Hi Di,
I would love to work with my furry friends (the animals) and I am friends with the man in charge of the local "humane society" but it's a double whammy working down there b/c I will witness my "friends" disappear periodically for euthaneshia and also terrible neglect and cruelty cases come in. That is what has kept me from helping Orlando down there thus far. So I am trying to think of something else. We have no community center which is insane b/c we pay huge taxes and are a huge tri-city area. I'll be putting my brain to work. One thing I have not brought up on this board is that I love homeless people: they wear their heart on their sleeves. I made best friends with a 2 tour Vietnam Vet for many years who was a bright shining soul--he died a year and a half ago. He was a real special guy: the newspaper wrote him up a few times. What a wonderful character he was. I loved him. Had some wonderful dreams after he died. Had a wonderful connection with him that was inexplicable.
Sue

Hi Outsider, I know what you mean. It was suggested to me that I volunteer at the local Humane Society but even though I have spent years rescuing animals with a few close friends, going into the shelter to work seemed too overwhelming to me.

Maybe you could try to call a few senior center locations and see what they have or the local food bank?

One catch is that once a group finds a good volunteer they will try to get you to do other "jobs". Try to just pick one on a regular schedule (I worked for the bingo group one day a week for around 2.5 hours) and stick with it. Don't let yourself get over extended.

Good luck,

Di

Hi Outsider,

Dianne has made some really good suggestions for how to get out of the house while doing something for others.

Since you feel comfortable with the homeless, this may be a good time to discover where the local Soup Kitchen is located and volunteer there for a couple of hours a week. Winter is almost here and so is Christmas and this time of year is especially difficult for homeless people. Helping the homeless you will be around people that are truly in need.

Another, very different way of helping other people could be to volunteer for Literacy America, which are different organizations who help people, young and old, to become literate, that is, able to read and write.

I believe you have mentioned that on top of the skills needed you also have a strong interest in writing. Imagine helping a mother to be able to read a bedtime story for her child - what joy!

Nan

yes thought of that one just an hour ago Nan
thank you both again
and Di you are a wise soul
I do jump in over my head and let people make me crazy w/their demands on me: happened w/ my sisters arrest. My parents did not fly up and everyone was swarming me and making me POA and I was spinning a million miles an hour while my parents also yelled orders over the phone
what a mess what nerve

thanks again

sue

Outsider here,
The last few days have been moments of the process of it sinking in that Paul is really dead. Unbelievable. More tears. Have had a bit of a breakthrough with my role in this horror. So long as my sister is not being honest and taking responsibility I am her strongest ally really by not buying into her BS and showing her tough love by not communicating with her or taking a stand for her at her trial. She will never ever heal without letting the truth shine on this hell.
Crime Victims counsel refuses to cousel my daughter and I have been "fighting them" and have the names of the 2 "high ups" in my state. My daughter has been acting fine, but I ask you, can a child process 2 relatives butchering people one scenario the victim a person she loves? Where is this stuff going with my girl or is she simply realistic, tough, grounded and moving forward....or is she stuffing these feelings? She got over this far too quickly or is she made of stronger fiber than myself>

Outsider

Hi Outsider

Everytime I read your posts I think of how lucky I am in comparison with the events you have to deal with. My ex made an attempt to keep me quiet - and from the amount of preparation I think it would have been permanent - but I managed to get the police in time. That was a real low point - to realise that we were just objects in his way. Yet he still talked himself out of trouble.

I think you are taking the right approach with your sister. i feel for your daughter - how old is she? Does she speak about these events? I think it would be good for her to see a counsellor - even if only for your peace of mind.

Keep strong

Recovery

hi recovery,
she turned 13 the other day. what concerns me is that she does not talk about these events. but there are little signs. she won't wear the shirt Uncle Paul bought her or use the last cat toy he bought her (she is saving them or they make her sad). Yesterday I saw my doctor and asked him about it. He said her defense mechanisms are probably giving her the ability to carry on. He said she needs to be evaluated: this stuff could come out in the future and cause real problems for her.
In the meanwhile, he recommended Turning Point for me and it turns out they will see us both. They are for battered women. However, since all this horror, her father's crime and our relationship with him and my sister murdering her husband--my daughter's uncle, broadly fits under domestic violence, and since they are the ones with open arms, we have an appointment next week. We will see if we can guide our counselors perhaps a little more in the direction of these more recent horrors.
Thanks for telling me I am taking the right approach with my sister. Even though she stopped writing, I was shining a light on a dark place and I won't stop and if she is not wanting that, then I do not want to have anything to do with her at this time.
It has been my unfortunate experience that those who kill--except for extremely rare circumstances of freak accidents or wrecklessness or self defense of a home invader-- are different than those who do not. I suspect I am being very judgemental here. But for the time being, this is how I feel and what I believe. She always had a taste for "battle" so to speak and for darkness. As I may have said somewhere, in hindsite, she was a loaded gun waiting to go off when I look back. I do not envision a great spiritual awakening for her but rather a decline. God forgive and change my judgmental view but that is where my heart is at at this time. I believe she is out of my life for good and feel no great loss. She could never get close anyway and was so moody she made many a days miserable for us. I hope God works on both our hearts. It will be a process. I am glad she is away from my daughter for her teen years: maybe that is the good of this evil. I feel so guilty saying these things but as my daughter grew older, my sister liked her more and more.
thanks
outsider

Hi Everyone, a week or three ago I put together the FACT that my sister had created a lie to my brother-in-law and his family about who I am and about my whole nature. I won't go into the lengthy details of how I pieced this together (it took no genius, on the contrary, it was obvious--rather I am naive and had not figured it out earlier as a more realistic person would have) that I was "after her husband." Even my mother cannot argue the facts that she most likely did do this. It has come back to " bite her in the ass" as, again I will spare you the long drawn out version, but gives yet another totally valid reason why I CANNOT testify for her even if I wanted to. Let me just sum it up by saying it hurt me to the quick when she said to me years ago "You can't come to Paul's mother's house. She hates you." I was stunned. felt like a horse kicked me in the chest. asked why. "Because she thinks you're after Paul and trying to ruin our marriage. Don't take it personal. She's like that."
For years I hated that lady for hurting me so badly, I have never even dated a married man let alone my own sister's husband. Here the guilty party all along was my sister.

QUESTION:
Do "P's" adapt to prison more easily than others?
Outsider

In reply to:

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QUESTION:
Do "P's" adapt to prison more easily than others?

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If what Dr.Hare has to say about that in 'Without Conscience' is anything to go by, then the answer is YES.

They are very good at 'working the system'

Hi Outsider, It must be very painful for you putting the pieces together. Are you planning on attending her trail?