Yes, Segaya, You are right, they are ALWAYS on the watch, waiting for every small excuse and opportunity to weasel their way back in and start to run the show again, every little chance they get. I didn't want to call the cops because it would be just too much for me to handle and I hopelessly hoped she would finally get the message and go away. Wishful thinking.

In reality, I knew I had to confront her face to face, instead of hiding from her. She knew I was hiding from her, and I knew it was giving her the pleasure to think that I am too weak to confront her. You are absolutely 100% correct when you say "The more information we give about ourselves, how we feel, what we think, or even an opinion , the more power we give to them." This is so true.

The less emotion, the less info, the better. I also wrote in that note at the end "For now I am asking you nicely. Then, I will quit being nice." I think that scared her away. She knows I can call the Immigration department on her and get her deported. Writing that note was a lot for me. But yes, we should start some time and some where. Enough is enough.

I mean I am trying to live my own God given life. I don't have to keep being subjected to her delusions. I owe her nothing. This is the thing, she was always, for as long as I can remember, brainwashing me into that I owe her everything that I have in life. I owe to God and I owe to my child; I owe her nothing!

Segaya, my heart goes out to you reading that your son is so troubled too. I cannot imagine surviving both parents and then a child like that. This is the worst nightmare. Children are supposed to be the best that we have. I am thanking God for blessing me with the most caring and loving daughter ever. She didn't have the easiest childhood, all of that is my fault, I am still learning how to function. All I was able to teach her so far is "Don't steal and don't con people. Earn your own money the honest way." She has a very good dad though. I think she took mostly his genes, thank God.

I wish I could be closer with my brother. We went through a lot together in childhood. My mother eventually split as apart by talking crap about me to him and talking crap about him to me for years, so now we just don't know what to say to each other. I just wish he would break free from her too, just like I did. I tried to tell him that some time ago, he understands that, but I doubt he would ever be able to really do it. I feel sad because I know he is doomed. But there is only so much I can do. It is his life and he is an adult. It is up to him to do something about his life.

You shouldn't feel bad for talking off your mother like that. She fully deserved it. I know sometimes we have to talk them off like that, even if it takes to lower ourselves down to their level, because this is the only way they understand things. They don't know how normal intelligent people communicate with each other.

The good part is that there is nothing they can really do to us anymore, unless we let them. I keep my guard up. I think I will not be able to be completely normal and live like other normal people do. But at least I know I am free now, and that is the best feeling ever. I just feel bad that it is affecting my daughter, so I keep trying. I am taking it one day at a time, little by little.

My panic attacks went away for now, hopefully forever. They were the most debilitating and embarrassing ones. My OCD is still pretty bad, but I am working on it. Thanks God my ex-husband is supportive of me. I put him through real hell during 10 years of our marriage. He was bended, twisted, abused and conned in every way by me to supply money for my mother. When I was living my mother's delusion, it was like the whole world is the enemy and must pay for that with their pockets because that is what it deserves for being weak. It sounds insane to me now, but looked very real for a very long time. I work on my reflexes, but still act on impulse sometimes.

I met a very good man, and so far he has been patient with me, for about 4 years now. But he almost gave up several times. Still, I believe I had made a lot of progress for the better too. He helped me a lot in that but telling me that I deserve many good things and that I shouldn't be afraid to be happy. The problem is that he does not understand the situation with my mother and hopes I will reconcile with her some day! (He never met my mother. He heard a little about her, but I think he didn't believe me.) This makes me extremely frustrated because the last thing I ever need is to go back there again. I just wouldn't take the risk anymore.

You are very strong, Segaya, and you are very, very intelligent. I hope I will be able to recover soon too, by taking it one day at a time. Thank you.

Hi Dianne,

The green card is a resident card here in U.S. for immigrants. She was coming here to U.S. for about 10 years on guest visas. They are very hard to obtain for someone from Uzbekistan. Only very few people get them. Uzbekistan is a dangerous place. After each visa was about to expire, she would take my daughter back to Tashkent with her. There, she would take her to American Embassy and tell them there that she needs to bring her back to U.S. to her parents. Each time they had no choice but to renew her visa. Eventually, I told her she cannot take my daughter there anymore. So she started pressing me to make the immigration papers for her. If you are an American Citizen, you can apply to bring your family from overseas so they can get permanent residenship. I told her I will not do it for her. She is in U.S right now, but I think her last visa has already expired and she is here now illegaly. Unless she managed to find another loop in the system. I also think she might applied for asylum. She is worried she might not qualify for it though, as she is listed that she has relatives in U.S. (me) on their computer. That is why she needed the letter from me stating that I don't want my mother so she can show it to them and play on their pity and get the asylum that way. The funny part is that she spent so much energy in trying to manipulate the papers out of me, and if she only told me straight from the beginning "I need these papers. Do them for me.", and not trying to manipulate me like I am stupid, I really would have gotten them for her. All she needed to do is to be straight and honest with me, and not think I can be manipulated like a guinea pig, that' all. It's strange, she always has had an outstanding ability to manipulate even the seat from under the president's butt. But each time she would try to play the motherly love and flattery for me, and mention the papers from time to time, it was clearly fake. It was like the third rate performance from the wannabe actor in the amateur theater. She even lost her reputation as a great con artist after that. Not that I even have the respect for such behavior anymore. I don't buy into her delusions anymore. I keep my guard on. Thank you again for this site.

Hi forest flower, I don't know much about immigration but am glad you stood your ground. I think to get assylum you have to have some pretty big problems back at home like documented threats to your life or have some skills that wre needed here. People like your mother don't work in a straight line, I think their first impulse is to lie.

My mother's cleaning woman is from Mexico and her brother got asylum only because he was in extreme danger, he had been kidnapped and held for the family to pay 10K USD.

I am glad you are standing up for yourself and your daughter. Your mother does not sound like the type of person that should be in custody of anyone yet alone a child. Besides if you do anything that could be illegal to help her you would be the one in a heap of trouble.

You are most welcome, the site is for anyone seeking validation and support from being involved with a Psychopath.

Di

Forest flower, I am so glad to hear you are close to being free. If I were in your shoes, I would move... if at all possible... these people do not stop unless you make it hard for them to keep manipulating you.
You sound quite strong and together, amazing after all this and so recently free of the biggest stress. Be good to yourself.
Hugs...

Please stay away from this hateful woman and never let her back into your life; ever!
She is an obvious psychopath and psychopaths do not love; they only use and hate and harm and take. My mother is a psychopath too. Make yourself a promise: Never again.

I wish it were as easy getting away from a psychopathic mother as from a psychopathic partner - it's not. My mother was finally diagnosed by a psychiatrist last summer (I'm 36, and have been telling people such as teachers for as long as I can remember). I try to stay away from mine too, but she also does the harassing / stalking thing - with the added bonus of identity theft (she got bank cards in my name, etc, and pretends to be me).

I am trying to get away from mine, and I hope you get away from yours. Report her to the INS and get her deported - it sounds heartless, but you have to protect yourself.

Hi, how are things going? I had a wild idea but I know nothing about Uzbekistan, are they on the US terrorist list? The fact that everyone here is bonkers about the terrorists here is your country on the list that could be one angle, it may take a lot of pounding on desks to get her deported but what a breath of fresh air is she is away. Can you move after she leaves?

Also it is a long shot but in some cases the officials elected in your area, like Congress, or any elected official etc. to contact?

I would count my lucky stars she didn't try to bribe you by keeping your daughter, is your house secure? If your daughter goes to any kind of school set up a meeting and make sure your release forms are up to date on who can pick up your daughter, I would even take a picture of your mother as a specific person NOT to release to or in that fact let NO ONE pick her up except you in person, anyone can be tricked by your mom into doing so, it is hard indeed to stay a few steps in front of a Psychopath.

Di

It has taken me my whole life to realize what was wrong with my Mother. The only reason I have identified the illness was becasue she told me that my brothers girlfreind was a social Psychopath. I looked it up and WOW, there it was. Evrything was right there in front of me. My brother and I have taken years of abuse which has continued into our adult years. It never stops. I hope that this forum helps me go forward somehow. I am 54 years old and she has affected me to the point of desperation.

Hi marieaz, welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear about your mother, interesting that should could identify the diagnosis in someone elsle. Do you think she got her information from reading or perhaps TV. How much contact do you have with your mother? Is she in the same area as you. The more you can tell us about what has gone on the better we can comment, when you are ready.

Di