I have a 22 year old son who is undiagnosed, and has done his best his whole life to make ours miserable. I kid you not. From the time he was born there was something different about him, a breast fed baby who would simply not attach emotionally. I was a young mom so I suspect that didn't help much either, but looking back, I don't think I could really make much of a difference had I had him today with all the wisdom of parenthood behind me.

By the age of seven I knew there was something really wrong. I had to keep his two siblings so close to me to avoid them getting hurt somehow, or in trouble. I caught him abusing my neighbors cat by putting a stick in it's female part. He looked for dogs on chains so he could stand just outside of where they could reach and beat them with whatever he had available. Our dogs would never go anywhere near him. My two younger children were kind of 'brainwahsed' by him. I really can't explain it, but it took them years to heal after he was gone away.

There were so many things in this kids background, I could write a book. It was constant trouble...not day to day, but hour to hour, and I don't exagerate when I say that. By the time he was 10 I was absolutely exhausted, and completely dissappointed and feeling like I was the worst parent in the world. I felt so guilty because I felt so emotionally drained by him and all that happened around him. And they I felt even more guilty because I didn't have the time or the energy left to be able to give the younger ones the attention they needed from a parent. I felt frazzled and angry all the time, and began to resent him.

I always feared for my own children and the neighborhood children. I caught my son doing so many things, that I dare not speak of. And then as he got older I heard of many more things he had done to others when I couldn't protect them...like at school and such. Then one day when he was 12 someone finally charged him with a sexual assault charge. I was hoping he'd learned his lesson, I know we sure did, it emptied our bank account going through the courts.
Although we knew he was guilty, he sure wasn't going to admit to any guilt. Neither did he the 7 or so other times he was charged with the same type of offenses during the next 2 years. He spent time in detention and afterwards became a ward of the state because I knew at that point that I had to protect my younger children from him.

His whole life, to this day is bent around shock value, trying to do anything he can to get a reaction from us, and the general public. For the last five years he is a homeless transient, getting thrown out of shelters and homes of people he manages to coerce into letting him move in until they too realize he is a psychopath. He has never been able to keep a friend. He is a prostitute who hangs out in illegal bathhouses and services men to obtain drugs and money. He is an addict. He leads a very filthy life and used to show up at our home in states of psychosis. We no longer allow him to come to our home. I cannot get a legal restraining order on him because he has no adress. He continues to call our home almost every night in the MIDDLE of the night.

We are now moving to get away from him, but we are well aware that he will direct his honecalls and attention getting tactics to our aging parents and toehr family members. Most of our family have put him on 'ignore mode' for the last few years. They can't take it anymore either and he has burned his bridges with his grandparents and aunts and uncles. Does it ever end? You all wouldn't believe the thoughts I have regarding this kid now. He pulls suicide threats constantly. A month ago he almost pulled it off and was ressessitated. I was actually sorry they saved him...and then the guilt of that thought made me feel ill.

I feel so badly for every one here who has to live with one of these kinds of people in thier lives. It is definitely not easy, and it is extremely hard on the mental health if the fanilies dealing with them. I know, I am in the front lines of this war, resenting every minute of it

Hello Hadenuff,
It is like reading my own story. My son is 27,almost 28 and I can almost repeat your post as mine word by word. Even the ages things happened are the same.
My son also talks about suicide all the time and tries to look depressed.I know better now but am waiting for something to happen. To be honest; I am waiting for his death. Maybe it will be suicide, or he will be morderd for meeting the wrong person and mess with him. He could also OD..well..We'll see won't we...
I wish you strenght and al lot of patience.....
Segaya

The only time I have seen a Psychopath commit suicide from shows is by accident when they are driving their wife off a cliff and make a mistake in not getting out soon enough.

Di

Hi All,

I totally agree with Dianne; from what I have read and observed psychopaths do not tend to commit suicide. I read somewhere that that is how they get distinguished from the Anti-Social personality disorder. Anti-socials are capable of commiting a suicide; psychopaths are not.

Hi,
Maybe I sound cold and heartless now...But does it really matter how they die...
I don't know if he will or will not kill himself.
Psychopaths are also wel known for all the accidents they have....that is also a possibility and who knows maybe he will reach age 80?
It is just a feeling I have for such a long time now. I didn't hear or see him for quit a while and still wait... There is nothing we can do is there?
The only thing I know is my life seems so mcuh easier now and I am free of a lot of emotions concerning him...Is this what a mother wants to feel? Of cours not but in the given circumstances it is the best that can happen.
Segaya

Segaya I can totally relate with you, unfortunately for both of us. I used to think my sone could never commit suicide, he is way too high on himself and thinks he is here to heal the nation or something. My son's suicide attemps have always been mostly talk, and really silly suicide attemps....like swallowing a whole bottle of herbal sleep aid right in the aisle of the drugstore where he would definitely get caught and brought to the hospital. But then he started with very heavy drug use and it drives him to different levels
The drowning incident I am not sure how it really played out, but obviously there was someone nearby to save him, I think he scared himself with that one:>) I can really see him getting in the wrong persons face and having the inevetiable happen though, and like you, Segaya, I have often thought that the nest time I see him will be in a body bag. What a strange way indeed for a mother to liver her life. I do, however have other children who I am very proud of and happy with their accdomplishments. The best and most favorate part of them is that they possess hearts:>)

Generally speaking here people who threaten suicide aren't typically the ones to do it and it is only a call for attention. Those that don't threaten are more likely to go through with it.

Di

You are right. Those who are in the depth of depression don't really speak much about anything. I think drug induced suicides are a whole different beat though. And yes, there are those who use it as a tool to get back into peoples lives and homes. That is the type I am used to:>)

He indeed tries to get my attention indeed I agree..But I don't agree that theones who do commit suicide are the ones who keep silence about it. That is a 'knowledge'that is long time proven wrong. Now he threatens with it, but the way he lives ...He has to do something to someone, or to himself... I can't believe he will be 80 years old and healthy. His teeth are broken and faling out for the drugs abuse, he is skinny like he is severly ill ( dying cancer patient is looking like that)he is agressive toward lots of people ,mostly girls and young women, But those have fathers, brothers, friends who wil protect them and one day he will face the wrong one.
But does it matter how he will end?...he will end and I , his mother, have to face the facts and live with it..And when lying in that bodybag...who'll care how he got there?
Segaya

I have a funny feeling that it will be a whole other kind of guilt/greif/and hurt when that happens. I have a feeling that it still won't be over fro me if that happens. But at the same time, many people will be safer. I dread what he will try and do to his siblings (psychologically) once they are living on thier own and he finds out where they live. I think he will try to take advantage of them, move in on them, and most likely abuse them if they fall for his tricks and feel sorry for him.