Hello Segaya

My appointment with the cardiologist is 15 May....is it a coincidence??? I'm really beginning to wonder. I hope Lady Crown doesn't have any problems like this.

I think all the stress we have been enduring has to go somewhere so maybe that is what has happened to us, it could be we are starting to let go of it.

Maybe we should be the 'pinky heart' group

I hope you feel better soon.

Regards
Jan

Hello Novam

I'm pleased to hear your daughter is doing well. It sounds as though her confidence has grown as she is now able to say what she wants. I hope she is not given any pressure by the family when she visits them, either to tell them what goes on at home or to feed back certain information to you. As long as she is her own person then she may be able to avoid this happening.
Sometimes therapy is a good way of getting felings into words, at first things seem to be a jumble when you talk about them but once the words are said you can sort them out afterwards. You are a very bright person so can probably deal with this with the support of your friends and family too.

As you know I have had a bit of a health scare but feel fine now. It has made me re-evaluate my life somewhat as I was told was due to stress. I am now going to get rid of anything in my life that is giving me stress I can't deal with and also be more aware of myself and my needs. I think that is what we are all starting to do, put ourselves first for a change. If we are not well and healthy we can't look after anyone else and be their support.

I look forward to hearing about what you have been doing in your absence and finding out how you are moving forward.

I'm so pleased that you have returned to the forum as we always like to know how people are.

Regards
Jan

Hell Segaya

I have just corrected my post about the date I was taken into hospital, it was Friday 18th not 22nd April. I too was wondering about Sapphira and the date she was il.... so let us know Sapphira.

Regards
Jan

Hello everyone,

Ha! It is really something. So many thoughts about this curiosity of coincidence. There is one thing I have to say - we have had such experiences from 'heartless' people and here we all are, probably suffering from 'too much' heart, if you know what I mean.

I went in the night after I'd sent that posting, whatever day that was when I went to bed and was intending to post again in the morning. The days are all a blur at the moment.

I do hope you are all feeling somewhat better. I am still very weak and tired and I have developed a chest infection which certainly doesn't help. But inwardly I feel just great. Really things have taken such a turn - excuse the pun - for the better actually, despite the turmoil physically. You know I actually feel almost like another person - a new person. The only analogy I can think of for what has happened is (excuse me but I have a thing for cars, but only because they are so useful when trying to explain something)that I've finally taken the handbrake off my life.

I can't even say exactly when it happened - maybe a month ago, but it's been amazing. Hearing that my mother is a psychopath tossed everything totally up into the air, of course to land in the right place where they should have been all along. And then to make the connection about my grandfather. My life finally made sense. Then there was the period of being total overwhelmed and the exhaustion as it all came crashing onto me. Then the sense of acceptance of what was. And with that the realisation on a deep level that my life does make sense. It wasn't me. I am entitled to have my own life. But even more than that, I think, was a sense that I no longer needed to hold myself back and apart from life. The war is over. The danger, comparatively, is over, because I know my enemy now. And it's not me. There has been a purpose to all of this. I've come out the other side. I have enough of myself in tact to create going forward. And with all of this has come a tremendous feeling of updating. On a mental level I finally pushed the stick into gear and took my foot off the brake. Thing is the entire vehicle leapt forward with such a jump, and took off at such a speed, there was no way I could have slowed it down , even if I'd wanted to. And this was what pushed my heart to near breaking. After waiting so long to feel my inner desire to live and BE actually propelling me forward - being able to allow this - there was no way I was going to try to stopot . I no longer need to hold myself back or apart from my life to survive. And if it killed me, well at least I would have gone with a real big smile on my soul. So that's what's been going on. Massive progress. Outing the old outworn, not up to standard, need to have better or more for my self care etc. At times I feel a bit disorientated. Who is this person, and I found it hard to know how to approach people because I feel so different. But I understand it in overview and can just keep at it...And I can just be me. I'm incredibly grateful that all those years of trusting that if I kept on at it, little by little, plugging away to make the change, somehow I would arrive at the right place where I belong. First was the psychologist giving me that fate-filled piece of information. He helped me see where I needed to be. Second was coming here. Finding friends who have already arrived and feeling myself one amongst like-beings, for the first time. It's still all moving very fast, and the next step has already half taken itself! For the first time I actually feel excited about my life:) :)! Oh, and I've booked a holiday for myself and my son. My first break away in 12 years...Now I'm tired so will rest. Just wanted to let you know that I am actually ok, and that I do think of you all often and read what's being posted. Lots of pinky thoughts and warmest wishes to every one..Sapphira

Dear Sapphira,
This all sounds so very great...
I will return here to answer your posting properly but now I have so very little time ( friday!! Bandtime)
Tomorrowevening I got a lot of time ( I think, seen from tis moment!!)So see you then oke..
In the mean time... Go for it and know we are with you all the way and with our love and hugs.... all dressed in pink!!
Segaya

Hello Sapphira

What great news, you sound so positive. I read your post and felt so happy that you have come as far as you have in such a short time. I have to say that although I was smiling I did have a tear in my eye. I admire your strength and insight that has enabled you to do this. There will be no stopping you now! I'm sure other people on the forum would be interested in the path you took to acheiving this new way of life and you how you were able to look at the situation from a different perspective.
I think you are brilliant and someone we can all look up to, I feel as though I have met one of life's true heroines.

Maybe the coincidence with us all being ill is that because we all 'have too much heart' we are letting some go! I want to think of what happened as getting rid of something rather than getting something.
I'm feeling absolutely fine but I have decided to ditch anything that gives me stress as I know my incident was stress related and I'm not going to allow that to happen again.
Sometimes feeling unwell is the body just telling you to take it easy without feeling guilty so I hope your long awaited holiday makes you feel 100% again. Although with the huge efforts of your recent labours I'm not surprised you are worn out.

I hope it's the start of a wonderful new future. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards
Jan

Dear Segaya,

It is so nice to hear that you are getting back into things, and I hope, as it seems, you are feeling somewhat better. I meant to say a while ago that I'm very glad for you that the acupuncture is bringing you such great results. I imagine your life must feel quite different without having to constantly cough. I wonder, was the coughing related to your heart condition? Just that I knew someone years ago who'd say, whenever she started to cough that never-quite-goes-away-cough, that her heart was playing up. She'd had two heart attacks and it was always a sign for her to take things easy. Perhaps it was a separate matter for you. I just wonder. But at least you finally don't have to deal with it and that's just great!!

Love
Sapphira

Hi Jan,

Thank you for your kind words and thank you too for the information about the octopus heart. That was very interesting. Interesting too that you also see the current process in terms of letting go. You haven't exactly said (have you?) what brought on your health crisis, but I do hope that you too are feeling much better. Your comment got me thinking about how who we are or, perhaps more, who we perceive ourselves to be, can be affected or conditioned by those we are around us and their perceptions of us. How much we can accept things that aren't really ours or up to us. Some people don't have a problem with this and are good at asserting themselves against this, but there are some of us who take so much to heart. Especially those of us who have spent any amount of time around an abusive person, particularly a psychopath, who has a vested interest in us doing this. There's a cumulative effect of being around people who put their stuff on us. My upbringing blinkered me from seeing this but thinking about your comment I see that for me a large part of the release has come from a letting go of attitudes and shames and such that actually aren't mine - realising this and trusting and allowing myself to step into the space of my own life. It's not easy and it feels a bit odd, like taking off a snug fitting shirt and putting on a baggy shirt two sizes too big, I ask myself is this really mine/me? But I am learning that I am the life - or the shirt - I choose. It seems that whichever one I wear long enough eventually I will grow to fit so I must choose my shirts wisely as my growing time will go into this. The big thing for me is that I CAN chose what to take on. Now having heart for myself and making my own life a priority. It's all so very new and this letting go runs to deep levels. And you have made me think on this again, so thank you:)There's a poem about this. I'll see if I can find it.

Love,
Sapphira

Hi Sapphira,

Thank you for your best wishes to me..it helped!!
Indeed my coughing is parcly related to my heart condition. Although hardly recognized by cardiologists, in forinstance homeopathia it is a known symptom.
It is also related to my lungs though. Because it took almost 40 years to get my diagnoses there was to much flued in my blood. This wasn't pumped round enough because of the heartfailure and then it has to be 'stored' somewhere. With older people it gets in the legs and with younger people it gets in the lungs and liver. So, by all these years of being ill my lungs are now damaged.But..... Underneath is a different reason for it all together; You and Lady Crown knew it even before I knew it myself!!!
I knew for several years that I was clear voyand(???) in the way that I 'know things'....Now some weeks ago i discovered that it is far more then I ever could immagine.
I found that I feel all kind of things from other people...mostly fear. Everytime I pick up on something i start coughing....So work for me to do!!! I am now in the process of finding out what I feel and from whom..The next step is to stop it from surprising me.
I just came back from the acupuncture tonight and I can breath again...So that's a big relieve.

In the last copple of weeks I came to read here daily but was too tired to write and I only did when I thought it was necessary. I thought of you all so very much and missed our postings to each other a lot, not being able to put any energy in writing at all... Very frustrating!!!

I wonder how our Lady Crown is doing and if the family is over the anger...(no they won't be, I know, but maybe they will leaf it because they know now she will not react on it anyways)

My heart jumped reading you are going on a holyday with your son...This is great... a huges step in the right direction..yessssssss, you are taking care of yourself.... wauwwww
you are now at the point of rewarding yourself for being who you are and giving something nice to you. ( oooowwww this english!!!)

I am with you all in my thoughts and hug pinky hugs for everyone... love Segaya

Dear Segaya,

As always I'm so happy to hear from you! I understand about your energy and I know this - that your thoughts are there, even when words are not:) So please take your time. My heart feels so full, you know, reading because there are words and the lines and then there is the in-between. They speak too. As you have already said, it shouldn;t be a surprise, and yet it always is, the similarities, yet again... I know exactly what you are saying about the sight and about feeling people's emotion, and what you mean about learning what is what, or more, what is whos. I feel so excited for you. Such a journey you are on:)

I also understand what you are saying about the feeling affecting your lungs. I have a similar thing although for me it is grief and only my own, not other people's. I would find that very scary! A few years ago I experienced pluerasy (sorry about my spelling) for four years in a row. It was so bad and painful, and I'd also had chronic fatigue and things just were not getting any better. I was led to Chi Kung. Do you know it? What was amazing for me about it was that I learned they consider the organs to store particular emotions and they have 5 sounds, one for each ogan, that, when expressed, help release them of the particular emotion being stored there. In that system the lungs store grief. The times I contacted my own deep grief I'd find I just couldn't breathe, like I was being smothered (again)and I just couldn't complete the release. But doing the exercises brought the grief to the surface but in more manageable amounts and I rarely have breathing problems now. If I do get to coughing I know it is because there is sadness. Obviously different systems work for different people, but it amazes me how we have both had to tackle this, although I have only had to do this for myself. You are amazing to feel in this way, receiving others. Yet it comes at a cost, no? But that is a wonderful thing and I'm so glad for you...and shame you are so far away cos I have a question or two I know you could probably sort out for me!:)

I too have been wondering about Lady Crown and keeping her in heart. I guess lots of changes all round, perhaps? It has been a very strange time, and it's curious that so many of us have been unwell and stressed all at once. Can't blame it on the water this time:) To be honest, I have been very mindful of how it has been for you lately and sensed a certain lightness about, but that may have been the good thing?? Obviously lots going on. But as I said before, please don't feel an urgency to write. The message hits the spot....oh, and I am always reassured when I sense something but don't have the confidence to say and wonder about it then you make a comment and things get set right. So thank you for that. Does that make any sense??:)

Pinky hugs received and sent with lots of love,
Sapphira