>>They saw without doubts power in us, whether it was physical, money, talent, cleverness, social milieu, intellectual milieu. through all of your stories, the ps, even the most vulgar one, came to us to take something out of us. it is a good and bad thing but for recovery we should try to remember what we good at<<

I have felt a loss for the personality that the P. helped me to have at the office. I was quiet and bored with things. The P. livened things up, took away my shyness, made me feel like I belonged, that I was okay. Then he took all that away with his evil mobbing when I figured him out. If I really think about it, that good stuff he brought out of me is me, it is in there some where. I can't let him have it. I will find it again. I guess I believe that that side of me is only a result of him, and that I need him to feel that good again. betterway

Hopefull,

I have had a lot of people react badly to the word "psychopath" as well. But I do have to remember that
I had the same reaction when I first "figured it out".
It's a scary word. We have so many truly horrible
connotations connected to it. But, like everyone else,
once we read up on it we become used to it. My P's mother
was more comfortable with "compulsive liar"...but that
really doesn't explain the entire psyche of the P.

I recently had lunch with a friend that was having trouble
with his partner. During the course of our conversation he told me that his partner couldn't read his emotions other than anger and extreme happiness. He had know idea how to
recognize pain, empathy, love, confusion. Of course, you know what I immediately thought....and I followed up with
all of the pertinent questions. I hate to be paranoid...but
this person sounds like another P to me. My friend at lunch
wasn't able to truly hear the word....yet. He's still
concentrating on the minor issues... "didn't do this, lied to me about that, doesn't react when other people are in
pain"...etc.... To tell you the truth it scared me.

Are they everywhere !!!! ????

Rick

Betterway,

They do have a bad reputation in one of their sphere. My P had just moved to my city when it started, I couldn't have known. I am also the kind of person that always see something positive in everyone. I miss the P., all these talks, all these plans and excitement. Unscrupulous and consienceless thinker challenges others to reconsider and re-assess one own belief or practices until one finds out what they are about. I did learn a lot with the P. now, the dilemna is whether to unlearn or simply to keep that knowledge alive.

Betterway,

>>>I guess I believe that that side of me is only a result of him, and that I need him to feel that good again. betterway<<<

I am struggling to find myself again. I don't know if I undertood what you were saying but it seems that I am starting to think the opposite, that that side of me that I was with the P at first, was a reaction of the mirror effect, therefore a result of me and only me. That sounds a little crazy, but now I can't understand so well the mirror tactic since I recall all these scenes with the P in action.

hopefull wrote: >>Unscrupulous and consienceless thinker challenges others to reconsider and re-assess one own belief or practices until one finds out what they are about. I did learn a lot with the P. now, the dilemna is whether to unlearn or simply to keep that knowledge alive.<<

ditto, I know what you are saying, hopefull, about the unscrupulous and conscienceless coversations.

My P. is very intelligent. I also learned alot. I loved the challenge. I loved to debate issues. I had a good time. I hate to be bored - I like to think about things. That good time is what led me to be so completely brainwashed, I let my guard down.

betterway


Contact Us www.psychopath-research.com

I wrote earlier: >>I have felt a loss for the personality that the P. helped me to have at the office. I was quiet and bored with things. The P. livened things up, took away my shyness, made me feel like I belonged, that I was okay. Then he took all that away with his evil mobbing when I figured him out. If I really think about it, that good stuff he brought out of me is me, it is in there some where. I can't let him have it. I will find it again. I guess I believe that that side of me is only a result of him, and that I need him to feel that good again. betterway <<

Okay, now I'm concerned. The P. is very knowledegable, and has had courses in pyschology, and has read books about office dynamics. What I wrote above, concerns me, because maybe I was mirroring his behavior. Would that make me a P?(I seriously doubt it). I think he was just trying to make me be an extension of him, including all the bad. I think he knew that I was bored, uptight and helping me let go is what he used as part of the hook. Later he told me I was jealous of his personality. I do like his personality, I don't like that he uses his personality as a part of his game to hook people and control so he can have power. I believe the P. does know alot of psychology, but it is for evil purposes. The P. has hinted or made me feel as if he is suggesting that I am sick, that maybe I am a P.
Hasn't someone said that is what they do, try to make us look like the crazy ones?

This mirroring concept is confusing to me. I guess I will have to keep reading to understand more about it. I don't know if any of this is making any since. I'm just trying to make since of it all. Oh well, alot of P. stuff just don't make since.

betterway

betterway,
>>>The P. has hinted or made me feel as if he is suggesting that I am sick, that maybe I am a P.
Hasn't someone said that is what they do, try to make us look like the crazy ones?<<<

Same happenned with me, the P made allusion that I was the crazy one. When there is conflict it is always someone else being I guilty, if we are two in the conflict, meaning the P and you, it is you who will bear the guilt.
You may have some tendency to be antisocial but that does make you a P. Furthermore what I have been reading is that some psychologists think that the hysterical is the feminine counterpart of the P. Nice!
And if you think that you have mirrored the P, I wouldn't worry it must be a very natural impulse to mirror somehow someone you admire. Since Ps do not ever have real feelings for anyone, they do mirror you to create a pseudo emotional relationship, In their mind, reflecting you is creating a link, therefore a relationship. What I can say about mirroring is that it seems to be very mechanic, i can remember that in the last conversations or probably in all of them I had with the P, he would systematically introduce some empathy within 10 minutes (and even if the man is incredibly brillant, that didn't sound as a brillant thing to do since it was obvious: always the same stories as coming out of nowhere in the conservation) by recapitulating some stories that I said months behind in which I was saying how I dislike another man. Then he would jump subject and come back to another similar story and then jump again. It didn't care about it, it was just trying to show some empathy and to make a link! I saw him behaving with a younger woman and his conservation sounded curious and odd; he was looking ridiculously childish. As a result, mirroring convert them in efficient cameleons. What is very suprising is that they turn off they mirroring tactics when they are trashing you. It is very bizarre and uncanny, the P had sent me an email to request his stuff in almost a rude manner. I responded nicely and to my surprise he responded mimicking my writing as to hook me again. Scary.. As if there humor swing whether they are actually on a mirroring mode or not. The mirroring mode since to be obviously activated but us, the P's magnet. I don't know if that help you or not to understand the mirroring since I have only relating some anecdotes.I I the eye of eye I , I I the of the the the the the to the eye of the the but the the the back of the

Rick

Yes. . .yes. . .

>>Of course we all know that these feelings don't even exist within the mind of the P. That's what makes it even more difficult<<

How accurate. I find myself thinking. . .maybe he feels the hurt, the pain, the grief also. . .and then I realize (reality hits) I remember, he is not wired like me, just not capable of those feelings.

>>We are good people filled with love, compassion, understanding and kindness. And for all of us to experience
the P firsthand has to be one of the most duplicitous
events of our lives. <<

The betrayal was without a doubt the MOST traumatic event in my entire life. I lived in a constant state of shock and bewilderment. It wasn't until I found this forum that I knew what "hit" me. And even with that, acceptance has been very difficult even through all the pain.

>>It has changed me forever... hopefully
for the better. After all, as a result, haven't we come
to a higher understanding of what we truly have to offer!?

You know, I feel that way too. I have a much greater awareness now. A greater understanding and I understand myself better. I also have such a huge measure of empathy now for others who have experienced these P's in the past and never really could relate. I beleive that is a gift.

Welcome to the forum Rick, I have enjoyed your posts.
God Bless. . .
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Hopeful

I feel your pain in your post.

I have found in my P#2 experience that I also have days where i am really good and think, hey, I'm on my way to better and then something like that phone call when I was sick and it brings it all back and I sink into that grief mode. I have just come to accept that it has got to be part of the healing in the grieving process.

You are a strong, intelligent woman. I can tell by your posts you have great insight.

It's just part of the process Hopeful. Look at the others here that have made it to the "other side" of this henious experience. Leti's story is a great example. We can only do it one day at a time the best we can. I think you are probably doing better than you think. I see it in your posts.

I appreciate you (((Hopeful))). . .
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Betterway

>>Sometimes I tell myself he is not a P. That I am taking this stuff way to far. That I am just a bitter ex partner/friend that can't handle rejection and the fact that he moved on to someone new.<<

For me Betterway this experience goes WAY beyond any rejection issues. It is a traumatic betrayal. TRAUMATIC. A person who won our heart, our precious friendship and trust.

>Trying to go back to the P will never be the same now that I have learned about all this.<<

I know for me that something has been damaged beyond repair and that is my trust. I could never ever trust anyone who had betrayed my trust in such a frivolous and careless way. He broke my heart and doesn't even seem to be aware much less care. . .how devestating. As i said, for me, it goes WAY beyond a rejection issue. It was cruel and torturous.

>>Sometimes I wish I could have "no contact" with myself, with the feelings that mess me up so much. LOL<<

(((Betterway)) :-)
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