Dianne,
So glad that you got away and stayed in a hotel. Sounds like a wonderful self protective move. Often, I too, will chose the alone time and ability to choose my environment when visiting friends. That alone time can be so recharging and refreshing.

You are again, 100 per cent right. I need to stop trying to explain the details to the brother I work with. As I told him during his tirade, I have kept him 100 per cent in the loop and it has only bit me in the butt. He tells psycho brother I am on a power trip and now apparently has commisserated with the brother in California.

TG I have the therapist appt on Tuesday. Feeling very alone and dreading the time we will be forced to spend together this summer when California brother arrives. I need some coping skills and the T will be just the person to help.

Mom and I had a meeting with the financial guy yesterday. Among other things he told her is was not a good idea to have four co-executors or co-trustees. Mom seemed to get it but is still reluctant to change it. Do not know what that is about. I will keep up the pressure. She almost tried to make it about the money, but that is not it with me. It is about spending the next 20 or so years of my life in battle with these guys.

Thanks once again for listening, supporting and offering great advice. I will go camping tonight which always helps get me back to center.

Do you have anything planned for relaxation, Dianne?

Unfortunately, youngest brother visited Mom yesterday to continue his tirade about changing the trustee successor to all four of us. He still says I lied to him, but cant seem to come up with actually what I lied about.

I have told him several times, it was my understanding the trust was always in age order and not co-trustees. There is a part in the notes Dad had that looks like it may have been co at one time or at least discussed. The attorney told me that it was always age order not co. Either way the depth of my sadness, anger, fear etc, is unfathomable at this time.

I dont know what upsets me more? The bullying of my Mom for sure. Then there is bros insistence I lied, which is certainly relaying to the other brothers that dont need any excuse to say, "ah-ha!" Then there is the fear of what will happen if Mom does change to co.

The financial guy on Thursday strongly suggested not having more than one trustee. I did suggest to Mom last night that she appoint a neutral third party like an attorney or the financial guy. Unfortunately I think she will cave now that her final son support appears to be gone and go co. This is all so unfair to her.

What will co mean to me? Hard to say. More agony it appears. Agony that possibly goes on the rest of my life.

TG I am seeing the therapist on Tuesday.

Hi Liz, I am hoping beyond hope that your mother listens to the financial advise. My hope is that now that all of them are ganging up on her which is beyond evil that perhaps she might consider this more seriously.

I think the writing is on the wall that if there are all co's involved that they will all gang up and have the final say for her final well being, that is the biggest concern she should be thinking about.

I don't even know your brothers and I have smoke coming out of my ears with disgust over their treatment of her. She is too old for all of this. I don't know how you can fight to protect her if she doesn't keep things the same and puts her life literally in their hands.

Have you considered contacting an elder abuse organization? My sil did that when her crazy meth sister was abusing her father over money. They took things very seriously and might be something to consider, at this point I think they are very seriously abusing her. I know I would contact them to see what they can offer as far as advise. Your mother needs peace and so do you.

Did you get a chance to go camping? I am not a camper but it sounds like a good place for you to go and be at peace with nature.

Di

Hi Dianne,
Thanks again for the support. I have been really down since the latest blasting of both my Mother and myself. We have talked about it extensively. I have suggested she change to a third party but right now she says she is changing nothing.

It is beyond horrid. Especially the treatment of her. Thank you for the suggestion of contacting elder abuse. I have the therapist appt today so will run that by her too. I think if Elder Abuse took any action, it would just escalate the situation. Surely they would accuse me of coercing Mom or otherwise changing things to what they perceive as my benefit.

As I probably have often stated, I knew my brothers had hidden and not so well hidden, fear and disdain for women, but am just floored at the depth of it.

I am trying to find some peace for myself, like camping. I did go Friday, but unfortunately that is when my youngest brother blasted Mom. So I was trying to text him, "just the facts, ma'am" regarding what he thinks I lied about and his treatment of Mom. I am sure it went no where and somewhat ruined my night.

Mom's new theory is he was itching all along to go to the dark side and just needed an excuse to throw himself over. Might be so.

Hope your day goes well and is peaceful. Thanks again for listening.

Hi Liz, it sounds to me like your mom is getting the horrible picture about your brothers. It is good news that she isn't changing anything, that will leave you in charge. It sounds like your mother is being very wise and she is seeing them for what they are. I think that is why she doesn't want to change anything.

As far as I know elder abuse organizations operate in confidence. I know my sil got some great support from them.

Here is the link for their site Elder Abuse Organization

Although I don't represent them I think you might consider checking it out. Clearly from what you have said, they are committing elder abuse.

Personally I would stop trying to defend yourself to them, you have done nothing wrong.

Di

Dianne,
Thanks for the link. I didnt get that far with the therapist but will check it out.

Therapist agreed that I need to stop defending myself. She even asked me if I thought I could do that? Like what percent? I said 70/30.

I think my logical brain keeps trying to make sense of it and believes the only way is to continue to explain myself. I realize now that will get me nowhere.

It still hurts really bad that my youngest brother did this AND then relayed it all to my middle brother, who will then relay it to the oldest brother. So they all will be smiling like the Cheshire, thinking they finally got me.

Therapist reiterated that Mom and I would be fools to have a meeting with the brothers and no other professional there. Also that the lawyer should be more proactive about setting up Mom's will and power of attorney, health surrogate to one person, not four. We have a tentative meeting with him on Tuesday.

It is all a lot for Mom to digest but she seems to be trying. She often just wants to stop talking about something or otherwise close off her mind when it gets to be too much. And I guess I fear she will go to the dark side just to stop all this pressure on her. We talked about that a little bit.

I hope to go camping tomorrow and try to relax. Havent run into youngest brother at the office this week. Havent heard from his wife or the rest of his family either although Mom talked to the wife. Again it was about how hurt he was that I lied. Hurt??. Yeah, right!

Hi, sorry to see all your brothers have joined forces, sadly that is how it works when you have a Psychopath in the mix.

Is there a way for the attorneys to just bring the forms to sign when you meet with them? At least have them bring the power of attorney for your moms health rights.

I am glad you have a great therapist, worth their weight in gold when they are that good. I agree it would be horrible to think a meeting with that gang alone with just you and her. Not sure what any meeting would bring as far as outcome, they have made their ideas and cruelty very well known.

Hope you have fun camping, personally I would block your brothers and at a minimum be saving their horrible text messages.

It is sad and hard to process how evil they are being. I am glad your mom is opening up, maybe this will help her to know she needs to have you in charge particularly over her health matters. The way they are all acting they should all be tossed out of the will.

Have some fun and try to relax.

Di

It is very hard to accept how evil and self serving they are. I hate that hyper vigilant state I feel I have become, waiting for their next bizarre act. Which happened today, of course.

Psycho finally went over to Mom's. I dont think she has seen him since Easter. He brought his computer, plugged it in and proceeded to read a 10+ page tirade about how he has never done anything wrong and Mom is being a dictator and conniving with me. It was delusional and TG, Mom could see it for that.

Then younger brother calls up and runs her through the mill for an hour. I was there for that. I am beyond disgusted by all of it, especialy younger brother's behavior. Apparently he encouraged psycho to make some contact with Mom. He was quickly back peddling though when he found out how it went.

As much as it disgusts me, it also hurts, that now they have all joined forces against me and Mom. She said the level of hatred towards me is unbelievable. She seems genuinely shocked by the it. Me too.

Unfortunately it still upsets me. I am so tired of it all at times. Hoping the lawyer has some answers.

I will have some communication with the lawyer before our meeting if it actually happens. Still waiting for his final ok.

On a positive note, had a lovely night camping. It was beautiful and peaceful. I knocked off early from work and had additional time to just enjoy nature and relax. Unfortunately it all went to H today.

I must keep my spirts up though and not over think everything. It is making me nuts.

Thanks for listening. Do you have some relaxation and fun planned this weekend.

Hi Liz, I guess the proof is clear and it seems like your mom is moving along in her thought process. Maybe she will dis inherit them based on what they were doing, wouldn't that be great to just dump them. It is beyond sick that they are abusing her so much, what a pack of creeps and total idiots. No one should ever speak to their parent in such a vile way. In a way it is good they are showing their true colors and maybe she will decide to just axe them from the estate over all this abuse.

If she moves in that direction make sure there is a no contest clause in the will. I hope the attorneys get busy because your mom needs you now more than ever to protect her should something happen. I would hate to even imagine what they would do if she was unable to care for herself.

I am glad you enjoyed your camping trip, spent the weekend re doing my bedroom and kitchen and planning a trip to see George Benson in concert first of August, will be in Ohio so will be hot as heck but I got a front row seat .

Your mom is lucky she has you to protect her from them.

Di

Dianne, Would you be going to the Jazz Festival to see George Benson? A stone's throw away from here. So glad to hear that you had a relaxing weekend and also were able to spend time changing your living space. Change in space, change is life, right?

Lawyer meeting went okay. He talked to Mom about changing her executor(s), health surrogate and power of attorney. He asked me to leave the room while they talked about it. That was fine with me. Later she discussed with me having myself and the financial advisor from the bank in either the one or two position. She is to call the lawyer back in a week.

Psyco Brother sent another long diatribe to the lawyer in response to their request for information. Naturally a skewering of me in there. Lawyer said he didnt like the letter, but was encouraged he was getting some response.

Bad news is my younger brother was right about the co-trustees of the trust. Although it never made it to the final document, there does seem to be intent on my father's part to make it that way. I had asked both lawyers repeatedly if it was ever supposed to be co and they both denied. When I supplied the copy of the letter that young bro was pounding on, lawyer was like, "Oh well, guess it was, but now it is changed." Well you know that will be a huge issue with all the brothers and fuel more, "YOU LIED" talk. Not sure exactly how that will be handled, but lawyer better protect my butt. Mom did not want me to say anything to any of the brothers about this at this time. Will have to review that option for awhile

Other than that, Mom liked him because he was taking a hard line about the businessess. He suggested getting appraisals of the buildings and equipment and then offering them for sale to the family first and general public if no one is interested. I like the idea of some finality to those issues, although all of that will take time.

Mom seemed to take it all okay. She was pretty wiped out by the end of the day but seemed to recover later. I went to a meeting I had at 5 and then went back to her house for dinner.

So some good and bad news I guess. Had to reschedule the therapist because there were too many other things going on yesterday. Looks like an appt in a couple of weeks.