Hi
Im new to this forum.i need some advice in relation to my older sister.so here goes...

There are 3 of us all together me being the youngest,our middle sister and then my older sister which is the 1 in question.
Her behaviour started from when our middle sister was born and my mom walked in on her with her foot in my sisters face rocking her in the bouncer.my mom put her behaviour down to jealousy and there were no more incidents of were she harmed anyone else since.by the time i was born she was fine and seemed to take me under her wing.our relationship is great now Infact

As she has gotten older she has lied and stolen she especially targets my mom,going into her handbag or searching around her bedroom for money.after we find out the money is stolen she talks to us in person blaming someone else.she is very manipulative and almost makes you question yourself.


She now has a 16 year old son of her own who lives with my mom as she shows no interest in him what so ever,when she asked why her son lives with his nan she blames him and says its because he wanted to live with her.When any issues arise regarding her son i.e school etc,thats when she pipes up and has her opinion "im his mother".To outsiders she makes out shes the best parent ever.

She has had various amounts of sexual partners were she will use them for what ever purpose then move on.
Shes tells lies all the time and then thrives off the drama and plays the pity game.showing no remorse or signs of guilt for her actions.

Her behaviour is mainly targeted at our mother who she always says looks unwell and tells other people she is sick.when she is in good health,shes even offered to be a career for her which has shocked us as theres nothing wrong with us.this has made us think that she has a reason behind doing this (which is scary)

We have always known she has problems but the whole thing has now come to a head as we believe she has staged a robbery at the family business.Infact we know she was behind it all (she has set the whole thing up with some dodgey customers,one of them broke down and confided in the middle sister,because he was scared of the repercussions).
We have been left shocked at her behaviour she has sat crying and devastated with the rest of the family and is acting shocked like the rest of us.even naming people she beleives it could have been,whilst sending text messages to the person who done it,telling them to keep there mouths shut as shes sorted it.

We have had a family meeting about her behaviour and are torn between confronting her and not saying anything,some of us are scared of what she will do if we try to stage an intervention and others are scared of her walking away from the family all together.
You may think well let her walk,trouble is talking to her and been around her she acts the most normal person ever and is lovely to be around (i think thats the scary thing)we are also trying to keep the family together for the sake of her son.
We have no idea what else she has gotten up to and I'm not sure we want to know.
Some advice is greatly needed please.
Thanks :-)

Hi Loukat.

Very sorry to hear about your situation. With families it can get sticky and possibly out of control.

Can you explain some more about the dynamics. Are you worried that she is setting your mother up by telling people she isn't well for some evil reason? It seems odd she would tell people you mother isn't well yet leave your mom to care for her son.

How did your mom get custody? Clearly her son is better to not in her care but how does the son seem to view the situation? I would think by his age he would have some idea what a problem his mother is.

I don't know about interventions and what you would hope to accomplish? When the group met what your objectives are and possible outcomes.

Does she rely only your family for any of her finances? I can't really say but it seems like her walking away would be a good outcome but need more information about her. Is your mother legally in control of her son and what were the circumstances over her surrendering her parental rights? Kids are a lot smarter than adults usually give the credit for. Can you explain on a day to day basis what kind of relationship she has with her son? Does she work and live in the area?

Personally I think keeping families together when there is massive conflict really isn't for the sake of the child involved but some other reasons that I am not clear about. By his age he has to be well aware there are major issues.

Di