I was into two months of no contact with my P when he called me out of the blue. I saw his name on the caller ID but I thought I could handle it. At the time I remained calm and cool. He ranted and raved about all of the terrible things I had said to people about him...two months ago! Anyhow, I won't go into detail but to say that even though I kept my wits about me during our telephone conversation, the experience upset my equilibrium for at least four days.
So yes, no contact is the best. Each day now is getting easier and calmer... although I do have my momentary lapses
into pain.

On another note, I was speaking with an old friend that was divorced last year after 20 years of marriage. Months later she started to date a guy that, based on her experiences, joins the ranks of all of our collective P's in this forum.
What was most chilling about the experience was (and I have read that this sometimes occurs) that at the beginning of her relationship she was telling him how wonderful he was,
how lucky she was to have met him, etc.... He replied with
"I'm just a figment of your imagination...and I am whatever it is you want me to be." At the time she laughed it off...
as most of us would have. But it is rather creepy to say the least !!!! We all have to pay attention to these red flags !!!

Rick

Rick,

you should post that one in the red flags folder. that is a good one. "I'm just a figment of your imagination...and I am whatever it is you want me to be." At the time she laughed it off...

>>...and I am whatever it is you want me to be."<<

My P. said the same thing to me. And he was everything I wanted him to be for a long time. Then he became everything I didn't want him to be. Yuck!!

>>i knew that i was going to get in trouble if i would start all over.<<

If I wanted to go back to the P. world, the P. would let me. He would love to have a already trained supplier back in the office. Doesn't care if it is positive or negative. I could fit right in to "his" plan. It would be under his control only, his terms only. He would do whatever he wanted without any thought of how others feel or see him. It would destroy me. Starting over with the P. is not an option. He destroyed all trust, everything I thought we had. I hope I have the strength to never go back. As long as I come here and remind myself of who he is I believe I will be okay. He is very impressionable and can make me almost forget and almost believe I should try again. The memories of what I thought we had are just that, memories, they will never ever be again. The P. has proven that point many many times with me.

When he called last night. We joked a little bit. That was one of the things that attracted me to him in the begginning, he was always able to make me laugh. He made life fun, took away the boredom. He is like two different people. This wonderful great charming guy, who anybody would love to have as a friend. And then there is this mean evil out to get you person. Knowing the dark evil side of him, makes the sweet side of him rather scary. I can't allow myself to be tricked by the sweet one, because the evil side is always there. My counselor said that he is like a snake just waiting to bite again.

I miss my friend. But he is no longer there and never really was. That is sad but I am learning to accept it.

Thanks for letting me ramble on.

Take Care,
betterway

The ten days that there was NO CONTACT is begginning to look like heaven. I remember feeling better than I do now. There has been contact two times in four days. His initiative. And of course he brings trouble with him. I am beginning to really not care anymore about him and all his little problems.

Right now I feel very numb to feelings. I am just so tired of feeling. After having felt anger, pain, loss, emptiness etc. etc over the past 2 yrs, I think my feelings have shut down. I know it is temporary.

No Contact - still my goal - and slipping is just part of the process. I will get there, I've come along way.

Everybody, have a P. free day!!!!

betterway

Betterway...
That is an excellent observation...."tired."
Once I had no contact with my P I initially
felt a sense of relief, adulation and freedom.
Then I became frustrated, angry and....tired.
I was tired of everyone in my life...their problems,
their mistakes, everything! I kept feeling like
I just wanted to move to a small island somewhere
and escape! I had never felt so tired in my life.
Fortunately this only lasted for a few weeks and I
am back on track. Suddenly, I now find myself coming
back into contact with a couple of people that were
always very nurturing, understanding and empowering..
from other chapters of my life in different cities.
It's strange how they are just "showing up" in my
home town at the moment...but I am thankful.
It has been 3 1/2 months since I last saw my P. Each
day gets better and better. The emptiness and pit in
my stomach is just a faint memory now. It still whispers
in my ear from time to time, but it doesn't rock my world
like it used to. No contact is a better way, Betterway!
Rick

Betterway,

II know what you are feeling, having you feelings shut down, that is how I felt after so much excitements and then all that trouble, that anger, that deception. I hope that one day I feel excited again, with feelings at a normal pace, but I am sure you will, you sound so decided to be P free. hang in there.

Hey out there, how is everybody????

I'm still recovering, going to take some days off this week just to slow down. Life doesn't have to be so fast paced, right? I think I keep way to busy, which is good to a point, keeps my thoughts away from P. However part of my recovery is spiritual, physical and emotional, so gotta think about all those areas.

Hope everyone is doing okay!

betterway

Betterway, glad to hear that you are doing well. It is somehow funny I have been pretty good at not thinking any longer. my new ob keep really busy, but somehow I impressed that my mind think somehow of the P and its effect as if i need to remember . i don't quite understand. but i hope iwill will go away completely.

>>but somehow I impressed that my mind think somehow of the P and its effect as if i need to remember . i don't quite understand. but i hope iwill will go away completely.<<

hopefull,
I totally understand. I also wonder why during a busy day my mind must wander back to the P. stuff. Have to remember it was such a trumatic event in our lifes. I heard somewhere that forgetting what happened will be what saves us. I find now that I understand more and no longer want to be a victim, I don't think about it as much, so maybe just maybe I will adapt my brain to not thinking about it. I believe I have come through the worst of the grieving, pain, etc. At times though I find myself starting to feel that yucky stuff again, and I work so hard to pull myself out of it. I heard "there is no way around the pain, have to go through it". What has happened to me in the past makes me who I am today. We are stronger and will be happier in the future as a result of it all, right? I wish you the best on your job!! It's been pretty quiet here lately, miss you and others posting.

betterway