My ex-husband is a dangerous psychopath (diagnosed by court-ordered PhD as narcissistic personality disorder; his psychiatrist another time told me he was a psychopath and that he should have no access to my children but this was “off the record” due to doctor-patient confidentiality). I was with him from the age of 17 to the age of 39 when I was able to escape with police assistance and then stayed in shelters for women. He had been extremely abusive towards me for years (broken bones, hospital stays, blood on walls in our house, furniture that he had chopped with an axe – endless stories). I have 3 children.
The incident that finally got me away was seeing him rape our puppy (penis in mouth). He would pick this puppy up by the neck and throttle it. At the time, we had recently brought home 2 small puppies. A couple weeks earlier I had arrived home to find the other puppy had been “run over by a car in front of our house” so he decided to burn the body. Very calmly he showed me the bones and ashes in a plastic bag. My kids at the time were 3, 6, 8. They had no reaction. I wanted to leave but I was terrified. This man had threatened to kill me so many times and he warned me that if I told anyone I’d never see the kids again. When I secretly reported all this to the police, they asked me other questions and it came out that all of my children had been sexually abused for years. They had symptoms ranging from migraine headaches (he was a pharm rep and had a big stash of drugs), bleeding rectums, crabs. I had taken them to doctors (even a CAT scan for the migraines) over the years to find out the cause but the doctors never figured it out. My kids had other injuries that I now know are due to the abuse. My middle daughter nearly died from bacterial meningitis and septicemia; doctors saw injury in her mouth; she was 18 months old at the time. I knew he was a monster but I had no idea he was capable of this.
The police told me to get the kids at the school immediately (I intended to go home and pretend nothing happened). There was a court case and I had custody of the kids. He had visitation which increased over the next couple years. I was advised by my lawyer not to pursue the sexual abuse in criminal court because it would be traumatic for the kids and it would be difficult to gather “evidence” since we had been living away from him.
I moved to another city and he followed. Over the years, I moved again twice and he followed each time. Many court dates with him seeking custody and child support and spousal support. Of course, he was a deadbeat, unemployed. Ontario law favours equal access and if a parent appears to have good intentions, the preference of court is to allow fathers 50/50. When my son was 10, he was awarded custody because he wanted to see his dad more. At the time, my son told me that he took showers with his dad every day. All the CAS did was send his father a letter saying this was inappropriate. The girls told the court they wanted to live with me but continued to see their father on weekends.
Fast forward to now. As we all know, the psychopath is a master manipulator, liar. My ex continued to harass me and he is relentless in his single pursuit: to destroy my life.
A few months ago he forged my name on a cheque. The police say the case is closed since I got my money back from the bank. Numerous times he trespassed and entered my house when I was gone. Like all the other times he commits these acts, he is not punished. My son is exactly likely like his father. He is 16 and barely speaks to me. He despises me. He has been groomed for years now. I have no idea what his father tells him about me. All I know is that all my time and energy has always been devoted to my children. Even though my son was living with his dad, it was me who took him to Disney, paid for his camp, paid for his tutoring, paid for his braces. Two years ago my son had pericarditis and 3 open heart surgeries; each time over 1 litre of fluid around his heart. No cause was found. My son takes heart medication every day and sees a cardiologist a couple times a year. Guess what his father has him focused on? Football. The boy is failing school but is playing football and has decided to make this his future. (My ex is 6 ft, 4 in tall and huge. My son is turning out the same. His football coach thinks he will get a scholarship to the US but has no idea he has a heart condition. My ex’s father died of a heart attack at 44. My ex’s mother is a psychopath too. (I believe there is a genetic component.)
My eldest daughter is now 21. Her father had always groomed her to be his “female” partner. She moved in with her dad a couple weeks ago. They went to my house one day when I was at a restaurant with my son. My son must have messaged them that I was out of the house and my daughter and her father moved all her bedroom furniture, clothes out of the house.
Then around the same time, the middle daughter bought a puppy. I have severe asthma and I told her no puppy because I can’t have a dog in my house. (I had another dog that my son took to live with his father because I was too sick to keep her. That was a few years ago. My son would call me to take her to the vet. First a hole in her back. Then a serious illness – I think poison. My sweet dog went from a bouncy healthy dog to a slinking, blind, cripple in a matter of a year.) Naturally when my middle daughter asked for a puppy, I was so upset. (I’m also a cancer survivor and my health is not great.) I told her that if she got a puppy, I’d stop giving her money for her university. Well … a couple weeks ago she got a puppy. A daschund which is the type of dog her father had abused when he was a boy. A true psychopath he was a kid who was always in trouble. Kicked out of scouts for beating up other kids. Kicked out of his school. He used to torture that dog so much that his parents gave the dog away.
Now all my kids are all living with their father. He has completely turned them against me. The last time I saw my eldest daughter in the driveway she said horrible things – it was like her father was speaking. Her father said “You will be all alone.” All 3 kids came by this week to empty out the middle daughter’s room. The only things left behind are pictures of me and gifts I’ve given her.
I see now that his plan had been in motion for several years and it is now complete.
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