Hi, I am a wife and mother of 2. My son who is 15 has just been Dx as a Psychopath. I am confused. I am baffled. I am scared beyond any fear I have ever known. I am a RN...everything I have read so far leads me to believe that he can not be Dx this young. Does anyone have any experience that could possibly relate to this or any advise on where I should be looking? I am preparing to ask for a 2nd opinion.

Kind regards,
Cata~

Hi Cata, I am very sorry to hear of your situation.

There is a Psychopath checklist for ages 16+; however some evaluators will test at age 13. Normally a diagnosis of conduct disorder is used until a later age. I agree that a second opinion is indeed in order. If you are comfortable what were the circumstances that lead you to have your son evaluated?

If you look in the Resource Section there is information about Dr. Carl Gacono who is a leading evaluator. He does not do phone consultations and schedules appointments held in Texas. He is the only person I would spend my money on. He is considered in the industry to be the best. Dr. Carl Gacono - Resource Section

A second opinion is critical, this is a pretty serious label to put on your son. I have had some contact with Dr. Gacono over the years and if it were my situation, he would not just be on a list of professionals to consider but the only one.

I could be wrong but typically at the age of your child the diagnosis would be conduct disorder and not be able to be labeled/diagnosed as a Psychopath. Dr. Gacono does evaluations from the age of 13 but the end wording will be the same, conduct disorder typically indicates Psychopath (if that is what he truly is). Makes me wonder about this evaluation if he is using terminology that is not commonly used. I will have to refresh my mind but I am quite sure that diagnosis/label is not professionally used at your child’s age.

I can imagine hearing the word Psychopath sent you into quite a shock.

Di

Yeah, wow ...all this started when he was just barely 14 yrs. I will do the bones of it...becuase it would take me hrs to tell it all in detail.

When he was barely 14...he started hanging around a 16 yr old girl that was smoking, drinking and preforming sexual acts on him. When I forbade him from seeing the girl it did not work. He came up with an elaborate story about meeting soem other ppl and playing in a band with them. ( He is a great guitarist..self taught) Uhm, I came back fromt he gym 1 morning to find a note ( I was only gone for about an hr) that he had boarded a plane back to the US ( we are currently residing over seas) with these ppl he had been playing with. I freaked..called my husband..who in turn called the air port. I called Homeland security and he would be detained if he disembarked any plane stateside. I went out walking that night just to search for ppl that knew him. I found a pair of older kids who knew him and they said he actually had went to Austria where that girls family had moved to. ( at this time I had thought they had been gone for a month or better..they had just moved 1 week prior as I had figured out shortly after meeting with those 2 youths) My 14 yr old had hopped a train from Amsterdam Nl..to Austria....He was gone for 1 week...we had hired 3 private investigators..and were now down alot of money. There was absolutely no remorse for his actions or for the worry he caused us.



There was alot of chaos....between the aformentioned and what I am about to go into..but again I am just giving the bones. Alot of lying and stealing ( we had to put a safe in the house) and just a blantant disregard for not only house rules but societial rules and boundries as well.


We were having alot of problems with him smoking pot and some other issues ( not hard drugs just behavor problems) he was jealous of a boy ( thinking he wanted to date his x girlfriend) So he set this kid up...he had this kid beaten 3 times...and whiel pretending to be his friend ( the boys who commited the violence were my sons firneds that he was forbidden to hang around both after school and in school) the 3rd beating was the culmination fo the plan...he borke up the fight..took the boy home..called us...we called the aschool ( he was a little hero...we were so proud...thinking he was finally getting " it" ) Well that day he encouraged that boy to bring a knife to school the next day to protect himself.....then either my son or 1 of the other boys went and told on this kid...the kid got exspelled.


Summer now has started.

My son decided to start dating some other girl...as far as we knew she didnt smoke..no drinking and no drugs. Every thing " appeared " well for a couple weeks. Then I noticed he was comiong home smelling like an ashtry. Then 1 night he came home under the influence of alcohol. That was it for me. I told him he couldnt go over there any more till I spoke to this parent. well we contacted the parent and she said ...ready for this....that she could not deny anyone the right to do things in her house that she does.!!!!!! She also refused to meet with us in person. I told my son he was not to go over there any more. Yeah, well that didnt work...we knew he was still going there...So we end the summer...well in the last week of Sept. we got 2 phone calls from the school about his truancy. I confronted my son...and he admitted he had been at that womans house... that was it ( my son has put his hands on me...and there is alot of details I am leaving out...bones.) The last night of Sept. I called my brother stateside...and had come to the agreement that my son would go for a " Time out " there ...here we go...ready


On Oct 1st at noon I get a phone call from Jeuged Zorg...yeah the Dutch equivilent of child protective services. My son waited for all the teachers that were familure with his antics to be gone ( Friday) and had a teacher that did not know him call. What a mess...but hey I have never hit my child...we have never had any complaints of domestic violence..we are upstanding ppl. I was so mad...yes I was...I told them either return my son to me or take him into protective custody. Yeah, I said it. I am an educated woman...I never thought in a thousand years that without any harm ever being done to my child...with no marks..no reports..that a Judge would sign an OTC ( out of home placement) But you knwo what...my 14 yr old was removed from my custody with in 7 hrs of him getting that teacher to call. 7 hrs!! When we spoke to our house doctor and our lawyer ...they both damn near fell out fo their chairs...the doctor said she has seem babies beaten into a hospital that have nto been removed that fast.

So here we go..now the state is involved. They Jeuged Zorg lied...that is how they got him removed so fast...yeah..they believed him when he told them I beat him everyday..EVERYDAY...yet this boy of mine had absolutely no marks on him. Well..the Judge threw the OTC out and said he was under no illusions when we came into the court room that I had ever beaten my child. I told the judge that my son could not come home till he had a been evaluated. ( there is sooo mush more that happened here...that would shock any normal human being...but again ...bones)

So he is out of my house and put a few blocks away from our family home in a emergency housing situation. Months are wasted...there is alot that happened in this time as well...but it would be taxing to decribe it all...leave it at ...Spirit an organization that houses children that are placed out side the family home...decided that my son was too dangerous and disruptive to continue housing him...yeah that is right..they were refusing to house him any further ..not one mroe day. So the day beofre Christmas they actually call us and ask us to take him for the night. We said absolutely not. So Spirit housed him 1 last night and Jeuged Zorg got a court order for lock down placement. Come Feb he still has not been evaluated. Months have gone by. We were sititng aroun d a table with 7 other professionals. We told them everythign that had gone on...they were sitting with their jaws open....I think it was March when they finally moved him from that lock down to a psyc facility.


So, he is there..and they are going to evaluate him. There were no major disruptions that we were told about..about 6 weeks ino his stay there( 4 or 6) he decied to incite a riot...he had other children throwing furniture and chanting. ( this unit no one could physically restrain or move anyone) so the " mentors" kept asking ppl to go to their rooms..when my son finally went and they locke dhim in..he proceeded to tear up that room...he broke the toilet bowl..broke the chair..broke the window and took the door off the hinges. All the while he was laughing manically ...and when the policed put him in handcuffs and walked him by the " mentors" he was said to have looked at them with pure hatred. I got that phone call at 1am.

We were told the next day that he was going to be transfered...that he was too dangerous for that facility. We called hsi court appointed guardian ( whome we get along with...cause we asked for a change..the previous one was horrid and ..well another story) she said they could not transfere him till they Dx' d him. 2 of the top Psychiatrists in that facility met with him while he was in solitary confinement. He was Dx as a Pyschopath. Come the following Mon. when they were going to transfer him...the Phsychiatrist that did the intake came back and asked that he not be moved to another facility but moved to a stricter unit. ( where they can physically restrain him).


And that is the bones of it. My son has never apologised....my son has never begged me to take him home.


Still confused...and still scared,
Cata~

If you are interested in something..just ask..like I said the details are numerous.

I am going to look into that Dr. you suggested. I actually thought about contacting Dr. Phil...I feel so lost in all of this

Oh ..just one more thing...I didnt do well on that timeline..age wise for him..he will be 16 at the end of this month..sorry about the lack of showing passing time.

I wish I could edit....Darn


1 bit of info I think needs to be in there...That giels mother is the one that encouraged him to call JeugedZorg because they were under the impression he would get to go live there. Spirit interviewed this woman and explained to her that what she had been doing and was continuing to do was illegal ( he was skipping school to go to her house while in the states custody) That relationship promptly ended.

He was 15 when he was removed..not 14~

Hi, I am so sorry; I set the edit function for 2 hours.

I just don't know where to begin, I am very sorry as a parent this must be the world’s worst nightmare unfolding. It will be hard to get many people to listen to your situation or grasp the serious nature of what you are going through unless you have some exceptional friends.
I don't know about the age in your county, but I think the Dr. may have done you a huge favor being so frank. No one wants to label a kid but without any knowledge it would be even more complicated to figure out what to do.

Every place has an age of when the child is recognized as an adult and no longer the responsibility of their parents (emancipated). Do you know what age that is where you are? Are there other children still at home?

It is truly sad thinking of your hopes and dreams for your child and have such a rotten turn out. There is nothing you could have done and come out with any different results, they are born, not made.

I would suggest working on some boundaries united with your husband for the time he is released. It sounds like you have some clear boundaries but this will take a new set. Sadly, he will never change. In his mind he will always be the victim so when/if he comes around there are many things to be prepared for. All the way down to what you will do when broken hearted gf’s contact you and is/when tries to con you for money or saying he will changes. Psychopaths will always see themselves as the victims.

Writing can help and I hope in our own small way we can be there for you.

Di

Thank you!


So now the lockdown facility he is at has decided that he is too dangerous to stay there...his case has been kicked up to the Justice Department. The Dr.s there actually had the nerve to say there were only 3 options.


1. That they release him back to me. My answer is no and will remain a steadfast,...no. I have a soon to be 11 yr old daughter at home...and I need to protect her from his escalating violence. Not to mention that after he was removed from my home I went through his room and found picture dipicting him ..killing me. Or of someone killing a woman. ( really looked like him and really looked like me.)

2. That he sleep there but during the day light hours he is just released to wander the streets. My answer was No.

3. That he go to an open placement of some kind. Again my answer was NO.

Thank goodness his court appointed guardian is an intellegent , educated woman...cause she agrees that if they are saying he is too dangerous for lock down then how on earth are any of those even options. So she kicked it up to the DoJ....So now they will more than likely move him to a higher facility.


I feel so isolated and so alone at this moment. The mother in me says there is no way my child is broken is such a way i can not fix.....then the educated woman in me says sometimes the hardest things in life to deal with are the things we can not fix and therefore need to let go of.


I think my biggest fear is that my son will be released ( as being a psychopath is not crime) and he will kill another mothers child...this is utterly destroying me. I am not sure I can carry such guilt.


Cata~

Hi, yes indeed you do have your daughter to protect. Are there ways now that you can get her some help to really, really understanding what to do if/when he ever approaches her?

You are doing the right thing and as a mother with an instinct to protect, right now the people who need protecting are you and your immediate family. Unfortunately only time will tell what he will do, we can only hope and pray it doesn't happen to another family, odds are stacked in favor of a lifetime of horror from him toward others. In their lifetime Psychopaths do horrible damage to hundreds if not thousands of people in many ways. There is really no escaping his future harm. Your daughter and family need you; it is almost like having a death in the family. The process that Elizabeth Kubler Ross goes through might in a way help you reach that place.

Have you had any contact with him since he has been there?

The no contact plan will be essential, also please do set up any and all safety measures you can for your home. I would suspect he is blaming you big time for where he is now. He will try to tell everyone in ear shot what a lousy family he has when he is released, hold your head up high; you know that you are doing the only thing any person would do. At the risk of sounding harsh based on his openly violent behavior while in these facilities he might be on a fast track to prison when he is released. He won't be able to get away with those things in public. I don't have any cold hard facts but it does appear that when a person is put in prison early they can more than likely become institutionalized or they lack the ability to abide by probation rules and it can become a revolving door.e

Do juvenile records get sealed there?, if not it will give any future Judges a very good view of past behaior.

I hope so but it is doubtful anyone will understand or absorb the criticsl state you are in. Explaining the situation normally isn't understood by others. I am very glad you have a sharp woman helping you in the system.

The mother in you might consider building a brick wall around your heart, brick by brick so your focus can be on your daughter and family. You are doing the right thing, probably the toughest thing a person could encounter when it is your own child. You are doing what you can do and are not to blame for anything now or in the future when it comes to what he does. The situation was tossed your way, not chosen.

Di

I see him once or twice a week. No he doesnt openly blame me for his situation. The dr's actually ruled out trauma and abuse. We laugh and talk when I am there. I ask him questions to see the response I get. However I am never sure if he is giving me the answer he thinks I need or really giving me an answer. The sad thing is I remember when he was 10 or 11 ...he was sitting on the stairs and I was talking wiht him about some poor decisions he made....and he looked at me and said " I feel empty inside. " Last night I visited him and I asked him if he understood what a psychopath was.....he said yeah....it is someone that has a hard time relating to another. I asked him if he feels that way and he said sometimes he does...then there are other times where he can relate to how someone feels.


I am going to see his court appointed guardian tomarrow. I think arrangments need to be made..becuase he cant ever come home with this Dx. Yeah, I have spoken a little to our daughter about him. I will have no other choice then to prepare her over time on how to deal with her brother.


I am not sure I can wall myself off from him. I do understand though that I will have to set boundries and not pass those or let him...no matter what. I find his behavior odd....you know he doesnt have any anger over being there...He doesnt blame me or strike out at me....he tells me he loves me.....and that he knows he has caused me alot of pain. I see someone struggling to understand himself....and where he might fit into the world. It is crazy I am really looking forward to a 2nd opinion.



My husband says he is just minipulating me....I dont know....


Kind regards,
Cata~

Ps.
I have no clue about the juvinile records..he doesnt have one at the moment.

The age of majority here is 21....we are legally responsible for him till eh is 21.