Tiger, block him on Fb and block his emails, change your email address, whatever. I always backslide when I even hear crap about my ex... when I don't hear anything the thoughts fade and I make progress. I'm sorry if I've asked you this already, but why haven't you gone NC yet?

1962,

that makes sense. Since we've been beating them to the leaving.

Was there ever a police case on his attempt?

http://psychopathsandlove.com/emotional-rape/

Shayna,

I've blocked him off everywhere. He doesn't know my hp or home number. I havent contacted or talked to him and i don't reply to his emails, which is the only way he contacts me. He's stopped calling my office phone. I still need to work on not going to his profile to see if there are any changes. (he's blocked me off too, i think) But when he sends these emails, he'll send it to all my emails. Personal one that I use for work/school and my office email. Am i missing something for NC?

What, 1962, could you have done wrong that would warrant him killing you for it? Would he kill you because the lasagna was burnt, or because he found a few hairs in the sink or because you were too busy, for a moment, to attend to his needs? Was it something you said or didn't say? Did your hair become too disarrayed after a long bike ride or did you fail to praise him for his meager efforts at cleaning the bathroom?

I mean---so I am hard on you--- don't you know better by now. He tried to kill you!

Any transgression (short of trying to kill him), is going to come awfully short off the mark.

Mr. Who tried to kill me too and schemed (I saw in hindsight) before that. Stupid fu****! I can still remember the dead-earnest look in his face when during breakfast, he leaned across the small table in the rented beach cabin and said, "You do trust me, don't you?"

Right! There's something really insidious about someone who says, "TRUST ME!"

I was a little too slow, too hesitant, but either he didn't see it (blinded by greed), or he ignored it thinking he could convince me. He tried several different formulations to get at the money from the sale of my house across the pond. One suggestion went like this: "Pretend that you have given me this money and then when you need it, I will have it safe and sound for you."

<puke icon> I countered with, "And should you run off with my money, you would be able to say and in all truth, that I gave it to you."

I mean…<sigh>. Stupid F*****!



YES! And for others just like him.

Nan, who has been there so I know what you are going through…


Edit: typos

Well, yeah, if he's contacting you it's not NC! I had my admins at work change my email addy. I changed ALL my other personal email addresses and my phone number. Unless he physically comes to my house he has NO WAY to contact me. I don't want to read anything he has to say. I don't care. If I read something, I know it sets me back and I'm not willing to do that to myself anymore.

So no, you haven't blocked him off everywhere.

If you really block him on Facebook you'll see nothing of his; no posts, no tagged pictures, heck his profile doesn't even exist. It's heaven. Block him and stick to it. If he's blocked you then it's the same result so no, he hasn't blocked you. He can limit what you can see and do though. Don't let him have that power over you!

It took me a bit to make sure I changed the things that needed to be changed when I switched emails like my bill payments, work, etc, but I happily did it.

NC means NC from him too!

Tiger123,

Yes police and counselors, doctors ...so stressful.

It's a bright sunny day here so I'm going to take advantage of that and get some sunshine.

Best to you Tiger123

Nan,

I was really pushing him for two months to explain the phone calls and the distance I felt between us. (he obviously was love bombing someone else and didn't have the energy for me except during Fri-Sunday when we went to our other home)

I also questioned him as to whether he was gay, as I caught him looking way too much at men biking, jogging ect. He would flirt with other women, but the sneaking glances at the men was a huge red flag to me. He had also said something to the effect, " I never felt such a spark before.." Duh....

Anyway, I too was a slow learner, but once I caught on I was out of there fast. I really think that the only way for me to heal from him and stop wanting him is to put some mileage between us. I have been looking at jobs within our state, but enough away so that I don't accidently run into him.

I also have concerns as to whether he is still trying to kill/harm me. Last week he was within a block of where I am staying- don't know of a good reason why he would be here. Alerted the atty though.


Nan, how did you get past the betrayal? That and not knowing the truth is really screwing me up.

Hugs to you

Thank you, 1962, hugs are good right now.

I work as a freelance something or other and am very busy for the next two days. I will think about how I got past it all and then write you a dissertation about it ;-). I do know that finding this place was the beginning. This is where I had one AHA moment after another and, slowly, slowly, as you say, baby steps, I started figuring out what was what. I also wrote things down.

In some ways I was very lucky that Mr. Who lived in another country so NC was a lot easier. Still, he demanded the once daily email, so I obliged while making myself very difficult hoping he would cut the relationship. Eventually, he did and by that time, I was just so pleased be rid of him.

I am not going to tell you that the Mr. Whosit in your life is not going to harm you or hurt you again, for that might leave you with a sense that you should/could cut town on your surveillance, and that may not be a smart move.

I think you are wise to be on your toes and wise to alert the authorities when he is too close for comfort.

A stray thought: is it wise to seek employment in another state while your divorce is pending? Ask the lawyer.

Another stray thought: when you get the willie nillies can you go for a run or play a sweaty game of tennis or borrow a dog, you can actually charge good money for dog walking, and just take the dog for a real trek. Just do what you can to stay sane in mind and body.

And keep your toast buttered side up

Nan

The 'Words', oh dear, the Words! He wrote me poetry and so many words, but the photos tell a different story!
I never took photos of him and I never let him take photos of me, but he took lots of pics of himself and I have some of them from emails.

I spent a good part of today going through old emails and deleting them. The WORDS were all so convincing. When I looked at the pics I felt sick.
I always thought he was ugly and could not figure out why other people couldn't see it. I was always trying to convince myself not to be 'so judgmental',
I liked his intellect. Now I realize that What I was seeing was the real person. I dont know what others see. I always was struggling with his ugliness, but I've always struggled with my own superficiality, so I was trying to 'be a better person'. Ha! What incredible irony in all that.

Hi.

I just need to vent. Times like these makes it harder to not have him around. He used to pick me up from work on bad days, & take me out for ice-cream or surprise me with dinner & sit somewhere quiet to talk. Sometimes I wonder if he really is a psychopath, well, i guess all of you would understand. Then I read the list of things that make up a psychopath & I know he is. Then I'd wonder if there's any way he could "change".. but he's been trying (I used to believe, & on some days i still do believe that he was trying), or at least appear to be, but the bottomline is.. "change" never sticks. He always ends up demanding more & I always get so disappointed. & I've read your stories of how you married these psychopaths & how they always unravel. I am ever so grateful to be able to try my damnedest to detach now, than later.

I remember once, we got caught in e rain, so we sat all drenched at a parking lot & talked for an hour or so. I told him that he was abusive, probably stems from his abusive dad & I wanted him to treat me nicer. (In hindsight, I probably gave him all he wanted. "understanding"/"acceptance") He listened, agreed, & told me he realizes that he used to cheat on his ex gf only when things were going well. Told me he'll nv get bored of me. & that he's treat me better. I felt like I was actually getting through to him. He'd "reward" me w good behavior & doing his best to "give me what I want/need". But he'd visibly struggle. When he doesn't get what he wants, he'll start crying & begging. Like a 3 year old who couldn't get the toy he wanted.

After the police case, he'd be "very supportive of me". If I said no to something, he'd breakdown a bit, then give in to me. But he'd say things like "it's all about your happiness. that's all you care about." or "When I do good, you don't see. you only see the bad. No one's there to pat me on the back for the hard work i've been putting in. Only God knows & I leave it in his hands, whether we stay together. But I hope you pray for us." He told me that he prays to God asking if I was the one to lead him to paradise. To guide us. He seemed so convincing. His "struggle" to "fight the monster inside him". He used to tell me he hears his dad's voice when he feels like getting violent. I fell for all of the above & more, hook, line and sinker. After the abortion, I struggled to keep my head up. He "was there for me". Told me he wanted to provide for me & marry me. Told me he'd support me & fight for us w my parents to spend the rest of our lives together. It seemed so nice. The hope. We were watching The Impossible one night & he cried, so much. He hugged me & kept saying sorry for all that he did to me & that he loves me & never wants to lose me. There was a similar incident before where he said he met his cousin who warned him to treat me well. He got home, called at 3am crying telling me that he's sorry for treating me badly. So many occassions where he seemed genuinely sorry. I still wonder if he actually felt bad. Hmm. One day, I told him I wanted to talk to a counsellor because I felt so broken. He didn't like the idea. He laughed & said i was wasting my time. He said I should go to a religious counsellor. I told him i was ashamed mixing religion and abortion, & got angry, he apologized and said that he'd support me w whoever I talked to. Little things like these makes me doubt myself. I'm in too deep to really see what was going on.

I need to get myself psychiatrist.