Hi Lady Crown

Thank you for being so understanding. As you say sometimes we need to step back and let others who have more knowledge step up and take the lead. I think both you and Segaya are the best people to support Sapphira right now. I hope to learn more from you all and will watch cloesly to see how you progress with the synergy of a group with experiences in common.

I'm sure if new members come to the forum they will be immediately welcomed and will be 'looked after' by the most appropriate person.
We all have such different experiences of psychopathy that we are like "specialists" in our fields. My experience and knowledge is about children with psychopathic tendencies which is the other end of the spectrum to your experiences.

It's great to watch members join the forum and blossom form being scared, timid, feeling unable to escape their nighmares and grow into strong people who can then go on to help others. I feel if I don't use my bad experiences then all the anger, frustration, fear of the future and feelings of helplessness will have been for nothing and I would not be able to get rid of those negative emotions.
I came to the forum in a tailspin and didn't know how to get information and help and Di was a lifeline.
She was the first person I could discuss my problems with and she listened and took me seriously. It gave me so much comfort to be able to share all the frustration with an understanding person. I want to be able to give some of that back.

I'm constantly amazed at your incredible journey and hope this forum has, in part, been responsible for this. I suppose it has a lot to do with where you are on that journey when you join the forum. Some people find it and try and understand what is going on with a psychopath in their lives and others will have done most of the research and looking for confirmation that they should take no blame for their circumstances and are ready to move on but just need that validation and support.

Keep travelling!

Regards
Jan

Dear Jan,

Thank you very much for your post. It helps me a lot to know how you see things. I am totally exhausted but wanted to respond to your post, at least briefly. I asked myself what was it I expected from Jan? I know that if it was any particular advice etc, then I would have asked.And I will in future. Really, it was just an hello. Just as you were doing with Segaya and Lady Crown. I couldn;t understand, hence my confusion, and I'm also very aware that I so don't know you, or Dianne, and that if I did, things were surely be clearer. As you said, I've opened Pandora's box and am running to keep up with all the processing, and despite wanting to reach out, my energies have been so low. I can appreciate about what you mean about the persona. People have told me I am strong before, and while I know I am, I am also very aware of the weakspots and frailties. Because I knew so little about you I couldn't place what was happened, and I do hope that we can connect some more sometime not too far away and bridge the unknowning between us. I'm really not sure if I have said any of what I meant to say when I sat down to write this. But I will send this off hoping I have and with the promise that I will post more, perhpas small bite sized pieces at a time. Please know I do appreciate knowing how it is for you and your care, which is obvious. Thank you Jan!

Love Sapphira

Dear Sapphira...
There I am..sitting and writing to you and then... all what I wrote just dissapeared from my computer grgrggrgrggrr I will come back to you again but you have to give me a bit more time oke..
Love Segaya

Dear Segaya,

Please don't feel any rush. I am fine with things slow right now anyway. Not much is going in as it's all a bit back logged. I know you are all here and I too am just going real slow but my thoughts are close.
Love Sapphira

Hi Sapphira

Thank you so much for taking the time to post when you are wacked. Of course we will connect, good friendships don't happen without a lot of work. Friendships evolve over time and when we learn about each other then we get to know without saying anything what is the best thing to do to be a good friend.
Don't worry, everything you said is perfectly clear. Even when you are working through adversity you are spectacularly articulate. Have you ever been a teacher? You are so analytical I just wondered if you have science background.

At some point when you feel up to it I would love to hear about your career, I was just wondering whether your traumatic childhood spurred you on or whether you would have followed the same career path anyway.

Take as much time as you need if you want to reply, I will just be happy to hear from you. Just a couple of words are enough to let me know you are OK.

I hope you don't mind me trying to make you smile...I would love to join your 'pinky' group but to this day I still can't wear pink because my mother dressed me like a pink birthday cake!

Regards
Jan

Dear all,

I can't help myself....
Jan, do you know how many shades of pink there are?...Pick your favorit..we promise to laugh... eeuuhhh ...smile sorry!

Blame it on the time...it's 2 o'clock in the night where I live..we dutch get funny then.. certainly when this relieved!!!
Love Segaya

Hi Segaya, Sapphira and Lady Crown

I went out today and bought a scarf-in many shades of pink! See I've started on my rehabilitation:)

I know that your group is not at all exclusive and that you would all welcome anyone coming to the forum for informtion, I'm sure your collective experience would be so valuable to any new members.

Have a good weekend.

Regards
Jan

Hi dear Jan,

You proved with buying that scarve to be a valuable member of that pinky group....
In my mind the pinky girlgroup is all about brave, heroic women who are to overcome they're childhood trauma's...

I heard about the red haded ladies...Ladies all over the world who come together to have a nice time and do fun things. They all wear red hads if they go out together.
We can start our own movement with this pinky thing!!

I love it..and I will go to towncentre this week to buy me a pink scarve also! Promised!!!
Love and hugs for you all Segaya

Hi, everyone. I've been off for a bit, and I wanted to check in with everyone. I know the board has been silent for a while, and I hope everyone is doing okay and coming back. As for me, I've seen my mom once since the Easter debacle, and she never brought it up. Today I had to go over for a quick errand, and my brother came down. He said hi, and I looked at him with contempt and said "Hi." Very flat and angry. He and my mother stood there completely shocked, and then kept looking at each other and looking at me. No one said a word. I finished what I was doing, and they had no idea what to do. However, he lacked the courage or integrity to ask me why I was angry. I kissed my mom goodbye and walked out. I have never seen them so nonplussed. It was great.

As I got in the car, I realized how stupid their reaction was. It is amazing to me that they were so appalled at such a mild thing that I did. One flat syllable. They were simply poleaxed. And it occurred to me that there is something wrong with their reaction to such a mild thing. Can you imagine if I had smashed a plate or raised my voice? It shakes their insane world that he is not some genius above us on a pedestal who can't be called on anything, and she is such a martyr, that who could be angry with her? They can't get over the fact that I had the unmitigated effrontery to be angry with them for how they spoke to me.

This is the kind of training that kept me from speaking, or arguing. I was trained very early that it wasn't safe for me to get angry or raise my voice. And now they are over there furious; he's probably having a raging tantrum and she's being all upset in the sitting room.

But I feel good about it; I didn't allow them to ignore what had happened, and I showed my anger at the way I was treated. It's a big step for me, to fight for myself, and I was glad I did.

I have to go now, but I hope our pinky girls are still online and coming in here. Do post again, and let us know how you all are.

Love and pinky hugs,

Lady Crown

hee Lady Crown,
So glad to hear from you again....
While reading your posting I found myself feeling soooooo proud!!!
You go girl!!!!
Oohh you took the power from them and now you left them without them knowing what came in you to you and not knowing at all how to handle it hwahwhah Great!!!!

This is exactly how to do it. This is indeed what I was talking about. The same kind of thing happend to me when I changed my attitude towards my son..he just doesn't know how to deal with it. As long as I gave (!!!) him the power he could use it..But the moment I took my power back he was like paralized.
You are now like water in they're hands..they feel it, but can't hold on to it..the only thing left for them is wet hands, but nothing to drink from....
So yes, I do think they will have a fight in there..I do think they will argue about it, without them being able to do anything about it that can help them...

Owww I wish I could have been there to support you.... No, not getting involved ;... YOU have to do it, but this moment of 'victory' is so very importend for your live from now on.
I would have liked to be there only to see it and enjoy this great moment with you.

But my dear Lady.... be prepared...This is probably not over yet!!!
They will hate losing control and maybe they will even try harder to get it back....
But I don't think they will succeed in this plan for now you know, day by day, you are stronger..Now you felt it, been there... wauw!!


it's like a peace of land were people go..or a garden without a fence. People, children are used to just walk over it. When the owner decides to put a fence in, he will use a small one so people will understand he likes private use of it..But people will not believe he is serious, or will even discuss with him that his decision is out of order... So they keep on walking/playing on his peace of land. So he has to put a bigger fence and maybe after that an even bigger one. After a while people get use to the idear that this garden is not theirs to walk over and they start respecting the possesion of the owner and leave the garden alone...And because of that the owner will be able to put a nicer fence that keeps the people out, but allow them to share the nice garden for he made it beautiful.

People are use to a certain kind of way to do things. They will not give up that easy. So prepare and get even stronger in that feeling of being who you are and keep doing what you are doing for this is giving the result you wanted for so many years now!!!!

Lady Crown...You made my day!!!!
Love and pinky hugs Segaya