Betterway

>>The P I know does have a bad rep, in certain business areas .. ..<<

Yep. . .same here (red flag).

>>. I shut my eyes to it. Maybe it was exciting or something. I guess I just needed the attention I got. I am also one of those people that believe there is good in everyone and I have to make up my own mind about people<<

. . .didn't think he would do that to "ME". . .(know what I mean)? red flag

>>. Of course, the P. only showed me the good side for a long time. <<

. . .Creation. . .beauty. . .idealization phase. Now we know!

>I have been slipping lately, can't slip too far<

You won't Betterway, you know to much now.
finished :-)

Betterway

>>I have felt a loss for the personality that the P. helped me to have at the office. I was quiet and bored with things. The P. livened things up, took away my shyness, made me feel like I belonged, that I was okay. Then he took all that away with his evil mobbing when I figured him out. If I really think about it, that good stuff he brought out of me is me, it is in there some where. I can't let him have it. I will find it again. I guess I believe that that side of me is only a result of him, and that I need him to feel that good again<<

I relate to that so much. When things started falling apart I realized how much of my self esteem was tied up in my involvement with him. It was like because of HIS attention, I was SOMEONE. Then, I now know, I let him become my Higher Power. I lived for him. . .I was willing to sacrifice my values and mind to him. He defined me. Pretty yuckky huh??
finished

Finished

>>>I relate to that so much. When things started falling apart I realized how much of my self esteem was tied up in my involvement with him. It was like because of HIS attention, I was SOMEONE.<<<<

Ditto. I feel somehow like that. What i don't understand is that I was very well before he came around. It is hard to accept that in 2-3 years my self esteem came down because of a P, but yes, I have history with Ps, that must be the factor.
Thanks for your post.

I should say in my previous post that what I don't understand is mostly how devastating can be a P experience, no matter what you are, no matter where you are in life, it hits you.

Finished,
I really appreciate your reply. This forum has been so helpful to me. We all have our good days and our not so good days. But, as many of us have stated here online, only those that have endured the devastation and trauma of this experience can truly relate. We miss what we thought we had ... how utterly sad.
Well thank you, again, for responding. Being the only guy
on here (at least I think) I wasn't sure if women would trust me. But that may be my own paranoia.
Rick

Rick
I hear the same story and pain in your posts. This has nothing to do with gender. Anyone who has had the P trauma seem to experience the same pain and emotional devestation. We all need one another to heal. Your story helps me, I hope mine helps you. . .i'm glad you jumped in with us. I pray the best for you. . .
finished

Hopeful

>>What i don't understand is that I was very well before he came around. It is hard to accept that in 2-3 years my self esteem came down because of a P<<

Yes Hopeful. . .I also had my own idenity before P#2. As things began unraveling, I found myself modifying my behavior in an effort to keep him. I lost myself. Only now after that traumatic event in October do I know what happened and why. No one could explain it before. I'm rediscovering who I am. I feel like I am starting all over again though. . .As my therapist explained it is like someone who had a stroke. I am rehabilitating, learning to live all over again. I am very grateful for a strong spiritual base. I couldn't do it without it.
finished

Finished,

>>>As my therapist explained it is like someone who had a stroke. I am rehabilitating, learning to live all over again. I am very grateful for a strong spiritual base. I couldn't do it without it.<<

I understand well, I did a lot not to lose that relationship and now, as a consequence of emotional exhaustion, I feel I have a lost the sparkling aura I apparently had;I even seem to have forgotten the skills of my profession; and of course with that, I have lost some of my enthusiast. It is terrible! It is devastating to let ourselves be crazed by the overwhelming head-spinning effect of a P. I feel better but as you said, i had the impression I started anew.

I recently came across some of P's things in my house. I feel as if I should return them to him, but choose to do it through another person. These are probably the last two boxes of his stuff. One of my friends says to throw the stuff out, because in her mind, returning it is making contact. I can't do so in good conscience, because it would be fairly expensive for him to replace. This is my dilemma. Any suggestions. I want to do the right thing, but don't want to "contact" him. Maybe the mail is the best way to go. I don't know.
-Leti

Leti,

Mail the stuffs. I ran into that problem and it did became a problem, just because I am good and couldn't keep the stuff.