Dear all of the pinky girlgroup ( and others ofcourse!!)
Thank you Jan.
I will come back to answer all your questions but you know it already ... friday evening...bandrehersal, so I have to save up my energy. I will try to replay tomorrow. know I come to read every day but still have a lack of energy ..Thinking of you all thought and feeling supported by all of you!!
Love Segaya

Dear All,
So, I just came home from the reharsel and was thinking about you all evening.
I want to aswer so much to all that has happend on the forum..Lady Crown's brave story, Sapphira's wonderful replay on her, Jan's questions....
So much has happend also with me and it is simply too much to tell in one time..So I have decided to do it in steps..I will write some now and then later tomorrow and day's after probably will write the following.

About my son;As I told before...little over a week ago, on wednesday, he called to tell me he had an accident again. I think it was at the date exactly 2 years ago he had an accident and crushed his left foot. Now he says he has broken and crushed his right wrist and hand...I heard he was in pain and that confused me...he never has pain... not when something is broken or anything..so I was a little impressed.( and had my questionmarks!!)Anyway, his story is that he had to be operated a week later...so that was last wednesday...
In the mean time he lost the phonenumber of the stephfather of his children and therefor could,'t call on the boys.He called on me to give him the number but I didn't..Last sunday he called me again and threatend me to tell the number or he will show up on they're doorstep.... I was very angry about this and called him back after a few minutes to tell him never to put me in between him and his children again. I will simply not play that game and told him to look for an other playball to do his thing with! As usual he started to curse at me. I am very glad with the red button on the phone at such moments.

Well last wednesday I called him very early to wish him well with his operation and he told me that he recieved a letter from the hospital that the operation was delayed till thursday, That day, wednesday, he had to go to hospital only to have some simple test they always do before an operation.
So thurstday I called in the early evening; No he didn't had the operation because; "yesterday I had forgotten all about the appointment in the hospital"....
Can anyone please tell me how you forget an apointment like that??????????( kidding)
Well anyway; he is still working and driving the car..
I think I am played with again....
Today he told me he was going to do all kindof things to make his situation worse. According to him this is the only way he will get help from the cofernment...ppff yeah oke!!!


My son is talking about suicide again and about how life is so very difficult and that nothing is going the right way for him... Always complaining and always looking for attention that way. He is trying to manipulate me into his lway and life and wants me to do something..money, give him a roof over his head...to proof that I am still his mother and he is blackmailing me that way...No, I say this the wrong way...he tries to manipulate me to do it his way and to feel sorry for him...Well it's a pitty for him, but I don't...
I know it sounds so hard and cold but I just can't anymore..It is done for me for such a long time already and after the experiences of last year I learned so much more again.
Also being here on the forum helps to be stable in refusig to let him be to close.

Yes, the fear of the comming time....( when he is around 27 years of age it will get very silent around him..too silent...)He is now 26 1/2 years... In October is his 27 birthday...so what is next?
Still I know there is nothing I can do or say to change anything..I also know I have to respect him as just another human being who can make his own choices. he is his own person and like every parent I have to let go...And I do let it go... But somewhere deep inside...he is still my child and as a mother this coming time is very scary.

As I said; Next time I will answer more and repley to al the other postings..( noooo, not all.... most!!)
Lots of love ..miss writing here a lot.... But will pick up on it again..but forgive my silence for I am ill and very weak..
Pinky hugs and lots of love Segaya

Hello Segaya

I'm pleased you feel well enough to go out and sing although that must really be hard work.

I often wonder why you still contact your son if all he feeds you is negativity and stories, do you still feel that there may just be some humanity in him? I got to the stage with my partner's kid that I did not speak to him about anything other than telling him food was on the table even though he was living in the same house.
Everything that came out of his mouth was either a lie or said to gain him something, there was nothing genuine and certainly nothing said from his soul...he doesn't have a soul to speak from!

It's was so easy for me because this kid was nothing to do with me and I never liked him from the start (intuition?) so when he went back to his mother I was ecstatic! I am happy and relieved that he has cut all contact.

I don't understand about things going quiet on your son's birtday, has something been planned?

I go to the hospital tomorrow for more tests, then to the court to pick up the judgement from the last hearing that I couldn't attend because of the heart problem so it's not a day I'm looking forward to. I'm sure my heart problem was just the culmination of an extemely stressful time but I still feel a little concerned there may be something wrong.It's always the not knowing that causes so much angst.

Regards
Jan

Hi Jan,

Sometimes I feel like calling to cansel the rehersal but something stops me from doing that. The strange thing is that every time I think I can not sing longer than at the most for half an hour, and every time I get energy from it an am able to sing the full evening. I have to add that I sit while singing. Standing is too hard for me at the moment. The other members of the band are oke with that for they also know I will do every thing to get better again. For now we don't do anything else than reharsing for we have a 'new band'...

Why do I still keep in contact with my son?...Good question..!! I don't expect anything from him.....no changes, no nothing. I know who and what he is...Somehow I keep in contact just to know if he still is alive.. and want to know what he is doing or where he is living....
It'not because I expect him to change and act differently toward me or live. Maybe indeed it is because he is my birthchild. While writing this I am considering if it has anything to do with my other son....I thing it has.
Not because my younger son wants me to keep in contact with his older brother. He himself doesn't want any contact no more since things that I told happend last year.( he still didn't pay my younger son for all the work he did)
It's possible only in my head, but I think it will be bad for my younger son if his mother totally ignored his brother. We have no family in the sense that I am not in contact with anyone from my family... His fathers family is in an other continent, so the only sense of family is in our little family as being the mother with her two children.
Does this say anything for you?


I am so glad you go for the other tests. Better be save then sorry!! Will you get the results the same day or do you have to go on an other day for meeting the cardiologist?
As I read you are doing a lot of sports again. Well I take it you are old enough to know what you are doing. I only can hope you will be very carefull with yourself and love yourself enough to stay on the save side.

I promised to write, I know, but I am still very tired. The next two days I won't be home but probabbly I will get near a computer so posibbly be able to write more then.

I hope everyone is doing well and I asure you are all in my head and heart... ( my heart is pink now instade of red!!!!
Segaya

Hello Segaya

I know what you mean about finding a source of energy when you are doing something you enjoy and it's good to hear you are well enough to rehearse.
I went to the hospital today for the full tests and was given the 'all clear. The cardiologist could rule out all the possible problems.....apart from Tako Tsubo Syndrome!!! The reason he couldn't say it couldn't be that is because he would need to do an ECG at the time it was happening to know for sure.

It was such a relief that there is no long term damage and his advice was to keep stress out of my life -as much as is possible. He also said to keep doing all the things I'm doing now as he had never had anyone who could complete the treadmill test before and my heart trace, pulse and blood pressure were OK with no signs of any abnormalities.

I understand what you mean about your little family unit, you have no-one to share the responsibility of your son with so it is totally down to you. We were very lucky that my partner's son could back to his own mother so we could relinquish responsibility. My partner thinks of his kid as 'dead' as all he can do is grieve for the child he thought he had. The one he really had was not the sort of kid anyone would wish for.

Please don't worry about replying to me, you need to rest and when you feel well again I will enjoy hearing from you and how things are going for you.

Now it's my turn to tell you to take it easy and look after yourself, don't push yourself too hard.

Regards
Jan

hello Everybody.

So this has been a while... for me too long.
I am a little bit better and am still trying to get more energy.
I read a lot her everyday. Read all about the sister in law who fled the situation, read about Detroitman and his concerns and ooohhh I want to say so many things to everyone and nothing comes out because of me being ill...very frustrating!!!
Sapphira... you pinky girl!!! You make me so very very proud....
Are you really doing so fine???? I find it almost unbelievable what I read from you!! 'almost'... because I know for a fact that I have the same speed in going through things myself. No doubt about, but now seeing the same thing in someone else is suprising isn't it!!!!
You are on a holiday and you are staying longer...Girl... wauwie..that means to me you valeu yourself now in a way that you reward yourself..ohh, if only you could see my face reading that!!!!!! Is your son having a good time too?? I expect he is, otherwise you would go home to make him more comfortable I guess?!
Lady Crown we didn't hear from you also for quite some time, are you doing better already and is there something we can do for you, talk about, share, anything?
Jan....I was so very relieved that you went back to the doctors and did your check up!! I hope you get all right before the next courtdate and be strong again before that time!
Dianne..... You are so very quiet, how are you? ( I hope you can write something , if not than please let go...)

My son is still in jail, still feeling very sorry for himself and still complaining about the world is doing it wrong and he is right. Nothing changed!!
he tries to call me every now and again. he does it with collect call, which is very expansive. Last monday he called again, no idea why but when I spoke back to him he started to yell and scream again. I told him I am not paying for this and hang up.. he called tree times after that but I didn't pick the phone anymore.
It is very hard to let go under the circumstances and I notice more emotions by myself than I really want to admit. It's below the surface of the conscious. I withhold it really I think.
I know there is more to come and I can't do anything more than wait and see for what will happen.

In hte mean time my life has to moe on and i want to go forward. So I try to do what i can ( that isn't very much)and try to make time and energy or the nicer thing in life like not only reading but also writing on this forum.

Hope to see you soon!!
With all thoughts of everybody, especially the pinky triangle!!!
Segaya.

Hi Segaya

It's good to see you on the forum again and I hope you soon feel well enough to give some of your time to us. Your very useful insight into the problems people are facing is missed, you have a wonderful way of motivating us into action with your honest straight talking. After the terrible things you have endured and continued ill health you are an inspiration as you carry on with your life in a very optimistic way.

I can understand how you must feel about your reaction to your son's contact, he is giving you nothing and expecting so much from you but as a mother the natural instinct is to give our children anything they need. You cannot do this for your son so it goes against all the maternal instincts.

Do you feel any guilt about how you feel about your son or are you able to see the situation as it is? Obviously you will have a lot of sadness and hurt but that is different to guilt?
Do you know when he is being released from prison and where he will go? That must be a worry for many reasons partly because he will come and see you and may be aggressive. At least you know where he is now and he has his needs taken care of. It's interesting that it is you he turns to every time, is that because he has alienated everyone else?

I hope we get better news from you soon.

I'm doing OK health wise but still waiting to see if we can get an out of court settlement before the next hearing as I do not think it would be good for me to go through another ordeal like that. I have done all I can to make that happen but the ex wnats to drag me as far down as he can so keeps it going.

Regards
Jan

sorry forgot to hit quote button this is in response to the question What exactly makes a psychopath? by saddistic chaos....

hi having raised five children only one of who shows signs of psychopathy and that child ws adopted age four I think it is nature which makes you more susceptible and nurture which can ram the point home so to speak. But it could be that the child's early years structure the child for one way or the other. There are plenty of people who have terrible lives as children who do not turn out to be psychopaths. And this is what the general public don't understand. They see a murderer and think that guy had a choice. I think most criminals don't have a clear cut choice like most of us do. They have been hardwired by something somehow to react in a certain way. Having suffered depression myself I understand how it is possible to be present but absent.

HAi pinky girlgroup.
I am missing everybody here????
Lady Crown, by now I am not only thinking of you a lot, but now I am worried a lot..How are you, since your last posting we didn't here from you again, and in that posting you showed you were in great sadness and all?
No, you don't HAVE to write to us or on this forum in general,you are free to do so or not, but I think I speak for all of us; we do like to hear something from you.....
Sapphira, Are you back from your holiday yet? How are you, how was coming home again for you and your son? Are you working again or is there still a bit time for yourself to relax a bit? Are you all right????
Dianna, I see your little postings sometimes and always am happy to see your name on the forum.
Are you doing a bit better also..Ppff it tkes a long time doesn't it, recovering from being ill.Iam buzy for months already, almost a year...I hope for you it will go faster then that...
Jan,are you enjoying being back agian...Back on the forum I mean.....I see you write more agian andthat you support everybody here....And doing a great job in how you do it!!!!
Love and pinky hugs Sgaya

How do you know if a psychopath is dangerous to the point of murder? Have been reading various true stories lately and it seems no one knows until too late. The childhood thing of killing animals seems to be a major pointer but they are all on different levels aren't they? I mean there are some just content to mess up their families lives on day to day basis and some harbour murderous rage which will come out at some point. And of course there is everything in between these extremes. It seems they can stroke our senses to the point where we don't see clearly the danger we are in around them.