During the last 5-7 years it has become apparent that my twenty year old little brother is a psychopath. The damage it has done to my family is unbearable and the thought of what his future actions might hold is very terrifying.

He has lost all relations to friends and family and keeps my parents captives in their own house. He decieves and lies without remorse and have in multiple occasions been aggressive and violent to family members indcluding myself. His behavior is calm when not pressured. When he get what he wants he is only being unpleasant when he is bored. But if he feels there is the least of pressure on him he becomes loud and very violent. He is a big man, training daily, the only occasion where he leaves the house for a few hours.

His many encounters with police and authorities have not yielded any punishment in form of mental treatment as he is a skilled manipulator of people that does not know him.

I have a feeling in my stomage that he is able to do anything and I am worried about my parents to the point where I fear for their lives if they try and get rid of him. I think they are slowly realizing what they are dealing with but their acceptance of what must be done is really not moving anywhere.

I do not have any point in writing this other than I feel it is rewarding for the first time to see a place with people who are experiencing things that seems similar.

But having read the other posts I feel that my prospects are dire at best.

Hi Stoffer, welcome to the forum, I am glad you found us. The situation with your brother sounds like an absolutely horrible situation to deal with. Unfortunately for parents it has been my experience that parents have an extremely difficult coming to terms with a person like your brother. They do tend to bury their heads in the sand and hope for the best.

Do you live close by? When he has attacked you turning him in would make things worse for them. Has he been physically violent with them?

Do you feel there is any way you can gently get them to see the grim reality?

When your brother gets into trouble with the law does he get any form of punishment? Do you care to share any examples of what he has done? Do you think there is any way to convince your parents to get a psychopath evaluation on your brother or at the least seek help with professionals who are familiar with Psychopaths to help them see the light?

He does sound like a ticking time bomb. Keep in mind Psychopaths are not mentally ill, the best way to describe them is pure evil. Would your parents be in a position to move away forcing him to go off and spew his evil elsewhere

Di

Hi Quakerlady, my heart goes out to you. All these years of pain only to open those old wounds. You are not alone here, it is common for people to lose so called friends and family because a very well socialized Psychopath will trick them into thinking this is your fault, part of their trade, playing the victim.

Is there any way you can trick her into a professional evaluation so you can use this to hopefully make getting a restraining order possible? My guess is she will fall for the evaluation because after all she doesn't think she is the problem and if she thinks it might open up your money flow it could work?

Just tossing out an idea.

Di

I honestly do not know where she is currently living. Even if I did, I do not want to have any contact with her. I just want her to go away and never show her face again. I keep hoping that she will be implicated with this rental car scheme and go to jail. My husband and I are trying to move to our Az home. He has a 4th interview for a job next week out there and we are hopeful. It kills us to be forced from out beautiful farm. She is so charming and so evil. I am capable of catching her in lies and this is what sets her off. She would kill me if she could and I believe this more then anyone knows. I get freaked out at a noise because I expect her to be there with a knife in hand. Others think this funny but not my husband, now. He saw here for what she is this time. So, if there is to be any good from this, she revealed her true colors to him.

I can understand why you would never want to see her after investing all your good honest efforts. It is so typical that it takes the spouse a long time to either acknowledge the problem or understand it.

I am glad that you have a place to move as hard as it must be. I currently live close to Phoenix.

Maybe it will be a positive move to leave all this behind and stop having to explain what your daughter really is, they just don't get it unless they see the evil side.

Being so upset over every sound must be exhausting.

Keeping my figers crossed for your husbands interview. A 4th interview sounds like he is being seriously considered.

Di

If you ever feel the need to talk it would be interesting to hear from you about how you figured all this out.

I would be glad to discuss my process for diagnosing M. She went through several therapists and one psychiatrist and fooled all but the psychiatrist. He never told me anything additional and M refused to see him again because she felt he told me about their sessions. He did not. I imagine that much of what I was conveying to her must have been similar to what they were discussing. However, I was also trying to care for a sick mom and myself. I am a bight lady and worked in law enforcement, education, testing, and my speciality is geriatrics. I knew something was wrong with my child when I met her at the airport. She took charge immediately and displayed very erratic behavior at the onset. Her behavior was very controlled and I knew quickly what to expect. Independence was significant. She needed no help nor did she want any help. Within the 1st week of her arrival, she attempted to knock me out twice. I was hit over the head with shoes at a store and she did some marshal arts routine and hit my head again and I saw stars. It would take pages to describe what I documented throughout the years but I believe she was bad, but became real bad after my Mom died. Mom paid a lot of attention to her and when she became ill M could not understand why she worried so much about being short of breath(on 02 at the time) and did not have enough time for her. She said she was self-centered. I think M was about 18 when she announced this startling revelation. I watched her grow with amazement. She conned teachers every year even after I told them she would pretend not to read and write English. Beware! My favorite episode with her and my husband was when she almost killed me at 12 years of age. We were preparing to take donated items to Kentucky in out horse trailer. My girlfriend and her best friend were also joining us. I do not recall what precipitated this event but I think she was being mouthy. Anyway for some reason she ran across our yard and took me down to the ground. As I was struggling to get her off me and stand up my husband appears and starts screaming at me and grabs me and throws me away from her. My girlfriend was watching and said, Bob you are making a mistake, M attacked your wife and she was struggling to get her off. My husband did not listen and yelled at me and M just gloated. She did go to Kentucky and behaved most of the time. She feared my friend and to this day knows she sees the real M too.
I have gone on way to long and would be glad to add any additional information. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a very sad woman who believes she will be murdered by this young woman who is very strong, physically and emotionally when it works for her. I am the one who stands in her way and identifies her behaviors. Initially, I believed she was suffering from Reactive Attachment Disorder and she resisted treatment. It was not until she returned last fall that I saw the psychopath or Psychopath prevail. For a while she did well but she was just looking for her next man online, or should I say victim. Soon she will be in financial trouble because her husband is not here making the $'s she needs and wants for her lifestyle. She left him in debt and shock. The new victim is very unattractive, has no friends and makes a good living and very cynical. How long before he catches on? By the way, M started masturbating at about 6 years of age.

Hi, thanks for sharing more of your story. I truly feel sorry for your situation and fears.

That entire RAD "industry" perplexes me. Their checklist is the same for adult Psychopaths and since the conscience is formed between 3 and 5 I just don't get how these RAD supporters think they are going to pound a conscience into these kids. Actually it is lucky you went your route, I have seen a couple of interesting shows with "RAD" kids, one woman ended up spending several years in prison when the kid died. I saw another show with a few parents that killed their "RAD" kids using these holding techniques, fortunate for them they didn't do hard time like the first woman. It was also a case of the husband not completely understanding, he left them alone "to bond" to go for a golf weekend and in his absence the kid self mutilated and ended up dead and the jury convicted the poor innocent wife.

One of the missions of this forum is to let people know there are Psychopaths out there and they are not all evident to everyone, only those they "unmask for" or mass killers like Bundy et. al, the public seems to have this image in their minds when you mention your fears someone close to you could be a Psychopath.

If writing helps you it also helps others too afraid to post or come to terms with a situation like yours. Only if it helps you. Sometimes we need to spill it all out to move on and seeing things in writing can bring some good self reflection.

It sounds like your move is an unfortunate one but too many years of PTSD can't be good for the system, what I have observed from years of reading victim stories is that eventually it seems to effect the auto immune system. I am not a Dr. but it seems stress related.

Does she know about your home in AZ? I would be careful covering your tracks to keep information off the search engines. For example it is fairly easy to find out what properties people own, their addresses etc. If she doesn't know your existing home in AZ maybe register it as something else to try your best to keep her from finding a path to your door.

It is really great your friend understands. Friends can be our best support system and you will know you can trust your friend to not slip and give her any clues. Most of the public in general would find it easier to blame the parent.

When was the last time she came around? The good news is Psychopaths seem to cover their tracks if they are rejected by their own family and make up stories about their horrible childhood for excuses when caught red handed exhibiting bad behavior (and it also helps the lie about why they aren't in touch with their own family) which keeps them from coming around.

Di

Hello Quakerlady (I am a Quaker too)

I sympathise with you as my daughter wants to kill me and has issued three death threats in the last year. It is because she can no longer manipulate me, I have seen through her after 36 years (I must add that my head has been very mixed up due to my childhood and it is just getting straight now)

I am having to consider leaving the country as I will not feel safe in my own as she is in the drug scene and will easily find someone to do her a favour. She is pretty unfit now after 20 years of substance abuse. What you say about your daughter applies to mine - highly manipulative with professionals, getting away with murder (probably literally) and accepted as the victim with family who have just about all blamed me for her problems. I could not get anyone to listen when she was a child.

I think that getting the heel out is the best plan. I did think about trying to rescue my reputation, and there is a grand-child of 15 involved who sees her mother as a victim now, I am lying low and making plans to leave as I am on my own now so a sitting duck.

Put your safety first, do what ever is necessary and take care
Mati

Di,
M lived with us in PA from Dec, to April of this year. She resisted the idea of returning to ASU to complete her BS degree. She lived in AZ for many years and I was unaware that she was senior when she last dropped out. She has 91 credits and needs 120 to graduate. I was quite surprised when I spoke to her advisor and realized how close she was to graduating. She is still considered a resident of AZ so she has in-state tuition that is very inexpensive compared to Penn State. Mom came through again and suggested she go to our home in AZ and complete 2 summer sessions and the fall term and she would be done. How easy was this? She still has enough in her trust for school and we would cover her expenses. I have a house sitter so I felt she would not do damage to the home or cause too much trouble because she was getting what she stated she wanted when she asked to return home. When I told her about this and asked that she call her advisor her demeanor changed quickly. She had a temper tantrum and reality hit and I told her to plan on moving out quickly as she was not doing what she stated she would do last Dec. All hell broke loose and she ran from the home and got in her car and took off like a crazy person behind the wheel. The smear campaign began and she contacted the police and stated that I hit her and she wanted to get in for her belongings. M lived in our AZ home for a very short time while in college, prior to her marriage. While there she totaled my car and put it back in the garage and said nothing, trashed my house blew 30k from her trust and denied everything. I got a restraining order because at that time I felt she could harm me. The police questioned her regarding the vehicle and she said she drove it but it was fine with the exception of the brakes that were a bit weak. There were no brakes left on this vehicle. When I got in it I did not know the situation and fortunately the car did not start. It was not until AAA towed to a shop that it got loose and they had difficulty stopping it. The vehicle was a mess. The police did get my computer back from her boyfriend and they copied the hard drive so that became a nightmare. This of course answers the question about our AZ home. She knows where it is but she seems to fear returning to AZ and it may be related to the alleged stolen rental car. I am not positive, but I feel she will not return to the state. I think I must have been out of my mind to even consider such an offer to return and finish school but she was doing so well that I forgot about the evil monster that was in hiding for a few months. She can be so charming and I want her to be something she isn't. Reality is difficult sometimes.
RAD treatment is very scary. I looked into treatment from Brian Post and realized treatment was very expensive and unconventional. I tried to do my dissertation on this topic and my university would not hear of it. I believe that this condition exists because M has all the characteristics and the most compelling is the eyes. When she is angry her black eyes become blacker and she looks a killer. The looks directly at you with total defiance.. In other situations she refuses to make eye contact and she always turns her head so that a kiss never touches her face. I do not recall her ever kissing me but she makes an effort to appear like she is doing this with her dad and me. It is fake. Professionally. I believe that she was a RAD kid who became a Psychopath or psychopath as an adult. I guess she could be a RAD adult as well but I am not sure that it really exists. What I do know exists is an evil young woman who wants what she wants and gets it by charming men to buy her things. Her hourly wage is not enough to support her current expenses, nor, an apartment. When she realizes she is in a bind, I think she will come back at us and that is my fear today. I leave for AZ tomorrow and she knows that because that was arranged prior to her leaving. I would like to think she has met her prince charming, but I do not think anyone could live up to her expectations, nor be fool enough to give her all that she wants for any length of time. Sex only goes so far and that is what she lures men with. Her soon to be ex-husband told me that in the 6 years they were together, she never cooked a meal. What will she do next?
Karen

Hi, I hope you are correct and she has some "issues" in AZ she is avoiding and will give you some space.

I think it is natural to always want the best for their children. It sounds to me like she had every opportunity to be a success in her life. It must be a terrible thing to have to turn your back on your own child. For your own safetly and sanity it does sound like the best route to move. You still have more years left in this life that hopefully you can laugh, enjoy life and not be looking over your shoulder. If you haven't already you might consider reading up on PTSD, I am not diagnosing you but with this horrible long span of time there may be some things that can be worked on to bring you the peace you so deserve.

Keep in mind I am not an expert but I personally think this entire RAD deal is a piece of fairy dust and quite a lucrative business to be in for these so called "professionals". As close as I can figure out it is a label they give a kid instead of sounding extrememe by using the Psychopath word. My view is that this is just a business but in this case sapping parents to "cure" their kids is the game. I think the parents are fed a truckload of false hope and probably in the process assisting in raising a more socialized thus dangerous future adult Psychopath.

The dividing line between a Psychopath and the rest of us is they don't have a conscience and we do.

Di