I have been seeing an old acquaintance. He contacted me on facebook about 8 months ago. We dated, but he started verbally abusing me. So I tried to leave but he'd threaten to make my life miserable/sensitive personal things if i were to leave. When that didn't work, he'd plead & promise to change. I believed him & gave him another chance. A few mths later, he got frustrated that I didn't give in to what he wants (eg. uploading pics on social media/staying out late) & i tried to leave again. Then he threatened to commit suicide. I felt bad & tried to help. He lost his job. His parents are divorced & he was abused by his father. It carried on till his mum took him under her custody in his late teen. His mum wld disappear for mths on end & one day came home w a new husband. I felt bad for him, tried to push him to counselling/religion. Things got better. 

In Nov, i found out I was pregnant. I was distraught & depressed. Yet he berated me for not giving him attention. When i ignored him for days as i struggled to make a decision on what to do, he threatened to tell my parents abt my situation & verbally abused me through texts. A wk later, he texted my mother to tell her that I was pregnant, complete w a photo of the receipt of the ultrascan. Big hoo haa. After initially agreeing w me on abortion, he changed his mind when my parents suggested to keep the baby. & pleaded my parents to let him do this w me. (Not before calling me crazy, dumping me and accusing my family of cornering him into this responsibility.) But I went for an abortion on my own because i knew neither myself nor my family is ready for a baby. I knew I couldn't rely on him. I turned to my religion, he did too. & he seemed to be improving. A month on, we started going out again. Things were good. We had fun & he supported me with my classes & busy work schedule.

Then in Jan on a monday, he was at my carpark & refused to let me go to work because he wanted to spend more time w me, although we hung out the whole weekend. He stood in front of my car crying. I made the mistake of telling him to talk in e car. When he got in, he refused to leave. When i tried to talk, he'd scream at me & hit the dashboard. When i told him i wanted to break up, he strangled me & hit my head against the car door, took my bag & rode off. i drove to e police station but he followed me. I stopped at the side of the road, stood in front of his bike & yelled in public to get my things back & he did return it. I drove off & parked somewhere for fear of him waiting for me at my hse. 3 hrs later, i went home & noticed my laptop missing. My sister was slping at home & thought that I came home to take it. We made a police report & turns out, he was the one who broke into my hse w the key he took from my bag. The police have just closed the investigation & let him off w a warning and 1 year probation.

He's lost his job of 2 years and has been jumping from job to job. The police incident caused him to lost his newly acquired job. So now he is broke, jobless and has bills to pay. He has been contacting me telling me he still wants me back & will not leave me. That he'd wait for me. He'd tell me about his classes and seemed very understanding. He'd often cry to me and complain abt how difficult things were for him. But I still insisted on not meeting or contacting & I never lent him money again. (During our r/s, i lent him up to $600 for bills/food when he lost his job. He held it hostage when i'd threaten to break up with him. But i managed to get it back.)

I messed up. It had been a few weeks since i talked to him, but 2 days before his birthday (March) i got so angry at him that I called to scream at him. Then he started his crying and begging for me back again. I gave in & spent his birthday with him because I felt no one should have to be alone. (You're all probably wanting to hit me in the head right now with some sense) We had dinner & I told him i had to go. He wanted to have sex before we left but I told him no. He started trying to seduce me. I told him no, then he started crying and got really agitated, & I sat still still & started crying because I got scared. He stopped and sent me home. I have seen slight improvements/bouts of "control of his emotions" but here and there he'd say something hurtful then apologize. He talks about himself a lot. How I am making him suffer, how I lied to him and how I don't pity him for how much he's changing for me. After the birthday incident, I knew I was being played into believing that he's "changed" or "better". I would avoid and ignore him, but he left his wallet in my bag and I have to meet him to return it to him. He keeps demanding for more time to spend w me. that 5 mins to just get the wallet is not enough. & Because i'm making him miserable, he wants to make mine miserable.

I don't know what to do. How do I make him disinterested in me? He had a streak of cheating and jumping from one relationship to another. But he claims that it's different w me. That he's "never loved anyone like me". That he will do what it takes to get the future that he's always hoped for with me. 

Help. I'm struggling. The abortion. The betrayals. He painted such a perfect picture of the future. How happy we cld be, & we were happy, when he wasn't being all demanding/mean. I still find it so difficult to accept/believe that a person could hurt a person that he claims to love. I try to remind myself/force flashbacks of him strangling and hitting my head, but sometimes,I feel myself falling for his tricks & lies again. Sometimes, I feel like i myself am crazy. Maybe I like the drama. Why else would I keep gg back to it? But when I'm there, I want to get out so desperately.

He told me he had to get his wallet last night. I told him I was w family so he waited at the ground floor and I threw his wallet to him. He was throwing a fit yest because I refused to make out with him. At night he told me he surrendered. That he gives up. Why does it hurt? Shouldn't I be glad to be out of his reach now?

This is Classic! And you're in trouble and don't think you are not , or have the ability to 'handle' this situation, you are not equipped.
But I've spent time replying to ppl who never come back, so if you reply then talk is possible. I know this ENTIRE Scenario. I was in a violent/up/down/ love/hate/suicidal one. Right now, about 45 days no contact.
Stay here or come back and lets talk.

Do you have a crisis center in your town? If that's not a safe option, how about in another town? You need to get out, you know that- but you don't have the tools to be able to do that yet. If there's a number to a woman's abuse shelter- call it. Call today. They can start you on your path to recovery.

It feels like everything's hitting you all at once and you're still in a fog, I know, we've all been there. It's overwhelming. You need to reach out and take care of YOURSELF right now.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Tiger 123,

Yes, you are addicted to this relationship.

There is a huge post on women, like me, who are addicted to the man/realtionship. You can't think clearly for yourself right now. That foggy sensation is like a drug induced state.

I was in a fog for 5 months- the only reason I stayed away from the relationship was that me tried to kill me. And sadly I slip back to wanting him occassionally. (usually when I am lonely and not doing something to better myself)

Take a No Contact break from this relationship, read and post here- make a commitment to stay away from him until you are able to feel stronger. Like any addiction you will be tempted to, and may even slip- but you will find yourself growing stronger each day.

You took a huge step by posting and reaching out...we will support and validate that what you are experiencing is horrific and mind blowing.

WE GET IT, NOW...GET OUT AND STAY SAFE.



Edited for spelling and added note; don't expect all counselors to get it- most don't. but that doesn't mean that they won't be able to provide some good recommendations or support.

Hi warrioress,

I'm still here. I've been trying to talk to people but most of them don't understand what I'm going through. I know I sound ridiculous most of the time. I'd snap out of it, feel all "empowered" then I slip again. I've managed to get him to leave me alone. It's only been 2 days though. How did you stop yourself from backsliding?

Hi Shayna,

there's a women's rights group here. When I called them to ask what I can do, they told me that I could only try to get a restraining order through the court. Not much advice was given. After the police case, they couldn't do much else. I'd contacted a counselor, but haven't had time to go schedule an appointment.

I feel like the problem is me too. Not just him.

Hi 1962,

I'm trying. & I've been making plans to keep myself occupied & trying to work on myself.

I hate that I used to be able to think & fight for myself, but I get so weak in the knees when it comes to him. I want to get back to how I was.

Thank you for replying to this.

I hope you're ok! Has your guy left you alone? Or does he still keep trying to manipulate you or wtv it is they do?

His best friend just facebook msged me, asking me to help the psycho clear his debt. His hp bill is under his cousin's name & they've been hounding her for payment. His friend is asking me to help pay the rest. Apparently he's been ignoring his cousin & also owes his younger sister money. He's asking me to help clear the psycho's debt then take it up with him because his cousin doesn't deserve this.

Tiger123

don't pay a penny- you'll pay plenty for this relationship in the end!

also, block these people from your facebook page- NC means with them too.

I am married to the "Psychopath"= 31 years, going through legal separation now.- he avoids calling or texting me as he doesn't want to appear to be harassing me, although I know that he keeps tabs on me through his "friends" and our son.

Tiger123- google betrayal bond and take the assessment to see if you are personally wired for this type of relationship- I scored a 29 out of 30. Guess that is pretty bad- but I am still smart enough to know that he is bad for me and has nothing to offer me that is based on loving and caring about me.

Make the time to do the things you need to, force yourself to do something nice for you.

Tiger123,
I cannot emphasize enough how right 1962 is when she writes, "Don't pay a penny!"

It's not your debt. Don't get conned into paying.

Also No Contact (NC) works for sure. Hard to accomplish, but it works.

Stay safe!

Nan