betterway,

There are some days that I even forget to look at this forum. I guess that is a good sign, and probably the other one that no longer post are in the same mood. however, i know that forgetting will be good for us, but i of course, feel still that anger,or displeasure whenever I am confronted with the P stuff even in a very distant situation. one thing that has made me feel better is to read how obsessed all of us became while being in a relationship with a P. now that I am not in those kind of situations, i am not obsessed, but if i am tired, very tired, I feel i could easily become a target again. I feel i have less control on my mind. anyhow, i hope you are doing well.

>>but i of course, feel still that anger,or displeasure whenever I am confronted with the P stuff even in a very distant situation.>>

Me too. Any behavior that remotely resembles P. behavior bothers me. A couple people at my new job could be P. But the difference between this situation and my old one is I do not plan on being emotionally attached or having a business partner at a job ever again. I luckily have a job where I can come and go as I please, and if they are acting like P's, not necessarily to me, but just in general, I get up and leave, or block them out. I could never block out the P at my last job, he was supposedly my friend and business partner. I was addicted to trying to make that situation work, and making the P. see how he was hurting me. I could even get up and leave my old job, but half the time I sat there and just kept on taking the abuse. Hmmmm, hope I'm never again in that frame of mind.

I will just have to wait and see what comes of my current job. I mean, I might be exagerating and being overly sensitive after coming out of real P. destruction. They may just have a few of the traits like many do, but I don't want to take any chances. I believe that coming here whenever I have some free time, will keep me grounded, and not let it happen to me again. As I get more and more emotionally detached from the P., I believe remembering some of this stuff will be good for me. Sharing our experience and how we came out the other end, may be very helpful to future targets. This forum and others are so important. This forum has definetely changed my life.

Take Care,
betterway

Betterway,

This forum has changed me as well. i think it was time for me to understand certain behaviors. sometimes i feel so damn cured! but some other days i feel that the scar is bigger than i thought. do you know what is the most effective mind setting. i am sure that changing jobs will help, but is there anything else? such as disciplining your mind on to focus on soemthing else, or anything else to suppress any bad feelings.I hoping that i know a lot has changed in my life, and i doubt i could go back to whatever i had before, but i have such a hard time becoming enthusiastic about my carrer which i was so [assionate before.

Hopeful....tired is the operative word right now. I may have written about this in a recent post. I, too, feel tired...drained, no energy. Mostly it has to do with relationships, disappointments, etc.... Sometimes I feel like I am the sole survivor of a terrible train collision or plane crash emerging from the wreckage without any discernible bodily injury. I guess it's kind of like the
phoenix rising from the ashes. Maybe it's a positive image
after all !!! I can still tap into that depression...though
not with nearly the same intensity nor longevity. I guess
we are all going through this process and healing together.
The longer I go without any contact with my P the healthier
I feel and the better I get.

Rick

Rick,
i have the impression that sometimes that is why people have lost their enthusiast about life, I used to think that they just got old. I feel tired, I am afraid I ll never regain the ingenuity I was carrying which was good and bad. I am tired/ I started to work and have already spotted some problem people and i can tell that no one really knows about that they think that it is personality conflicts, and then i realize that we know so much now, and that make us wiser, i guess, but still we are drained.
i have been without the p , but as i said early i am surrounded by the same people, and everytime i ran into his things, it hits me again.
hope you are all doing well.

Hi Betterway . . .


I am responding to your message posted 2/28/03!!!

Thank you so much for your concern! I have been gone for the past several weeks reconnecting with my family. I regret that I was not able to log on and post but was uneasy because my family does not know about P#2 and did not want to reply from their computers.

I must say I am doing much better. . .amazingly really. I met with P#2 a few days before my trip and the most wonderful thing was that I felt NO fear!!! Something has changed. . .I am not sure what it is but something has definitely changed inside of me. I no longer feel that "longing" for him. It is a new thing for me to be able to look at him as he really is and know. . .I am not afraid. . .what a miracle!!!

I continue to keep my forum friends in my thoughts and prayers. . .I have not forgotten any on you. . .I love you all dearly. . .

blessing to all. . .
finished

Hi finished, so nice to see you are back here. Glad you are doing better. I am also doing better and better as I pratice "no contact". Today is day 10 of "NO CONTACT" again for the second time. Actually he has called a couple times, but I did not answer and have not called him back. It is so hard. I have never ignored his calls in the past. It is not part of my nature to be mean. I feel so much guilt. I feel like I owe him an explanation. Then I remind myself that he is not my friend, he is not good for me, he hurt me and didn't even care, he carried out evilness for many many months and enjoyed it.

>>Something has changed. . .I am not sure what it is but something has definitely changed inside of me. I no longer feel that "longing" for him.<<

I feel this starting to happen, also. I don't hate him, I don't like him, I just feel nuetral for the most part. Still have my moments though.

Take Care,
betterway

>>but as i said early i am surrounded by the same people, and everytime i ran into his things, it hits me again.<<

Hopefull,
How are you, how is the job going now? I know what you mean about running into people that bring back the pain. I had to talk to some people from the P's office today, just talking to them, gives me an eery feeling. I don't want to be around them. However, I don't have much of a choice, as I will have to talk to them occasionally and even meet with them. I can only continue "no contact" with the P. himself, and I am getting stronger as time goes by.

I also have been very tired and am still trying to find some enthusiam about my job. I use to love my job. I lost alot of my self esteem. I sometimes question my ability to do my job. But I know I will be okay. I think we go through boredom and grieving at the same time. The P. had brought excitement to my life, but I now realize that it was alot of drama, and in the end it was not good for me.

Take Care,
betterway

>>such as disciplining your mind on to focus on soemthing else, or anything else to suppress any bad feelings....<<>>I hoping that i know a lot has changed in my life, and i doubt i could go back<<

I was just thinking about this today, after talking on the phone to a couple people at my old office (even if it was only business talk), I know I can't go back to that stuff. I have changed. So when I start to remember what use to be, I tell myself, "but it will never be again, so keep moving forward." I am working on guiding my thinking to a new betterway of thinking.

Betterway,

How are you doing??!! I haven't been online for a month! I just got a 2nd job and have been so busy. Did you make it 10 days?? If so, what did you do for yourself?

I had a small victory, remember when the P's girlfriend accused me of attacking her, when actually the P attacked ME? Well the City Prosecutor believed me and he is being charged with Domestic Violence. We go to court April 22nd!

I feel so confident that fighting back is the best way to show him that he can't do this to me anymore. It's a lot like this war!! Oh, by the way, did you see on the news...the author who wrote a book about Saddam said that he is a "Malignant Narcissist"!! That is what my ex is! I do see the similarities. Scary!!

Mindy