I think we were both posting at the same time, I had pulled my questions and was editing.

I hope you have changed your living trust?

One thing for sure this x now current companion must have nerves of steel to let her back in after her slashing his TV, I would worry I would be next. What thoughts went through your mind when you heard that? Naturally it could be a total lie but she seems to have a very severe issue with being evil, do you feel safe?

Did she get citizenship by marrying you?

I'll give you a chance to catch up on our overlap.

Di

Something else to share: I have been home with my husband for 3 days now, changed my phone number and texted my son giving him instructions not to share it with anyone and to erase the text as soon as he read it. I received a text this afternoon saying,"Dad wants to know if he comes to get you will you go with us".

This is the tactic that has worked on me each time I have returned. He works through our son because he knows that I cannot just not answer my child. I didn't answer this text. Num. 1 How does he even know that my son can text me? Num. 2 If I answer this I'm placing my child in the middle of a situation as the mediator because he will have to relay the answer. Num. 3 Mr. ex will always be right and I will always be striving for perfection to please him. He thinks that nothing else should matter as long as family (the 3 of us are together).

I called the lawyer and she said that standard visitation I am supposed to have him the 1st 6 weeks of the summer and that I could ask a police officer to accompany me to go and pick him up. The possibility of seeing Mr. ex again scares me to death. I know those feelings of failure, self disrespect, and total responsibility will all surface. I would call the police and try to go and get my son for this visit but my fear is that I will get there and he will say he dosen't want to go because he dosen't want to deal with the reprocussions when he returns, if dad will even let him after he has been brave enough to go with me. And I also wonder if I should tell them before I just show up with the police? or what? The reason I'm afraid also of trying to go and get him and his possible refusal to go is that when I received my divorce papers they stated in bold print capital letters, "THE CHILD MAY NOT BE FORCED TO VISIT". I didn't even know that was going to be in there. I would never force anything on him but if he simply says not today or no then anything I say to try and change his mind will be viewed as force.

Lolly

Hi Lolly,

Maybe just answer and ask your son if he would like to come and visit you?

That isn't forcing. Then you have it in writing from your son when he answers, I suspect he will say yes because he will likely reply without consulting with his dad who he is clearly trying to escape from and needs your protection. Try to text him when you know he is at school or not in the vicinity of your x to give him a chance to manipulate his answer.

Personally if you decide to have a police officer help you I wouldn't give them any warning, show up as he is leaving school or someplace that won't harm your son in front of others. If your x is present I suspect you can expect a scene and need to think this through how to execute it if that is what you decide to do. Think it through and lets see what we can figure it out to not cause more pain toward your son. Clearly he wants to be with you.

Di

I hope you are keeping a detailed journey of every single detail, times, dates, messages.

Hi Di,
The problem with giving my son my phone num. has always been that Mr. ex takes over and there is no communication with my son only with Mr. ex. and the texts from him are always designed to lure me back to him. How much he misses me, how he always thought we would die together, how I'm the best in bed, how I do everything better for him.
I visited with a lawyer Fri. and she said that after she read over the divorce papers, the only way to inforce my visitation is to go back to court. She said that my son will go back into the judges chambers with the lawyers and the judge will be the only one allowed to ask him questions about what he wants to do.
School is out for the summer so I don't know when a good time is to contact him. I do know that Mr. ex will probably be on the move in a couple of weeks because he and his brother owned a diesel mechanic business in this town and he sold his part to his brother and isn't allowed to work within so many miles of the business so he will have to take the job he was offered when he moved or go back to the one he had.

He was such a model citizen for the last month and a half that I was there....why it magnifies my guilt and feelings of responsibility for the seperation and divorce, I don't know. I know in my heart that it had to be requiring intense self control on his part because he tolerated things he would never have tolerated before like my sons little dog (he would only allow it to be in one room of the house b4)was allowed to sit on the couch....This is just one example of something he would never have tolerated, in fact he would have raised all kinds of hell if he came home and a dog was even inside.
Where does this amazing threshold of toleration come from? I was always afraid of what would happen if he suddenly ran out of this amazing patience that I'd never seen before.

I will talk with the lawyer again today and see how many jobs I need to pay her:0) As much money as I have spent on lawyers in the last year, sure would be nice if I got a pro bono prize.

Lolly

Di,
I didn't think he would...but he came by my house this morning. He didn't get out but, sent my son to the door with the DTV boxes that were under my name along with a letter. Here's a little background before I tell you what it said, I once told him that maybe things would have turned out differently if he had come to talk to me without our son when we were seperated but he made everything about him. I'll correct some of his misspelled words and there is no punctuation.
"Hey girle supper sanyour one of a kind u no we love u and no mater wate i say i wont u to come home no mater wate u allways have a home with us in our hart u say ever time way dident i come git u i will in a minit but will u come i dont wont to if u dont wont it jake dont wont to go i told him he could stay with me or u he said he wont to leve here but i cant git a good job here all i do is thank of u jake said a need some help u say u have hert a lot of people but u can make it up to jake if u wont to u done a lot to come back a left agean if u wont to come back we wont u to if not this will be the last time u here from us jake can look for u wine he git older of he or u wont to im not telling mom were we go so u can find wate u ar looking for all i ever wonted was for u to have a good life i will do my best for him im not a mom but all i can do is be there for him and love him there more on the back
we don't no were we r going yet eather (he gives me their new phone numbers)
I can go to work for the rail road but i can't be there for jake and he's not my mom kid she will do it but I cant let her its all good we will make it we both want u to be happy thats all i ges this is by but u will allways be in our hard be good throw this away if u read it

I publish this because he plays on my sympathy and it always works... where does it end?

Hi Lolly,

You need to get in front of a judge, if the atorney won't help then do some digging. I suspect she is saying this because your son is of age to decide for himself.

Please keep begging her for your help. Only you can help your son, your x will only try to keep harming him. Your son said he wants to be with you so am sure he will tell the judge that also. More than likely the judge will ask your son if he was coached by either of you so keep it clean, we all know the answer to that question, your son will have to tell him your X coached him which I can bet he will

Keep pushing and enforcing your right as a mother. See if your attorney can do an emergency motion, time is of essence.

No just means to push harder.

We are all here for you rooting you on, you need your son out of his grasp.

Di

Thank You Di,

The attorney called me just a few moments ago and asked me to come in and talk with her in the morning. What did you think of this letter? He didn't finish school but quit in the 11th grade.
Lolly

Sounds like he made it that far by learning to sleep while sitting up;)

Thrilled to hear your attorney looks like she is going to take up your cause. She probably has kids of her own and wouldn't want to be in your shoes.

Di

Wow, dripping with manipulation and emotional blackmail.


Here are some things that jumped out at me. I have to admit, I found it a real struggle to read (I'm not sure how old someone in 11th grade is. My dad left school when he was 15 and became a drifter. There are some weird similarities in the letters he wrote to me.).

We love you?
You will always have a home with us in our heart? Like it's them (a united front) against you?


Wowzers, that's a real cracker, that one! You can make it (whatever that is) up to your son? If you want to?


Blackmail. Nice.

Just hammering the point home, in case you didn't feel like crap after reading the preceding sentence.


And more...

Piling on the guilt now.

And a bit more, just for good measure.

We both want you to be happy? You will always be in our hearts? So you're the outsider in this? Nice.

I'm really sorry, I absolutely don't mean to come across as spiteful or hurtful in my post. I'm just staggered at some of the things he wrote.