Betterway,

I used to dislike the paranoid, the one always is cuatious. Even my parents are like that. Now I know. I will be like that, I don't trust anyone either. I have the impression anyone could suddenly change, but I also think that our gut feeling is to be trusted. I have to be more aware of that. I am scared a frustrated old ladies with a stick in my hands to keep people away.A natural optimistic, and feel that I should not loose up, but I think I will become mean to not attract the Ps.

Betterway. . .

Last night I picked up the book "Betrayal Bonds" by Patrick Carnes. I have only read the intro and first chapter. . .already. . .things are starting to "click". I recommend it for you Betterway and everyone else who has been in the P relationship. It is all about how the bond is made to the betrayer. . .I know it is going to help me in my recovery. I already can identify.

Best to you (((Betterway)))
finished

Book review - Betrayal Bonds by Patrick Carnes

Hopefull,

I have decided to stay! I just took a much needed break from all of this and now I am feeling better and thinking more clearly. I am going to stay and fight him in court. I think it is time to really show him that he is not going to intimidate me anymore. There is a lot that he has been getting away with (with the law, domestic violence, rape, childsupport, etc..) and I am going to follow through with the charges and getting him with all of it. It is the only way to show him that he can't get away with it with me!! I have been too tired, stressed, and mentally drained to follow through with it all (since he does so much to try to get out of it) it takes a lot of pushing on my part and standing my ground. The truth might sound like a lie but it is the truth damn't and the truth will prevail!!!

You know, I think I know how the President feels!! He is fighting a pshycopath too. I wish all of those protesters could see that! War is the only way to fight a phsycopath. As long as your heart is in the right place and the intent is for peace.

Thanks for your reply, though. I have left before and it only worked temporarily, I now need to find a long term solution.

Mindy

If you are going to stay and exhibit the courage as in your previous message you are sure will get what you want, but be sure your kids some help. They'll need it. As for myself i was in a very particular situation in which I had to leave..and it became a long term solution but I didnt know at that time. I am just scared with children when I see the fragility they are made of.
As for the president, what doesn t tell us he is not psychopath himself? Putting tons of people against another group? and much more... Unfortunately I see Ps everywhere now. I hope I will start seeing clear and but I am so suspicious now. Hang in there,

Mindy,
Take care of yourself, no matter what you do. I stayed on my job 2 yrs trying to prove to the P. that he couldn't do this to me. That he couldn't make me leave my job. I saw him become an evil evil person. I finally decided in leaving I was winning. It wasn't worth the fight. That is my opinion in my own situation. I know that you have other issues to fight in court and sounds like some more serious issues than I was dealing with. I support you in whatever you do.

I wanted to sue the P. My counselor told me he didn't want me to, that it would be to much stess and my word against his.

We all have to decide what is best for us to do. Please keep coming here and share what happens as you proceed in court and with the battle. I am concerned for you.

Don't get me wrong, I am all for the P. paying the price for there behavior. I'm just concerned for the safety of all the people that have fallen into the path of the P.

Take Care,
betterway

Betterway & Hopefull,

I am concerned for my children and their mentality...my theory...love them, love them, love them. I also listen to my children and teach them the right way to live. At the same time the older ones are very close to the situations that I deal with and now that he is dragging them in and they see him lie and speak unbeleiveable things to people, they need to see that he can't get away with it and that people do suffer consequences for bad choices and behavior. I think deep down they want to see me be strong and fight back. I think they will have more respect for me and feel more secure with me.

P will never learn his lesson but if he doesn't see any results from his torture he might just back off. As for his influence on them...now that I know what he is I can teach my children about it as they get older, I have already been telling him that he bumped his head in his car accident and that is how they understand his weird behavior (which is a true story). You won't believ this...he lost his memory at 16 from a car accident and his family told me that his personality changed as well. I believe that he must have reverted back to his primary narcisstic stage when that happened. His family was not there for him as they were mourning the loss of his sister (whom he has no memory of!) It all makes sense!

But knowledge is power and teaching my children they will be able to identify with it. Sam Vaknin says that in teaching your children about their parents disorder is actually good because they will beable to identify other N that they come accross in their life and they be leary to become involved with them.

Thanks again,
Mindy

I keep coming back to this "NO CONTACT" subject. The time between the P's calls is getting to be about a week. Right now I do not feel an urge to call him. When he actually went 7-10 days this last time, I was doing pretty good. I was going days without the memories. I have to admit on occasion I would think about him, wonder what he is doing, then get mad because I know what he is all about. I was getting use to the idea that when my cell phone rang it was not going to be him. I had given up on hearing from him, silly me. When I saw on caller ID that it was him my heart started beating real fast I physically got uptight. I did not anwswer I didn't want it to be him. Because then I go into the mode of do I call him back or just ignore him. I still have this part of me that can't totally let go, and if I ignore him then I fear he will never call me again. When we all no that would be my salvation. Anyways, I called him back, kept it short. He again says "keep in touch". We are now on day 3 of no contact. By having that contact memories started coming up again. It is not good for me to have contact. I know I am going to make it, but it is sure a slow slow process.

How is everybody?? Hopefull and finished How are you doing????

Everybody have a P. free day!!!

betterway

Betterway,

Isn't it incredible that after for so long our heart beats when in contact with the P? Isn't that a symptom of a terrible problem? I know what you mean, I had that all the time. I am sure tha tmy P will never call again. He has trashed me for good, what a delight! But he has come back before, I hope he doesn't.
I have been very busy, finishing up some work. But I found a job, and will start in two weeks. Good one! But I have so much apprehension, I have to put my limits, right away, be a new me. I am sure that you know how to do that. I not so sure I will be able to do so. I have to close personal self to the outer world. I don't think I can handle another bad experience.

Betterway,

My experience has been slow too. I think that has been the way out for me. It is funny, the longer you go without talking to them, the more you realize how affected you really are by them. For me when a week or two goes by, I start to feel the numbness wearing off. I start to "feel" again. When you are in the middle of it all and the P won't leave you alone, it is like you are gripped with fear, that is the only emotion I feel and know. I know I am healing when I start feeling a wider range of emotions. Then it makes me wonder if I went forever without talking to him how much of a better person I would be. Hang in there!

I felt I had to play the game. Which was, not to completely ignore him or else he would feel threatened and push harder. When I was nice to him every now and then but limited the contact it helped him to move on to at least dating other people. But before that he was stalking me and couldn't even comprehend giving up on me. I was afraid if I completely acted like he didn't exist then he would kill me. I don't know what the real answer is but I think you have to use your best judgement. You are the only one that knows him (or her). Whatever you do, don't forget and lose sight of what is best for you!

Take care,
Mindy