Hello All....

I am new here, but certainly not new to the destructive way's of the "mentally unstable". I use that term because my daughter has never formally been diagnosed a psychopath, although I believe she might be. At the age of 15 she was diagnosed with being a Narcissist. As she got older and I would visit therapists I was told it sounded more like borderline personality disorder... I personally was unsure of the narcissist diagnosis, but then I have been unsure of everything for the past 26 years.

Here is my story....
My daughter was born without incident after a textbook pregnancy, she was a good baby.
I found as time went on she became a very active child, she would wear me out..little did i know that what she was doing at age one, was nothing compared to what I was in for as the years would progress.
At about 19 months I tried taking her to playgroup, I was a single parent by this stage, and I thought the interaction would be a good thing. It was short lived as it became evident that she was a "biter"... I suppose the whole antisocial behaviour could of started as early as that although I know biting can be a "normal" childhood phase.
At age two I met my husband and we married. We have a very happy marriage and my husband accepted my daughter as his own. He was and still is a wonderful father to both her and our son.
Age three she was still a biter. We did the usual things but to no avail, bit her back, isolated her etc etc. We eventually stopped the biting by taking the drastic measure of "treating her like the dog, because dog's bite".... after tying a lead to her waist and the other end to the clothesline, we showed her thats what happens to dog's that bite. It ripped my heart out to do it, but I had to follow through as I was at my wits end. I know to some this sounds barbaric but it worked and I wish to this day that the problems that were follow, could have been rectified as easily. By the way, she never did bite again after her two minutes (if that) "tied to the clothesline".
After our son was born I suffered terrible postnatal depression, I was very concerned at the possible affects it might of had on my daughter (I wasnt coping with anything much at the time), that I wanted to see a child psychologist to reassure myself that I hadn't done any psychological damage to her during that period as I was really not myself. I guess in the back of my mind I have always known something felt amiss.. I can't put my finger on it, call it mother;s intuition. The psychologist assured me she was emotionally fine and explained that until children are about 8, there whole world revolves around them and it is hard to "hurt" their feelings, especially with the types of things I described to her. I was very relived and life went on.
Once she started school, I seemed to always be needing to "deal" with people bullying her and her being upset. When she was 6 I had a call from the Headmistress, she wanted to see me. I asked my daughter did she know why? Was there anything she needed to tell me? Was she in trouble? Her answer was a definite no! I arrived at the school to be told she was being suspended, that she wouldn't be allowed to attend the Christmas activities due to her bullying a younger child to the point of distress, this little child was terrified to go to school. I was devastated as you can imagine and I drove to my girlfriends place and spent the day crying. This was my first taste of what lay ahead for my husband and I.
Over the coming years the lies grew, the rollercoaster of emotions that followed every time we discovered what we thought was truth was a pack of lies. In high school I was constantly dealing with issues, eventually we changed schools, she left school at age 15 it was impossible for her to stay she had made so many enemies and caused so many problems due to lying, it wasn't an option. I suppose the biggest lie was telling us she'd been raped at about the age of 14. That she was dragged into a car at knife point, raped and dropped off. We were even given a description of the car, my husband in a panic scoured the streets, she allowed us to notify the police, we had her tested for sexually transmitted diseases etc.. took her to councelling.. she even pointed out the person who did this attack some time later. The police said there wasnt a lot they could do because too much time had elapsed. About 5 years ago she confessed to the story being a lie. We spent years dealing with this lie and being scared for her. There are so many lies i can't tell you them all.
At age 17 she brought my world to end, she accused my husband on interfering with her sexually and left home. Moving in with a man that was much older than her. Having coped with so many lies, my husband denied it and I was left totally blown away... who do i believe?? He had never given me a reason to think he'd do such a thing and every other thing out of her mouth was a lie... what was i to do?? Could I throw an innocent man out, my husband of many years?? What about if this time she WAS telling the truth?? I got lost in my own little world, in one fowl swoop I'd lost my daughter and my marriage was in tatters. I was a mental wreck, this was the straw that broke the camels back... or so i thought.
At 18 she fell pregnant, she moved back home when her boyfriend cheated on her and their relationship fell apart. They were to get back together and split up again a few times over the years. During the course of everything there would be lies and deception from the smallest, silliest things, to the biggest major things. I lost friendships, my mind, my happiness and all the while trying to get her "fixed", helped...something!!
Now I had her and a granddaughter to think about.
Over the last 7 years she has had relationship after relationship..all failed... all based on lies and HUGE stories and deceit. She has been involved with murders that have spent time in prison, alcoholics that beat her, she currently has an AVO out against her second daughters father who is currently in prison, drug addicts, she has been and as i found out today still is a drug user... she has done prostitution...she has stolen from family friends, she had to declare bankruptcy at age 23 due to her enormous debt. My husband and I bailed her out of her gambling debts. Thousands of dollars. We have paid her back rent so she wouldn't be thrown out with her kids. The list is endless..the lies are HUGE and endless. Her lack of true remorse is apparent. She honestly believes she does me a favour by lying to me.... Right now after things I have found out today, I have to decided if I will be able to get custody of my grandchildren... I needed to find a forum like this... I need help! For 26 years I have been dealing with this and I am at my wits end... again....
Thank you for listening.

It is strange how a mother seems to know when something is wrong - be it an ear infection or being a Psychopath. Seems that no one will listen to us - I am glad that you are there for your grandkids - but be advised that the Psychopath will talk thier way out of almost anything. Keep us posted.

God, that terrifies me!! I can totally see my stepson in everything you wrote except that he's only 7 1/2 right now. But the rest of it sounds just like his egg donor / birth mother! She is nuttier than a fruitcake and he acts exactly like her!

First, I am soooo sorry this has happened to you. I know it's hard to admit your child has a problem and the guilt is overwhelming at times, but I do believe most Ps are from nature, not nurture. I believe their fate was decided at the moment of conception and there is very little anyone can do to alter what is going to be and who they are.

As for your marriage... I know it's hard to hear something like that, but if you have no reason to suspect him (and, like so many other things, I think mothers KNOW when something is amiss) yet she has a track record of lying & hurting others, I think he deserves your trust for the years of sticking by you despite your daughter's behaviors. That's the only way I think I could deal with it anyway. :-(

Thank you for your support and for taking the time to read my story.
I am currently taking today to "deal" with the last 24 hours and what has unfolded.
Her last boyfriend of 4 months has left... she is pregnant again (this will be her 3rd termination in as many years and i have an eight month old granddaughter and my 6 almost 7 yr old granddaughter).
We found out from the latest ex-boyfriend that she told him she had a share ($70,000) in the house she is currently renting (she rents this home from my oldest granddaughters father)and that she would be able to pay him back the money she owes him when the house sells, that it was on the market.. of course the house isn't on the market, nor does she have $70,000 invested in it, as we explained to the ex last night. He bought her cars, electrical appliances, paid a debt back to us for her.... he of course, was totally oblivious to her "ways".. we as always are kept in the dark.. we only reap the consequences when everything comes back to haunt people and they seek out our help. We know it WILL happen, we are just never sure HOW or exactly WHEN! If I had tht crystal ball I perhaps could save a lot of people such heartache, including myself.
How after so long do I still get "stung"? How do I not stay one step ahead of her? How does she make me believe that this time it's different and she's not going to lie etc again??
I think this is one thing that frustrates me the most... before i know it AND I SHOULD KNOW IT.. I've been hit by that bus again!! When will I not have a day where I feel like today, totally numb,?? I sure don't have the answers.
Venting most definitely helps... it's all I have at times.

Thanks again.

Just thought I would update if anyone is interested.

My husband and I decided that perhaps the best avenue to take was to move my daughter and grandchildren in with us.
That way the girls still have their mother, it is in a stable, controlled environment, and in the hopes that my daughter can get away (yet again) from the types of people that she is so easily influenced by.
So we are packing up and moving house to a bigger place so we can all try and live in some sort of harmony.
My daughter is receptive to it (for now)... we have made it a positive step for her... she will do it and go along with it all ok but I know she will end up taking the usual advantage of myself and hubby as she always has. I can't be concerned with that though, what I have to do is see that my grandchildren are ok.
Eventually she will take yet another path towards destruction but at least this time we will be making her do it away from home and her children.
She had the termination Tuesday, and had the so called "ex" take her and they kind of played "happy families" the other night but "we arent together, we are just staying friends..."
I am not coping at all at the moment. I am giving up work so i can care for the baby so my daughter can go and get a job. I hope that for a time, it will keep her busy and she can hold on to it, that she will perhaps make some decent new friends and maybe keep them.
I know people will say that we are crazy, but these are my grandchildren we are talking about and they deserve a fighting chance. If we don't care for them and make sure they have some sort of stability who will? Some one has to take responsibility.
I hope everyone is finding a way to "cope" with their personal situations and that you are surviving them.

Take care

scallywags

Please be careful. I got involved with my psychopathic daughter's daughter right from birth taking her off her hands then giving her back until one day there was a row, her flat had no electricity and I wanted the child to stay with me till she got it fixed. She ran off with her and disappeared, putting her in care, without me knowing. I went to court to get her out once I knew where she was, 12 months later after breaking me heart looking in every buggie for her.

I should have left her as she was scheduled for adoption. As it is, her mother has destroyed her life and she is now 15 and seeing a 32 year old drug addicted man. Well as far as I know. I have had to cut contact with her as her mother has used her own daughter to hurt me using her as ammunition and I have decided that it is better for her that I get out of it after my daughter started issuing death threats when she could not longer 'play me' and I saw how evil she really is.

I felt that I had to keep the family together but the truth is that he child would have been better off well out of the way of her mother. I feel for you.

Mati

Thank you Mati for your reply.
I think long and hard every day and I'm still not sure how this will all pan out.
I will keep posting as time goes on.