those with these kind of issues we will be suffering from stress and trauma. So I am careful not to jump to conclusions but I think we push our gut responses down too much. We read daily of terrible atrocities committed by other human beings but find it hard to realize that the humans close to us are equally capable of the same and different acts. I read and study widely now and am open to belief in something if it is explained rationally. I am sad to say though my wide eyed innocent trust has taking a knocking. Sad news today of a friend who died of a heroin overdose after years of manipulation and pain from her partner she was unable to break free and enjoy her life. Instead caught in his warped world she suffered and ultimately paid the final price. What a terrible thing to see this beautiful woman with five boys die this way. And to watch her lose her life piece by piece. The lesson to us all is to dance like there is no one watching and move away from those who make us cry. Thank you again everyone who replies without your help I would not have been able to see my problems clearly and to have faith in my own sanity!

Oh and two friends have come back from the dark side so to speak. They have come to me separately and apologized and explained issues they have been involved with my daughter and it is a relief to me to know I was not imagining things. It does not seem so important anymore to find out what is going on. The only thing that matters is I am not going mad and have done everything I can to protect myself. I think the truth will come out slowly without any help from me and I can just relax and enjoy my life. There is life after a psychopath!

Godsgrace yes they are everywhere sadly Psychopaths or those in training. My son told me once of a sunday school teacher who made comment that he probably had a different father that his brothers and sister and that parents do not always tell the truth. He was eleven at the time and found this strange but never told me till years later. I was shocked and he laughed and said he had not let it upset him as he knew it was nonsense. This comment stemmed from the fact that he was a lot lighter in colour than his siblings! What a terrible thing to say to a child and what on earth must this man have been thinking? He did not know me or my family and was not in a position to make such a statement. It makes me wonder how much trust we put in teachers and ministers etc with the care of our children. We often do not know if they are vetted properly and imagine the emotional damage this could have done to a less secure child?

damaskrose,

I had a teacher at a christian school when I was a child, and she was actually racist! I was the only black kid there and I endured the comments and insults for four long years and finally my mom withdrew me. But I was always afraid of churches as I got older because of the negative experiences I had as a young child. So when I finally get bold and try church on my own, yet again I was badly burned. I Love God though, and I trust him fully because all of these experiences have strengthened me so much. My husband is white and I am black and we have four mixed kids together, and the sinister minister is black and we had the one child together. So my little baby is darker than the other kids and we love him like we love them and it makes no difference to us, he really is representation of drastic change in our lives...when I became pregnant with him I started thinking more clearly and I knew I couldnt allow my sweet lil boy to be tramatized by his real dad. I wouldnt let him hurt my baby...half his or not.

I truly believe that that tiny little Psychopathic church, will be falling apart soon. They are down to like 10 members and the truth about them and thier evil little agenda is being exposed. Its scary that these people can have such a negative effect on peoples lives. But God promises that what the devil intends for evil God will turn it around for our Good...basically promising that we will have the victory as we put our trust in him!

Damaskrose, I am gonna read your blogs so I know more about you, sounds like we have a few things in common! God Bless You!

Dear, Segaya, Sapphira, and Jan, and hi, new members!

I have missed you all so much, but things are starting to turn around a little for me. Unfortunately, I am back in a plaster cast, splint, cane, and forbidden to be on my foot. Lord Crown's hand seems to be all better, but we are still being careful with it.

My family is getting steadily worse. Right before I hurt my ankle I invited my Narcissist brother to come to a local history slideshow with me. I asked them three times, and he never answered me. I went to the show by myself, and to make a long story short, part of the show was about something I knew very well. So I got up and started addressing the attendees. The historian who was putting on the show and I talked for a long time afterwards, and he is very interested in the research I have, and wants to see it. Lord Crown was so proud of me and said I was very brave. You all know how afraid I am of people and being seen, etc., yet I knew the subject so well and couldn't stop myself. It turns out that my neighbors from childhood were in the audience, and we talked afterwards. They were always very kind to me. The other day, their daughter stopped by my mother's house to see me, and my N brother left her standing alone on the walkway and drove away. She had mentioned the slideshow and my research, and I get a call from my mother asking why I didn't tell her about the show, and she would have gone, etc. I told her I had invited them three times and she just blew me off.

The historian is interested in the pictures I "have" from, yes, the albums! He said there are no pictures of that, and I raised my hand and said, "I have some". He was stunned. Apparently there are none in existence except mine, can you believe that?! He has actually suggested I do a historical show with the pictures. I never mentioned this to my family, because the album would disappear in a second. I don't know what to do. And no-one bothered to ask how the show was, until my neighbor appeared.

I had a huge fight with my Psychopath sister, because she took me to the foot surgeon. On the way home she started questioning me about Mom, and N brother, and the pictures, and everything. I decided to just let her have it, and told her exactly how I felt about it all, and what was wrong with it: dirty house, hiding things, stalling, lies, etc. No matter what I told her, her response was something that had nothing to do with what I had just said. Here's an example:

Me:"the washing machine exploded, we were robbed, my ankle is killing me, I can't drive or shop or cook."

Psychopath:"I didn't know you knew how to do laundry".

Then she calls me four hours later to tell me how wrong what I said was and how I shouldn't feel entitled to anything. It was working her over for her to call me. It was so bad that I actually wrote out a transcript for my psychiatrist to see. He read it the next day and said, "I can't even understand this. Everything you are telling her, she answers with something that doesn't make any sense."

Here's the worst part. I was doing research and I found some online pictures. One of them was of a mattress. I don't even want to write this. It was from a mental institution, and when I needed a new mattress at around age 13, that's what I got. I have to assume it was clean and unused. It weighed about 70 lbs and I couldn't turn it or make the bed easily. When I saw the picture (someone had broken into the institution and took pictures), I recognized it instantly by the handles, and it all came flooding back. Lord Crown was so horrified, he printed the picture and brought it to my psychiatrist. I cried through the whole session, and I am not known for crying in front of anyone. My psychiatrist was close to speechless.

This is it. I'm just putting in the link, because it's very upsetting, so if you don't want to look, don't click on it. I don't want to upset anyone.

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f23/Upthespout/chair.jpg

And strangely, I seem to be getting a little better. How can this be? I'm less upset by them, and more contemptuous of them. I am actually going to join a camera club in the fall, and I'm very excited about it, and I entered a photo contest. I seem to be putting myself first, and of course, Lord Crown, and the difference seems to be that I can see what they are doing, and how sick it is. The more I remember, the more I feel. And I don't want to be friendless and alone and trapped in the apartment anymore. So I called the camera club. And spoke at the slideshow. I'm being all brave and I can't figure out how! I just know I want more than just sitting in the dark. I wish I could forget the mattress, but the memory is burned in. Everything seems to be flooding through me, and yet I am getting so much done.

I hope you all are doing well. Segaya, how is your health? Are you still performing? Sapphira, is your son still "away"? Jan and Dianne, I hope you both are well. I promise I will be back regularly again. I thought of you all so much while I needed you, and it was so great to know you are there for me. You help make me brave, and I knew you'd be proud of me. Please write back when you can.

Much pinky love,

Lady Crown