>>It was a replay of my childhood where to survive in my home with a Psychopath we had to be quiet, listen to his rages, and cowtow to his demands. I had to grow up much later than most people. I had to parent myself.>>

I haven't really looked into rather my dad was a P.or not, but you described what my family life was like. My mom went to work evenings and some weekends when I was in 2nd grade, and I remember my dads rages, and I had to parent myself, and felt so much responsiblity because my brother who was just a baby and I took over parenting him too. betterway

>>Replaying the drama/trauma with other people, what we never got from our parents. That is the appreciation and recognition. Unfortunately, we keep doing it with people we know subconciously will never give it to us. Repetition compulsion.<<

My counselor told me that is what I do, and that the P. will never give me what I need. betterway

>>Replaying the drama/trauma with other people, what we never got from our parents. That is the appreciation and recognition. Unfortunately, we keep doing it with people we know subconciously will never give it to us. Repetition compulsion.<<

My parents look like great parents.No physical abuse, no drugs, no drinking and hard drinking. My mother was at home, but my father was somehow emotionally abusive, control freak and therefore my mother wasn't there emotionally. We were criticized too much.I left early for P#1 and I was never asked if I was doing alright. They now help me a lot but they don t know the difficulties my sibblings and I have with relationship.

>>my father was somehow emotionally abusive, control freak and therefore my mother wasn't there emotionally. We were criticized too much.<<

Same here, hopefull, my dad was emotionally abusive and a control freak, liar also, and my mom was not emotionally available. But, my dad was also what I call physically intimadating, and he was also compulsive/obssesive.

I know this has probably been answered here before. But I have to ask again. Is it our pasts that make us a target for the P. I know I have read that we were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Is it our pasts that allow us to stay so long? Is it who we are and what we are looking for subconsiously that allows us to become a target? I know he sets up scenarios, that we are not even aware of, and hooks us in, but does every target get as sick as I have.

The P experience from the outside looking in can never explain what we have been through. Only one who has been inside the P experience can realize there are so many head trips going on all at once as to have our heads spinning. Our mind is not our own, in a P experience. Words cannot adequately convey this. Yes, I came from a dysfunctional home, but I have never encountered anything remotely close to the P who wormed his way into my life.

>>Is it who we are and what we are looking for subconsiously that allows us to become a target? I know he sets up scenarios, that we are not even aware of, and hooks us in, but does every target get as sick as I have<<


I watched him set up victims, as I look back, I didn't know what it was at the time. He used parts of his whole repetoir on them. None of them experienced anything like I did. But then again, I realize he used ALL his techniques on me. Some of them, to this day, don't realize how much he stole off them or how betrayed they actually were. Maybe, years from now they will. Anyone they are in close contact with becomes a victim, but the closer you are with them emotionally, the more numbers you have done on you, thus the more damage done.

I am sure that they can't tell our past. The Ps try to hook an array of people motivated by a primitive envy that they may know or may not:such as success, beauty, intelligence, particular personality. The one that get hooked are us with a nebulous past because we are persistent and we have developed a higher tolerance to problems than others. We always had to do more work to get what we wanted therefore we don t see the difficult as an obstacle. As we give the Ps space to operate, they elaborate their scheme/their carrot and us, as the carrot seem to be bigger,we are cuaght in the illusion that the carrot is closer and all seem to be worth the try.
Lately I realize that because I hear a lot of people say the similar stories about the Ps i knew. So I wasn't the only one but I probably put much more hope on it than others.

My father was not liar. He is an examplary businessman but he is compulsive-obsessive as well. A lot of those in the family. And when you are obsessed you can be there emotionally for anyone.

>>>Yes, I came from a dysfunctional home, but I have never encountered anything remotely close to the P who wormed his way into my life.<<<< same here. although I was closed to a P as friend and hoping for more for 2 years, i am sure that if I would have let him come back when he recently tried to contact me, i would have gotten in real great trouble because i am sure that i would have intensify his strategies to worm his way into my life again. I have to say I really felt like seeing him again. When we spoke i was nice, but 3 days later it hit me, after reading so many books, i could decipher the patterns again, they were more evident than ever and I just wrote him a note with what I thought. More I read your posts more I am convinced that it was great thing that I did even if i get trashed. He is probably not that smart afterall since he is perceived as a flake by most of the people surrounded by him.