hi Hadenuff

Something you said just struck a chord (no pun intended) with me...you said your son does things to annoy people then expects sympathy for being the victim. My partner's kid wet the bed and liked people to know about it and if they didn't know he made a point of telling them...for sympathy! He did it in purpose, as we found out when we refused to let him go on a school trip, any other kid would have been so embarrassed at doing let alone wanting people to know. This is as a teenager!

He even ramped it up because we totally ignored it, we didn't even make a comment about it and left a supply of pull ups in his room so we didn't have to take part in the game. It then escalated to smearing.

Your son also sounds very narcissistic, has be always been this way or is it a tactic he has developed more recently?

I know what a relief it is when you can leave responsibility to someone else. Take this time to get some peace of mind and whatever situation he gets into is down to him and I'm sure the prison wardens are aware of allegations that may get thrown at them.

It's good to see you still have a sense of humour!

Take care
Jan

Hi HadEnuff, there is no better victim than a Psychopath.

You all know I watch probably too many true crime and forensic shows, for awhile I was watching this series about inside prisons. I saw one on gay women and one on gay men. It was interesting because they featured a straight male inmate with a gay lover who waited on him hand and foot. The straight inmate said that actually when he was released he would return to being with women. They all wanted sex so gay partners were perfect. The featured gay guy said that while he may be shunned when others can see but they all came to him for sex. In one scene the producers showed a very queen gay guy playing some board game by himself and the other prisoners were at a distance but the producer noted that as they pulled the cameras away the other inmates joined him.

I am not saying prison or jail is a great place to be but if you are gay it would certainly be better treatment than a child molestor.

Inmates file complaints some as crazy as the food they are served so complaining about things would be the norm in prison and I suspect well equipted with cameras.

I don't know about where you are and am certainly not asking but here in the US prisoners have to call collect and the fees are really, really high. Can you or would you not accept his calls?

I may have missed something but how long and what were his charges for getting into jail?

Di

It must be terrible as a parent to deny bail but with a Psychopath the odds of him jumping bail and sticking you with the bill would not surprise me. Besides if he does get bailed out does he think he can live with you and your family? Being a strong advocate of cameras etc. I would use this time to get some in place, it would be easy if he was caught on tape if his probation officer was informed. Do you have a restraining order against him? I think catching him on camera would work best if there is a restraining order in place, or he is caught doing something on your property, just my guess.

Your description sounds so much like something my son wouold do! I don't understand this aspect of them, but they are indeed filled with strange attention getting behaviors. My son smeared crap all over the washroom one time as a tactic to get rid of the babysitter I had hired. It worked. She called me at work and told me I had 15 minutes to get home, she was quittting...



He has always been this way, he has gotten much better at it in adulthood...but he has always had a knack for it.



[quote/Jan]It's good to see you still have a sense of humour!

Take care
Jan [/quote]

A sense of humor is a requirement when raising kids like these:>) It's either laugh, or be filled with shame, agony, and guilt...full time.

Dianne,
The problem is, he does have some molesting charges on him...at least he told me once that someone was attempting to charge him for something he did to a 4 year old girl. I don't know if it was true, or if he was just trying to get a rise out of me again...You never know what the truth is or the lies coming from him. He didn't seem all that concerned, and got angry at me because I wouldn't defend the idea that *he would never do that* I tried to explain to him that I have really no idea what he is capeable of because he has always proven himself to be capeable of anything...

I don't know what to think about the whole se in jail thing...I do know that it makes me sick to my stomach to know he is quite capeable of using his body to get what he wants...ugh.

He knows very well that he canot live with us, we would never allow it, he hgasn't been allowed to even visit our home in a long long time. All his calls here are collect...I just have a really hard time denying my kid something as little as a phonecall. But at the same time he uses phonecalls to really uypset me. And yes, the phone bill is always high, he calls collect every day just to rimind us that he is alive and to try and say something/anything that will have some *wow factor*

It is extreme psychological abuse. I often get huge anxiety attacks after speaking to him. I used to be such a happy-go-lucky social person and now I have been reduced to a fearful anxiety stricken home body. Very destructive.

Hi HadEnuff,

How about since it is difficult to not accept his calls to start to wean yourself away and only take say, one a week and keep tapering off. It sounds like it is giving you way too much pressure and bringing you back to a situation that will never resolve itself. Hearing the phone ring should not make a person jump out of their skin.

He would more than likely, just a guess, use his body to get where he wants either in jail or on the outside.

Please don't let him continue to punish you in this way. If you have a recorder or caller ID, just set it on that so there will be no answer on your end. This way his voice will never come through to taunt you because the phone won't let him speak without accepting charges. I would erase those collect calls that you hopefully can do and not even listen to them. Have you considered getting a new phone number? Hearing about tragic things can bring us right back to the trauma like it is happening again. At least here in the US I think they only get to have so many phone calls per day. I would venture to suspect that even seeing the phone bill brings it all up again for you, not just the charges, but the emotions attached to your pain.

Does he ever write or have money put on his books? (here people can put money on the books for an inmate to shop for items)

It is a huge step but perhaps this may sound cold but not accepting his calls is your way of cutting the cord for good.

I never had children by choice but have studied victims for over 10 years and apologize if this is coming across as harsh in any way, I am just trying to put out some things for you to stop this harrasment from behind bars so to speak and take back your own power.

Di

Here you can have access to criminal records.

I've tried limiting him to one call a week, on Sundays. He calls every other day anyway. You know that spot where the operator gets you to say your name in a collect call...well he uses that spot to quickly say all kinds of abusive things if the answering machine picks up, or if he knows I really have bben harrased enough alread and will hang up. Sometimes worse than others. I really do have to learn to hang up right away and not worry about it. We are changing our number, but at present our home is up for sale, and DH runs a home office here. I got a cell phone yesterday and the number will be givin only to close family who may need us for some reason in the night. That way we will simply be able to ignore the other phone at night...turn off the ringer.
When we move we are hoping to be able to break ties with im altogether but someone will most likely let him know where we are...we have too big of a family to be able to silence every one. He will, however, call our places of work at that point and God only knows what kind of garbage they will end up with:>)
I will not put money on his 'books' Prison is to teach a person a lesson, not shop for extras...I won't help him in any way unless he is helping himself (whcih hasn't happened in a long time) And being in prison doesn't qualify for 'helping yourself'

So far we have accepted his calls so we wouldn't piss him off. You have no idea what this kid is capeable of when pissed off. We have tried to stay on a civil level with him because he knows where we live and we have had experiences... When he is across the country we feel safe...when he gets closer we start locking the doors and windows, and watching our backs a little more. Right now with him in jail we can rest easy for a while at least. The problem is that we don't know anything about the situation so we don't know when he will get out and maybe head this way for payback. Can a person call a prison and get info? We are in Canada by the way

Just had a brainstorm! Since he is in jail it means he actually has an ADRESS that can be used in order to get a restraining order put on him. So I called the jail, only to find out that they released him yesterday! Someone posted his bail...there really is a SUCKER born every minute...
When I checked my messages this morning there was a message on there that was from a cell phone that was not properly in service. I'm sure it was him, it seemed like whoever was on the other line was angry but I couldn't catch what they were saying. I hope that doesn't mean he's headed here because I am going to finish this once and for all. You know what, I am getting angry now. He just finds a way around EVERYTHING and continues to play his outrageous games!

Hi HadEnuff,

I don't think you can call and get information without his signature, just guessing, here every prison has a court appointed attorney which you may try to find out about. I would however call and see if there is a release date and what the parole situation (here they can only go a certain distance or wear an ankle bracelet or house confinemt, one thing that they do here is a prisoner has to also show where they plan to live. You can google different questions like Canadian criminal laws, Canada prison system, Canada restraining orders. Here there is a difference between jail and prison, is that the same there? What about restraining orders? I would for sure consider a restraining order but that is your decision.

A restraining order would get him tossed back into jail if he comes within a certain distance of you, at least here particularly fear of bodily harm. When he gets out I would certainly contact his parole officer.

Di

Hi HadEnuff,

You can call the jail (I think he is still in jail, not a prison, because he hasn't been convicted yet), but if the administration will be too slow on answering your questions, you need to find out what court he will be going to and the court date. I know in US prison it is the case manager who would handle this kind of info. I don't know if they have them in jails. You need to find out who is his public defender and talk to him or her. You need to find out if his court date has been already set and go to court where you will see his public defender. Here in States, if a jail is in the particular county, then the hearings are being set in that county's Superior Court (unless inmates are on transfer to another county), and you can go to the court house and ask there if the court date has been set for him. I don't know if it the same in Canada, but if you find out which court will be handling his case, you can get the name of his public defender in there.

I used to be in exactly the same situation with stalking phone calls. After about 10 years of those I started having severe panic attacks which disabled me for a very long time and were very hard to get rid of. Those are not fun. This kind of situation is very bad for your health. What I eventually did, I got the phone without the answering machine and would not pick up when it was ringing. This way he would think you are simply not home and not just ignoring him. This will reduce his chance of retaliating. Then you can switch the ringing sound off on the phone so you won't hear when it rings. Only answer the cell phone and only if you recognize the number. That is what I did, and it saved me a lot of health.

He was released yesterday, somebody posted his bail, probably bio dad, (let me use the word hereditary) Yes, so now psycho son and psycho dad are together...oh happy days...I hope this house sells quick!