I recently 'diagnosed' my father as a psychopath, as someone pointed it out to me.
It's over now and after a hell hole of a life, I am finally able to put the pieces together and make sense out of a reality that doesn't make sense

Since we were children, our father, aka the Psychopath - was extremely abusive, both to us and our mother.
He was extremely short tempered, never affectionate, and never cared, and lied to us to the very extent of who he was,
and that's not even it.
Through the years he had constructed a shell around him, using us. We were his human shields, he forced us to act infront of the people as if we loved him, as if we enjoyed life at all - hide what he really is like.

He always "loved" my sister, he locked her up in her room everyday, to "protect" her. she wasn't allowed to go out for most of the day, except when guests came over.
He was abusive towards my mother, she was always living in fear of him - this dynamic only made her worse, when she started believing the violence towards her as her fault, he made her believe it, and live by that.
She declined every opportunity we had to run away, saying that he'll find us and it'll be worse. wherever we go, he'll get us - even discussing it made her uncomfortable.
He was always in control.

We sent him alone for vacations twice a year, my mother worked extra hours to make it possible, it took him away and he always returned calmer.

----

Last year, he left for good. his collegue found out about our complex family dynamic and he just left.
I don't know where he went, but it doesn't look like he's returning. He just took all our money and just went through the door, it was that easy for him to live, after years of investment. We at first thought he was doing some sort of sick test on us like he had previously done, but he never actually returned.

Since then our lives changed 180 degrees, really. We are no longer bound to a crazy maniac who never cared of us, that's a feeling I really can't describe, we felt somekind of lightness suddenly, when such an enormous weight was lifted from us. I'm sorry I can't elaborate - it's very different than what I was used to.


Now, here's what made me understand his identity as a psychopath, he had a daughter from his last marriage. He left her aswell and always when we asked him why, he said she was "not worth" our attention or his.
Lately we tried to contact her over the internet, we talked on the phone aswell and she helped me discover the term "psychopath", which is surely his description. are going to meet her soon, and I'll update more once we will. It was amazing to speak to another person who knew him, share the things we went through.

I am grateful to have found this place, where I can just discuss it openly.
Years of abuse have really made me a closed person, dying to get close to others yet so afraid.. I am now slowly trying to reach out of this thing, and I hope for good

Hi Wallabies, welcome to our community. I am very sorry for your past but on the other hand very happy that you are free with you newfound discovery and can now look at life with a different set of eyes. With freedom there is hope, and that makes me very happy for you.

I hope you will take some time and read about PTSD here at the forum or on Google. It is something that happens to victims of Psychopath's.

Please take your time and be extra kind to yourself, it is very important in the healing process. Boy, what a life you had, it must feel like shedding a very old ugly weight from your life.

Good for you for contacting his other daughter. Psychopath's are excellent at isolating and keeping everyone at a distance to keep in control.

I hope you and your family will thrive and not have to be in such fear. We have a few members here who were raised by Psychopath's, and hopefully they will have an opportunity to post to you as they have shared the same type of situation.

I will look forward to hearing more of your story as you are ready. One question that sticks out, was he abusing your sister or was there some other reason for him to keep her locked up. Please don't answer unless you are comfortable.

Di

Yes, being 'free' feels much better. Though I think he scarred us for life at some things. My mother just wouldn't stop thinking of him, even now. less than a year after we've last seen him - she's still living part of that, still thinks everything is our fault and not his.. it's like she doesn't see him for who he really was, but I guess it's the price we have to pay and I don't blame her.

@He did beat my sister a few times when she did run away, and he knew how to strike fear very well. but it was mostly just locking her up in her room, saying it is to "protect her".
He'd often bloat infront of people about how atleast he had one 'perfect child', and I think he somehow wanted her to believe that keeping her as a prisoner was for her own good, he was one sick [censored] and I'm glad he's gone.
Maybe it was some sort of sick experiment, and looked like he enjoyed it alot.