Dianne, I am looking into the cameras, I have a really good sound monitor now that I'm going to place somewhere inconsipicuously in his room so we can hear if he is up in the night. I do have some recordings of his rages, just not recent or long ones. I don't know what an attorney can do to help with Juvenile court. A suggestion was made that I consider disrupting the adoption so that the state would be forced to take responsibility for him. We would definately need an attorney for that. It just seems so tragic.

I received a phone call from the DMHP (designated mental health professional I think) that interviewed B at the jail this weekend and is trying to get him a bed in a juvenile mental health hospital. He answered some questions I've had for a long time.
He told me that B's actions are definately well thought out and planned and he does these things as "pay back" or out of anger. He says that a mental hospital wouldn't do anything for him because his mental illness diagnosis are personality disorders that cannot be treated with medication. He doesn't have voices telling him to do things for instance. He is still willing to get him into a hospital if he self admits, but he would have to be ready to take responsibility for his behavior to benefit from any counseling.
He said that he is positive that B is fetal alcohol affected; a brain scan would verify that, but since they won't do it, we already know. Regardless, his behaviors will need to be controlled through the criminal system because there is nothing that mental health can do to help him unless he is prepared to respond to counseling. He told B that he could spend his entire life locked up if he doesn't choose to cooperate with society. I know that B seems to be willing right now to get help. I know it is because he feels sorry for himself. It is the only way he will change though, if he finds it benefits him.
So, I'm not sure what will happen next. They may admit him somewhere because he is asking for it. (Just wants out of detention) I know that the judge only put him in detention to hold him for that purpose. The charges were only a school suspension, so they can't hold him too long. Of course the best thing would be for him to have learned his lesson this time and miraculously become a kind person, right? But I'm not niave, and since I know that really the only way to respond now is through the criminal system, I am going to call the cops out for every little threat or abuse until he has enough points to hold him in the long term fascility. I understand that there is more intense phychological help and counseling in these places also.

My husband and I are going to take a much needed couple of days vacation for our anniversary. Our younger children are staying at a close friend's and B is in a safe place. We need some R&R.

Darn lost my post. I would also put an alarm outside his room.

Any chance you can spend some time searching out criminal attoryes, some will work pro bono, I know of a few victims that this has worked.

Are Judges elected where you are? If so I am sure the Judge would not like having his name in a newspaper in a negative form. From my years in marketing prepare your answers to be 5 second sound bites so nothing will be taken out of order.

If anyone deserves a break you do.

I would also search to find out if it is required to have representation for you and your family?

Also check out if sound on the video is allowed in your area/ Probably a quick call to a baby camera company would settle the question. Tainted evidence will get tossed out. Also you could google for info.

Try the nolo link www.nolo.com listed here might be a resource, they have been around a million years and see if what you are seeking is there, they do have some attornies if you could grab one.

Di

From nolo

Do You Qualify for Free Legal Help?
If you face criminal charges and cannot afford to hire your own lawyer, you have a constitutional right to an attorney at the government's expense.

In other types of cases, if you can't afford an attorney, you may qualify for legal aid. Legal aid lawyers are usually federally or state funded and represent people with low incomes in a variety of legal situations, including eviction defense, denial of unemployment compensation or other benefits, and consumer credit problems. Some local bar associations organize members who volunteer to represent clients in family law, landlord-tenant, and other cases.

If your claim involves an issue of social justice and has wide implications beyond your individual situation, an attorney or public interest legal organization with an interest in that issue may represent you on a "pro bono" (no fee or reduced fee) basis.

Hi Exhausted

It seems like it’s just a matter of time before something gives. I can imagine the daily grind of waiting for something to happen whether it’s the authorities taking notice or B doing something serious that will get him incarcerated.

I was thinking along the lines of publicity for your case but hesitated to say go public because of the scrutiny you would expose yourselves to. Maybe the time will come when the balance is tipped in favour of getting recognition this way. The difficulty is outsiders to recognise the child’s deception, they are capable of such a convincing act of sweetness and co-operation. They are masters as saying the right the things to the right people. The best publicity for us all is to get across to professionals who don’t fully understand what we deal with on a daily basis how abnormal our way of life has become. The small subtle things are nearly as bad as the serious things because we are constantly on our guard noticing the fine details. Some of these things have a bigger meaning to us as they often indicate a ‘threat’. An outsider would have no reason to consider what they really mean. These are the crazy making things that other people wouldn’t do….the things we even question ourselves about and wonder if we are really seeing the things we are. We ask ourselves if we are mad thinking it or if it really is important. We get to the stage of ignoring some of things as there are too many other issues to deal with.

In some ways it would be better if B is suicidal so that he gets 24/7 monitoring for his own safety. Would a positive diagnosis of FAS help you get mental health more involved? I realise it’s not curable and there is no medication to improve the condition but is there any medication available that will help the mood effects?
I still keep thinking about the testosterone effect, has he been checked to see if he has high levels exacerbating his anger?

Relinquishing parental rights or at least the threat of it might wake up the authorities, would it be possible to get some free legal advice to give you some information to work with? In the UK we have some lawyers who will do a free 30 minute session to evaluate if there is a case.

With personality disorders in young people there has been some positive research that criminal behaviour can be reduced after (I hesitate to call it therapy) counselling but this could be a double edge sword. Firstly the person will only ever co-operate if it benefits them and if they see the rewards of behaving in a certain way they will, secondly it could be temporary for short term gain, thirdly they learn more about what is expected of them and learn to be more deceptive.

I hope you enjoy your break, you certainly need it.

Regards
Jan

We had a wonderful, peaceful break. Thank you.
Jan, you have hit the nail on the head about the questioning ourselves about those crazy making things. I have been living in a surreal world that no one else (except others who are in the same situation) could even imagine, let alone continue it day to day for years! I went through the crate of stuff I have and sorted into catagories all the school discipline reports, the medical/hospital emergency/medications stuff, the court reports/assault records/youth at risk/detention/court ordered anger classes, the family writings-pages of notes I've made/reports family members have written of events/letters B has written/drawings since 6 of family being burned or teachers being shot,Social and psychological write ups from various professionals. And I wonder why I keep questioning if I'm making too much of this? It's like I have gotten so good at just living one day at a time and celebrating a good day or part of a good day, that I have trained myself to forgive and forget for the sake of survival.

So here's the ultimate irony: I finally got mental health to take me seriously and try to get him admitted into a mental hospital. Even B took me serious enough to agree to self admit. But I got a phone call from the mental hospital telling me that even though they had available beds, they would not take him due to the fact that he is dangerous.....
DUHH!
And Children's won't do a brain scan because he isn't in crisis.....
So tomorrow I have to go to court again and see what they are going to do. Most likely he will be sent home because obviously they think he isn't dangerous enough for them to keep him.....
And all ANYONE can say to me is, "Sorry, there's nothing we can do."
I can't refuse to go get him if he is released because then I would be charged with the crime of child abandonment.....
So I guess they should just get a bowl of popcorn and watch what he does next. Like a game of Russian roulette; who and when is it going to be?

Hi Exhausted

It's like you have 3 steps forward and 2 back but making very slow progress. Talk about Catch 22! B is too dangerous to stay in hospital but safe to come home where there are young children.

If only we could find a way around the threat of a child abandonment charge.....that is crazy...it puts your other children and you at risk by bringing him home. Is there a counter charge you could bring on behalf of the children? Can you be 'too ill' to bring him home? There must be some legal loophole that would give you a valid reason. If only we could get a lawyer involved!

Do you know they would press charges or is it a threat to encourage you because they don't know what to do with him. Maybe now is the time to go public! If he does get sent home can you request a delay to enable you to prepare the house for his return...locks for safety for instance? I know I would insist that whoever makes the decision to send him home takes FULL responsibility for any outcome. I know that is little comfort to you because it means you will wait in fear for something to happen.

I remember the crazy way of living only too well. I thought we were the only people living a bizarre existence as though it was normal...but there again it had become normal. I too, ignored so many things just to give myself a break or I would have been constantly on alert, many of these things would have been totally unacceptable in other homes and it went against my principles but I would have gone insane trying to keep things right. I even got so I wanted other people to see some of the things the kid did to validate what I saw to reassure me I wasn't going mad. Maybe you should invite the decision makers into your home for 24 hours, that would open their eyes.

I would ask these professionals what they would do in your situation....would they accept a dangerous person back in their home? Another thought, is there any possibility of asking for a chaperone to come home with B as a requirement so as not to be threatened with abandonment? I don't know how the law would see that but if you were saying you are NOT abandoning him but putting safety requirements in place.

I wish I had studied law!

I will be thinking of you all.

Regards
Jan

Hi, great job on getting the evidence in order. If you could get a pro bono attorney and present all this information someone will take an interest.

I had an idea since it would be confidential to call the probation officer and ask for some names of attorneys, start off by saying this request isn't about anything he has done so he won't feel defensive and will possibly cooperate. He has to know attorneys.

I would guess there are certain areas of the house where B has his threatening fits and start by one recorder at a time as finances can handle. At the least I would also include your and your husbands room with alarms along with B's so he can't sneak in there while you are sleeping or any other time during the day etc. Check out the laws in your state about recordings, some do allow and others don't so if your state doesn't it will get tossed aside.

My stomach turned when I read he was released due to violence, what kind of world are we living in. One last thing I would assume this place had videos I would find out how often they play over them because they probably won't turn over the videos without an attorney's request. Obviously B did some horrible things while there. That would be something an attorney would need to hop on to get those tapes. My best guess being a facility like that they would keep the tapes longer than lets say a convenience store.

Di

I hope you don't think I am loading you up with information, these are just thoughts I have to try my best to help.

I didn't realize you hadn't oficially adopt B yet, there must be some system to drop the application since I assume he is considered to be in foster care until the adoption is finalized? I would think it would't take an attorney but a call to drop the request for adoption. Make it their problem to take him out of them home to some poor people down the road. Sounds cruel but you are fighting for your household safety where everywone is a target. I wouldn't let B know just figure out how you can MAKE them take him back.

I should clear that up for you Dianne, We officially adopted B when he was an infant. He is all ours. But there is a thing called disillusionment. It's kindof like a divorce from your adopted kid. Very final. It doesn't happen too often and it takes an attorney and hearings to give cause. The court could still refuse to grant it. I have been doing a little research on available attorneys that handle adoption disillusionments.

Also, B was never admitted to a mental hospital, he was sitting in detention waiting to get a bed in one. But the hospital refused to admit him because they felt he was too dangerous based on information from the Designated Mental Health Professional that interviewed B and had a bundle of faxed documents from me. B was supposed to have court today so the judge could decide what to do with him. (I expected him to be sent home like usual) I showed up and he wasn't on the docket afterall. I have a weekend reprieve.

He exhausted, sorry for thinking B still in the adoption process. A weekend away from B is a true blessing everytime he is not in the home. During this disillusionment process (this is all something I know nothing about) does B get represented by a lawyer? From a reasonable perspective I can't imagine being denied based on all the documents you have.

If B gets assigned a lawyer I would think it would not be legal for you to be without. Finding a lawyer quicker than later could prove your case. If your lawyer is up to speed, then I would hope that the attorney assigned to B would be like most, over booked and many times read the file in the elevator to the hearing.

There is a solution but how do we grasp it, I think all your research is terrific. Now to find the attorney. nolo has some listings for attorneys.'

Di

The juvenile court could be a great place to find an attorney as long as they are in private practice. They must be listed somewhere and maybe even an offical lawyer for juveniles would certainly know of a few that have left to pursue private practice?