New Bird, although I have never done drugs, I always felt my relationship with my Psychopath was like a drug addiction, with him the dealer and me the hooked junkie.

When things were, briefly, going well it was like a euphoric bubble. The person I was besotted with and adored was (apparently) back and it was just the two of us with all my troubles and worries forgotten, then you really paid for that "high" with a long, black down.

Like drugs you had to work harder and harder to get that feeling back. AS with a dealer, the first few hits are free, to get you hooked, then you start paying and you need to use/buy/pay more and more (i.e. put up with more and more bad stuff) before you get to recapture the feeling.

Like an addiction you know it makes no sense but you still can't break away and even if you do your "dealer" comes and waves the drug under your nose, telling you how sweet it would feel, only for you to find you were cheated with an inferior product to what they let you have originally, diluted with rubbish to reduce the cost (effort) to them.

In my case the emotional see saw would trigger bipolar depression which would then exaggerate the emotional seesaw.

Truely finding the strength, with help from my friends for no contact is the only answer.

Dianne, Would be intereted on your take since the new therapist. I feel like we are on to something here with the big block between ourselves and freedom being the fear and the hyper alert feeling.

We cant change the psycopath. We know that. But how do we insulate ourselves from their craziness and the craziness they create in our other family members? How do we strengthen ourselves and give ourselve the peace we so richly deserve?

This is what I am striving for and trying to understand. How to change ME to not get so wrapped up in it and for god sakes not let it take over my whole life.

Hi Liz, since this is a very interesting topic I opened a new section to explore how words and actions can trigger a hyper alert feeling.

I will post tomorrow some of the things that I have discovered from talking to my new psychologist. Many of them seem "small" but have had a long lasting impact.

Hyper Alert Triggers

Feel like I am making some progress regarding insulating myself from all the drama. It is tough when it so severely effects my 85 year old mother. She can be so up and down about it all and at times is very distraught and hurt by the treatment from at least two of my brothers.

I must constantly remind myself to find my calm center. Also trying to not read the tea leaves of the future and get myself so wrapped up in what might happen next. It is tough though. Also trying to reconnect with things I enjoy like camping, in the summer, so I can nurture my peaceful side.

Hi Liz, glad you are making some progress. By taking care of yourself you will have the strength to help your mother. It must be horrific to see your mother going through this, your calm and strength is very important to help her.

Do any of them try and contact you? I would not give any of them any information even if you think they are someone you can trust, don't trust any of them or their wives. Money is a wicked deal in these things.



That is the key to life in general and particularly when we are in the eye of the storm. Some say one day at a time but really one breathe at a time is what I have found works the best.

Being at peace within yourself will help your mother more than she will probably ever express. I know she knows in her heart of hearts that you are her only support.

Di

I only have contact right now with my youngest brother who I also work with. Although he has been generally supportive, at times, he too questions the way I am handling things for my mother and even seems to think I am manipulating the will or other, at times.

So when it comes right down to it; Diane, you are right, I cant really tell anyone the details because it either makes the situation worse or I am blamed.

Unfortunately Mom shoots herself in the foot often. Yesterday the attorney wanted permission to write a letter to Psycho brother telling him exactly what we need about the businesses in order to close the estate. I went over all of it in excruciating detail with Mom last night.

Mom wanted to call Psyco brother first and let him know it was coming. I was okay with that but begged her to wait until we heard from the lawyer as to exactly what we needed from him. In fact I said several times to please not just pick up the phone and call him. Or course she did exactly that.

I dont know what frustrates and concerns me more? The fact she didnt seem to listen or understand our conversation of last night or the fact she has put herself in harms way and possibly only added another monkey wrench to the works? Fortunately he was not there and she left a message.

She told me this morning she had no recollection of me asking her to wait until we heard from the attorney. Ugh!!

Hi Liz, I am sorry to say this but your mom may be entering a stage that if the Psychopath brother gets onto it he might be able to declare her incompetent. I can't stress the urgency to get the paperwork in place as soon as humanly possible.



Like they say, loose lips sink ships, trust no one. Even when you think it is okay you have no idea what his contact is with your Psychopath brother. Mum is the word. You won't receive any validation from him and will only be highly possible transmitting information via him. I don't think he would say something on purpose but Psychopaths are very well skilled in getting information.

I posted some information about hyper alert, it is actually hyper vigilance.

Vent here, we are here for you.

Di

Liz - my situation with my brother and my mom is similar. She seems to think that he is both "ALL POWERFUL" and completely "fragile." She she caters to him and all his emotions -- not wanting him to be upset or sad or anything because all of those result in him being MAD.

Last year, I found myself feeling angry at my mom and even thinking that she was a lot like him. I've come to a more comfortable place about that. Realizing that she is a victim of him and not that she is colluding with him.

I've also noticed that my mom's memory gets very compromised the more stress she is under. Who know what will come in the next few years, but it has not been dementia type memory loss for her. She gets stressed and overwhelmed and then she honestly forgets things.

Diane and Twin, Thanks so much for the support and understanding. It really helps.

All this has such an overwhelmingly heavy mantle to my life. I try to take joy in what used to make me happy, but it is very hard at times. I feel on some level, all brothers hate me.

My brother who lives in California part time, is coming home in July. He has aligned himself with psycho, which has upset my mother more than anything and totally baffled the rest of us.

I feel like I am constantly dreading the return of psycho in the summer at our family camping place and that he will be reinvigorated with his new ally. The fear of returning to psycho rule weighs heavy on me all the time. I used to have a haven at the summer place and now feel I have no haven.

Also, with Mom's ever switching tacts, I feel I am constantly in fear of what she may do next.

Although Mom has some memory issues on a good day,it may be just the stress. Later she seemed to recognize that wasnt what we talked about regarding contacting Psyco. I think she gets overwhelmed and just wants to do something, anything to relieve her stress, even if it doesnt make sense or makes the situation worse.

Maybe for all of us, it is the tension before some resolution, as we are getting down to the wire to settle the estate.

I am considering returning to my shrink, as I feel I need a refresher on how to protect myself from evil and possibly harrassment. I wish I could just blow it off and not deal in dread, but often I do.

Thanks for listening.

Liz

I had not seen my therapist for about 6 months and am now back to seeing her. It is comforting to vent and to know that she's only experienced a few people who are as toxic as he. Sometimes I think that there is something wrong with me for not being able to "handle" him. When I talk to my therapist, I understand that it he would be hard for anyone to handle.