Well, I will share anyway...don't see why not...

I married a psychopath. I discovered this after I felt I woke up after she filed divorce papers May 17th. We were married for 1 year and 2 months approx. Looking back she conned me into sending over 100k into mexico for our retirement home.

I really loved her and part of me still does. I vaguely remember that she said that her previous man she lived with had her tested and she was diagnosed as a psychopath; however, I never looked this up and never really understood what it was until yesterday when I looked on the internet with information from Robert Hare.

When I interviewed several attorneys and told them my story some of them said I was conned and that she sounded like a psychopath.

She had no feeling. When we married I teared up and was very excited and emotionally attached to her...she had no expression of emotion during the wedding...it was like she was waiting for an order at McDonalds or something.

She told me that she had cut her arms and burned them...also she slashed with a knife her previous boyfriend's big screen tv. she said he would not allow her to have knives in the house. When she married me we had knives and had no problem that I am aware of.

About 3 to 4 months ago she went on a 5 minute speech which was probably the most powerful and inspiring speeches I have ever heard; however, it was about that she would kill President Obama if she was in the room alone with him. Well, I thought about calling the police, but thought we would soon be in Mexico and what would this little sweet person do anyway. I told myself that if she moved back in with her old boyfriend I would have to report it.

I say this because he was in charge of working with the secrete service to coordinate security for when the President would come to town. This is what she told me anyway...I don't know him...but do know that he is one of the highest ranking officials in this large city I lived in. She told me that he wanted her to use her computer; however, she said she refused. I don't believe this as I discovered she was a chronic liar. Anyway with the top secrete information and her solid hatred for the President I reported this to the secrete service when my attorney told me the address she filed with the divorce papers...you guessed it the same address with the top ranking person.

The last day I saw her we were prepared to move...we kissed, hugged, just like normal. I saw nothing different than normal. She said she was going to confession, but rather cleaned out the bank account and credit card and sent the money to Mexico and hired an attorney to divorce me. I felt so ashamed and embarresed that I was tricked into being conned for so long.

My story is much longer...I have written down most everything I could remember on my phone so I don't forget. I have lost all sexual desire and feel devistated as she has so let me down. Any help would be appreciated.

Hi, do you know for sure this "boyfriend" is a high ranking official where you live? The secret service part sounds like a lie but is that part true? You can pretty much guess most of what you have been told by her is a lie unless confirmed. Quite certain this boyfriend is on her side and swallowed any and all lies she has told him about what a horrible person she will describe you as being. Hold your head up high, you know one thing for sure all Psychopaths lie when their lips are moving. Good for you for turning her into the secret service, we all have that responsibility to report such actions/words.

You need to weigh your decisions carefully. There are investigators who track money, I remember this because that is how the Goldman family hunted down the money trail OJ had.

Do you cut your losses and move on or more than likely go on a ride from hell dealing with her and now her "boyfriend"? I am not an attorney but there are ways to put liens on any future income or money she might try to hide. Taking money and stealing it and hiding it in Mexico is more than likely against the law. Chances are it isn't in Mexico and just a lie. The downside is the money worth the heartbreak of continuing to deal with what is already done? I am not suggesting to not protect what is legally yours that she hasn't hijacked already.

It is good you have an attorney who understands what a Psychopath is so that he won't roll over and start to believe she is the victim which is how she will portray herself.

I would suggest a journal to document everything and have your attorney handle her, don't communicate directly with her or anyone else besides your attorney. You don't know what will get back to her, Psychopaths are excellent at extracting information from others to use against others.

If you are staying in the home you shared with her (I hope the title is just in your name) I would suggest setting up a security system with outside cameras to monitor any activity, the same if you have a business outside your home. These days you can monitor your home/office from your computer. Never under estimate what evil is all about. There are laws about who keeps what from what they bring into the marriage, your attorney can advise you best on that.

You are not a fool, kind, caring people are their primary target/prey so please be kind to yourself.

When you are ready we will look forward to hearing more of your story.

Di

Thanks Dianne for responding to my post.

I did do research on her boyfriend...saw on the internet that he busted large rings of crime in this city....also she gave me his business card and showed it to a retired cop friend of mine...he said "he would be a good person to know"...meaning he was a very high ranking officer.

I had her sign a prenup and questioned her on how different her signature was...she signed my prenup like a chicken scratch, but I had seen another signature like leonardo divinchi would do...very artistic. She also chicken scratched my tax return...signed like divinchi on the divorce papers...

The attorney said I have to go to civil court...tort II? to get the money send to mexico fraudulently...he seems to understand that she manipulated me; however, I am not sure if he is educated on what a psychopath is...

I at first sent some money to mexico, then she said it would not be good for me to do so as it would flag me to the IRS for some reason...so I let her do it. I found out she used her "brother in law" to send some of my money as well...Never heard of this person, but I will have to subpeona her to get all of the records. She of course took all records of her transactions. I told her I wanted to get copies...never did.

She does not want to talk to me and I have no reason to contact her...all through the attorneys...this seems criminal to me that she could do this to me...also breaking my heart. Instead of retiring with what I thought was the love of my life, I am back to working full time and alone.

Hi, find an attorney who knows about Psychopaths, call around, you will find one. Also one who understands criminal law.

I assume she signed the prenup with an attorney present? Was she represented by an attorney when she signed it? Her signature pattern seems like pretty clear cut to prove it was her since she signed the same chick scratch twice.

Di

What a relief you have a pre nup, get a pit bull of an attoney who understands Psychopaths and criminal law quickly.

Lolly10,

In your post you mentioned that you and your son don't want to hurt the feelings of your ex, and that brought to mind something I read in the book, "The Psychopath Next Door" by Martha Stout, which I will quote now.

"After listening for almost twenty-five years to the stories my patients tell me about Psychopaths who have invaded and injured their lives, when I am asked, 'How can I tell whom not to trust?' the answer I give usually surprises people. The natural expectation is that I will describe some sinister-sounding detail of behavior or snippet of body language or threatening use of language that is the subtle giveaway. Instead, I take people aback by assuring them that the tip-off is none of these things, for none of these things is reliably present. Rather, the best clue is, of all things, the pity play. The most reliable sign, the most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy."

I wish you the very best in getting your son back with you.

Concerned

Hi Dianne,

I spoke with my attorney and he seems to understand the terms. I know she was evaluated by her previous and current boyfriend, she told me that she was either psychopath, skitzofrenic (sorry for the spelling error) manic depressive, or multiple personality disorder....I can't recall as it was when I first was getting to know her. I thought to myself how could a doctor say such things about this sweet woman?

It sounds like he really understands, way better than I, and can proceed accordingly.

He thought she also could be a Psychopath...what is the difference? When I looked into psychopath everything seemed to hit the nail on the head...what are your thoughts from what I told you?

Hi,

Keep in mind that it is likely she didn't have any kind of diagnosis done, it usually takes being in prison or a rare court order to get them to submit to a test. It would also seem odd since he must be intelligent that none of those things sunk in when told. However, that said it wouldn't make sense for him to take her back but they can be very persusive and he is thinking he is rescuing her from you. Did she ever say why they broke up and how long after they broke up did you meet her? Maybe she thought you had more of what she wanted in terms of money only to figure out he was a better catch?

Couple of questions to help me think about this:

How did you meet her?

How long after that did she move in or marry you?

Was she with this x now current boyfriend when you met her?

Was she close to her family?

In the beginnng did she had a more than usual interest about all the details of your life, ever notice those things get twisted back in an ugly fashion in an argument?

Did she ever try to get you to put her name on your house deed?

Were you according to her the best thing that had happened to her like you were the soulmate she always wished for?

They all cheat, in looking back, any red flags? Did she work?

Most people can look back and think of the first red flag that got brushed off?

Her Obama comment is a bit off the scale as far as a show of hatred in general also.


Count your lucky stars you never had children with her. Does she have any children or previous marriages?

Did she seem too good to be true?

Have a bunch more but don't want to make you feel like I am interrogating you;) just trying to get a picture of how and what it was about it that lured you in.

Just out of curiosity see if your cop friend can do a background on her. I would call in a favor and ask your friend, lots of the online ones are not that great and don't dig deep enough.

Okay, will wait for your answers and please do not feel obligated in anyway to answer any or all of them, just trying to get a picture to help define what you got into.

Di

Couple of questions to help me think about this:

How did you meet her? I met her at my high-rise office..she was the janitor - I will make up a name Kim. She was very nice when I had a spill of the Culligan water in my office and invited her to clean my home. When she saw my home she started to wiggle her but and flirt with me. Another cleaner I just had mentioned I had the best house she ever saw.

How long after that did she move in or marry you? In order to live with Kim, I had to marry her and divorce my wife of 29 years. She and I were living in different States for many years, we were kind of separated and could not work out our differences. I had discovered that she had hidden over 300k in therapy sessions from me...and other relational issues that Kim had a unusual skill of exaggerating or inflaming. Kim one time asked if the picture on my desk was my grandma, I said no it was my wife. She also accused her of being a lesbian with her therapist which is unfounded.

Was she with this x now current boyfriend when you met her? Yes, she was and told me that he talked to her like the "diablo" which means devil. He was mean to her and yet she would say that he would take her on golf vacations, buy her new clubs, take her to the most expensive restaurants, etc.

Was she close to her family? Yes, she called her brother in another state every day or he would call her...She had a large family. Five sisters, one who died. Her dad died of poisioning and she said that she inflicted revenge...but was not specific. Her mom is still alive and she has two brothers in Mexico. This attracted me to her because I was not close to my family.

In the beginnng did she had a more than usual interest about all the details of your life, ever notice those things get twisted back in an ugly fashion in an argument? Not really. She did encourage me to smoke cigars...so I started...towards the end she said she hated that I smoked. She did twist and lie about the house under construction - they sent me pictures of a home I could not recognize.

Did she ever try to get you to put her name on your house deed? She said she owned the property. She said she would put it in my name along with the other house I bought when we got to Mexico.

Were you according to her the best thing that had happened to her like you were the soulmate she always wished for? Yes, she told me she would never want anyone else inside of her heart.

They all cheat, in looking back, any red flags? Did she work? Worked a couple hours a day for around 15 days before she filed for divorce. I gave her tons of cash and am now in the process of subpeoning her to get that information from the money exchange places.

Most people can look back and think of the first red flag that got brushed off? When she told me she cut herself and burned herself. Also when she got diagosed...

Her Obama comment is a bit off the scale as far as a show of hatred in general also. This was the most powerful speech I ever heard. When she said she did not care what happened to her if she could kill him...she was VERY believable.


Count your lucky stars you never had children with her. Does she have any children or previous marriages? Two sons...

Did she seem too good to be true? Yes - I fell hook line and sinker! Still part of me still loves her...is that normal?

Yes, I think to still love someone is normal in a lot of cases, I still love my x fiance a non Psychopath. Am I "in" love with him and want to get back together, no. Love isn't an on or off switch and members involved with Psychopaths often still feel love for them. My own personal observation is how the Psychopath partner made them feel so special in the beginning and when things turn ugly/evil a great deal of effort can get put back into how things were and the initial love they had. With Psychopaths love is a one way street, you give it, they will take it and twist it and never love back, they aren't wired that way. It is a hard concept for non Psychopaths to understand since our make up is polar opposite.

I am not clear, do you own one house in Mexico in your name and was financing for another home that she was handling the money and details on?

Before Kim moved in when you got married where did she live?

Can you see the pattern she has set herself up as superior even being a janitor, not that there is anything wrong with that but her actions sound like she felt a great sense of entitlement. A typical Psychopath pattern.

It sounds like she moved from her x now current boyfriend into your home quite quickly, is that right?

I am sorry you had to hear the hateful comments about your x wife, she does indeed sound quite evil when you add up the kill Obama, revenge over her father's death and accusing your x of being a lesbian.

Was there some trigger point that made you decide to split up or did she just out of the blue initiate it? Just guessing but it sounds like she had the x lined up before she made her move. It is a pattern for Psychopaths to have affairs and usually have the next victim lined up.

Did you observe a switch in the way she looked when she was angry and can you describe it? Were you the one who usually had to apologize even though it was clear you hadn't done anything wrong except in her eyes?

What did your friends think of her? I suspect they didn't say much at the time but have any of them come forward with any comments since the split?

Did you meet any of her family members and/or travel to Mexico with her?

It sounds like she made herself a physical attraction rather than an intellectual connection. Did she have any interests or hobbies, sounds like she liked golf but how did she occupy her time while you worked. I suspect she had to have a housekeeper so did she just occupy her time spending money, anything in particular beyond the home/s in Mexico? Since she seemed to have charge over the Mexico real estate, was she also in charge of household things, ever any arguments over her spending habits? If so did it get twisted back on you?

Did Kim set up the condition that she would not move in until your divorce was final? Were you supporting her with housing expenses etc. until the marriage? Did you ever feel in looking back that slowly you were becoming more isolated from your friends and collegues? Like she didn't want to be around them and found fault with them like she did with your x wife etc. to alienate you from them? Psychopaths tend to isolate their victims is the reason I am asking that.

Okay, back to your turn;) I am sure some other members will pop in with any comments or thoughts and share their experiences.

Di

Thanks Dianne,

I am not clear, do you own one house in Mexico in your name and was financing for another home that she was handling the money and details on? I during construction I bought the neighboring house for her son to sleep in and to have it for the two wells and extra land for farm animals. This house was paid by me and put in her son's name until I arrived. Her property was next door, I requested the deed...her mom suposedly has it...but Kim refused to bother her and to just have it transferred over when we arrived.

Before Kim moved in when you got married where did she live? She lived with her boyfriend which is where she is currently.

Can you see the pattern she has set herself up as superior even being a janitor, not that there is anything wrong with that but her actions sound like she felt a great sense of entitlement. A typical Psychopath Yes, I guess I am starting to see this. She always pressed her janitor clothes and looked really good every day. She always had great posture and stood tall.

It sounds like she moved from her x now current boyfriend into your home quite quickly, is that right? After my divorce we planned an exit from X as she portrayed that she was fearful of him. She told me that he made her so made that she took a knife and destroyed his big screen TV. She said she met him at metro police department where she cleaned - amazing how an illegal immigrant can gain access to a whole police department...especially when she would like to kill the president. She said that he introduced her to very important government people. When the republican representative in AZ got shot she became very upset as she was supportive to Mexicans entering the USA. This issue is why she hates Obama as he did not keep his promise.

The exit from X was that she told him they she would go visit her brother; which is what we did; however after the trip however, she went back with him. I was very sad as I left my wife for her and could not understand but she always convinced me that she wanted to be with me forever.

The next trip we went to north and South Carolina with her going back to him.

The next trip we went to San José but she went back to him because she was sick.

The final trip we went to Miami and then she moved in after that.


I am sorry you had to hear the hateful comments about your x wife, she does indeed sound quite evil when you add up the kill Obama, revenge over her father's death and accusing your x of being a lesbian. Yes...thanks for being a mirror...for some reason that helps a lot as I only have had my own thoughts processing this stuff.

Was there some trigger point that made you decide to split up or did she just out of the blue initiate it? Mid May I asked her if she was ok to move to another State as she would not be with her friends and that was a concern for me. I told her that we could stay here if she wanted and that I just wanted to be with her. She told me that it was fine that we move and that she was going to confession. Instead she cleaned out the joint accounts and wired money from our credit card to Mexico. I called to see if I could get it back and they said there was no way to get the money back. The representative said that she said that this was money that I "owed her".

I had hired two packers to move my office and I was also scheduled to sign my living trust to give Kim 100%, and to see the Doctor. ... Kim planned her final departure when she was sure I would not surprise her; however, I forgot my phones and came back to get them. Kim was in her room and I asked her what she was doing and she calmly said packing. Little did I know that this was the last I would see her. I finished packing and Kim called me and said she was done with confession and that she was confused. I said let me pick you up and she said she needed to go with Pat (not actual name). I now understand that Pat is another name for Mr. X. I went to the doctor and decided to call Kim and she did not pick up. I called about 50 times with no answer. Then I looked at my text messages...to my shock and demise I saw two text messages from an attorney stating she was divorcing me for incompatibility. I was soooo shocked and confused. I called the attorney and he told me that I treated her like a "piece" and that I should not have turned off her phone. I canceled her credit card and found out she had already sent a lot of money to Mexico. I changed all my passwords and her as I did not want to have a $1000 phone bill with her calling to Mexico.