At the start of my sessions with my OT, she asked me what I would like to discuss. I said 'fear' and 'anger'. I think those two emotions have pretty much dominated my life as a result of what my dad subjected me to.

OK, so the fear I can talk about. It's not a problem. I can describe the intense fear of when it all happened, the fear of not being able to cope with any stuff that might come at me in the future, the physical feelings of fear then as well as how it manifests itself now.

But the anger? Much trickier. My OT is going for the 'you're absolutely justified to feel the anger you do' approach. And I have to say, it's a huge relief.

But I'm scared of being totally overwhelmed by it. It's not just anger, it's a murderous rage I feel. At what he put me through, and for all the other women he's hurt, abused and practically killed.

At my last session she pointed out that when I feel/describe anger it tips over into distress pretty quickly. I had never noticed that. I agree with her.

Anyway, how to deal with this? How to cope?

Hello Starry,

I am reading a new book and I strongly encourage you to read it as well. It is called "Women, Food, and God," by Geneen Roth. One of your posts earlier mentioned problems with an eating disorder. This book addresses IT ALL. All the way down to the roots. You said that you are scared of being totally overwhelmed by your anger. This book addresses your deepest most buried feelings. It explains how these feelings control your behavior, your thoughts. It explains how the process of recognizing and allowing yourself to feel them is healing. It explains how to emotionally recover FROM ANYTHING.

I am recovering from childhood abuse, abuse from my daughter's Psychopath father, in addition to recovery from alcoholism, drug addiction, an eating disorder, and codependency. (May I mention that I managed to quit smoking about 3 months ago as well :)This book applies to it all. If you are not particularly religious, do not let the mention of God in the title turn you away. This book refers to God in a completely spiritual sense of self, and not at all in the traditional religious way.

Unfortunately, I don't have the time to further explain all of the wonderful insight that this book has to offer. I did take a minute to read through some of your previous posts. I recognize some feelings and issues that you have experienced that are similar in nature to my own. I have found this book to be in the top 3 influential and beneficial books toward my emotional recovery- from everything. She also has a book called, "When Food is Love," written many years ago. Another excellent book which I highly recommend.

"Don't run. Look. Because when we welcome what we most want to avoid, we contact the part of ourselves that is fresh and alive. We touch the life we truly want and evoke divinity itself."
-from "Women, Food, and God" (Geneen Roth)

The Books:

Click on these links and the books can be searched by author or title with all available prices, new, used et.

http://www.cheapestbookprice.com
http://www.amazon.com

I don't live near any major bookstores so this is my best resource.

Di

Thank you.

Short on words at the moment, but thank you.

Knowing that a complete stranger has taken the time to read and reply, and offer some help, means so much to me.