Starry, I can't see any reason you should be sorry, you took time to validate what Holly was asking. You are always kind and gentle in your responses.

Di

I went to the Lawyer's office and she is going to try and have him served today via the police. She said she thought that would be the best way to serve him. I have to say that I'm really scared and nervous about this. I feel like I'm betraying him and this just adds to the load of guilt i'm fighting now. I know this is the best thing for my son though and I'm hanging on to that.
I guess I can compare this to weight loss. It usually takes years to gain excess weight so it is unreasonable to think that it can be lost quickly. In order to keep the weight off it requires a change of lifestyle along with a shift in the thinking process.
The same can be said about learning to live without your psychopath. It took years to learn to live with the psychopaths ways of thinking so you have to change your way of thinking to fit theirs in order to keep a peaceful environment. This being said I suppose it would take time to learn to unthink the previous mindset and retrain yourself not to conform to their ways.

I'm still very nervous though:)
Lolly

Dear Starry,
You have nothing to be sorry for. I really appreciate the breakdown you did and each time someone confirms the things that I suspect and think in my own mind it is a sweet theraphy for my peace of mind. This is the way he has been from the get go of our seperation. He has always painted a picture of him and my son being united against me. And someone else can see what sometimes I can't, like the blackmail. I let it speak to my heart since he's always told me I was his 1 true love and blah blah.....So I let it make me feel like crap to the point that I go back each time.
I'm not doing it anymore! The cycle has to stop.
Thank You Starry
Lolly

Thank you Dianne, lolly.

I know that my dad used his relationships with others against me, or to reinforce a message he wanted to sell me. His great one was that it was me and him against the world, because the world 'wouldn't understand the closeness that we shared'. Like we were some kind of modern day Bonnie and Clyde, or something. His other one was all about 'having to choose' between his wife and me.

In a strange way, it's helpful to read these things and think about them.

You know one think I observed is I am guessing that being with a Psychopath saying you are sorry is just a natural reaction to things?

You go girl Lolly, thrilled your attorney is charging ahead.

Di

My hunch is when the judge gets your son alone you will walk out of the courthouse holding your son's hand, that is my dream for you.

Hi Starry, they really don't let you choose, it is more like do as you are told to do, they choose, not the innocent child. Everything is their choice. It all starts in the circle of when they choose to tell you what to do according to his choice.

Di

Hi Starry,
I thought it might be helpful for others as well as myself to publish my ex's letters. I have another letter that he sent via my son yesterday. I had been gone all day taking my baby niece to the Dr. and getting groceries, ect... and left the back door open for my 25 year old to come over after he got off work to do his landry. I guess my 13 year old came and just laid the letter on the table. The day before he drove his dad's truck across town to here. He has become quite the good driver since sometimes his dad has put him behind the wheel because he thinks he is too drunk to drive sometimes. I do not agree with this!!!!! He is a responsible child in a lot of ways but this is putting too much on a 13 year old.
Okay, let me stop and get off my soap box, here's the next letter Starry:



"Do u rember wine u aske me not to stop talken to u if u do u said please dont stop talken to me & i dident u saide u have hert so meany peaple u gou u kid & me if u wont it if u don't please tell us so we can go i no i was hard to stay with but we love u & u r supper San i done a stuped thang i got ur name on my back if u cant c we love u & if u cant stay with us in ur hart & mind ur done we wont talk to u no more i gife u my word its so hard u r so good to us but I give u my word i will stop throw this away we will love u for ever if u wont us to stop i wish everthang u were looking for u find & thin some its hard to git u out of my mined but ill try to for git u it will be hard but we will make it god blease u love always"



Lolly

Hello all,

I feel guilty always posting something about myself. I read some of the other postings and realize that there are so many other people hurting and I think I should just pony up and get over it. But still...here I go again.

My ex has sent my son over several times during the past week, each time with a message for me. He came himself on Sunday and yesterday. He sent my son to the door to fetch me out. He received the papers from the lawyer stating that I thought I had a better environment for our son since he is on the move again and he is persistantly requesting that I drop this case because he is leaving out for I don't know where on Friday. He decided not to take the railroad job and has bought a business and plans to work for himself. Each time he has came he has brought our son and has discussed this subject with him sitting in the truck.

I have told him that I will sign for him to take our son out of the state if he will simply agree to out of state standard visitation. He refuses stating that I am ruining my life and theirs. My son told me that he plans to live with him.

My husband and I saw a counsler that comes once a month and we talked about this with him and he went over the pros and cons. He said that we try to raise our children to be able to make it in the tough adult world and that during the first years of a boys life he needs his mother and at the age he is now most boys need their dad. If he is taking on the role that I held in caring for his dad this could make him a stronger individual. And hopefully seeing what alcohol does to dad will disgust him. I know that he will learn more life experience with his dad but I feel that I must not drop this just for the principle. At least my son will know that I wanted him and if I get nothing else I will get visitation.
Lolly

Lolly the forum is for everyone, no one has any problems too big or small.

You stopped me in my tracks, why would you agree to let him take your son out of state if you can have visitation?

I thought you wanted him with you. Your attorney is willing to your son to the judge to decide.

I am gasping for air here, why do you think even if you wanted your son out of state that his dad will follow the rules as far as visitation, not to mention your environment has to be a thousand times better.

I wonder how he is getting this money to buy business, but neve rmind, why the change, why are you going along with this>????????????????????

I may be missing something but I thought the entire purpose was to get your son with you. Why on earth would you accept anythig less based on a lie.

Sorry, this is upsetting, reading about our members who were trapped living with Psychopaths this doesn't seem like a good shift in the decision about where your son will live, fight for him. He needs you.

Di

Just because that counselor says that this is the age a boy needs his father, basing this on the father not being a Psychopath, that might be a valid point but no kid deserves to be raised by a father who just so happens to be a Psychopath.

Dear Di,

I suppose it's the constant pressure that he is putting on me to stop this...He just came by again with another letter and my son is adimittly stating that he is going to live with dad. Dad says that I won't see him again until he is 18 but son assures me that just because dad says that he will see me.

He wrote another letter and my son signed the top of it.

U have mest or love up jake want stay with u if u r with ur husband that is why u can take us to court but he wont go he said he was going with me u need to go on with wate u wont to do an let us go u no all i do is talk i never do it i dont wont no harm to u wate u r asken for they r in the old pappers so way do u wont to go to court an run me down i was good to u and jake i dont wont to run u down jake will not stay with u there he love u and i do to u have hert us enufe im asken u to drop this jake wonts u to do it to we will be gone friday and we will be gone if jake wont to come c u he can i promis u ill kip the same number u can talk to him if he wonts to if u dont drop it u will make him hate u he said he wood tell the juge he wood not stay with u he was going with me he wood run away and come to me he got all this hert to go threw is that wat u wont.

Now my son will only tell me he wants to live with his dad and this is what he wants. They both just keep hammering away on me.

Lolly