Hello to all.

I am new to this board and haven't quite had a chance to read all the posts. However, I am certain I may be able to find answers.

To make a very, very long story short. I am married to the most wonderful man in the world! I am certain he is my soul mate.

We have brought our families together with the love we share with each other and have just given birth to a Beautiful Baby Girl 7 months ago.

I have two children from a previous marriage and he also had 2 children from a previous marriage.

Our children were very young when we first met, yes, it wasn't easy but, I believe bringing our family together was the most wonderful thing we could have given "our" children. A FAMILY, one in which they never had. Two loving parents and lot's of love for all our children!

I will try to make this short, however, I am finding it hard.

My husbands ex-wife was diagnosed as a teenager as a psychopath. I really never put much thought into this because she was in and out of the children's lives and it never effected our family because the lack of communication on her part.

My husband's youngest daughter bloomed into a beautiful teenager and with this came ALL the teenage 'stuff'! Lot's of trouble...........as well as trouble from our other teenagers.

My troubles began when the "ex-wife" found out we were finally getting married. However, shortly after we had planned our wedding I found out I was pregnant.

This is what set this women (ex-wife) over the edge! She began spending more time with her children......much manipulating......many lies..........and just down right deceit!

Now a year later, my husband's daughter who has shown signs of the same behavior throughout the years has chimmed in with her natural mother and between the both of them they have turned my family inside and out!

If it wasn't for the love I have for the man I married and the respect of the person he is, I have found myself within the past few months thinking this is not worth it and basically I feel sometimes I should just give up! Enough is Enough! After the anger subsides, of course I remember why I said "I do" to this man. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

I guess what I am seeking, is how to handle a 'psychopath'? I feel as if I am damned if I do and damned if don't! There are days that I am just so exhausted in defending myself from AWFUL, HURTFUL, and OUTRIGHT lies!!!

I have tried, talking to both the mother and the daughter, I have tried getting angry, I have tried to ignore them, I have tried to forgive them, ..............I feel as if I have tried everything! Nothing works!!! Yes, I can turn my back and give up and walk away. However, this is what they want! My husband's ex-wife has tried everything! I have let this go on for way too long, every time I turn around this woman turns me upside down! My step-daughter, who I love and adore lies about me every time I turn around. No, not just me..........even her own father.

How do you deal with this! How do I respond to my step-daughters lies, in a loving manner to teach a 15 year old that MOST people are loving, caring adults who are honest!

How do I respond to the 'Ex-Wife's' allegations, lies and emotional outbursts, expecially when her daughters come home from a visit and treat me so cruel. How do I recognize this is the result of their mothers actions and deceit and forgive them for their hatefulness towards me?

I have never met a person like this.......no emotion, no humiliation, no REMORSE! It's as if this woman, (Ex-wife) is the Devil herself! She's wicked! For almost 7 years, I have given this woman the benefit of the doubt because I couldn't imagine any person would be so evil! I consider myself a very good judge of character however, these days..I feel as if I am stupid for letting this woman manipulate me for so many years, I guess I didn't see it until her direct target was me! Or is it she just HATES my husband so much, she wants to see him hurt? It's all to complicated .............????

If any of you have answers..........please help! I want to stay married, give "ALL" my children all the love I can give and be a good mother and step-mother.

Hi Jacque

Sounds like your husband and family are lucky to have you - they must have gone through hell when he was married to the ex.

How to deal with a P? Not sure that any of us have found the answer to that! Remember not to take any of it personally - she would be just as evil, and find just as many lies and bad stories to spread around about you even if you were 100% perfect in all respects - which none of us are! And those who know you will not believe the lies in the long term. Also those who know HER well will know that anything she says is likely to be distorted, imagined or exaggerated.

I believe that its quite common for teenagers to 'mirror' the P's behaviour. My own daughter did to a certain extent at around that age. Hopefully your stepdaughter will grow out of it eventually. I suppose there is no way of restricting the P's access to them? Or moving far, far away from her?

I do hope you can win through and overcome this woman's influence on your family.

Jacque

Hi, welcome. I agree with Ali - there is nothing much you can do - all they want is a reaction/attention whether good or bad and no thought to the consequences. If you can ignore it all then great - I could not so I moved far away from my ex P.

Likely she will find a new target soon enough and move the focus from you.

Keep coming here for a moan at least - its better out than in and we UNDERSTAND - what they are like.

Best of luck

Recovery

Hi Ali,

Thank you for the kind words and encouragement.

Everyday seems as if I am drowning! I wish it could be as easy to move away. The "X" has reminded me her daughters and ex-husband will ALWAYS be a family unit.

I believe, I have finally realized the losing battle I face every day.

Hi Recovery!

Thank you! I find it hard to ignore this. I do try.

After reading many posts this morning, I truly believe I will not find any resolution to this horrible situation. One in which I must deal with for the rest of my life or simply give in and move on.

Finding a new target doesn't seem to be coming any time soon! This has been going on for over a year. It was easy dealing with the children however, dealing with her directly has been like adding fuel to the fire so to speak.

I have discontinued all communication with this woman and I have clearly stated I do not wish for this woman to be welcomed in my home any longer. Somehow, she finds a way....directly through her daughters.

I find myself resenting the comments from my step-daughters, which has had a major impact on our relationship. In return, this puts undue stress on my husband and strains my relationship with him. I do try to see things through my husband's eye's however, the words in which I try to explain the hurt I feel to my husband somehow my words become jarbled and it's intepreted as if I am complaining and nagging about his children.

I feel our circumstances in our family relationship are hard enough but, to jumble all this nonsense too, it's as if we are doomed!

Hi Jacque

Please don't despair. You have so much to lose; don't let this woman take it away from you. The only weapon you have is to stay united. P's realise this and will play the 'divide and rule' card to their advantage. And they know how to push buttons to make other people behave badly. Is your husband easy to talk to? Sometimes it works better to write down just how you feel and let him read it - remembering to stress that you love him and want to fight this battle together with him. If you can work together with him I'm sure you can win. As for your husband, her and the children 'always being a family group' - being a family is something you work at, not something biological. She is not capable of that - you are.

All the best

Ali,

You are so right about the meaning of FAMILY. Thank you for your words of inspiration.

It's so comforting to know, someone understands. :-)

Jacque,

That's what so cool about this site. Peolpe DO understand, because they've been on the receiving end of P's manipulations.

It's so hard to explain things to outsiders, because it sounds like you're being hysterical. But here you can let your hair down!

All the best

Jacque

I hope you are still looking at this site sometimes - I was thinking about you and your struggle and how overwhelming it can get. I hope the clouds have started to lift for you. If they have not then come and have a moan here - as we can listen and understand if not help directly.

hope to hear from you

Recovery

Yes Jacque,

Do come by and vent your steam - we all know exactly what you are going through. We have been there too. All slightly different situations but still dealing with the same foes. I count myself lucky that I was able to eventually just walk away. I feel for you, caught up in this situation. It's like dealing with very naughty children who aren't going to change. Try and raise yourself above their silly lies and games and see them as wayward children (the ex too). Maybe, when their lies don't matter to you, you will be able to resist being drawn into the game and being hurt. Once you are cool and not drawn in, then you are no fun for the P to play with. They will go looking for easier and more fun victims to taunt.


Good luck to you

Mark