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What an awful story. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

What you need right now is crisis counseling. In my city it's a free service and is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please, please look into that. I know you're lost and your head is fuzzy and you have no self confidence- this is what they do to you. Add in the fact that he's obviously very dangerous you need to do things now to protect yourself and your family.

There's no doubt in my mind he'll always compulsively cheat, always commit violent acts and always lie. Please get out safely.

As for him being a psychopath... I know it's hard to accept and so hard to accept that the guy he presented to you on those rare occasions was just an act. It's heartbreaking to think there's no help for him either- but this is how he is. No amount of love or help or talking is going to change him.

I went through so many stages just dealing with those facts. It broke my heart to think someone made him like that and he has no real chance at life, but you have to remember there's no help for him, and he's just going to keep hurting and victimizing people. And this is life, and life isn't fair. YOU need to take care of YOU now.

The man you loved doesn't exist. I'm so sorry but you have to accept this so you can begin to pick the pieces up and move on. It won't be easy and it won't be quick but it will get better.

31 st wedding anniversary this Wednesday ,

Hey Shayna- Awesome post. Hope you are doing better. Have you been NC?

Hi 1962, thank you. It's... one day at a time. I took the weekend off to completely tear down and repaint/redo one room in my house, so that kept me very busy. A couple of friends attempted to come over but I told them no- go away, I need my me time this weekend! lol

And yes- there's been NC from him for... 4 days! Wow, weird, I had to check on that; it feels like it's been longer than that.

I hope you're doing well. I read you've been couch surfing for a while. Hang in there girl!

One day at a time....Yup, that's the best way! I was doing well with NC but then I fell off the gray rock. I was at 18 days and I think that it was the weekend and that is my worst time. This Wednesday would have been our 31st anniversary and I have plans to spend the day with my boys. Tomorrow I am going to meet with an intake counselor to see if I can get into a woman's support group- I only want to go it they "get" it. I have met so many who just don't. Even other women who have been abused. Their situations are different somehow.

Throwing yourself into a project is great therapy- also gives you something new to feel good about. I miss that as I loved to do home improvement projects with my "Psychopath".

yes, I've been all over since my "Psychopath" is in our house and won't get out. I have no money, but lots of lovely family members who I have supporting me literally and figuratively!


CONGRATS ON 4 DAYS , I know exactly what you mean about it feeling like longer.

Time seems to go by slowly when you're in pain.


((HUGS)) to you!

1962, I hope you're holding it together today. (((HUGS)))

Thanks Shayna,

I'm having lunch with my boys today and reading and posting. 31 years is a long time to last with a "Psychopath"- but since he dropped his mask and began the discard phase there is no turning back to that "innocent" time of husband and wife.

Dear Brokengirl,

The story you have told is one of the most horrifying, especially because you are a very young lady and seems you have a bonafide out of control, cruel and clearly dangerous loose cannon of a man in your life. None of us are qualified to diagnose psychopathy, but clearly this is man presents MORE than the average danger and what may be considered 'of the violent sort' and terribly destructive. When they talk about killing people or themselves I think they are MUCH more active, full of frustration, rage, and therefore present 'imminent' danger to anyone they are close to.
Mine is like that. Also, you will always hear about 'cancer' stories, broken bones, being locked out of the house or car, accidents, victimization all the time. He's really classic, but he's also not experienced, so he's all over the place. He slept with your best friend FFS? That's enough to dump a guy in the real world!
You really MUST eliminate ALL Contact, no matter what you THINK or FEEL at any time. Nothing Good is EVER going to come of any more contact you have with this person. You have only 10 months invested, cut your losses and RUN. You are much better off today than you will ever be. UNDERSTAND THAT FULLY! Today is your best day, and every day will be better than this one.
Understand something else. If you continue contact, EVERY DAY AFTER TODAY is going to GET WORSE. That is something I would bet my own life on.

What is your attachment to him after 10 months? NONE, ok? NONE. But think about this, if you 'continue' the damage can reflect on you for a long time.
You are young, and if you SAY NO NOW, it's likely you will be saying No to a lifetime of being abused. This is your Shining moment. (pun intended)


Get rid of this guy and come here for support. I will talk to you here if you need, every single day if you want.
You really reached me with this story, I think you are in a lot of trouble with this one. And being so young, it just breaks my heart.