Hi 1962,

I got 20 out of 30. Thats quite high. i've blocked him & his friends off every social media platform. I never added/accepted his friends on Facebook. But I think I shd be able to block them too.

I've taken away every resource that I might be/have for him. So yes, I refuse to pay. He's broken my things & owes me money too. I just feel like such a fool for believing him. He's been quoting religious scriptures & going for classes to "get his [censored] together for our future because he wants me to be able to rely on him for support." I realized how silly I've been when he recently let slip that he "has reduced himself to going for religious classes for me to take him seriously."

I'm glad to hear how strong you are. I cannot imagine what you've had to go through. Especially when you can't really do the NC. I've been trying it but always fail after a few weeks. He's so good at "apologizing" and "promising to be better". The scary thing is he does get better. But for a few months, then it goes downhill again. I guess that's where the betrayal bond comes in.

& thank you for the support & listening/replying. I've stopped talking to my friends abt him cos I feel like they're sick of my problems. Some days it gets so overwhelming & lonely. I'm glad I found this place.

I won't pay! I guess they feel I'm responsible for how his life is turning out (fired from jobs, police case, broke).

No contact is hard. Especially the anger. But I will succeed. I will not fall back!

Thank you!

But Tiger123, how can you be responsible? Why would those people think that?

I am glad to hear that you know which side your bread is buttered . You are not responsible.

Keep your toast butter-side up

Nan

Tiger 123,

I am not so strong, just take it day by day. Sometimes minute by minute! I'm glad that you decided to not pay, and don't worry about getting money from him- consider it tuition in a really chitty life lesson.

Just got off the phone with the "Psychopath" I am married to. Arging over taxes and how to divide them. He tried to make me feel sorry for him (of course). How is he gonna give me money upfront when he has no money...has to pay the fuel bill...so sad..NOT! He is living in the marital home and has a good job to go to each day.


Oh well, NC down the drain again-

Glad we can support you Tiger123. This is the best place to heal safely.

Because I "drove him to desperation"? or i "should know better"?

Sometimes I blame myself for not being strong enough/letting him push me/ giving in to this ridiculousness.

Thank you, Nan. I hope things are going better for you.

Yes! The psycho I was with tried to make me feel sorry for him, no money, no job, "no friends". When that didn't work, he'd try being all supportive and sweet.

But we deserve better. Men are supposed to protect and support their partners. Not live off them.

I read this article online. Not sure if it works.
http://www.lovefraud.com/2012/02/10/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/

Tiger,
Well, how I avoided backsliding is that my dog was (intentionally and drastically) poisoned with anti-freeze and it's not clear whether it was him or not, but the whole thing was too coincidental. I realized that I never understood HOW bad it could get when I thought it was already at rock bottom. If I had ONE more day with her, I would exchange it for Any Moment I spent with him, that makes you stronger.

What really IS the point, is that any further contact Always makes it worse and More LOSS to come, in ways we just cannot fathom. They can really hurt you -in things you might assume are 'off the table' in normal relationships, but they aren't here. Your job, friends, family, pets, car, home are all fair game.
They get worse and Act OUT when they realize the jig is up, it's the most dangerous time. It's when the bad things really start to go extreme. You need to be an unwilling victim on all levels, and ONE phone call or text turns you into a willing victim for a bit longer, they LOVE that-and it GETS WORSE.

Please understand, these Vampires feed off pain and suffering. Telling them you are suffering is Candy. Trying to make them understand is fruitless.
Your emotional breakdown is their total pleasure, and then they attack when you are as vulnerable as you can get.
Mine did his worst when I was grieving over the loss of my dog, he tried to have me arrested, tried to break into my house, stalked me at my windows and terrorized me in texts and voicemail, broke the windshield of my car and would have done much worse had I not got a protection order.

As far as your FB problem, blow those alleged 'friends' off. He's recruiting people and it's part of the game. My Expath just posted a bunch of stuff on FB I know is directed for my viewing. At 45 days, he's going through the let down, or try again phase. Sometimes they will come back after months or years when everything they have tried with others has also gone sour.

Local groups will act like you are a domestic violence victim (stigma), they often don't understand that it can be Much More. I do recommend Al Anon groups. First, it will give you a place to go to meet new friends, secondly, they give you tools for separating yourself and taking care of yourself. They will not understand if you talk about a psychopath, but they will help you separate your identity from his, get up each day and look AT YOU, not HIM.
We tend to obsess over them and Al Anon helps you stop doing that and concentrate on you, not just WORDS, like 'love yourself' etc which is so vague you may not know what it means. They have tools for separation tactics. This is healthy.

I wish you the best, and stay with us. We are the ones who know what it's like. Trust though, nothing good comes from further contact, nothing. Don't doubt yourself. I call friends to come stay with me, talk to me, anything but go back.

Psychopaths. My Exspath Also broke my things, in fact my laptop and threw away my phone at the same time, which meant contacts, photos, history were All gone. THIS was JUST the BEGINNING- which I didn't realize at the time. By staying connected so that I could get the $money$ reimbursement back, I let myself in for Much More Grief than money could EVER MEAN. Forget the money and material losses. Do NOT DO THAT, it's a trap.
Cut your losses now, they are minimal to what can happen which can break your heart and mind.

Hi warrioress,

Thank you for all that. What you said really hits home. It's frightening how similar these psychos behave. How things I thought were "off the table" in a normal relationship became fair game with him, the stalking, breaking into my house, terrorizing texts/calls/emails, windshield of the car (didn't break it, just hit it), breaking things. Each time we argue, he'd grab my bag with my hp and wallet & run off leaving me stranded. Then comes the threats, the crying, the begging, the promises. I cannot imagine what I'd do if the loser I was with were to do the same thing to my cats.

Alcoholic anonymous? Will they let me join them? Since i'm not there for substance abuse. I'll check it out though. Thanks. I am looking into therapy. Probably by next month since the places here are only open during office hours on weekdays but I have work. & yes, I am ignoring his friends. It seems they are unable to find/contact him. But I know he's actively adding people/girls on social networking sites.

It's only been 4 days of NC, after I broke the previous NC of 2 weeks last week. He hasn't contacted me via chats or emails like he used to (I changed my hp no. & refused to give the no. to him. Have also told mutual friends that I trust not to give out my no.) Based on all the info that I've read, he probably feels as if he's gotten everything he could from me and now he's moving on. My parents have threatened him, the police have imposed a 1 year probation & warned him to stay away from me. I've informed mutual friends & my family of some of the things he did to me to make it hard for him to use them to his advantage. I've changed my hp number. Sometimes though, I find myself feeling angry because of how he'd tell me that I was "special" and that he would "fight for our future" and "never leave me". But I know he's probably luring in his next girl now. & I know now that all those words were meaningless.

It's difficult though, because friends don't understand. They'd tell me to "just get over him" and give me [censored]/ignore me when i fall back. I isolated myself for the last month, just going to work and home, & my mother would tell me to get a life. I've been trying to meet friends more (it's hard because they're all couples), exercising and looking into classes to take up my time.

I just can't believe I let myself go through all that. I used to pride myself in being strong. How could I have IGNORED all the red flags? I felt like something was off. I've tried to get out many many times. But I'd ignore and I kept getting sucked back into his game. Ugh!

Thank you for your reply. It feels better knowing that you guys understand my struggles. & I now understand and know better what to do, thanks to all your advice, instead of blindly trying to figure out on my own what I should do.

Tigger 123


I liked that article from LF about gray rock. My problem is that after being married to him for 31 years, I feel like I need to scream, yell and carry on about how he cheated on me, blah, blah , blah. I mean after all other women get to do this for closure- sometimes their man even admits that he was a cheater and a liar (not the "Psychopath" I'm married to though)- it seems like he has built himself a whole new mask- insists he did nothing wrong and that I walked out on him. Guess that's the new story that we're sticking with that will let him feel normal again. He also spent time with friends of ours this past week and I'm sure that that had something to do with his hardened resolve. At one point I felt like he was coming close to admitting a little that he had done wrong.

I think I have back tracked since working on the taxes with him. This stinks! I hate wanting him in my life- you would think at 50 I would know better!

I'll be trying the gray rock method now and see how that works. thanks Tiger.

I know what you mean about the screaming at the guy for closure. I broke my NC to do just that. I called him screaming trying to call him out on his bluffs. But it's amazing, how they are able to delude themselves & everyone else. & he even managed to manipulate me. But after a day, he started demanding more & I quickly stopped myself.

I remember when we first met, he always told me of how bad his previous girlfriends treated him. That his ex gfs cheated on him. He tried to stay and forgive them, but he decided he couldn't take it anymore. His ex gf kept texting him angry msges about how heartless he was to just dump her & move on like that. She was still asking him to come back to her. & he'd show me her msges & it made her look so crazy that I believed him. Little did I know that he was provoking her. I know he's probably using the same story w other girls abt me now, but I keep reminding myself of that. No matter what he told people, I must not add to it. I will not "chase him" no matter how angry I am or how much I miss the person I thought he was. If he wants to convince ppl that I'm crazy, he'll have to do it on his own. I refuse to give him that satisfaction. All that matters is I'm safe & trying to move on w life.

I hope you feel better. I find that they "come close to admitting" just to keep us hooked & keep trying to call out their bluffs. & I know how angry it feels when he starts waving his happy life in your face. But if you confront him about it, he'll spin a different story of how he's "broken inside" or trying to be normal. We only miss & want the person we thought they were, which really doesn't exist.

Stay strong.